Match.com (Vol. 7)
Discussion
Secret lemonade drinker said:
Also as I’ve made one big mistake regarding the friend finder
I know Netflix and chill now means sex
But if a girl puts casual dating, is that keywords for date+sex?
ime it often did.I know Netflix and chill now means sex
But if a girl puts casual dating, is that keywords for date+sex?
But some saw it as code for ‘I’m going to put in minimal effort, not see you very often, not have sex, but would like infrequent yet amazingly expensive / glamorous dates from you in order to jazz up my incredibly dull existence as a single mum living in suburbia’.
For others it meant ‘I really want a LTR that will turn into marriage within a couple of years, but I know that if I write that here it’ll put you off and you’ll swipe left without hesitation. So for now, I’m playing it cool to reel you in. Once we’ve had sex for the first time, I’ll make my true intentions incredibly clear. And if you’re not on the same page, my god I’ll make myself a hassle for you’.
The trick was to get clarity rather quickly..
Capitan Obvio said:
ime it often did.
But some saw it as code for ‘I’m going to put in minimal effort, not see you very often, not have sex, but would like infrequent yet amazingly expensive / glamorous dates from you in order to jazz up my incredibly dull existence as a single mum living in suburbia’.
For others it meant ‘I really want a LTR that will turn into marriage within a couple of years, but I know that if I write that here it’ll put you off and you’ll swipe left without hesitation. So for now, I’m playing it cool to reel you in. Once we’ve had sex for the first time, I’ll make my true intentions incredibly clear. And if you’re not on the same page, my god I’ll make myself a hassle for you’.
The trick was to get clarity rather quickly..
I would 100% agree with that. I went on dates with lots of single mums when I was internet dating and I would say sex on a first date was 80 to 90% guaranteed to the point where I used to keep a bag of clothes and toiletries in the car.But some saw it as code for ‘I’m going to put in minimal effort, not see you very often, not have sex, but would like infrequent yet amazingly expensive / glamorous dates from you in order to jazz up my incredibly dull existence as a single mum living in suburbia’.
For others it meant ‘I really want a LTR that will turn into marriage within a couple of years, but I know that if I write that here it’ll put you off and you’ll swipe left without hesitation. So for now, I’m playing it cool to reel you in. Once we’ve had sex for the first time, I’ll make my true intentions incredibly clear. And if you’re not on the same page, my god I’ll make myself a hassle for you’.
The trick was to get clarity rather quickly..
Then would start the slow reel in, at first they would invite you over for the weekend they didn't have their children. Pop over after work on Friday, go out for dinner then sex. Lazy Saturday, more sex, go out Saturday night and then leave Sunday morning before the children came back.
A couple of weekends like this and you would start getting "the car is making a funny noise" or "there seems to be a bit of damp in my daughters bedroom" and before you know it you are up a ladder clearing out 15 years of leaves and mud from the gutters.
If you don't bale at this point she will soon start making hints that you should meet the children. Next thing you know you are at the cinema watching Frozen thinking "f
k, how did this happen".There are also a percentage of single mums who want to be taken out for the night somewhere nice and you are picking up the bill. They will suggest a fairly nice restaurant and dress up for the evening. The evening will go well and when it comes to the end of the night you will pick up the tab as you are a decent gentleman and this is how you have been brought up.
Then as you leave the restaurant it will be come awkward, she will thank you for a nice evening and make it clear she is leaving alone. If you offer to drive her home she will say no and want to make her own way home. My theory is they are then planning to go to see one of their hookups, you were there to take her out and pay the bills, the other guy is there for sex.
The trick is to never suggest dinner on a first date for a number of reasons.
1)It gets crazy expensive very quickly
2)It wheedles out the time wasters who just want a night out
3)It's really awkward if you just don't like them and you are stuck for the night.
I used to just suggest a pub near them for a drink, firstly it means it's easy for them as it is local, secondly you can quickly get out of there if things are not working out, thirdly you can suggest going back to theirs after a few drinks if things are going well.
In my experience going to her local pub with a single mum is pretty much guaranteed sex.
However, whether you want to get involved with single mums at all is a different question entirely.
shirt said:
Mobile Chicane said:
shirt said:
Lost track of how many times you have repeated this. Gotta love returning banned posters
Funny though.But odd, why always the same tale with such people. Almost like it’s ‘hey I used to be relevant once, let me tell you the story’.
CharlesdeGaulle said:
shirt said:
Mobile Chicane said:
shirt said:
Lost track of how many times you have repeated this. Gotta love returning banned posters
Funny though.But odd, why always the same tale with such people. Almost like it’s ‘hey I used to be relevant once, let me tell you the story’.
Adam. said:
Sod that, first date is a drink in a bar, lower cost and easy quick exit. Plus a drink helps both people relax
This!I also have a disproportionate amount of dates on Sunday evenings and bank holiday Monday evenings.
