Knowing when it’s time to say goodbye
Discussion
I’m looking for some advice as I genuinely don’t know what to do.
Our JR cross girl is 13.5 years old but has deteriorated in recent months and weeks. Her hearing started to go initially around a year ago but is now pretty much deaf. This wouldn’t be a problem on its own but now her eyesight has gone in the last 6 weeks.
It is amazing to see her navigate the house gently using her head and memory to find her bowls, bed etc however we can’t keep a clear route all the time as two toddlers leaving toys, books etc out mean she is constantly walking into things. She has also started to become incontinent overnight which we again we can live with as floors are all dog and child friendly. For me it is a small price to pay for the years of loyalty.
She doesn’t appear to be in any pain and still brings a lot to the house and our kids adore feeding her and cuddles. Her nose still works as she can jump on a sofa and eat the kids leftovers which used to annoy but now something we laugh at and cherish.
I guess I know the difficult day is coming, it’s hard to even write that but in others experience when do you know it is time to make the call?
Our JR cross girl is 13.5 years old but has deteriorated in recent months and weeks. Her hearing started to go initially around a year ago but is now pretty much deaf. This wouldn’t be a problem on its own but now her eyesight has gone in the last 6 weeks.
It is amazing to see her navigate the house gently using her head and memory to find her bowls, bed etc however we can’t keep a clear route all the time as two toddlers leaving toys, books etc out mean she is constantly walking into things. She has also started to become incontinent overnight which we again we can live with as floors are all dog and child friendly. For me it is a small price to pay for the years of loyalty.
She doesn’t appear to be in any pain and still brings a lot to the house and our kids adore feeding her and cuddles. Her nose still works as she can jump on a sofa and eat the kids leftovers which used to annoy but now something we laugh at and cherish.
I guess I know the difficult day is coming, it’s hard to even write that but in others experience when do you know it is time to make the call?
7184c said:
I’m looking for some advice as I genuinely don’t know what to do.
Our JR cross girl is 13.5 years old but has deteriorated in recent months and weeks. Her hearing started to go initially around a year ago but is now pretty much deaf. This wouldn’t be a problem on its own but now her eyesight has gone in the last 6 weeks.
It is amazing to see her navigate the house gently using her head and memory to find her bowls, bed etc however we can’t keep a clear route all the time as two toddlers leaving toys, books etc out mean she is constantly walking into things. She has also started to become incontinent overnight which we again we can live with as floors are all dog and child friendly. For me it is a small price to pay for the years of loyalty.
She doesn’t appear to be in any pain and still brings a lot to the house and our kids adore feeding her and cuddles. Her nose still works as she can jump on a sofa and eat the kids leftovers which used to annoy but now something we laugh at and cherish.
I guess I know the difficult day is coming, it’s hard to even write that but in others experience when do you know it is time to make the call?
I would ask the vet for advice.Our JR cross girl is 13.5 years old but has deteriorated in recent months and weeks. Her hearing started to go initially around a year ago but is now pretty much deaf. This wouldn’t be a problem on its own but now her eyesight has gone in the last 6 weeks.
It is amazing to see her navigate the house gently using her head and memory to find her bowls, bed etc however we can’t keep a clear route all the time as two toddlers leaving toys, books etc out mean she is constantly walking into things. She has also started to become incontinent overnight which we again we can live with as floors are all dog and child friendly. For me it is a small price to pay for the years of loyalty.
She doesn’t appear to be in any pain and still brings a lot to the house and our kids adore feeding her and cuddles. Her nose still works as she can jump on a sofa and eat the kids leftovers which used to annoy but now something we laugh at and cherish.
I guess I know the difficult day is coming, it’s hard to even write that but in others experience when do you know it is time to make the call?
The incontinence thing, which you are admirably accommodating, might not be an issue for you but it can be very distressing for the dog. They've been programmed from a young age that toileting in the house is a bad thing so when they can't help but do it, it can distress them.
I think a lot of it is subjective and down to the individual dog. If you truly believe she is living a happy life, there's no reason to change that. But it needs to be happy from her point of view, not the humans in the house (if you get my meaning)
It's an awful dilemma as they get older
I took our old Labrador for a one way trip in the car a couple of years ago at 12.
She was going downhill fast, wasn’t showing any sign of being happy.
Perpetually anxious, throwing up bile, cowering at any loud noise.
Her hip was going and was causing pain.
If it was a person you could sit them down & explain, medication could help.
But poor old Scarlett was just existing. In her own world with no real joy.
Pets serve a purpose to our benefit. It is up to us to ensure their well being.
In this case the kindest thing to do for her was a good breakfast, short walk, ride in the car & a sharp scratch.
(Having come to this decision and discussed it with our vet on the day the other partner at the vets was there & they tried to talk me out of it at the 11th hour.
Blooming good job I was there on my own, Mrs. would have been in bits & frankly it was the least professional veterinarian behaviour I can imagine.)
But I was happy that the best decision for Scarlett’s welfare had been made, as hard as it was keeping her at that point would have been for our benefit & not hers.
She was going downhill fast, wasn’t showing any sign of being happy.
Perpetually anxious, throwing up bile, cowering at any loud noise.
Her hip was going and was causing pain.
If it was a person you could sit them down & explain, medication could help.
But poor old Scarlett was just existing. In her own world with no real joy.
Pets serve a purpose to our benefit. It is up to us to ensure their well being.
In this case the kindest thing to do for her was a good breakfast, short walk, ride in the car & a sharp scratch.
(Having come to this decision and discussed it with our vet on the day the other partner at the vets was there & they tried to talk me out of it at the 11th hour.
Blooming good job I was there on my own, Mrs. would have been in bits & frankly it was the least professional veterinarian behaviour I can imagine.)
But I was happy that the best decision for Scarlett’s welfare had been made, as hard as it was keeping her at that point would have been for our benefit & not hers.
Some very sensible advice offered already. I sympathise with your situation, it is horrible.
I have seen the following quoted and I think - although it is 'clinical' - it can be useful for those of us struggling to be objective about our pet's quality of life:
From the book "Absent Friend" by Laura and Martyn Lee - proposed by Andrew Edney, vet and past president of the British Small Animal Vet. Association:
Is the animal:
Free from pain, distress, or serious discomfort which cannot be effectively controlled
Able to walk and balance reasonably well
Able to eat and drink enough for normal maintenance without much difficulty and without vomiting
Free from tumours which cause pain or serious discomfort and are judged inoperable or otherwise untreatable
Able to breathe without difficulty
Able to urinate and defecate reasonably frequently and without serious difficulty or incontinence
and is the owner:
Able to cope physically and emotionally with any nursing or medication that may be required?
If the answer to any of these questions is "No" and treatment is unlikely to help, then euthanasia might be the preferred option.'
I have seen the following quoted and I think - although it is 'clinical' - it can be useful for those of us struggling to be objective about our pet's quality of life:
From the book "Absent Friend" by Laura and Martyn Lee - proposed by Andrew Edney, vet and past president of the British Small Animal Vet. Association:
Is the animal:
Free from pain, distress, or serious discomfort which cannot be effectively controlled
Able to walk and balance reasonably well
Able to eat and drink enough for normal maintenance without much difficulty and without vomiting
Free from tumours which cause pain or serious discomfort and are judged inoperable or otherwise untreatable
Able to breathe without difficulty
Able to urinate and defecate reasonably frequently and without serious difficulty or incontinence
and is the owner:
Able to cope physically and emotionally with any nursing or medication that may be required?
If the answer to any of these questions is "No" and treatment is unlikely to help, then euthanasia might be the preferred option.'
It doesn't sound like it's time yet, but you know it's getting close unfortunately.
What you may find helpful is a scoring system, which helps with your decision.
https://www.cesarsway.com/Understanding-the-dog-qu...
What you may find helpful is a scoring system, which helps with your decision.
https://www.cesarsway.com/Understanding-the-dog-qu...
You have my sympathy OP it’s a very difficult decision to make. Our Lab made his last journey to the vet almost 3 years ago. He had a 6 month reprieve from when we first starting thinking about (actually had him booked in to be put to sleep) but decided he was happy enough and still got enjoyment in life . His mobility really went down hill quickly and became incontinent, absolutely nothing wrong with his appetite but took the approach of better a month or two early than a day too late in the end.
The vet really didn’t give any advice beyond the usual, if he’s happy and eating it’s up to you. Would be nice if they would just drift off in their sleep but that’s not reality. I was a complete coward and my wife had to take him.
The vet really didn’t give any advice beyond the usual, if he’s happy and eating it’s up to you. Would be nice if they would just drift off in their sleep but that’s not reality. I was a complete coward and my wife had to take him.
7184c said:
Thanks for all your responses, they really help.
She is definitely eating well so I think we are going to take it week by week.
A bit of a rollercoaster of emotions for us. The kids are showing kindness and compassion that I would never have expected.
Lovely to read about the way your kids are showing compassion. A friend of mine, a teacher, believes that pets, especially dogs are really great to help kids develop their soft side. She was talking about her 3 very active, rowdy boys; but she said that teen boys in particular benefit from the doggie hugs they give and the loyalty they get back.She is definitely eating well so I think we are going to take it week by week.
A bit of a rollercoaster of emotions for us. The kids are showing kindness and compassion that I would never have expected.
(but they are not the best for doing dog chores !)
Any family who takes on a pet, particularly a dog, and treat it well is doing society a favour. I salute you. And I empathise with the situation you are facing.
Is she distressed by any of this?
Being blind IME had a much lesser impact that I had expected. As you say, they soon learn to navigate the house in the main and even the garden and walk through the forest in our case.
If she is not in pain or distressed, then keep going. To me they "tell you" when they are ready. And this seems to be the point at which they are simply having more bad days than good. If there is a still a waggy tail for a walk, eating etc then this is not so bad to me..
Being blind IME had a much lesser impact that I had expected. As you say, they soon learn to navigate the house in the main and even the garden and walk through the forest in our case.
If she is not in pain or distressed, then keep going. To me they "tell you" when they are ready. And this seems to be the point at which they are simply having more bad days than good. If there is a still a waggy tail for a walk, eating etc then this is not so bad to me..
Just to update we had a trip to the vet and it’s a brain tumour.
I don’t want to put her through more scans or surgery. I am pragmatic about her age but If anyone has been in this situation please let me know your advice. She has not had any seizures and does not seem to be in any discomfort currently but the moment that changes we are preparing.
She is eating well and we are spoiling her with favourite food, tonight it’s her own portion of mushy peas when we get fish and chips.
I don’t want to put her through more scans or surgery. I am pragmatic about her age but If anyone has been in this situation please let me know your advice. She has not had any seizures and does not seem to be in any discomfort currently but the moment that changes we are preparing.
She is eating well and we are spoiling her with favourite food, tonight it’s her own portion of mushy peas when we get fish and chips.
7184c said:
Just to update we had a trip to the vet and it’s a brain tumour.
I don’t want to put her through more scans or surgery. I am pragmatic about her age but If anyone has been in this situation please let me know your advice. She has not had any seizures and does not seem to be in any discomfort currently but the moment that changes we are preparing.
She is eating well and we are spoiling her with favourite food, tonight it’s her own portion of mushy peas when we get fish and chips.
Sorry to hear that.I don’t want to put her through more scans or surgery. I am pragmatic about her age but If anyone has been in this situation please let me know your advice. She has not had any seizures and does not seem to be in any discomfort currently but the moment that changes we are preparing.
She is eating well and we are spoiling her with favourite food, tonight it’s her own portion of mushy peas when we get fish and chips.
I think you're taking a very sensible approach - spoil her for as long as possible! You are all in my thoughts.
Just to update on this and thanks for the kind words and advice before which really helped.
We made the call 4 weeks ago that we were dreading but it was the right thing to do. The kids miss her so much as do we, the house feels empty and too quiet without her.
The advice to have a home vet visit made it just that little bit easier, we used a company called cloud 9 as our local vet doesn’t do visits. I would recommend to anyone in the same situation. We have her back with us now and lots of photos and videos of memories to cherish.
The wife wants to get a new dog soon, I don’t want to rush into anything. I’m sure I’ll come round to it but I guess still grieving the loss a bit and don’t want to go through it again any time soon.
Once again thanks to all who contributed.
We made the call 4 weeks ago that we were dreading but it was the right thing to do. The kids miss her so much as do we, the house feels empty and too quiet without her.
The advice to have a home vet visit made it just that little bit easier, we used a company called cloud 9 as our local vet doesn’t do visits. I would recommend to anyone in the same situation. We have her back with us now and lots of photos and videos of memories to cherish.
The wife wants to get a new dog soon, I don’t want to rush into anything. I’m sure I’ll come round to it but I guess still grieving the loss a bit and don’t want to go through it again any time soon.
Once again thanks to all who contributed.
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