Urgent Help - Divorce related?
Discussion
Hi
Haven't been on here in a while but I know the mass amount of useful people and knowledge raoming the boards and am now calling on any helpful person to assist in anyway possible. (Desperate times and all..)
Breif overview
Now..
Now of course my first actions tommorrow will be to speak to mortgate people, solicitors and CSA to know where I stand.
But I would like ANY advice anyone can offer?
My thoughts..
Now this is important. I want to be SMART, not spiteful.*
So go..abuse...insults...grammar errors...PMs of willys...but most of all..legal and financial advice!!!
The Stigette
*If all you have is spiteful comments thats fine, post those to. Worst comes to worse they may come in handy.
Haven't been on here in a while but I know the mass amount of useful people and knowledge raoming the boards and am now calling on any helpful person to assist in anyway possible. (Desperate times and all..)
Breif overview
- Split up with ex a year ago
- I moved in with my parents
- We have a small lad together
- He still lives in our house (mortgaged)
- I take no money from him for our child and I have contributed to the mortgage also
- Both our names are still on the mortgate
- We have been trying to sell the past year to reach an amicable agreement and move on - nothings happened
- He works long and stupid shifts - mostly weekends, so I fit my/sons life around him
Now..
- I did not damage or steal anything.
- Looking at bills lying around the house he appears to be in severe finanical problems and his bank account has not been covering the mortgage
- His girlfriend has clearly moved in
- His female flat mate that was helping with mortgage has clearly moved out
- From a little good/bad list his girlfriend has made she wants to stop all contact with our son
- Large number of my personal belongings have been deliberatly damaged and masses of mail belonging to me not passed over
Now of course my first actions tommorrow will be to speak to mortgate people, solicitors and CSA to know where I stand.
But I would like ANY advice anyone can offer?
My thoughts..
- Move back in and change locks before he gets back from holiday?
- I earn over the bracket for finanical help but not by much - speak to employer about getting it lowered appropriatly? Anyone know the bracket?
Now this is important. I want to be SMART, not spiteful.*
- I am not taking any action until I have spoken to my solicitor but I would appreciate any heads up to get the ball rolling.
- My son remains paramount thoughout. His dads contact has been very minimal, but minimal is better than nothing in my sons eyes.
- I have an MX5 it has been 335d mapped
- I have taken it up the oxo tower, physically and mentally (see above)
- I would love to nuke him into orbit if I had the means
- I have only partly spell checked this
So go..abuse...insults...grammar errors...PMs of willys...but most of all..legal and financial advice!!!
The Stigette
*If all you have is spiteful comments thats fine, post those to. Worst comes to worse they may come in handy.
Afraid I can offer no advice except to say to all people asking for advice about relationship matters, that's how to write an OP for the PH audience.
Short, bulleted, no bulls
t, straight to the point with the piece de resistance of more than a nod of humour thrown in at the end.
I like it.
Well done.
Hope you win.
Short, bulleted, no bulls
t, straight to the point with the piece de resistance of more than a nod of humour thrown in at the end.I like it.
Well done.
Hope you win.
Stigette said:
Hi
Haven't been on here in a while but I know the mass amount of useful people and knowledge raoming the boards and am now calling on any helpful person to assist in anyway possible. (Desperate times and all..)
Breif overview
Now..
Now of course my first actions tommorrow will be to speak to mortgate people, solicitors and CSA to know where I stand.
But I would like ANY advice anyone can offer?
My thoughts..
Now this is important. I want to be SMART, not spiteful.*
So go..abuse...insults...grammar errors...PMs of willys...but most of all..legal and financial advice!!!
The Stigette
*If all you have is spiteful comments thats fine, post those to. Worst comes to worse they may come in handy.
Much as you might like to you can not change the locks ,you can move back in though if you really want to which I guess you would not really want to do Haven't been on here in a while but I know the mass amount of useful people and knowledge raoming the boards and am now calling on any helpful person to assist in anyway possible. (Desperate times and all..)
Breif overview
- Split up with ex a year ago
- I moved in with my parents
- We have a small lad together
- He still lives in our house (mortgaged)
- I take no money from him for our child and I have contributed to the mortgage also
- Both our names are still on the mortgate
- We have been trying to sell the past year to reach an amicable agreement and move on - nothings happened
- He works long and stupid shifts - mostly weekends, so I fit my/sons life around him
Now..
- I did not damage or steal anything.
