How do you know when it's time to say goodbye?
Discussion
9 years ago a stray cat adopted us. As with many cats, complete pest, full of personality, fell in love with her.
Couple of months ago she started to lose weight; never a big cat at 4kg she dropped to less than 2 at her lowest. Multiple trips to the vets, followed by a specialist, presented a list of ailments, any number of which would be terminal but the most pressing was late stage liver disease.
She's been treated with a couple of different medications and also steroids. The weight loss has reversed slightly but she's still only just over 2kg.
She's been on the medication for 6-7 weeks now and it's getting harder to get her to take it, she's wise to the previous trick of wrapping it in cheese (cheeky sod eats around it). While she still seems happy and not in pain she pretty much just sleeps all day. She's also missing her litter tray most of the time which isn't ideal with a 3 year old in the house.
Wondering if it's time to say goodbye (bloody welling up just at the thought of it, stupid cat!)? She doesn't seem in pain but she's very, very frail, doesn't go out and about anymore and I can't help but feeling we're just delaying the inevitable.
Will call the vets this morning to ask; she's had weekly check ups for the last 6 weeks (stopped over Christmas so not been seen since 20th) so developed a good relationship with them. Just interested in how you decide whether the kindest thing is to let them go?
Couple of months ago she started to lose weight; never a big cat at 4kg she dropped to less than 2 at her lowest. Multiple trips to the vets, followed by a specialist, presented a list of ailments, any number of which would be terminal but the most pressing was late stage liver disease.
She's been treated with a couple of different medications and also steroids. The weight loss has reversed slightly but she's still only just over 2kg.
She's been on the medication for 6-7 weeks now and it's getting harder to get her to take it, she's wise to the previous trick of wrapping it in cheese (cheeky sod eats around it). While she still seems happy and not in pain she pretty much just sleeps all day. She's also missing her litter tray most of the time which isn't ideal with a 3 year old in the house.
Wondering if it's time to say goodbye (bloody welling up just at the thought of it, stupid cat!)? She doesn't seem in pain but she's very, very frail, doesn't go out and about anymore and I can't help but feeling we're just delaying the inevitable.
Will call the vets this morning to ask; she's had weekly check ups for the last 6 weeks (stopped over Christmas so not been seen since 20th) so developed a good relationship with them. Just interested in how you decide whether the kindest thing is to let them go?
The fact you've asked this question tells you all you need to know. I went through this in October last year with my cat of 11 years, and all the wonderful advice on here just confirmed what I knew in my heart. Speak to your vet though and see what they say.
I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I know exactly what you're going through. It's horrible, and it's going to hurt like hell for ages, but you know it's right.
I'm so sorry to hear about this, and I know exactly what you're going through. It's horrible, and it's going to hurt like hell for ages, but you know it's right.
NickCW said:
If shes not in pain and is still happy I wouldn't decide to end her life in my opinion, everyone and everything gets old if shes happy that's surely all that matters?.
True, but quality of life is also important. I had mine PTS before she was in any pain or suffering. As someone said to me on here (thank you again, whoever that was), it's better a day too soon than a moment too late. That phrase stuck with me more than anything.Ekona said:
NickCW said:
If shes not in pain and is still happy I wouldn't decide to end her life in my opinion, everyone and everything gets old if shes happy that's surely all that matters?.
True, but quality of life is also important. I had mine PTS before she was in any pain or suffering. As someone said to me on here (thank you again, whoever that was), it's better a day too soon than a moment too late. That phrase stuck with me more than anything.For the OP, I think a chat to your vet would be sensible, it is very hard at this point but what I would say is I am sure there will be a level of discomfort but cats don't exhibit it very obviously.