Mostly becasue most eligible ladies will be free that evening, and because "work tomorrow" there's a natural break point. Which takes a lot of the pressure out of it, which I think is the ideal
By way of a FYI, my last actual date was October last year!
And worse, I came away thinking "she seems cool, we have a lot in common and she even laughed at my s
t jokes. And she responded to my last message on her way home in good time. So clearly shes coem away relatively positively as well. If she's interested I'll see if she fancies dinner this week"Only to get the "yeah, sorry no spark"
message the next morning at about 8am as I got to work. 
So wtf do I know about dating or anything!
Had the same with last Sundays one, she was the one who cancelled a Fri night out only a few hours beforehand, then went silent for a week, I never bothered chasing but then she got back in touch wanting to meet up for a coffee instead, which is never a good sign but as I had nothing else lined up I thought what the hell.
So we meet up Sunday morning, she spotted me from some distance away so obviously I look like my pics, we grabbed a coffee walked down to the beach and chatted for a couple of hours, she had already covered herself by saying she was catching up with friends for lunch so we then parted, she volunteered a big hug as she left.
I message her the next day saying coffee dates are hard to judge but if you would like to meet up again give me a shout, I get this reply 2 days later:-
"I haven't intentionally ignored this" which clearly she had as she was constantly showing "online" on whatsapp" whenever I went on it to reply to other peoples messages.
"I enjoyed meeting, you were good company and easy to chat too, I am not sure I would see anything coming out of meeting Xx"
Now obviously on occasion you are not going to float someones boat when you actually meet however well the conversation flows, so such replies will happen but I knew I could have written the script as soon as she cancelled the original Fri night, I suspect yet another unicorn hunter who probably cut and pasted that reply from ones sent to every other guy she had met, but you have to keep giving it a try unless you meet someone naturally, which seems to be a dying art. The apps these days seem to be full of such girls working there way through every half decent bloke on there, yet still on them many many months later despite the vast number of messages they get..
My advice, coffee dates are not worth the effort I have found, meet for a drink in the evening (not food though), the setting is far more conducive to a spark happening, drive though, so that way you can stop after 2 drinks and call it an early night if it's dying on its arse.
So we meet up Sunday morning, she spotted me from some distance away so obviously I look like my pics, we grabbed a coffee walked down to the beach and chatted for a couple of hours, she had already covered herself by saying she was catching up with friends for lunch so we then parted, she volunteered a big hug as she left.
I message her the next day saying coffee dates are hard to judge but if you would like to meet up again give me a shout, I get this reply 2 days later:-
"I haven't intentionally ignored this" which clearly she had as she was constantly showing "online" on whatsapp" whenever I went on it to reply to other peoples messages.
"I enjoyed meeting, you were good company and easy to chat too, I am not sure I would see anything coming out of meeting Xx"
Now obviously on occasion you are not going to float someones boat when you actually meet however well the conversation flows, so such replies will happen but I knew I could have written the script as soon as she cancelled the original Fri night, I suspect yet another unicorn hunter who probably cut and pasted that reply from ones sent to every other guy she had met, but you have to keep giving it a try unless you meet someone naturally, which seems to be a dying art. The apps these days seem to be full of such girls working there way through every half decent bloke on there, yet still on them many many months later despite the vast number of messages they get..
My advice, coffee dates are not worth the effort I have found, meet for a drink in the evening (not food though), the setting is far more conducive to a spark happening, drive though, so that way you can stop after 2 drinks and call it an early night if it's dying on its arse.
Think you’re right.
Sunday morning coffee first meet… nah not a chance.
It would be like trying to ignite a spark on a pile of wet leaves ime.
Got to be a drink in the eve.
Even just the act of investing 15mins putting on some decent clothes is more conducive to feeling like getting your rizz on than putting on your walking boots, combats and gilet
. Same for women I guess. A small act of anticipated ‘well let’s just this where this might go…’.
Going for dog walks and coffee, hiking around nature etc is all good and lovely stuff for when a sparky connection has already been established.
Both can use it as the ‘getting to know you better to see if we’re on the same page / check you’re not a complete lunatic / see if I like you without alcohol being involved’ stage.
Sunday morning coffee first meet… nah not a chance.
It would be like trying to ignite a spark on a pile of wet leaves ime.
Got to be a drink in the eve.
Even just the act of investing 15mins putting on some decent clothes is more conducive to feeling like getting your rizz on than putting on your walking boots, combats and gilet
. Same for women I guess. A small act of anticipated ‘well let’s just this where this might go…’. Going for dog walks and coffee, hiking around nature etc is all good and lovely stuff for when a sparky connection has already been established.
Both can use it as the ‘getting to know you better to see if we’re on the same page / check you’re not a complete lunatic / see if I like you without alcohol being involved’ stage.
