Urgent Help - Divorce related?
Discussion
JonRB said:
Cactussed said:
Down the line, you may want to sell or possibly buy one another out (which may have a capital gains tax impact)
No CGT if the transfer is the result of a Court Order as part of a divorce. Chrisgr31 said:
If the ex has moved his new g/f in whats to stop the OP moving her new b/f, or new g/f or indeed best friend? Seems that whilst the B/F is away she should be filling the house with people! Which would make it very uncomfortable for the B/F when he gets back!
Make it very upsetting for all parties, especially the son I should think
Right I have read the rest of the thread. Damn it I miss all the fun, would welcome copies of the binned images if possible, it is my thread I have a right surely, I have been to my solictor am full of power now 
Also there is a party and I am not invited? Is it because you have seen my saggy breasts? Was that the binned images
Anyway focus back on me... attention whoring an all..
Solictior didnt tell me anything I didnt already know about the house, I think she basically refrained from say "well basically you're f
ked"
So options are hang on a bit longer just in case he did apply for remortgage elsewhere, but given the equity (very little) and his own financial downturn even if he has applied it seems unlikely he would get it.
So I either let him sign the mortgage over to me or I sign it over to him. I am thinking the latter, he has already begun to put black marks against my credit and with the way he is going it will only get worse and I could be liable for arrears and the negative equity and so if I have sole ownership I would have to sit on the house for a few years and hope mortgage payments don't go up - this being the biggest gamble option of course as I could potentially get equity from it but I learnt that until we are divorced he could come after me for any profit anyway.
So I think walk away from it. Any money in equity is just not worth it now.
The interesting part was the access, not something have discussed in much detail here, but I explained what has been happening with access for the past year and the solicitor was horrified and said my only option now was to stop access all together and then he would have to apply for a court order in which case then it would be legally written down when and how often he sees him and she said I could prove that what he does at the moment is detrimental to sons well being (basically one days notice, never a weekend and is always late or never turns up at all). This however feels like the exact opposite of what I am trying to achieve, I would like him to see him regularly.
She did seem to talk mostly about actually getting divorced and I could do it either through behaviour or adultery, but am not sure I understand why this is a priority, although she did mention he could still get my lottery winnings. :S
So I have a lot of thinking to do.
I do think giving him a last chance to sort it out and explain a few legal things to him might help, or am I sticking my head back in the sand?
I really like the locks/key post - there is definitly a way I could do that!
And yes cunning rewiring!! I like that
Drew - Thank you for your post, very helpful and I guess there could be that other third option
ChrisGR - It isn't a very big house I have threatened this before and he said he would just move out, where to I don't know, I think I still have as much rights to things given I joing own the house so me being there would purely to make conflict. It does make me think and I forgot to ask - surely I have some right on who lives there? Can't I get some order/letter/bouncer to force the new G/F out? What right has she got to live in my house rent free?
And yes I am married. Eloped a Gretna Green - solictior thought this was very romantic
Anyway thanks again to all posts and the banter!
Also there is a party and I am not invited? Is it because you have seen my saggy breasts? Was that the binned images
Anyway focus back on me... attention whoring an all..
Solictior didnt tell me anything I didnt already know about the house, I think she basically refrained from say "well basically you're f
ked" So options are hang on a bit longer just in case he did apply for remortgage elsewhere, but given the equity (very little) and his own financial downturn even if he has applied it seems unlikely he would get it.
So I either let him sign the mortgage over to me or I sign it over to him. I am thinking the latter, he has already begun to put black marks against my credit and with the way he is going it will only get worse and I could be liable for arrears and the negative equity and so if I have sole ownership I would have to sit on the house for a few years and hope mortgage payments don't go up - this being the biggest gamble option of course as I could potentially get equity from it but I learnt that until we are divorced he could come after me for any profit anyway.
So I think walk away from it. Any money in equity is just not worth it now.
The interesting part was the access, not something have discussed in much detail here, but I explained what has been happening with access for the past year and the solicitor was horrified and said my only option now was to stop access all together and then he would have to apply for a court order in which case then it would be legally written down when and how often he sees him and she said I could prove that what he does at the moment is detrimental to sons well being (basically one days notice, never a weekend and is always late or never turns up at all). This however feels like the exact opposite of what I am trying to achieve, I would like him to see him regularly.
She did seem to talk mostly about actually getting divorced and I could do it either through behaviour or adultery, but am not sure I understand why this is a priority, although she did mention he could still get my lottery winnings. :S
So I have a lot of thinking to do.
I do think giving him a last chance to sort it out and explain a few legal things to him might help, or am I sticking my head back in the sand?
I really like the locks/key post - there is definitly a way I could do that!
And yes cunning rewiring!! I like that
Drew - Thank you for your post, very helpful and I guess there could be that other third option
ChrisGR - It isn't a very big house
I have threatened this before and he said he would just move out, where to I don't know, I think I still have as much rights to things given I joing own the house so me being there would purely to make conflict. It does make me think and I forgot to ask - surely I have some right on who lives there? Can't I get some order/letter/bouncer to force the new G/F out? What right has she got to live in my house rent free? And yes I am married. Eloped a Gretna Green - solictior thought this was very romantic
Anyway thanks again to all posts and the banter!