- Looking at bills lying around the house he appears to be in severe finanical problems and his bank account has not been covering the mortgage
- His girlfriend has clearly moved in
- His female flat mate that was helping with mortgage has clearly moved out
- From a little good/bad list his girlfriend has made she wants to stop all contact with our son
- Large number of my personal belongings have been deliberatly damaged and masses of mail belonging to me not passed over
Now of course my first actions tommorrow will be to speak to mortgate people, solicitors and CSA to know where I stand.
But I would like ANY advice anyone can offer?
My thoughts..
- Move back in and change locks before he gets back from holiday?
- I earn over the bracket for finanical help but not by much - speak to employer about getting it lowered appropriatly? Anyone know the bracket?
Now this is important. I want to be SMART, not spiteful.*
- I am not taking any action until I have spoken to my solicitor but I would appreciate any heads up to get the ball rolling.
- My son remains paramount thoughout. His dads contact has been very minimal, but minimal is better than nothing in my sons eyes.
- I have an MX5 it has been 335d mapped
- I have taken it up the oxo tower, physically and mentally (see above)
- I would love to nuke him into orbit if I had the means
- I have only partly spell checked this
So go..abuse...insults...grammar errors...PMs of willys...but most of all..legal and financial advice!!!
The Stigette
*If all you have is spiteful comments thats fine, post those to. Worst comes to worse they may come in handy.
Re the mortgage if your in arrears your both libel for them regardless of whether you have been paying your half of it or not (It sucks but having been there I know this is the case
)Damage to your property ,can you prove it was not damaged before you moved out ? or even prove it is not just wear and tear.
DrTre said:
Afraid I can offer no advice except to say to all people asking for advice about relationship matters, that's how to write an OP for the PH audience.
Short, bulleted, no bullst, straight to the point with the piece de resistance of more than a nod of humour thrown in at the end.
I like it.
Well done.
Hope you win.
Thank you very much. If it adds anything to my credibility, I am rather drunk Short, bulleted, no bulls
t, straight to the point with the piece de resistance of more than a nod of humour thrown in at the end.I like it.
Well done.
Hope you win.
p.s. sorry I am not double quoting here, more than I can cope with now
Christ, don't change the locks! He, and (probably) the girlfriend, have right of abode. If you change the locks he will simply have you thrown out of the property on his return and let you pay the entire mortgage whilst he lives there for as long as he wants. Got told that when I wanted to do the same to my xwife. Never change the locks on a property thinking that the other person ceases to live there at that point as you are breaking all sorts of laws, and seriously empower the other person.
Dunno what advice you get, but you may be told to suspend your own mortgage payments and let the mortgage company repossess the place and get shot of it.
Dunno what advice you get, but you may be told to suspend your own mortgage payments and let the mortgage company repossess the place and get shot of it.
mickken said:
Changing the locks is a no no. That will not help the situation at all.
Is he working? Can you cover the mortgage on your own? (not that you'd want to, but to stop repossession it may be an option. A repossessed house at the moment will get WELL below market price at the moment)
I would take the view:
- Kid number one priority
- Saving house / equity number two
- Ex- will be number 4 below wiping the dirt off your feet!!
Not a good situation, but trying to be amicable is best (I get the opinion that is what you want too), good luck to you!
Damn, afraid someone was going to say that, he is working, we earn about the same. I would struggle to take mortgage on, on my own. He has offered before to sign the house over to me and he walks away, not sure if he would still do this though. Is he working? Can you cover the mortgage on your own? (not that you'd want to, but to stop repossession it may be an option. A repossessed house at the moment will get WELL below market price at the moment)
I would take the view:
- Kid number one priority
- Saving house / equity number two
- Ex- will be number 4 below wiping the dirt off your feet!!
Not a good situation, but trying to be amicable is best (I get the opinion that is what you want too), good luck to you!
Our house has dropped 30k with the current climate
And yes, son is priority and I wanted to keep everything amicable but without turning my OP into a rant he has pushed everything beyond the means of what is acceptable and this was final straw in amicableness and I will not be a walkover anymore.
Stigette said:
Thank you very much. If it adds anything to my credibility, I am rather drunk
p.s. sorry I am not double quoting here, more than I can cope with now
In that case, one piece of advice I can offer you is that if this goes to court/arbitration get absolutely gattered before you go in, you'll knock 'em bandy and be walking out of there with everything if this is anything to go by.p.s. sorry I am not double quoting here, more than I can cope with now
MrV said:
Much as you might like to you can not change the locks ,you can move back in though if you really want to which I guess you would not really want to do
Re the mortgage if your in arrears your both libel for them regardless of whether you have been paying your half of it or not (It sucks but having been there I know this is the case )
Damage to your property ,can you prove it was not damaged before you moved out ? or even prove it is not just wear and tear.
