Ungrateful/Argumentative wife

[shirt]

TheGreatDane said:

I don't know what to do and was looking for advice from other men who have experienced anything similar?

In your previous threads you have said this. Also multiple times you have said there are things she has done/said that you can’t come back from. Yet here you are, you keep coming back.

I would wager that you come home each day and have one hand on the door handle, wondering what’s waiting on the other side.

I have experienced something similar (and also plenty experience with cross cultural relationships). I have given you the advice you need above.

[Silvanus]

If the op is trolling, he's a tt

It the op is being serious, he's a tt

[Speed Badger]

Silvanus said:

If the op is trolling, he's a tt

It the op is being serious, he's a tt

Not overly helpful.

[Davie]

A baby is properly hard work, liked seriously tough on both of you as individuals and as a couple and that starts from the second said baby is present in the relationship... including planning. And it doesn't really get easier as they turn into toddlers and beyond either. If what's been said is a true reflection of the OP's situation, it'll only be worse adding a third player... a third player that someone who is controlling and manipulative can easily turn use as a weapon and as had been said, walking away after that point will be much harder. I know we mrn turn a blind eye to the bad stuff when we're getting good female attention... but jesus man, you can get the good stuff with way way less bad stuff with the right woman. Yours sounds like she should be somebody else's problem. If you're unhappy, just get out and soon.

[Silvanus]

Speed Badger said:

Silvanus said:

If the op is trolling, he's a tt

It the op is being serious, he's a tt

Not overly helpful.

Op has got form of not listening and disappearing, has to be a troll or a lost cause

[Mikebentley]

OP you have my heart felt sympathy but a baby will only make the situation more costly and difficult. I would get it finished asap.

[toasty]

Run and don’t look back.

[A.J.M]

Do not bring a baby into that stshow of a relationship.

Unless she can suck start a tdv8 Range Rover through a garden hose, I can’t see a single reason to stay with this person.
Even if she can, get the hell out of that relationship while you still can with minimal consequences.

[bigandclever]

bigpriest said:

Alex Z said:

I can't be bothered reading all five pages.

Open it on a desktop PC, there's only 2 pages so will save you some time.

That's not a desktop thing, it's a My Profile, Preferences thing ..

[Puzzles]

Do you really want to look back when you are old and realise you’ve spent your whole life living like this?

You can’t hope people will change, got to accept them as they are.

All imo.

[FMOB]

TheGreatDane said:

Just every step of the way she's insulted me or put me down.

She egged me on to buy my dream car (e92/3 M3), I bought one.

Within 2 weeks she asked me to replace the flooring in the house and I said well I've just bought the car so I need to wait a bit.

Response to that: So you have money for a car but not the house.

I've been driven to the brink of insanity with crap like this.

Honestly, when she goes out, empty the joint account, change the locks and book her a taxi so she can go somewhere else.

[GliderRider]

FMOB said:

TheGreatDane said:

Just every step of the way she's insulted me or put me down.

She egged me on to buy my dream car (e92/3 M3), I bought one.

Within 2 weeks she asked me to replace the flooring in the house and I said well I've just bought the car so I need to wait a bit.

Response to that: So you have money for a car but not the house.

I've been driven to the brink of insanity with crap like this.

Honestly, when she goes out, empty the joint account, change the locks and book her a taxi so she can go somewhere else.

Going forward, were you to stay married to your wife, you can expect the following:

• Alienation from friends, family and work events to which you would take a partner, as they stop inviting the two of you to events, due to her embarrassing outbursts and complete lack of 'sense of occasion'.
• A life spent 'walking on eggshells', never knowing what or when something will trigger her next rant.
• Everything you do being thrown back in your face, however well intentioned at the time.
• Visits planned well in advance being cancelled at the last moment due to her sudden change of mind.
• If you did have a child, don't expect any say in how it should be brought up. Everything you suggest will be wrong. If you try and discipline the child, even when she has asked you to, you will be doing it wrong in her eyes and she will side with the child against you.
• Her lack of empathy for anyone else will alienate babysitters, schools, doctors and family members, so looking after children will be down to the two of you. Nobody will cut you any slack, as they will be fed up with her demanding nature.
• You will never know what she has told anyone else. The 'truth' is whatever thought happens to be in her head at the time. Long believed 'facts' will turn out to be lies. It will be your 'fault' that you believed the previous version of events.
• Even if psychiatric treatment is available to help your wife, she is highly unlikely to admit she has a problem and won't listen to anyone.