Edited by Stigette on Thursday 26th March 17:32
mikez328 said:
ali_kat said:
mikez328 said:
No reponse yet. Therefore I will, quite rightly, assume that you told a pack of lies.
ttShe's not posted at all since 8:45 this morning - did it not occur to you that she might, just might, have a job that prevents her from posting on PH during the day?
My Friend, until YOUR life & career have been destroyed by the likes of Alastair Darling & his Child Support Agency & the wrongs been supported by both idiotic & ill-informed Conservative & Labour Governments in the mis-gotten belief that the CSA is good for us all, I would keep my mouth shut pal.
The mechanics & administration of the CSA is PURE EVIL. Run by & for uneducated Irish "Bog-Trotters" who are totally incapable of applying what should have been a simple earnings/expenses formula.
Am I bitter? ABSOLUTELY. The Government b
ds ruined my career & life for 13 years. The actual monthly payments weren't ever an issue - it was the fact that they constantly got them wrong & got away with 13 years of overcharging me!!If I saw Alastair Darling or Gordon Brown in the street today I would consider assault or worse. I'd certainly spit on the wasters.
There is my "considered" response. And I still say that there are two sides to every story. And you have not heard the second side, nor probably will if the "Ex" has any pride....
As you will by have noticed, she is able to post & "is now off to her solicitors". Get a life & put your spec's on. She rarely works, if at all, or is a Civil Servant who can just take "paid sickies" whenever she wants - at your & my cost. Bitter - Me - Nooooo!
Just because she didn't immediately jump to your helpful first post, you have lashed out at her. I suggest that it is you who needs to reconsider, get a life and put specs on!
pikey said:
Andy Zarse said:
pikey said:
Stigette,
A friend of mine who got divorced found that changing the front door locks for the back door locks was not only legal, it was quite humourous when he was able to prove, with her solicitor present, that she did indeed have the keys to the house and gave the perception to all that she was of a scatty mind!
His wife never did work it out!
Utter utter genius!A friend of mine who got divorced found that changing the front door locks for the back door locks was not only legal, it was quite humourous when he was able to prove, with her solicitor present, that she did indeed have the keys to the house and gave the perception to all that she was of a scatty mind!
His wife never did work it out!
He was always a devious sort!
that is fantastic (I'm so pleased I'm not the only one that has done that - for a friend when she finally kicked her abusive fella out - he didn't even think to get solicitors involved thank goodness!)You are losing quite a lot of money by selling the house. You need a place to live. You can always sell the house later and lose the money, if that is what is in the cards. Right now, if you can afford to hang on to it, hang on to it. Delay the loss.
If he has said he is willing to sign the house over, and you can make the payments even if you have to struggle to do it, go for it.
Get your valuables out of there IMMEDIATELY. Even the torn photographs...if you have all the pieces, they can be scanned in and restitched together. Ornaments, etc., rescue what you can, put a wall of steel around your heart, and throw out what's broken. Things that are intact, get them out of there NOW, unless you are ok with losing those.
Move in ONLY AFTER he has moved out.
Change the locks, alarm code, etc.
Think about getting a lodger or two once it's all sorted. There are probably plenty of divorced mothers who need a good place to live and bring up their kids who will be decent tenants and not destroy your property or cheat you out of the rent.
If he has said he is willing to sign the house over, and you can make the payments even if you have to struggle to do it, go for it.
Get your valuables out of there IMMEDIATELY. Even the torn photographs...if you have all the pieces, they can be scanned in and restitched together. Ornaments, etc., rescue what you can, put a wall of steel around your heart, and throw out what's broken. Things that are intact, get them out of there NOW, unless you are ok with losing those.
Move in ONLY AFTER he has moved out.
Change the locks, alarm code, etc.
Think about getting a lodger or two once it's all sorted. There are probably plenty of divorced mothers who need a good place to live and bring up their kids who will be decent tenants and not destroy your property or cheat you out of the rent.
Adam B said:
Stigette said:
Adam B - I haven't text anything was what I was trying to stay, as I said, smart not spiteful.
I know, but she is dumb and spiteful so keep HER abusive texts to you as they may come in handy - that was what I meant G'kar said:
Stigette said:
Yadda yadda yadda yadda lottery winnings yadda yadda yadda.
Hi.You're lovely.
Just me - yes considering various options on the house, thanks for post.
All my valuables are now safe, some stuff is beyond repair but they are only items. I will live. Steal wall - heart - done, before we split. I might go back again tonight to check and maybe "relocate" some more stuff.
