Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Pixelpeep 135]

My favourite childhood memory is building sandcastles with my grandfather.

Until my mother took the urn from me.

[McAndy]

V8mate said:

Stallone: Hey guys, I'm making a film about the world's greatest composers. I'm playing Vivaldi!

Van Damme: That sounds great! I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: *takes deep breath*

[anonymous-user]

Pixelpeep 135 said:

My favourite childhood memory is building sandcastles with my grandfather.

Until my mother took the urn from me.

Hahaaaa !

[vaud]

Pixelpeep 135 said:

My favourite childhood memory is building sandcastles with my grandfather.

Until my mother took the urn from me.

[blearyeyedboy]

V8mate said:

Stallone: Hey guys, I'm making a film about the world's greatest composers. I'm playing Vivaldi!

Van Damme: That sounds great! I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: *takes deep breath*

Have another from me.
An old pun but your delivery is brilliant.

[Stealthracer]

When we were kids we used to love dipping ginger nuts in hot tea.

Of course these days they'd probably call that bullying.

[ThunderSpook]

McAndy said:

V8mate said:

Stallone: Hey guys, I'm making a film about the world's greatest composers. I'm playing Vivaldi!

Van Damme: That sounds great! I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: *takes deep breath*

I don’t get it

[Cotty]

ThunderSpook said:

V8mate said:

Stallone: Hey guys, I'm making a film about the world's greatest composers. I'm playing Vivaldi!

Van Damme: That sounds great! I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: *takes deep breath*

I don’t get it

"Ill be Bach"

Edited by Cotty on Thursday 17th February 17:33

[Trenchard]

Cotty said:

"Ill be barch"

Barch? Wrong film, must be a remake of Bach to the Future.

[FerrousOxide]

Halmyre said:

V8mate said:

Stallone: Hey guys, I'm making a film about the world's greatest composers. I'm playing Vivaldi!

Van Damme: That sounds great! I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: *takes deep breath*

Douglas Bader: Albinoni.

Did not receive the recognition it deserved.

[Pixelpeep 135]

Elton Johns e-reader has been the latest victim of storm eunice.

Eye witnesses said "it was like a Kindle in the wind"

[silverfoxcc]

When i awoke this morning Storm Eunice was really gusting ,so i went and checked on the caravan in the back garden

It wasn't there last night

[twing]

silverfoxcc said:

When i awoke this morning Storm Eunice was really gusting ,so i went and checked on the caravan in the back garden

It wasn't there last night

[Doofus]

twing said:

silverfoxcc said:

When i awoke this morning Storm Eunice was really gusting ,so i went and checked on the caravan in the back garden

It wasn't there last night

:roffle:

[Laurel Green]

Doofus said:

twing said:

silverfoxcc said:

When i awoke this morning Storm Eunice was really gusting ,so i went and checked on the caravan in the back garden

It wasn't there last night

:roffle:

Topical =

[CourtAgain]

[MartG]

silverfoxcc said:

When i awoke this morning Storm Eunice was really gusting ,so i went and checked on the caravan in the back garden

It wasn't there last night

Similarly...

[MartG]

[Trenchard]

In the hospital, a consultant surgeon went into the male surgical ward to start his rounds. At the first patient's bedside, he said, "Good morning Mr. Carrington, I'm glad to tell you that your appendectomy was 100% succesful. How do youi feel today?
The patient said, "Not bad at all, doctor. The stitches are pulling a bit but otherwise I feel fine."
"Uh huh" said the surgeon, gently pressing on the patient's abdomen.
"Tell me Mr. Carrington, have you moved your bowels today?"
"Why no doctor." The patient replied.
The surgeon turned round and called out to the other patients, "All right you lot, who's moved Mr. Carrington's bowels?"

[Kenty]