It sounds like you have had an arranged marriage, and it sounds like your wife's family were extremely 'economical with the truth' about her personality and behaviour. There is no way they couldn't have known she was like this.
As others have said, you need to say to your family and hers that the marriage is over. Be polite but firm, be factual. You are not going to spend the rest of your life walking on eggshells and your decision is final. Don't entertain any financial or other inducements to stay together, and don't fear any threats, financial or otherwise, either.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you and you deserve to enjoy it with someone you love and respect and who loves and respects you.

Edited by GliderRider on Wednesday 12th June 00:22

[Hoofy]

She's manipulating and controlling you.

She needs a therapist not a husband. Speak to her family about splitting up if she won't act calmly.

[fridaypassion]

I've been married for 19 years and only had one proper argument with the Mrs and that was actually before we married.

It's not normal you should be at peak loved up status at one year in this sounds like a complete car crash. Double bag until you can extract yourself!

[DonkeyApple]

Just get a divorce. It's not relevant whether you are right or she is right. Neither of you are happy so just reset and take advantage of being one year in with no children. It'll be the cheapest life long holiday either of you ever go on.

Once you've got that sorted then treat yourself to an IQ test as you seem a bit thick. Wife says go and buy a classic car and you're surprised she then wants the same spent on something else and you claim to have not seen that coming?

Get out, get free but then spend some time attempting to work out just how the hell you ended up in such a pitiful situation. If you repeatedly end up at the answer that it was all someone else's fault then it was most likely yours. Use it to learn about your failings and weaknesses, adapt and move forward happily. Or just become one of those bitter dudes.

[oddman]

Sounds to me like a cluster B personality disorder which comprise

1. Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder
2. Borderline Personality Disorder
3. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
4. Antisocial Personality Disorder
5. Psychopathic Disorder

The first three are stereotypically associated with women; the last two, men. They are all charactersised by lack of empathy. ie. completely unable the place themselves in others shoes or care about another's feelings.

The features of EUPD, BPD and NPD which are particularly relevant are mood dysregulation and in particular fear of abandonment. People with these conditions have not developed the emotional maturity to live in their own company and therefore place huge demands on those who are in relationships with them. You don't need to threaten to split to precipitate a meltdown. She just needs to perceive a threat of abandonment to have an unexpeted outburst or for the knives to come out. If you take serious action expect the histrionics to escalate significantly.

A simple test for this. Have you ever heard her make a joke at her own expense? In my experience people with these conditions are only able to make cruel comments about others.

To be fair to her family, they may have developed patterns of behaviour which could sooth and placate her without it becoming obvious that her behaviour was pathological. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if they've been 'trained' to defend her. They are not your allies.

Gliderrider upthread has posted a chillingly accurate prediction which I surmise is from direct or indirect experience. Read this and take it seriously

If this was male on female abuse, this would be characterised as coercive control and there would be rescue measures available. You have to rescue yourself.

Edited by oddman on Wednesday 12th June 08:58

[interstellar]

Definitely under the “ I hate you, don’t leave me” banner for me which is extremely difficult . I dated someone 5 years ago with BPD (I didn’t know when we met )whose lack of empathy was off the scale and was a difficult 3 months until I understood and could work out what was going on before I ran.

Years of that must be hell. You have to do something about it and not let her threats of what she will do be your burden.

First and foremost you have to look after yourself. Don’t delay, get out this week.

[shtu]

TheGreatDane said:

dudleybloke said:

Does she have family nearby so you can drop her off there?

Yes but they are of the same mindset, they'll just say marriage is hard put up with it don't be weak.

Shorthand for "We don't want her back, she's your problem now matey."

Which it isn't.

Get shot of her.

Edited by shtu on Wednesday 12th June 09:23

[lizardbrain]

Having a kid will tie you to her financially and emotionally for life. Number one question you should ask when having a kid is can I work with this person on a daily basis for 25 years.

Answer here is very clear.

[Jimjimhim]

This is going to be one of those times where EVERYBODY advises that the OP does one thing, but after a few excuses the OP will do something else?!