Calling the Sexperts

[Steve Evil]

Mobsta said:

Well fellas, Of the 350 votes, only 1% presumed her innocence.
Must admit, I voted blasphemous-devil-fornicator myself.

She called back, and I was all set to peel back her mask Scooby Doo ending style, and reveal Old Man Smithers from the Carnival Ride, playing the Phantom Message DoppleShagger Villan. But it didnt happen like that.

Ergo, I have what is presumably bad news - she's just a regular gal.
Foreign and forward enough to leave a note like that.
So she's got a date for next week sometime.

Shame on me, for thinking like that.
And shame on the neighbours, for setting her up with me

As you were.

Hurrah! Nuts deep in foreign guts by next week.

[paulmurr]

Nail her anyway.

[IanMorewood]

So well done you a regular normal girly girl wants to make you less lonely. Report back with all the filth later next week.

[Adam B]

Steve Evil said:

Hurrah! Nuts deep in foreign guts by next week.

PH - Mills and Boon matters

got a tear in my eye

Edited by Adam B on Friday 27th February 16:12

[speedy_thrills]

paulmurr said:

Nail her anyway.

No. Stay up all night discussing your feelings, previous relationships, future plans etc.

What did you think he was going to do?

[PD9]

I was the only one to vote - regular girl! Get in! Well done fella

[collateral]

Result! "rights managed" =

Edited by collateral on Friday 27th February 11:11

[lawrence567]

Do you think she'll ask for the fee before or after the date?

&

How do you know she's not a hooker?

Did you ask her directly if she was a hooker/escort?

If you did'nt then how would you know?

[Mobsta]

PD9 said:

I was the only one to vote - regular girl! Get in! Well done fella

Well done Sir We are a cynical lot sometimes aren't we!

Steve Evil said:

Mobsta said:

Well fellas, Of the 350 votes, only 1% presumed her innocence.
Must admit, I voted blasphemous-devil-fornicator myself.

She called back, and I was all set to peel back her mask Scooby Doo ending style, and reveal Old Man Smithers from the Carnival Ride, playing the Phantom Message DoppleShagger Villan. But it didnt happen like that.

Ergo, I have what is presumably bad news - she's just a regular gal.
Foreign and forward enough to leave a note like that.
So she's got a date for next week sometime.

Shame on me, for thinking like that.
And shame on the neighbours, for setting her up with me

As you were.

Hurrah! Nuts deep in foreign guts by next week.

Hurrah indeed!

But she was talking about meeting up one afternoon
And wasnt as confident sounding as I remembered. So I'm not holding my breath for an afternoon post-coffee bonking.

A sober date might work better though. Last weeks date was an absolute stunner, a drop dead gorgeous posh Surrey girl. Possibly the prettiest girl Ive ever dated, and out of my league I felt.

I had her laughing constantly all night, a terrific sign, and confidently strolled her into the cordoned off lush table area at a private party, then later challenged the guest list guy Ferris Bueller style, by getting up to visually steal a party name from his checklist. I felt like the man! So we began drinking strong cocktails together in earnest. One accidentally smashed glass later, things starting going downhill.

It was several winebars further into town, after I realised I was wearing my napkin on my head, that I suggested we go explore the local bomb shelter, which we did. Later I could hardly stand, and remember feeling like a 4-armed washing line spinning around in a gale, trying to dance on the stage of the club we ended up in, which is where I think I lost my leather jacket, as well as her after the room just lost its focus and visual clarity of its own accord.

Still hideously drunk the following morning, I evolved a joke Id received from another girl via text, into a message which stated that she would be very happy with me long term, because I was the only man alive who had a chocolate penis which ejaculated puppies, new shoes and money on demand.

I haven't heard from her since, which was absolutely gutting, as Id been trying to that date up for months.

[Mobsta]

lawrence567 said:

How do you know she's not a hooker?
Did you ask her directly if she was a hooker/escort?

If you did'nt then how would you know?

Absolutely positively 100% normal. A tad shy at first, said she couldnt believe she had left the note either. There is no question in my mind.

[GregE240]

Good lad. Bang away like an armed policeman.

[paulmurr]

speedy_thrills said:

paulmurr said:

Nail her anyway.

No. Stay up all night discussing your feelings, previous relationships, future plans etc.

What did you think he was going to do?

Well, from the tone of his post the OP seems disappointed that she isn't a tart. I suppose satisfy his taboo carnal fetish he could just sneak out after the deed leaving a crisp £50 note on the sideboard?

[jdw1234]

For future reference "Chipsaway" might be able to get the key marks out of your car when you have binned her ;-)

[lawrence567]

If she's not a hooker she's a boiler..

[cs02rm0]

Get pics.

Post pics.

[evenflow]

£10 she'll have moved both of her 6'4" skinhead brothers into your flat within the month.

[Mobsta]

evenflow said:

£10 she'll have moved both of her 6'4" skinhead brothers into your flat within the month.

Then I'll have the ceilings lowered
She's from Latvia, speaks like a female russian bond villan.

[Jgtv]

evenflow said:

£10 she'll have moved both of her 6'4" skinhead brothers into your flat within the month.

£20 says those brothers will be round his flat about ten minutes after they meet up!

[PD9]

cs02rm0 said:

Get pics.

Post pics.

Weey Heyy!

[evenflow]

Mobsta said:

evenflow said:

£10 she'll have moved both of her 6'4" skinhead brothers into your flat within the month.

Then I'll have the ceilings lowered
She's from Latvia, speaks like a female russian bond villan.

This is my sister, she number one prostitute in all Latvia. Niiiiice.