I would think about the last few weeks. Has she been stable or is there a slow but sure deterioration of her condition, if so then this would make me think about that awful decision sooner
. It is never easy and I feel for you, many of us have gone through it sadly and know exactly how stressful it is but it is actually more stressful watching your friend struggle each day. Ten years ago I rehomed a GSD from Battersea Dogs Home, every day of those ten years Amber spent with me, home, work, holiday, Amber was with me. Then last August whilst out walking one night, Amber collapsed in a heap, unable to get to her feet I carried her home. The next morning Amber was still unable to move, and with signs of sadness in her eyes, I regrettably asked the vet to put Amber to sleep.
Most days I question whether I did the right thing to bring amber's life to a close, every day I miss Amber, and most days i am looking out for another GSD with the facial looks like Amber.
Most days I question whether I did the right thing to bring amber's life to a close, every day I miss Amber, and most days i am looking out for another GSD with the facial looks like Amber.
I have seen the following quoted and I think - although it is 'clinical' - it can be useful for those of us struggling to be objective about our pet's quality of life:
From the book "Absent Friend" by Laura and Martyn Lee, proposed by Andrew Edney, vet and past president of the British Small Animal Vet. Association:
Is the animal:
Free from pain, distress, or serious discomfort which cannot be effectively controlled
Able to walk and balance reasonably well
Able to eat and drink enough for normal maintenance without much difficulty and without vomiting
Free from tumours which cause pain or serious discomfort and are judged inoperable or otherwise untreatable
Able to breathe without difficulty
Able to urinate and defecate reasonably frequently and without serious difficulty or incontinence
and is the owner:
Able to cope physically and emotionally with any nursing or medication that may be required?
If the answer to any of these questions is "No" and treatment is unlikely to help, then euthanasia might be the preferred option.
I have to say, that I don't necessarily agree that any one of these = PTS, but I think it is sensible for owners to think about them all when considering a pet's quality of life.
This cartoon has been published on the dog forum I frequent:
http://ubertoolcomic.com/?comic=no-97
My sympathies to anyone who has been, or is going through this
From the book "Absent Friend" by Laura and Martyn Lee, proposed by Andrew Edney, vet and past president of the British Small Animal Vet. Association:
Is the animal:
Free from pain, distress, or serious discomfort which cannot be effectively controlled
Able to walk and balance reasonably well
Able to eat and drink enough for normal maintenance without much difficulty and without vomiting
Free from tumours which cause pain or serious discomfort and are judged inoperable or otherwise untreatable
Able to breathe without difficulty
Able to urinate and defecate reasonably frequently and without serious difficulty or incontinence
and is the owner:
Able to cope physically and emotionally with any nursing or medication that may be required?
If the answer to any of these questions is "No" and treatment is unlikely to help, then euthanasia might be the preferred option.
I have to say, that I don't necessarily agree that any one of these = PTS, but I think it is sensible for owners to think about them all when considering a pet's quality of life.
This cartoon has been published on the dog forum I frequent:
http://ubertoolcomic.com/?comic=no-97
My sympathies to anyone who has been, or is going through this
Edited by moorx on Wednesday 6th January 20:51
Gutted that you have to go through this, it was only at the end of October that we lost Lucky and I was totally devastated at losing her after 14 years, considering we were just going to pick her up from the vets and take her home for the day, ended up having to have to put her to sleep after we arrived at the vets, then get a parking ticket from some traffic warden, was not happy.
The thing is, you will know, you wont want to let them go but you know its the right thing to do, your vet will point you in the right direction and give you any information you need, its quick and painless but hurts like hell inside
The thing is, you will know, you wont want to let them go but you know its the right thing to do, your vet will point you in the right direction and give you any information you need, its quick and painless but hurts like hell inside
It is very,very painful to say goodbye, and my only advice is to try to see it in terms of what is best for your companion.
I have said goodbye more than once, and sometimes it is very hard. Here is my story of my Great Dane:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=121...
I have said goodbye more than once, and sometimes it is very hard. Here is my story of my Great Dane:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=121...
