Archie's puppy diary
Discussion
Hello,
I’m Archie, an 11 and a bit week old Cairn Terrier and this is my diary. I’m using Big’s login because apparently I’m too young to have my own. I’m of Scottish decent, and was born in Australia, so this might contain some sweary words.
Selfie!
Proper pic (Big made me put it in)
Wednesday, 16th December 2015.
Medium woke me up at some stupid hour and shoved me out the back door to go “toilet” whatever the f
k that means. Anyway, I had a sniff about, did a wee, did a st, got called “good dog” and came back inside.
A little bit later Medium left the door to the back hall open, so I ducked down and curled one out when she wasn’t looking. Classic!!!! Got called “bad dog” for some reason, so I buggered off, and lay down for a bit. Then Big got up and Little blabbed about my poo. bd! Fortunately Big just had a go at Medium about “keeping the bloody door shut” – I think yesterday’s wees may have had something to do with that........or maybe not. Dunno.
Big gave me breakfast, so I gobbled that up and mooched about while Medium shouted at Little about having to leave now otherwise they’d be late for school, whatever the fk that is.
They left, so I had a kip.
Big woke me up (bd) and put me in my prison while he went out. This time I decided not to wee in it because last time it wasn’t very nice trying to have a kip in there with a wet blankie. Maybe that is why Big, Medium, and Little get so pissed off when I wee on the carpet? Dunno, will keep experimenting with that.
After the poo incident earlier on I decided to do a bit of experimenting, so I did one outside. Got called “good boy” and given a bit of food. Nice one!
Had a kip.
Had lunch.
After lunch I bolted and had a st behind the dining table. Big wasn’t happy! “Bad dog”, and no food this time.
Big took me outside. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff but Big kept one saying “No” and fishing things out of my mouth. Spoil sport.
Had a kip. Woke up.
Big took me outside. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff but Big kept one saying “No” and fishing things out of my mouth. Spoil sport.
Later one Big put me back in my prison and went out. He came back with Little. We mucked about with “ball” for a bit before Medium came home.
Big took me outside. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff but Big kept one saying “No” and fishing things out of my mouth. Spoil sport.
Had dinner.
After dinner I went outside for a st. Got called “good boy” and was given some food. I’m beginning to think there might be a connection there. I shall continue my experiments tomorrow and report back.
Then Big, Medium, and Little sat down for their dinner. I started to sniff the floor and walk in circles. Big got up and took me outside. I DIDN”T EVEN NEED TO GO!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff. We went back in. I did some more floor sniffing and walking in circles. No reaction. Bugger. Tomorrow I’m going to save a bit of poo, and if they ignore me I’ll pop it out on the floor. That’ll teach them.
Nearly bed time now, so I’m about to go and lie down for a bit. Had a hard day today.
Bye.
I’m Archie, an 11 and a bit week old Cairn Terrier and this is my diary. I’m using Big’s login because apparently I’m too young to have my own. I’m of Scottish decent, and was born in Australia, so this might contain some sweary words.
Selfie!
Proper pic (Big made me put it in)
Wednesday, 16th December 2015.
Medium woke me up at some stupid hour and shoved me out the back door to go “toilet” whatever the f
k that means. Anyway, I had a sniff about, did a wee, did a st, got called “good dog” and came back inside.A little bit later Medium left the door to the back hall open, so I ducked down and curled one out when she wasn’t looking. Classic!!!! Got called “bad dog” for some reason, so I buggered off, and lay down for a bit. Then Big got up and Little blabbed about my poo. b
d! Fortunately Big just had a go at Medium about “keeping the bloody door shut” – I think yesterday’s wees may have had something to do with that........or maybe not. Dunno.Big gave me breakfast, so I gobbled that up and mooched about while Medium shouted at Little about having to leave now otherwise they’d be late for school, whatever the f
k that is.They left, so I had a kip.