I did get some good news today though so I am not all doom and gloom, I got the all clear after a cancer scare, now that did make me cry - with happiness
The main thing is to not let him drag you down financially. Split your finances completely. And try to keep documentation of everything. If you are contributing half to the mortgage, your half should go directly to the bank in the form of a checque. NO payments to him. NONE. No cash transactions. A spreadsheet LOG of everything, that can be sorted by date, payee, or amount, and can give you the totals you need, quickly and accurately. Do this now. You do know how to work with spreadsheets, right?
Finally, congrats on the good news.
Finally, congrats on the good news.
Edited by just me on Thursday 26th March 18:05
G'kar said:
£6.30?
I couldn't possibly, you'd feel short changed.
Besides which, having someone pay for your pics just wouldn't feel the same without the restraining order that followed... I couldn't possibly, you'd feel short changed.
Stiggy-baby, great news on the big C. Everything else is a walk in the park compared with that...
Stigette said:
All my valuables are now safe, some stuff is beyond repair but they are only items. I will live. Steal wall - heart - done, before we split. I might go back again tonight to check and maybe "relocate" some more stuff.
If he's away a while I'd take as much paperwork as possible, mortagae demends, bank statements, CC bills etc and photocopy it. Also take photo's of the girlfriends gear in there, and any other proof of co-occupancy that you can obtain.Andy Zarse said:
Stigette said:
All my valuables are now safe, some stuff is beyond repair but they are only items. I will live. Steal wall - heart - done, before we split. I might go back again tonight to check and maybe "relocate" some more stuff.
If he's away a while I'd take as much paperwork as possible, mortagae demends, bank statements, CC bills etc and photocopy it. Also take photo's of the girlfriends gear in there, and any other proof of co-occupancy that you can obtain.i mean, who would do that sort of thing?
Andy Zarse said:
Stigette said:
All my valuables are now safe, some stuff is beyond repair but they are only items. I will live. Steal wall - heart - done, before we split. I might go back again tonight to check and maybe "relocate" some more stuff.
If he's away a while I'd take as much paperwork as possible, mortagae demends, bank statements, CC bills etc and photocopy it. Also take photo's of the girlfriends gear in there, and any other proof of co-occupancy that you can obtain.G'kar - Just send it for free then
Edited by Stigette on Thursday 26th March 18:54
Stigette said:
She did seem to talk mostly about actually getting divorced and I could do it either through behaviour or adultery, but am not sure I understand why this is a priority
The thing you have to remember is that the divorce (the getting un-married bit) takes 3 or 4 months even if uncontested, provided it is either 'unreasonable behaviour' or adultery. Obviously if going for the '2 years separation' option it takes longer. LOL.So the priority is to get the actual divorce under way. You then have plenty of time to sort out the Ancillary Relief (the financial settlement).
If he has a live-in girlfriend then I think it's safe to say that the adultery route is the way to go. She does not need to be named on the Petition. Just as an aside, if it were a boyfriend he had and not a girlfriend, it's not adultery and you'd need to use 'unreasonable behaviour'. Funny old world. But I digress.
As soon as you get the Petition for Divorce under way, which your solicitor should be able to do at fixed cost provided he does not contest, then you can start worrying about the Ancillary Relief and about a Court Order for custody / access.
just me said:
You are losing quite a lot of money by selling the house. You need a place to live. You can always sell the house later and lose the money, if that is what is in the cards. Right now, if you can afford to hang on to it, hang on to it. Delay the loss.
If he has said he is willing to sign the house over, and you can make the payments even if you have to struggle to do it, go for it.
Get your valuables out of there IMMEDIATELY. Even the torn photographs...if you have all the pieces, they can be scanned in and restitched together. Ornaments, etc., rescue what you can, put a wall of steel around your heart, and throw out what's broken. Things that are intact, get them out of there NOW, unless you are ok with losing those.
Move in ONLY AFTER he has moved out.
Change the locks, alarm code, etc.
Think about getting a lodger or two once it's all sorted. There are probably plenty of divorced mothers who need a good place to live and bring up their kids who will be decent tenants and not destroy your property or cheat you out of the rent.
I'd agree with this. Keep the property on if you possibly can. Attempting to sell as part of a separation means that buyers will smell your desperation like a fart in a car... and act accordingly. If he has said he is willing to sign the house over, and you can make the payments even if you have to struggle to do it, go for it.
Get your valuables out of there IMMEDIATELY. Even the torn photographs...if you have all the pieces, they can be scanned in and restitched together. Ornaments, etc., rescue what you can, put a wall of steel around your heart, and throw out what's broken. Things that are intact, get them out of there NOW, unless you are ok with losing those.
Move in ONLY AFTER he has moved out.
Change the locks, alarm code, etc.
Think about getting a lodger or two once it's all sorted. There are probably plenty of divorced mothers who need a good place to live and bring up their kids who will be decent tenants and not destroy your property or cheat you out of the rent.
Besides, you need a home for yourself and your boy - if you sell up now you'll start from nothing with the prospect of far more stringent lending criteria to come in future: even if prices drop, what can you buy on 3 x single income with no deposit?
Sorry to be the harbinger of doom, I really hope things work out for you and your son.
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