Damage was personal belongs photos ripped, personal ornament type things smashed. Re the mortgage if your in arrears your both libel for them regardless of whether you have been paying your half of it or not (It sucks but having been there I know this is the case
)Damage to your property ,can you prove it was not damaged before you moved out ? or even prove it is not just wear and tear.
OK I have ruled out changing the locks. Bugger.
Well not being a solicitor i can only offer some thoughts;
1) Would moving in and changing the locks not simply be a rather large red rag to a bull and likely to incite flared tempers to say the least and possible horrendous confrontation infront of jr at the worst?
2) If you are now fully aware of his financial situation, would it not be a better plan to offer to move into the house and take over the responsibility of the mortgage? By the sounds of it, he'd be foolish to say no, its an opportunity to devolve himself from some financial responsibility and it's likely to be cheaper to rent a place of his own? Depends if he is behind with the payments or not?
3) Can you speak to the mortgage company about a payment holiday for a short period in order to give you some time to sort out finances?
4) Try and be amicable with him. DO NOT devalue yourself by even referring to his new girlfriend. Arrange to meet him somewhere neutral - local cafe/coffee shop - without her in tow. She is clearly only interested in securing his exclusive focus on her. Any decent woman would accept he has some responsibilities to his son whether she likes it or not. She sounds like a dopey tart. (maybe you could sabotage her car or something at a suitable later date?) (Or alternatively as you appreciate oxo tower action, you could stick her toothbrush up your bum and then put it back? or pee on it etc
something subtle anyway!)
1) Would moving in and changing the locks not simply be a rather large red rag to a bull and likely to incite flared tempers to say the least and possible horrendous confrontation infront of jr at the worst?
2) If you are now fully aware of his financial situation, would it not be a better plan to offer to move into the house and take over the responsibility of the mortgage? By the sounds of it, he'd be foolish to say no, its an opportunity to devolve himself from some financial responsibility and it's likely to be cheaper to rent a place of his own? Depends if he is behind with the payments or not?
3) Can you speak to the mortgage company about a payment holiday for a short period in order to give you some time to sort out finances?
4) Try and be amicable with him. DO NOT devalue yourself by even referring to his new girlfriend. Arrange to meet him somewhere neutral - local cafe/coffee shop - without her in tow. She is clearly only interested in securing his exclusive focus on her. Any decent woman would accept he has some responsibilities to his son whether she likes it or not. She sounds like a dopey tart. (maybe you could sabotage her car or something at a suitable later date?) (Or alternatively as you appreciate oxo tower action, you could stick her toothbrush up your bum and then put it back? or pee on it etc
something subtle anyway!)move back in.........
first BIG mistake was leaving in the first place.
you cannot legally change the locks but you can legally add additional ones.
mortgage arreers are joint.However if you can prove in court you paid your half it wont look good for hims if he not paying maitenance then CSA involvement will get you money before his wages are paid t o him.
it is best if you can sort most things yourselves as solicitors charge upwards of £150 an hour. However if he is taking the mickey you are left with no option to go to the courts for guidance. I wish you luck,took me 3 years to get divorced and get the finances sorted out. Oh and i had to go to court.
first BIG mistake was leaving in the first place.
you cannot legally change the locks but you can legally add additional ones.
mortgage arreers are joint.However if you can prove in court you paid your half it wont look good for hims if he not paying maitenance then CSA involvement will get you money before his wages are paid t o him.
it is best if you can sort most things yourselves as solicitors charge upwards of £150 an hour. However if he is taking the mickey you are left with no option to go to the courts for guidance. I wish you luck,took me 3 years to get divorced and get the finances sorted out. Oh and i had to go to court.
tinman0 said:
Christ, don't change the locks! He, and (probably) the girlfriend, have right of abode. If you change the locks he will simply have you thrown out of the property on his return and let you pay the entire mortgage whilst he lives there for as long as he wants. Got told that when I wanted to do the same to my xwife. Never change the locks on a property thinking that the other person ceases to live there at that point as you are breaking all sorts of laws, and seriously empower the other person.
Dunno what advice you get, but you may be told to suspend your own mortgage payments and let the mortgage company repossess the place and get shot of it.
Thanks, Locksmith cancelled. Dunno what advice you get, but you may be told to suspend your own mortgage payments and let the mortgage company repossess the place and get shot of it.
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