Big woke me up (b
d) and put me in my prison while he went out. This time I decided not to wee in it because last time it wasn’t very nice trying to have a kip in there with a wet blankie. Maybe that is why Big, Medium, and Little get so pissed off when I wee on the carpet? Dunno, will keep experimenting with that.After the poo incident earlier on I decided to do a bit of experimenting, so I did one outside. Got called “good boy” and given a bit of food. Nice one!
Had a kip.
Had lunch.
After lunch I bolted and had a s
t behind the dining table. Big wasn’t happy! “Bad dog”, and no food this time.Big took me outside. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff but Big kept one saying “No” and fishing things out of my mouth. Spoil sport.
Had a kip. Woke up.
Big took me outside. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff but Big kept one saying “No” and fishing things out of my mouth. Spoil sport.
Later one Big put me back in my prison and went out. He came back with Little. We mucked about with “ball” for a bit before Medium came home.
Big took me outside. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff but Big kept one saying “No” and fishing things out of my mouth. Spoil sport.
Had dinner.
After dinner I went outside for a s
t. Got called “good boy” and was given some food. I’m beginning to think there might be a connection there. I shall continue my experiments tomorrow and report back.Then Big, Medium, and Little sat down for their dinner. I started to sniff the floor and walk in circles. Big got up and took me outside. I DIDN”T EVEN NEED TO GO!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I tried to eat some grass, bark, leaves, stones, weeds, feathers and stuff. We went back in. I did some more floor sniffing and walking in circles. No reaction. Bugger. Tomorrow I’m going to save a bit of poo, and if they ignore me I’ll pop it out on the floor. That’ll teach them.
Nearly bed time now, so I’m about to go and lie down for a bit. Had a hard day today.
Bye.
Oh man, I really want a dog 
Well done Archie. You certainly seem to be doing 'Puppy' very well. You've got the being cute down to fine art.
Now, don't forget your next lesson is to chew anything you find lying around (or indeed any furniture, skirting boards if you can't find anything lying around). You'll find that the best, most expensive items elicit's the greatest reaction from your servants
Now, don't forget your next lesson is to chew anything you find lying around (or indeed any furniture, skirting boards if you can't find anything lying around). You'll find that the best, most expensive items elicit's the greatest reaction from your servants
Thursday, 17th December 2015.
You know the score: get up, poo outside, "good dog", sleep, eat stuff to upset Big, poo inside "bad dog", sleep etc.
Highlights of today include:
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
I got put in my prison and take for a ride in the big, red car. We went to the Vih-Eh-Tih. It was dreadful: she stuck something up my arse and said "That's good"! No it fking wasn't!! Then she groped me to check for my bks. What the fk? Next she stuck a needle in me and squirted something up my nose. fking hell! However, then she gave me a treat so overall it was worth it.
I heard Big, Medium, and Little discussing putting presents under the Christmas Tree (which is now on a table so I can't get to it anymore) so I left one there for them. Judging by the reaction it wasn't what they wanted
Following on from advice further up I went looking for new things to chew. I waited until the other 3 were eating dinner and crawled over the DVD player to get at the cables behind the TV unit. Big went mental and dragged me out by my back legs while ranting about "live wires" and not wanting a "fried dog". Then he took bits off my outside playpen and built a cage around TV unit. Now I can't get at the TV and my outside playpen is smaller. I may have miscalculated there, bugger.
Had a mad, went to bed.
You know the score: get up, poo outside, "good dog", sleep, eat stuff to upset Big, poo inside "bad dog", sleep etc.
