Got Collared By The Filth

[Doofus]

I took the dog for a walk this morning, and in a lake, he found a red ball.



Which he carried for a mile or so, until, in a park, he found the remains of a football. Now, if he finds a football, he immediately sets about killing it, and reducing it to the smallest constituent parts, but this one was already dead, so he picked it up, and dropped it at my feet.



So we then spent ten minutes during which I kicked the red ball, and he chased it, and then I kicked the dead football in the opposite direction and he chased that. It's an excellent way to knacker out the dog whilst more-or-less standing still.

After ten minutes or so, we see a police car with blues and twos and I say to the dog "They're coming for you because they're clamping down on pillockry."

The dog doesn't reply.

The police car then turns onto the park we're in, and I say "fking hell, mate, I think they really are after you!"

The dog woofs, so I kick the football.

Then the plod get out of their car and come over to us.

"Morning sir," says the first one. "Is everything ok?"

"Erm, yes," I reply. "Is there a problem?"

"We had a call that somebody matching your description was visciously beating a dog, but it's clear this dog isn't being beaten."

"No," I said, "In fact, he's 4-2 up." Sometimes, I'm genuinely astonished by my wit

"Ok, sorry to trouble you." says the copper, and they return to their car.

As they're walking away, one says to the other "We'll write this up as a football related incident."


Since when is playing with your dog a 999 offence?

[bogie]