Daily Mash spot on the button again!
Discussion
TAX ACCOUNTANTS ORDER NEW BENTLEYS
BRITAIN'S tax accountants were tonight gleefully flicking through brochures for the Bentley Continental GT after chancellor Alistair Darling unveiled radical plans to take more money from rich people.
As Mr Darling outlined his strategy to present the incoming Conservative government with an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with s
t, tax accountants were locked in an intense debate over whether or not to go for the soft-top version.
Tom Booker, an accountant from London, said: "It's got a 'bluetooth' and something called 'multi-zone climate control'. Amazing. And look at all that leather. There must be at least nine cows in there."
He added: "Anyway, I must get on. Busy, busy, busy."
Following the chancellor's announcement the government of the Cayman Islands unveiled its plan to reclaim more than 20 square miles of the Caribbean Sea to construct the dozens of new buildings that will contain the tiny offices of thousands of shell companies set up by British tax accountants.
Meanwhile economists and art historians congratulated Mr Darling for presenting Britain's first ever surrealist budget.
Bill McKay, deputy director of the Tate Modern, said: "None of it makes sense. Not a single word. It was a very brave thing to do."
He added: "The growth forecast for 2011 is an avant-garde masterpiece. It's as if the budget has been written by Salvador Dali during a particularly hallucinogenic bout of tropical fever."
Julian Cook, chief economist at Madeley Finnegan, said: "I especially like the bit about wiping out the £700 billion deficit by increasing tax for all domestic cats who earn more than £10,000 a year.
"We're really just talking about those cats that appear in television adverts and there can't be more than four of them."
BRITAIN'S tax accountants were tonight gleefully flicking through brochures for the Bentley Continental GT after chancellor Alistair Darling unveiled radical plans to take more money from rich people.
As Mr Darling outlined his strategy to present the incoming Conservative government with an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with s
t, tax accountants were locked in an intense debate over whether or not to go for the soft-top version.Tom Booker, an accountant from London, said: "It's got a 'bluetooth' and something called 'multi-zone climate control'. Amazing. And look at all that leather. There must be at least nine cows in there."
He added: "Anyway, I must get on. Busy, busy, busy."
Following the chancellor's announcement the government of the Cayman Islands unveiled its plan to reclaim more than 20 square miles of the Caribbean Sea to construct the dozens of new buildings that will contain the tiny offices of thousands of shell companies set up by British tax accountants.
Meanwhile economists and art historians congratulated Mr Darling for presenting Britain's first ever surrealist budget.
Bill McKay, deputy director of the Tate Modern, said: "None of it makes sense. Not a single word. It was a very brave thing to do."
He added: "The growth forecast for 2011 is an avant-garde masterpiece. It's as if the budget has been written by Salvador Dali during a particularly hallucinogenic bout of tropical fever."
Julian Cook, chief economist at Madeley Finnegan, said: "I especially like the bit about wiping out the £700 billion deficit by increasing tax for all domestic cats who earn more than £10,000 a year.
"We're really just talking about those cats that appear in television adverts and there can't be more than four of them."
And while I'm at it:
BROWN SOMEHOW MANAGES TO MAKE TOTAL ARSE OF MPs' EXPENSES
PRIME minister Gordon Brown surprised Westminster last night by somehow managing to make the scandal over MPs' expenses even worse than it already was.
Mr Brown has proposed abolishing the controversial £24,000 a year second home allowance and replacing it with a £25,000 a year dragging-your-fat-arse-into-work allowance.
Under the old scheme MPs would have to submit receipts to the Commons authorities, thereby allowing the public to at least speculate on the titles and content of the pornography.
Under the new scheme MPs will get around £170 a day just for being where they are supposed to be, but crucially will not have to submit receipts, allowing them to use taxpayers' money to watch as many Hungarian donkey films as they want.
[i]Julia Cook, professor of politics at Reading University, said: "I've been up all night racking my brains and I cannot, for the life of me, work out how he managed to fk this up.
"The key task here was to stop giving MPs lots and lots of free money, or at least make sure that when they got the free money they didn't use it to take the utter piss.
"But what he has actually done is guarantee them even more free money while at the same time - and this is the bit that I love - making it even easier for them to take the piss."
She added: "For a man who has set new benchmarks in being an unmitigated fking catastrophe, this could be the crowning moment of his career."[/i]
A Downing Street spokesman said: "I don't suppose you've got any jobs going? Please help me."
BROWN SOMEHOW MANAGES TO MAKE TOTAL ARSE OF MPs' EXPENSES
PRIME minister Gordon Brown surprised Westminster last night by somehow managing to make the scandal over MPs' expenses even worse than it already was.
Mr Brown has proposed abolishing the controversial £24,000 a year second home allowance and replacing it with a £25,000 a year dragging-your-fat-arse-into-work allowance.
Under the old scheme MPs would have to submit receipts to the Commons authorities, thereby allowing the public to at least speculate on the titles and content of the pornography.
Under the new scheme MPs will get around £170 a day just for being where they are supposed to be, but crucially will not have to submit receipts, allowing them to use taxpayers' money to watch as many Hungarian donkey films as they want.
[i]Julia Cook, professor of politics at Reading University, said: "I've been up all night racking my brains and I cannot, for the life of me, work out how he managed to f
k this up."The key task here was to stop giving MPs lots and lots of free money, or at least make sure that when they got the free money they didn't use it to take the utter piss.
"But what he has actually done is guarantee them even more free money while at the same time - and this is the bit that I love - making it even easier for them to take the piss."
She added: "For a man who has set new benchmarks in being an unmitigated f
king catastrophe, this could be the crowning moment of his career."[/i]A Downing Street spokesman said: "I don't suppose you've got any jobs going? Please help me."
Incorrigible said:
It's not a serious discussion forum, it's where anything relating to ecconomics gets put
All bks
Ahhh....I understand.All b
ksSo it's supposed to be "News, Politics, Economics and Borrocks"?
My mistake.
Looking forward to the next breaking news from North Korea.
"Ronry...so Ronry"
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