Highlights of today include:
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
I got put in my prison and take for a ride in the big, red car. We went to the Vih-Eh-Tih. It was dreadful: she stuck something up my arse and said "That's good"! No it f
king wasn't!! Then she groped me to check for my bks. What the fk? Next she stuck a needle in me and squirted something up my nose. fking hell! However, then she gave me a treat so overall it was worth it. I heard Big, Medium, and Little discussing putting presents under the Christmas Tree (which is now on a table so I can't get to it anymore) so I left one there for them. Judging by the reaction it wasn't what they wanted
Following on from advice further up I went looking for new things to chew. I waited until the other 3 were eating dinner and crawled over the DVD player to get at the cables behind the TV unit. Big went mental and dragged me out by my back legs while ranting about "live wires" and not wanting a "fried dog". Then he took bits off my outside playpen and built a cage around TV unit. Now I can't get at the TV and my outside playpen is smaller. I may have miscalculated there, bugger.
Had a mad, went to bed.
I'm back!!
Apparently Big has been "too busy" to update this, but I finally harassed him enough (literally, he is hiding in the study and I'm with Medium in the sitting room).
So, want to know what I've been up to?
Well, mainly eating, sleeping, stting, weeing 
However, there has been some progress: I haven't had a st in the house for over a week!!!!!! (although I may mix it up a little tomorrow). I've also started to ask out for a wee 9 times out of 10!!! Amazing what bribery in the form of a treat will do!
Apart from that, it has been really hot here, so I had to find someplace cool to sleep:
It appeared there was something in the prison I was lying under - had to investigate further:
For Christmas I got a present!!! I killed it and then fell asleep.
I invented a new game. I call it "kill the rug and piss Big off at the same time"
I got a new ID tag. Why? Well because Big bought some cheap crap aluminium ste from the locksmith, so I ate it It lasted a couple of hours Now I've got a brass one - proving harder to kill, but I'm working on it.
As for me, I'm getting bigger, and my coat is slowly changing colour
What else?
I WENT FOR A WALK!!!!!! IT WAS fkING BRILLIANT. I saw: tree, car, bird, grass, dog, dog, tree, car, truck, ute, bus, bike, scooter, car, tree, grass, bird. AND I STOPPED AND STARED AT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM IN AWE!!! THIS WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER GET BORING!!!!!!!!
SO MANY SMELLS!!!!!! MUST SNIFF EVERYTHING!!!!
Now something not brilliant. We went to visit some friends. They insisted I come along. They have a cat. WHAT THE fk IS THAT ALL ABOUT?? Why would anyone want a cat. I am NEVER going back there. EVER.
Off for another walk now because I am hyper and won't settle down. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently Big has been "too busy" to update this, but I finally harassed him enough (literally, he is hiding in the study and I'm with Medium in the sitting room).
So, want to know what I've been up to?
Well, mainly eating, sleeping, s
tting, weeing However, there has been some progress: I haven't had a s
t in the house for over a week!!!!!! (although I may mix it up a little tomorrow). I've also started to ask out for a wee 9 times out of 10!!! Amazing what bribery in the form of a treat will do!Apart from that, it has been really hot here, so I had to find someplace cool to sleep:
It appeared there was something in the prison I was lying under - had to investigate further:
For Christmas I got a present!!! I killed it and then fell asleep.
I invented a new game. I call it "kill the rug and piss Big off at the same time"
I got a new ID tag. Why? Well because Big bought some cheap crap aluminium s
te from the locksmith, so I ate it It lasted a couple of hours Now I've got a brass one - proving harder to kill, but I'm working on it.As for me, I'm getting bigger, and my coat is slowly changing colour
What else?
I WENT FOR A WALK!!!!!! IT WAS f
kING BRILLIANT. I saw: tree, car, bird, grass, dog, dog, tree, car, truck, ute, bus, bike, scooter, car, tree, grass, bird. AND I STOPPED AND STARED AT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM IN AWE!!! THIS WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER GET BORING!!!!!!!!SO MANY SMELLS!!!!!! MUST SNIFF EVERYTHING!!!!
Now something not brilliant. We went to visit some friends. They insisted I come along. They have a cat. WHAT THE f
k IS THAT ALL ABOUT?? Why would anyone want a cat. I am NEVER going back there. EVER.Off for another walk now because I am hyper and won't settle down. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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