Prison reform boss grins whilst jailed for abusing partner

[rodericb]

First of all I should give a trigger warning as I'll be linking a news article from The Daily Mail. Anyway, an upwardly mobile prison boss has been jailed for abusing their partner regularly for two decades. Wine-fuelled tirades would escalate to physical violence and owards to daily beatings to which the victim would have to resort to applying makeup to hide the injuries whilst in public. The sentencing judge said that it was "the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour I have seen".


https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/crime/prison-reform...

[cossy400]

Read this the other day..

Talk about the mental!!

[rodericb]

Abuser and homewrecker to boot!

https://www.msn.com/en-au/tv/celebrity/friend-of-u...

[Electro1980]

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

[heisthegaffer]

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

I suppose its always been kept quiet for for fear of ridicule or reprisal. Hopefully people are a lot more open about these things.

[Cold]

heisthegaffer said:

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

I suppose its always been kept quiet for for fear of ridicule or reprisal. Hopefully people are a lot more open about these things.

The ONS estimates around a third of DV victims are male.

[Dynion Araf Uchaf]

my take from that is - it was lucky the judge was female.
Also, the abuse started almost as son as the met, so you'd have to ask what kept him coming back even before they were married.

Shocking behaviour nonetheless, they choose their victims well.

[Hugo Stiglitz]

Cold said:

The ONS estimates around a third of DV victims are male.

There is no shame in this at all. Most DV victims are in denial and stay in the relationship as they have gradually gotten into their situation. Even with a sudden realisation often bills, other financial commitments and children mean they'll stay within.

One of the indicators is someone who doesn't need to work long hours, suddenly isn't in a rush to go home and often stays late. Saying I'll just finish up... but doesn't.

[steveatesh]

Cold said:

heisthegaffer said:

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

I suppose its always been kept quiet for for fear of ridicule or reprisal. Hopefully people are a lot more open about these things.

The ONS estimates around a third of DV victims are male.

Does that figure take into account more under reporting by men do you know?

Don’t know how authorative this research is but suggests equal numbers of men as women are victims of coercion and control:

https://legalexperts-uk.com/blog/posts/men-becomin...

This research gives more detail, but the impacts on men are clearly as bad as on women but because of the perceived gendered impact of C and C the narrative is skewed to make it more difficult for men to come forward.

https://www.mankind.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021...


In this article 48% of men won’t report it compared to 33% of women:

https://www.ncdv.org.uk/domestic-violence-against-...

Men are really disadvantaged by the gendered narrative to DA and C&C.

Interesting the female judge said it was the worst case of C&C she had come across but only gave the perpetrator 4 years.

[Murph7355]

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

my take from that is - it was lucky the judge was female.
Also, the abuse started almost as son as the met, so you'd have to ask what kept him coming back even before they were married.....

If that was said about a female victim it would have taken about a tenth of a second for half a dozen NP&E regulars to be on it citing "victim blaming"

It always seems odd to me, regardless of gender, that people go back for more. But I think it simply comes down to us all being attracted to different things, and prioritising what we like in a partner. Some people are far more willing to accept the "I won't do it again" schtick if they like other things in a partner.

[ChocolateFrog]

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

You would have been laughed at just for mentioning it up until maybe 5 years ago.

[ChocolateFrog]

BikeBikeBIke said:

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

Also, the abuse started almost as son as the met, so you'd have to ask what kept him coming back even before they were married.

Psycho Birds are hard to dump IME. I moved two hours away from mine before I dared ditch her and even then I was concerned she might hurt *herself* even if she couldn't easily get to me.

When I left mine, moved 250 miles away and I had a knock on the door from the police wanting to speak to me about abusing my partner.

The 2hr interview that followed opened my eyes to the system somewhat.

[Electro1980]

ChocolateFrog said:

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

You would have been laughed at just for mentioning it up until maybe 5 years ago.

Oh, I know. I think it’s a good thing, but I’m just wondering if it is my perception or reality.

[cjs racing.]

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

Good, men need to realise that reporting it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Sadly 6 years ago my brother decided the only way out of this situation was to take his own life.

So instead of going to prison where she should have been, she played the perfect little poor wife, and mother of 2 young children to full effect , and many people took up collections for her.

I even called out Derbyshire police on Twitter last year, they were having an anti domestic violence campaign, and it was 100% based on women as victims.

[Electro1980]

Dynion Araf Uchaf said:

my take from that is - it was lucky the judge was female.
Also, the abuse started almost as son as the met, so you'd have to ask what kept him coming back even before they were married.

Shocking behaviour nonetheless, they choose their victims well.

DV is insidious and by its very nature victims blame themselves. Often the perpetrators have been through multiple people who notice it and reject them before they find someone who their particular style of control and manipulation works on. It’s like dealing with scammers. Most of us are vulnerable, we just have not been targeted by the “right” one yet.

[RizzoTheRat]

ChocolateFrog said:

Electro1980 said:

Is it just me or do we seem to be getting a lot more men coming forward reporting domestic abuse?

You would have been laughed at just for mentioning it up until maybe 5 years ago.

I suspect the publicity around the Jonny Depp / Amber Heard case helped a lot it making victims realise they're not alone.

[Electro1980]

cjs racing. said:

Good, men need to realise that reporting it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Sadly 6 years ago my brother decided the only way out of this situation was to take his own life.

So instead of going to prison where she should have been, she played the perfect little poor wife, and mother of 2 young children to full effect , and many people took up collections for her.

I even called out Derbyshire police on Twitter last year, they were having an anti domestic violence campaign, and it was 100% based on women as victims.

I’m sorry for your loss, and 100% agree with everything you say.

Unfortunately I feel that lots of male victims get ignored or missed because they are psychologically abused until they kill themselves, rather than killed directly at their partners hands, which adds another layer of stigma and victim blaming.

[steveatesh]

Uphill struggle I think - male victims of DA are lumped in with the Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy:

The Tackling Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy, and the Domestic Abuse Plan, are both clear that while we use the term ‘violence against women and girls’ in both documents, this refers to all victims of any of these offences".

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/support...

Document contains information that during some research into male victims of DA during the lockdowns some men claimed to believe DA only applied to women and not themselves, its easy to see why that would be the case.

[steveatesh]

Electro1980 said:

I’m sorry for your loss, and 100% agree with everything you say.

Unfortunately I feel that lots of male victims get ignored or missed because they are psychologically abused until they kill themselves, rather than killed directly at their partners hands, which adds another layer of stigma and victim blaming.

Lots of evidence to support that, eg:

"Relationship breakdown can also contribute to suicide risk. The greatest risk is among divorced men, who in 2015 were almost three times more likely to end their lives than men who were married or in a civil partnership. According to research by Samaritans:

"Divorce increases the risk of suicide because the individual becomes disconnected from their domestic relationship and social norms. In addition, within western societies there is a strong cultural emphasis on achieving a strong and happy marriage, and those who divorce may experience a deep sense of disorientation, shame, guilt and emotional hurt.”

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunit...

and in America its a similar story:

"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. Furthermore, intimate partner problems are amid the top precipitating circumstances among suicide decedents"

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC49673...

[Electro1980]

I wonder how much separation from their children impacts on the suicide rate and also on men not wanting to report. I know I would fear not seeing my children in that situation.