Thank you for all your replies, as much as anything it's nice to hear from others who have been through the same. Dave (for that is the poor cat's name, Mrs Scruff chose it) is currently sat at the end of the bed with her back to me as I won't get out of bed yet to feed her treats (seems she's happy enough to eat them, just not the 3 types of cat food I've tried her on this week!).
Spoke to the vets yesterday and he basically said what I expected him to - if she's not taking her tablets then her current slow decline will accelerate but whether it's time to say goodbye or not is a choice I have to make really. I'm going to make an appointment to see him next week, at the moment she seems happy but I feel we're just delaying the inevitable. Question is how long it's fair to do this for.
Spoke to the vets yesterday and he basically said what I expected him to - if she's not taking her tablets then her current slow decline will accelerate but whether it's time to say goodbye or not is a choice I have to make really. I'm going to make an appointment to see him next week, at the moment she seems happy but I feel we're just delaying the inevitable. Question is how long it's fair to do this for.
OP I really feel for you.
I've said 'goodbye' to 5 cats and 1 dog in recent years.
I've always been of the "you'll know when" school...but on reflection I'm not sure that's always the case and the advice you have a above (better a day early than a day late) is the best way to go.
My oldest (and my first!) dog (15 and a half next Tuesday!) is getting to a stage where things are becoming less manageable. I didn't think he'd see Christmas tbh. So I'm constantly trying to be objective about is quality of life. It's fine for now - he sleeps a lot, but is still eating, and loves a small walk out with the younger dogs. But it really isn't going to be that much longer. Sometimes it feels like a very, very gradual slow decline is harder to handle than one serious obvious illness or accident. Its more difficult to spot change day to day.
It'll be awful when the day comes. But I know he's had brilliant life with us, so will try and focus on that.
I've said 'goodbye' to 5 cats and 1 dog in recent years.
I've always been of the "you'll know when" school...but on reflection I'm not sure that's always the case and the advice you have a above (better a day early than a day late) is the best way to go.
My oldest (and my first!) dog (15 and a half next Tuesday!) is getting to a stage where things are becoming less manageable. I didn't think he'd see Christmas tbh. So I'm constantly trying to be objective about is quality of life. It's fine for now - he sleeps a lot, but is still eating, and loves a small walk out with the younger dogs. But it really isn't going to be that much longer. Sometimes it feels like a very, very gradual slow decline is harder to handle than one serious obvious illness or accident. Its more difficult to spot change day to day.
It'll be awful when the day comes. But I know he's had brilliant life with us, so will try and focus on that.
Like many others have already said here, I too feel your pain Mr Scruff. You will know when the time has come and Dave will let you know too.
My family always had cats so I have said goodbye to three of four. The last one died after I left home and even though that was a few years ago, I still miss them all. Since living with Mrs Leo, we have had guinea pigs and had to say goodbye to four. They've all been rescued in one way or another so not had the best start in life. Two ewnt way way way too young, one was always fragile and the most recent (Dec 14) was the first one we got. Still miss him, there is still a hole in the remaining group of 5. One of them isn't too sharp at the moment at at 6 years old we aren't sure what the next months will bring for her.
Rambling over, I don't want to distract from your position Scruff but just want to say that I understand and that you aren't alone. As long as you always did the best for Dave and are sure the time is right. Stay strong.
p.s. to the person who posted the link to the cartoon, thanks. Got a bit teary there!
My family always had cats so I have said goodbye to three of four. The last one died after I left home and even though that was a few years ago, I still miss them all. Since living with Mrs Leo, we have had guinea pigs and had to say goodbye to four. They've all been rescued in one way or another so not had the best start in life. Two ewnt way way way too young, one was always fragile and the most recent (Dec 14) was the first one we got. Still miss him, there is still a hole in the remaining group of 5. One of them isn't too sharp at the moment at at 6 years old we aren't sure what the next months will bring for her.