BunkMoreland said:
"she seems cool, we have a lot in common and she even laughed at my st jokes. And she responded to my last message on her way home in good time. So clearly shes coem away relatively positively as well. If she's interested I'll see if she fancies dinner this week"
Only to get the "yeah, sorry no spark" message the next morning at about 8am as I got to work.
t jokes. And she responded to my last message on her way home in good time. So clearly shes coem away relatively positively as well. If she's interested I'll see if she fancies dinner this week"Only to get the "yeah, sorry no spark"
message the next morning at about 8am as I got to work. PAUL.S. said:
"I haven't intentionally ignored this" which clearly she had as she was constantly showing "online" on whatsapp" whenever I went on it to reply to other peoples messages.
"I enjoyed meeting, you were good company and easy to chat too, I am not sure I would see anything coming out of meeting Xx"
Now obviously on occasion you are not going to float someones boat when you actually meet however well the conversation flows, so such replies will happen but I knew I could have written the script as soon as she cancelled the original Fri night, I suspect yet another unicorn hunter who probably cut and pasted that reply from ones sent to every other guy she had met, but you have to keep giving it a try unless you meet someone naturally, which seems to be a dying art. The apps these days seem to be full of such girls working there way through every half decent bloke on there, yet still on them many many months later despite the vast number of messages they get..
They didn't think you were good looking/exciting enough to see again no matter how well you thought it went. Most women on dating apps are inundated with attention, hence why they think there is always someone better out there for them."I enjoyed meeting, you were good company and easy to chat too, I am not sure I would see anything coming out of meeting Xx"
Now obviously on occasion you are not going to float someones boat when you actually meet however well the conversation flows, so such replies will happen but I knew I could have written the script as soon as she cancelled the original Fri night, I suspect yet another unicorn hunter who probably cut and pasted that reply from ones sent to every other guy she had met, but you have to keep giving it a try unless you meet someone naturally, which seems to be a dying art. The apps these days seem to be full of such girls working there way through every half decent bloke on there, yet still on them many many months later despite the vast number of messages they get..
As you say, some of them have been on there for years.
It's why for men online dating is the equivalent of a job interview.
I realise she simply did not fancy me, and that is fair enough, but the analogy of trying to ignite a spark on wet leaves is spot on, never going to happen on a Sunday morning coffee setting unless you are Brad Pitt, at least in the evening, decent clobber and surrounded by others enjoying themselves then a much better setting to potentially click in a much more relaxed environment.
Totally agree as well, such daytime meet ups should be from date 3 on.
She was just looking for something to do on the weekend her son was away with his dad, lesson learned.
Totally agree as well, such daytime meet ups should be from date 3 on.
She was just looking for something to do on the weekend her son was away with his dad, lesson learned.
ThingsBehindTheSun said:
They didn't think you were good looking/exciting enough to see again no matter how well you thought it went. Most women on dating apps are inundated with attention, hence why they think there is always someone better out there for them.
As you say, some of them have been on there for years.
It's why for men online dating is the equivalent of a job interview.
I get the way things are now. But it has the advantage of weeding out morons! As you say, some of them have been on there for years.
It's why for men online dating is the equivalent of a job interview.
NO relationship of any weight can be decided on its potential in an hour in a noisy bar/pub when you have literally never met in real life before and both people will have a degree of nerves. There's a litany of female dating experts out there saying as such.* They all say much the same thing. That a real connection takes more than 1 date. And that "the spark" on a first date is not always healthy. As it is often that instant gratification thing and like most instant gratification, its not long lasting. The "experts" will say that so long as the other person hasn't given you dodgy vibes. And you're aligned on many things (not all) then what's the harm in a 2nd date to see what happens.
* Thats not to say a lady is obligated or should feel pressured to go on a 2nd date obviously.
Its fundamentally the reason why, at 45 decided I won't bother with the apps or dating in general anymore. What's the point of spending all that time and effort to get to actually meet someone in real life. Only to find a lady who now has a list of criteria that no man on earth will satisfy.
My friend (really) is single again after a 10 year relationship, he’s back OLDing again in his early 50’s - there are loads of ladies he had dates with in a 2 year spree back then , still on the apps - most of them looking for the unicorn man that if he exists wouldn’t look twice at them.
What’s the go to site for a single early 50’s man these days ?
What’s the go to site for a single early 50’s man these days ?
POORCARDEALER said:
My friend (really) is single again after a 10 year relationship, he’s back OLDing again in his early 50’s - there are loads of ladies he had dates with in a 2 year spree back then , still on the apps - most of them looking for the unicorn man that if he exists wouldn’t look twice at them.
What’s the go to site for a single early 50’s man these days ?
Pornhub What’s the go to site for a single early 50’s man these days ?
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff