Country living as you get older

[Four Cofffee]

Mrs 4C and I have always liked the idea of living somewhere that isn't surrounded by other houses, with some decent views and a bit of peace and quiet.

However, recent events with my wife's mother have started to erode the idea and she now feels that being within walking distance of the shops and doctors surgery, and not being 20 miles along country roads from the nearest A&E is critical as you grow older (especially as she doesn't drive herself). I have argued that ASDA home delivery negates the need to be near the shops, for the 4 times a year you need a doctor there is a taxi service and that you don't need to be on a desolate Welsh hilltop to have a quiter life, you can buy in an edge of village position. Her own parents moved to be near us about 3 years ago and over the past year as her Mum has become more and more frail having a shop 3 doors away, the doctors and chemists in a walkable distance and the local hospital only 3 or 4 so miles away (she has had a number of emergency admissions).

I wondered if anyone has any views or experiences of the problems as you grow older of a bit of rural isolation?

[Don]

Four Cofffee said:

I wondered if anyone has any views or experiences of the problems as you grow older of a bit of rural isolation?

My old Mum is now in her eighties and lives in a very rural spot. If my sister didn't live in the cottage next door I think it would be a problem. She can still drive - but when that stops she'll be very, very isolated.

[Wings]

One can liken it to another man’s grass, if you live in the town you long to live in the country, and vice versa. I, together with my wife, have lived in the country for over 30 years. Our 3 children who were brought up in the country, although educated in the town, now work in towns, Bristol, Warwick and London. Not one of the children would move back to the country, although they head for the country for their recreational activities golf etc. etc.

Next week we will be back in central Bristol-Clifton, decorating and staying in our son’s flat, and both myself and the wife can’t wait to get some night life. As for moving back to live in town, I would not, but my wife would back in tomorrow.

With the “net”, telephone and therefore online shopping I don’t find that one is too isolated today living in the country, and to be able to relax and chill out, allows more opportunity for good health and a peaceful retirement.

[Road Pest]

It's down to location. I live in what seems like rural isolation but only a 15 minute walk from shops. You can have both.

[Bill]

Wings said:

Not one of the children would move back to the country, although they head for the country for their recreational activities golf etc. etc.

Maybe not now, but in the future? I grew up in the country, now live in a city and am thinking of moving to the sticks in a few years.

OP, how long does your wife feel the decline will last? 5 years? Possibly 10. Now factor that against the years before that decline starts, bearing in mind that she's likely to live until she's 80+. Does she want to forgoe that quality of life in the country for the next 20 or 30 years because of something that might not happen at all?

[schmalex]

As said previously, it is all down to location.

We live in the country & our village has nothing more than a pub, a church, a school & a few houses. From my study window, I overlook Watership down & can see the deer at the far end of the paddock. At the end of our drive, there are 4 bridleways & footpaths leading off in different directions.

However, Sainsbury's is only a 15 minute drive away & our local doctor, butcher, shop, post office & chinese is only 3 miles down the lane. I can also be in The City in about 70 minutes from leaving my front door.

[andy43]

Road Pest said:

It's down to location. I live in what seems like rural isolation but only a 15 minute walk from shops. You can have both.

Yep - we're in a row of houses, next door maybe 20 feet away, but sat here now looking out the back I can just see a few houses about a mile away. The rest is green country-looking stuff.
5 mins east and we're in the Peaks in the middle of what looks like nowhere, 5 mins west and it's shops, doctors and 'civilisation'.
Another 10 mins drive west and civilisation kind of breaks down and gets a bit Mad Max, but that's another story.
On the flip side some relatives live near the top right of Scotland - nearest corner shop basically isn't within the definition of 'near', and something like Tesco is a 90 mins round trip. And if it snows and you haven't been shopping, you starve.
All about choosing the right spot - doesn't have to be isolated, there's a happy medium.

[Four Cofffee]

Bill said:

Wings said:

Not one of the children would move back to the country, although they head for the country for their recreational activities golf etc. etc.

Maybe not now, but in the future? I grew up in the country, now live in a city and am thinking of moving to the sticks in a few years.

OP, how long does your wife feel the decline will last? 5 years? Possibly 10. Now factor that against the years before that decline starts, bearing in mind that she's likely to live until she's 80+. Does she want to forgoe that quality of life in the country for the next 20 or 30 years because of something that might not happen at all?

I guess the next house move is likely to be a long term one, although we are only late 40's her Mum and dad did the bungalow thing as soon as they retired then moved near us when we moved back up north. When they moved she strongly urged them to buy near the shops/doctors, possibly because she can't drive to help out. Splendid isolation is Ok if you are not nervous about being alone and a none driver. She is both!

[Tuna]

Whilst I hope that our current house will be long term, I tend to feel that you should move to suit your circumstances where possible. If you just tried to buy the house that would see you to decrepit old age, you'd have your bedroom next to the kitchen, with a commode next to the bed, no garden and parking only for your wheelchair.

Some of our relatives have moved to sheltered (ie. warden managed) flats when they got old, and it suited them down to the ground, giving them a new lease of life as the burden of running a full house was lifted off them. On the whole they were better off for making the decision for themselves, rather than having it made for them by a fall or other big deterioration.

So - um.. I think the key is to be flexible in where you live and remember that in the grand scheme of things a house is just a house.

[renmure]

We moved out into the countryside in our mid 30's having previously lived in the centre of the city. Now, 10 years later I couldn't imagine reversing the process. We have a village 4 miles away with a few shops and a couple of pubs. It certainly makes you a bit more organised when you appreciate that it is an 8 mile round trip if you forget to buy the milk!!

[456mgt]

Road Pest said:

It's down to location. I live in what seems like rural isolation but only a 15 minute walk from shops. You can have both.

You can indeed have both. Many small towns and villages have post offices, pubs, a surgery etc. They're more common in Southern England, but they're everywhere really.

[davidjpowell]

My Grandfather retired to a Cornish village, and was well accepted. After my Gran died he remarried, but new wife was not so well accepted.

He was finding the hills a bit more of a pain (at about 85) and they moved to Bournemouth. Plenty of old folks there, but he misses Cornwall even though the nearest supermarket was 45 minutes away, and in reality his friends in the village would have looked after him.

[Merlot]

I grew up in a reasonably isolated village. I moved to a city at 23 and although it was overwhelming to have so many shops, restaurants and bars within a few minutes walk I never really felt at home.

I moved back to the country 2 years later and wouldn't want to go back to city living again.

[Bill]

Four Cofffee said:

Splendid isolation is Ok if you are not nervous about being alone and a none driver. She is both!

Aha.

[wiffmaster]

456mgt said:

Road Pest said:

It's down to location. I live in what seems like rural isolation but only a 15 minute walk from shops. You can have both.

You can indeed have both. Many small towns and villages have post offices, pubs, a surgery etc. They're more common in Southern England, but they're everywhere really.

Agree entirely with this. Rural isolation need not mean a lack of shops or services near by. You just need to wait for the right place to crop up and be in a position to move when it does. We moved house last year and had the same concerns you did, as it's possible my Grandmother will move in with us one day. We have almost complete isolation and yet are only 5 minutes drive from a Tesco, Doctors Surgery, Post Office, Chemist, etc. If you're prepared to widen your search, you can have both.

I wake up to this view when I'm at home in the country:



...or this view when I'm at Uni in Manchester:



You can get a similar sized house in either sort of area, for roughly the same money...

Edited by wiffmaster on Sunday 20th September 18:56