Rambling over, I don't want to distract from your position Scruff but just want to say that I understand and that you aren't alone. As long as you always did the best for Dave and are sure the time is right. Stay strong.
p.s. to the person who posted the link to the cartoon, thanks. Got a bit teary there!
RDMcG said:
It is very,very painful to say goodbye, and my only advice is to try to see it in terms of what is best for your companion.
I have said goodbye more than once, and sometimes it is very hard. Here is my story of my Great Dane:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=121...
I think someone must be chopping onions in the kitchen this morning! Beautifully written.I have said goodbye more than once, and sometimes it is very hard. Here is my story of my Great Dane:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=121...
As mentioned above, better a day too soon than a moment too late. Great analogy, I'll remember that one!
I have had a conversation along these lines with my mum this morning.
One of my parents cats in the last week has more or less given up eating and drinking, it has had issues with using the litter tray for months, and it is wasting away. It is over 20 years old and has always had various medical issues so it is a surprise she has lasted this long.
My dad is a softy so my mum has had to make the sad decision to make a final visit to the vet in 45 minutes time. It is a hard decision, one I had to make a couple of years ago about our cat. I take after my dad about being a softy when it comes to cats as I was trying to keep her going and spent a couple of hundred pounds on treatments just for another vet at the practice to say the following day that she needed putting to sleep as she was starving to death.
I have a lump in my throat writing this thinking about how I felt when I had to make the decision. It feels like you are betraying them even though you are doing it for the best of reasons.
I hope you can get some quality time with Dave before that time comes, even if only a few hours.
One of my parents cats in the last week has more or less given up eating and drinking, it has had issues with using the litter tray for months, and it is wasting away. It is over 20 years old and has always had various medical issues so it is a surprise she has lasted this long.
My dad is a softy so my mum has had to make the sad decision to make a final visit to the vet in 45 minutes time. It is a hard decision, one I had to make a couple of years ago about our cat. I take after my dad about being a softy when it comes to cats as I was trying to keep her going and spent a couple of hundred pounds on treatments just for another vet at the practice to say the following day that she needed putting to sleep as she was starving to death.
I have a lump in my throat writing this thinking about how I felt when I had to make the decision. It feels like you are betraying them even though you are doing it for the best of reasons.
I hope you can get some quality time with Dave before that time comes, even if only a few hours.
Turkish91 said:
RDMcG said:
It is very,very painful to say goodbye, and my only advice is to try to see it in terms of what is best for your companion.
I have said goodbye more than once, and sometimes it is very hard. Here is my story of my Great Dane:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=121...
I think someone must be chopping onions in the kitchen this morning! Beautifully written.I have said goodbye more than once, and sometimes it is very hard. Here is my story of my Great Dane:
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=121...
As mentioned above, better a day too soon than a moment too late. Great analogy, I'll remember that one!
Edited by tomw2000 on Thursday 7th January 21:33
Sadly, had to take one of our old boys to out of hours vet this evening and was no option than to have him put to sleep. Just like the OP, lost 2kg in a few months, after having a bad dental abscess. Put him off his food and although was treated and he got eating again, his kidneys had had enough and today his liver was going. Hoped to get steroids and boost him up today, but having got him through a final Xmas and new year, it just seemed selfish. Vet said even with steroids he would not make the week out and was amazed he'd lasted the last month since we last took him in. I'm glad in some respects to say it was the saddest thing I've ever had to do, I feel quick lucky as some people have to endure worse hardship and losses I am sure.
Even more sadly though, he reacted very badly indeed to the procedure which was rather upsetting and for which the vet did apologise. But what can apparently take a few minutes only took a few seconds, but they will haunt me for a long time I'm afraid. :-(
We have had 18 years and 8 months with him, and he has been a true delight and lovely cat, but not at all himself the last few weeks.
