The Pattaya Expat.
Discussion
The Evolution of a w
emonger
- By A Pattaya Expat
Homo Sapiens - Intelligent man. Responsible, upstanding pillar of the community. Wife and 2.5 kids, 2 cars in the garage, reliable worker. All this boring work and reliability goads the transformation into...
Homo Midlifecrisens - Characterized by the sudden realization that he has been bedding the same slapper for 20 years, and that she has gone from looking like Jane Russell to looking like Kurt Russell. Buys a fast, fancy car and starts spending lots of time and money in expensive clubs wearing idiotically youthful clothes, until the fateful day he sees that documentary on sex tourism in Thailand and becomes...
Homo 2-week millionarens - What the wife thinks are "business trips" are in fact orgies of unrestrained spending. Fine hotels, meals worth 1 year's salary to the average Thai, shopping sprees at the Central Plaza on Pattaya Beach Road. Then, the discovery of the Bargirl causes him to evolve into...
Homo Erectionus - Characterized by the sudden realization, "Hey! I can bed that bh, and for less money than it costs to buy an Espresso in Starbucks back home!" Homo erectionus rediscovers the joy of sex and the realization that he is still desirable. Or his wallet is, anyway. Not that he can tell the difference. Yet. Increasing delusion that he is attractive turns him into...
Homo Priapus - This specimen shafts 5 to 6 women a day, believing they all like it. You can't get him on the phone because it is buried under some poor bargirl's heaving ass in the "King Kong Bar" on Soi 6. This behaviour goes on for several weeks until his manhood runs out of gas, at which point he becomes...
Homo Viagrus - This fascinating specimen has humped all the life out of his dick, and must now resort to the revolting extreme of using erectile dysfunction drugs to maintain his priapic pursuits. However, the sheer body count he is piling up causes him to eventually find THE one, the girl who is DIFFERENT from all the rest, becoming...
Homo Sponsorus - Googly-eyed idiot, closely resembling Homo 2-week millionarens, except he is spending all his money on a now-"former" bargirl. When back in the west he sends this girl a monthly "subsistence" wage which is so astronomically huge that, along with the money she is making freelancing in the discos, she can afford to have a string of opulently-appointed Thai boyfriends. He is soon spending so much money on this girl that his wife back home gives up trying to persuade him to stop, turning him into...
Homo Divorcens - This poor soul loses everything he has ever worked for and achieved in his life because lawyers have decided that a wife, due to the fact that she has always been there for 20 years, and has bravely endured nothing she wouldn't have had to do anyway, is worth more than a man who for 20 years traversed the long slippery evolutionary Darwinian wemonger's inevitable spiralling path. This results in the transformation into...
Homo Destitutus - Owns only the clothes on his back. Sold all his possessions to pay for lawyers who sold him down the river. Can't afford to pay his bills. Comes to Thailand on a shoestring, believing that his young darling is waiting patiently for him and doesn't mind the fact that he is now penniless. When he returns to Thailand, he realizes he has become...
Homo Jiltus - His nubile wench, to whom he returned to spend his twilight years in modest comfort, has run off and gotten married to a German guy who was smart (and young) enough not to become either Homo Divorcens or Homo Destitutus. The girl has moved to Germany with her Thai husband, who she has passed off as her "personal assistant and brother". The discovery of this leads to the transformation into...
Homo Disillusens - Stung by the realization that he is not and never was the young, handsome stud he thought he was during the Homo 2-week millionarens stage. Singha Beer vests and imitation Camel Adventurewear appear, along with genuine Thai flip-flops. The appearance of a bottle of Chang Beer permanently affixed to his left hand signals the final transformation into...
Homo Mongerus - Hairy, bad-smelling old round tub of st with warts on his dick. Lives in squalor, saving his satangs for the once a week he can afford to go get his root sucked on Soi 6. Spends the rest of the time sitting in front of 7/11 and eating horrible ste off disgustingly-dirty food carts, causing him to st like a deranged goose. Until the day he forgets to look 3 ways when crossing a one-way street and gets run over by a motorbike taxi trying to save 15 seconds getting back to the open bottle of Leo Beer he left at the taxi stand, causing him to take the wise decision to drive on the sidewalk. RIP Monger !!
and there is even a video!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CrkpXdkMEg
sorry, its not event that origional but with the vid it did make me laugh in my pissed state
emonger- By A Pattaya Expat
Homo Sapiens - Intelligent man. Responsible, upstanding pillar of the community. Wife and 2.5 kids, 2 cars in the garage, reliable worker. All this boring work and reliability goads the transformation into...
Homo Midlifecrisens - Characterized by the sudden realization that he has been bedding the same slapper for 20 years, and that she has gone from looking like Jane Russell to looking like Kurt Russell. Buys a fast, fancy car and starts spending lots of time and money in expensive clubs wearing idiotically youthful clothes, until the fateful day he sees that documentary on sex tourism in Thailand and becomes...
Homo 2-week millionarens - What the wife thinks are "business trips" are in fact orgies of unrestrained spending. Fine hotels, meals worth 1 year's salary to the average Thai, shopping sprees at the Central Plaza on Pattaya Beach Road. Then, the discovery of the Bargirl causes him to evolve into...
Homo Erectionus - Characterized by the sudden realization, "Hey! I can bed that b
h, and for less money than it costs to buy an Espresso in Starbucks back home!" Homo erectionus rediscovers the joy of sex and the realization that he is still desirable. Or his wallet is, anyway. Not that he can tell the difference. Yet. Increasing delusion that he is attractive turns him into...Homo Priapus - This specimen shafts 5 to 6 women a day, believing they all like it. You can't get him on the phone because it is buried under some poor bargirl's heaving ass in the "King Kong Bar" on Soi 6. This behaviour goes on for several weeks until his manhood runs out of gas, at which point he becomes...
Homo Viagrus - This fascinating specimen has humped all the life out of his dick, and must now resort to the revolting extreme of using erectile dysfunction drugs to maintain his priapic pursuits. However, the sheer body count he is piling up causes him to eventually find THE one, the girl who is DIFFERENT from all the rest, becoming...
Homo Sponsorus - Googly-eyed idiot, closely resembling Homo 2-week millionarens, except he is spending all his money on a now-"former" bargirl. When back in the west he sends this girl a monthly "subsistence" wage which is so astronomically huge that, along with the money she is making freelancing in the discos, she can afford to have a string of opulently-appointed Thai boyfriends. He is soon spending so much money on this girl that his wife back home gives up trying to persuade him to stop, turning him into...
Homo Divorcens - This poor soul loses everything he has ever worked for and achieved in his life because lawyers have decided that a wife, due to the fact that she has always been there for 20 years, and has bravely endured nothing she wouldn't have had to do anyway, is worth more than a man who for 20 years traversed the long slippery evolutionary Darwinian w
emonger's inevitable spiralling path. This results in the transformation into...Homo Destitutus - Owns only the clothes on his back. Sold all his possessions to pay for lawyers who sold him down the river. Can't afford to pay his bills. Comes to Thailand on a shoestring, believing that his young darling is waiting patiently for him and doesn't mind the fact that he is now penniless. When he returns to Thailand, he realizes he has become...
Homo Jiltus - His nubile wench, to whom he returned to spend his twilight years in modest comfort, has run off and gotten married to a German guy who was smart (and young) enough not to become either Homo Divorcens or Homo Destitutus. The girl has moved to Germany with her Thai husband, who she has passed off as her "personal assistant and brother". The discovery of this leads to the transformation into...
Homo Disillusens - Stung by the realization that he is not and never was the young, handsome stud he thought he was during the Homo 2-week millionarens stage. Singha Beer vests and imitation Camel Adventurewear appear, along with genuine Thai flip-flops. The appearance of a bottle of Chang Beer permanently affixed to his left hand signals the final transformation into...
Homo Mongerus - Hairy, bad-smelling old round tub of s
t with warts on his dick. Lives in squalor, saving his satangs for the once a week he can afford to go get his root sucked on Soi 6. Spends the rest of the time sitting in front of 7/11 and eating horrible ste off disgustingly-dirty food carts, causing him to st like a deranged goose. Until the day he forgets to look 3 ways when crossing a one-way street and gets run over by a motorbike taxi trying to save 15 seconds getting back to the open bottle of Leo Beer he left at the taxi stand, causing him to take the wise decision to drive on the sidewalk. RIP Monger !!and there is even a video!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CrkpXdkMEg
sorry, its not event that origional but with the vid it did make me laugh in my pissed state
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