Am going to bury him in the morning in one of his favourite spots in the garden. Not sure what his twin brother will do, don't know if I should let him have a few minutes with him so he 'knows' or just let him get used to the idea he's now on his own. Even during the illness, they sleep together as a mirror image in various positions all the time (how do they do that?!), and his brother has grommed him every day, since his coat began to deteriorate. They've been like it since day one, these two, a really great pair, it's going to be very odd for us all from now on. And whilst I have had cats as a kid, these two are the only pets we've had in our own house, I brought them home day 2 in our first home, much to wife's surprise! One the way home from the vets at 11pm, we took him to each of our first two houses which are not far away and told my daughter some of the funny stories of what he got up to at each of them! How after we moved, he kept going back to the first house across the town and new owners found him on the doorstep at night. My missus would have to drive over for weeks to get him! And he'd hear her car, run to it, get in the passenger door and she would drive him home with him stood up on the dash! For flipping weeks and weeks every night! Hahaha.
Anyway, w knew it was coming and kept hoping by some miracle he may start to improve, but alas not. Very Sad day for us here.
Bye bye mate, it's been a complete pleasure sharing our lives with you and you will never be forgotten, that's for sure.
Even more sadly though, he reacted very badly indeed to the procedure which was rather upsetting and for which the vet did apologise. But what can apparently take a few minutes only took a few seconds, but they will haunt me for a long time I'm afraid. :-(
We have had 18 years and 8 months with him, and he has been a true delight and lovely cat, but not at all himself the last few weeks.
Am going to bury him in the morning in one of his favourite spots in the garden. Not sure what his twin brother will do, don't know if I should let him have a few minutes with him so he 'knows' or just let him get used to the idea he's now on his own. Even during the illness, they sleep together as a mirror image in various positions all the time (how do they do that?!), and his brother has grommed him every day, since his coat began to deteriorate. They've been like it since day one, these two, a really great pair, it's going to be very odd for us all from now on. And whilst I have had cats as a kid, these two are the only pets we've had in our own house, I brought them home day 2 in our first home, much to wife's surprise! One the way home from the vets at 11pm, we took him to each of our first two houses which are not far away and told my daughter some of the funny stories of what he got up to at each of them! How after we moved, he kept going back to the first house across the town and new owners found him on the doorstep at night. My missus would have to drive over for weeks to get him! And he'd hear her car, run to it, get in the passenger door and she would drive him home with him stood up on the dash! For flipping weeks and weeks every night! Hahaha.
Anyway, w knew it was coming and kept hoping by some miracle he may start to improve, but alas not. Very Sad day for us here.
Bye bye mate, it's been a complete pleasure sharing our lives with you and you will never be forgotten, that's for sure.
Edited by s3fella on Sunday 10th January 00:45
You b ugger 
Brings back the feeling of having Jasper PTS middle of last year.
Not a day goes by without thinking about him.
To the OP...
You will know when the time is right, it's the thing us pet owners just know.
Treasure these days, treat him, pet him, love him.
It's the kindest thing we can ever do.
My heart really does go out to you and I'm emotional just writing this now.
Brings back the feeling of having Jasper PTS middle of last year.
Not a day goes by without thinking about him.
To the OP...
You will know when the time is right, it's the thing us pet owners just know.
Treasure these days, treat him, pet him, love him.
It's the kindest thing we can ever do.
My heart really does go out to you and I'm emotional just writing this now.
moorx said:
This cartoon has been published on the dog forum I frequent:
http://ubertoolcomic.com/?comic=no-97
Crikey I can't remember the last time a cartoon made me cry!http://ubertoolcomic.com/?comic=no-97
Edited by moorx on Wednesday 6th January 20:51
TR4man said:
moorx said:
This cartoon has been published on the dog forum I frequent:
http://ubertoolcomic.com/?comic=no-97
Crikey I can't remember the last time a cartoon made me cry!http://ubertoolcomic.com/?comic=no-97
Edited by moorx on Wednesday 6th January 20:51
t,Then I clicked on the link...
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