Oh god, and so it begins....

[escargot]

I got home last night, first day back at work. Tired. In need of a nice cold beer.

Me: "Hello darling, hello sunshine, nice day?" walks to the fridge
Her: "Where are you going?"
Me: "Why love of my life, I'm just heading to the fridge where I shall liberate a nice cold beverage to quench the thirst after a hard days toil"
Her: "Oh no you're not, my mother faxed me their diet plan today, it starts now"
Me: "Oh"

So; this 'diet plan', created by a French nutritionist, god it's hard work.

Basically, the food itself isn't so bad, nice baked fish in white wine & lemon juice. Fresh boiled/steamed veg. Not bad. Isn't as dull as you think if you make a nice reduction of the wine/lemon & fish juices. Step away from the butter though.

The problem is the portion size. 100g of fish I'm allowed. 100 fking grams. What's that about?

I'll admit, quite openly, I could do with shedding a couple of poundsstone but at the same time, I'd rather not starve to death.

Nevertheless, I'm determined to give it a bash, despite having certain misgivings. For example:

Me: "Darling, if this diet is so healthy, how come it allows me to have 3 reasonable portions of white bread a day"
Her: "Don't be stupid, bread is ok for you"
Me: [mutter]"Definitely been designed by French people then"[/mutter]
Her: "What?"

She wouldn't even let me swap the bread for more fish for gods sake.

Edited by escargot on Tuesday 5th January 14:44

[cramorra]

The bread is making you constipated, Constipation will quench your hunger, job done

[escargot]

The natural yoghurt with prune compote for dessert should sort that one. [/grumble]

[declasm]

just drink a large glass of water before eating then add half a cauliflower (or another very large portion of veg) to your meal, savour the 100g of fish as the treat in the meal. you will be full and happy. Do yourself a big favour and cut out bread and beer as much as you can - it will massively improve your mood and digestion. I lost 4 stone doing something similar (although in 4 years 2.5 stone came back - who would have thought dads put on 'baby-weight' too) I'm going to diet for the first 6 months of 2010 and set myself up for a decade of being happy with my weight - I was only really happy with it for 3 years of the noughties.

[soad]

Are you going out for the lunch at work? Or is the Mrs packing you a luch box aswell?

Just make sure you have 2 good meals before heading home (lunch/early dinner).

Dare is ask, what's on the breakfast menu?

[bob1179]

Fry up for breakfast.

Fish and chips for lunch.

And a healthy dinner when you get home.



You may have to sneak a couple of pints in at lunchtime...

[soad]

^
What he said. Need to be a bit sneaky - should still lose some weight.

[Cactussed]

FFS. So cooking comp round 7 is going to be - Anything with fewer than 45 calories on the plate??

I pity you my friend.

I, on the other hand, received the Big Fat Duck cook book for Christmas and am under strict orders to get cracking in the kitchen!

[A911DOM]

Dont worry yourself unnecessarily!

When you start losing more weight than she does the diet will be out the door quicker than a dose of prunes and exlax.

I reckon a week or two of playing dumb should see this one out

[andye30m3]

My old bosses wife got a book about juice diets so everyone at work decided to give it a go.

Bought loads of fruit and veg to juice in various horrible combinations

Started Monday morning

I lasted until 2pm by not eating anything.

most gave up that evening, or decided that chicken or bake potato's were now part of the juice diet

Only person still going on day 2 was sick all afternoon so diets can't be good for you.

[escargot]

soad said:

Are you going out for the lunch at work? Or is the Mrs packing you a luch box aswell?

Oh no, she's not daft my mrs (just slightly deluded).

For lunch I can have: 200g of pasta (no sauce or dressing) 1 tomato, 1 portion of cucumber, half a shallot, bread & yoghurt with prune stuff.

[escargot]

Cactussed said:

I, on the other hand, received the Big Fat Duck cook book for Christmas and am under strict orders to get cracking in the kitchen!

I received HFW's River Cottage cookbook for Christmas - From her!

She's mocking me.

Yesterday lunchtime I also popped out and bought Ramsey's 3 star chef too. Neither of which will be getting much use this side of the next decade.

Bah.

[escargot]

Oh, brekky is one slice of bread/toast with the lowest of low fat margerine. I ate it dry this morning. I'm not putting that reconstituted plastic anywhere near my (soon to be glorious) body.

On the plus side, I am allowed as many coffees as I like, seeing as I drink it without milk and sugar, that bit isn't a shock.

[soad]

That's shocking - no wonder you feel starving. 1 slice of toast - have some oatmeal instead. Or natural youghurt with honey.

[escargot]

soad said:

That's shocking - no wonder you feel starving. 1 slice of toast - have some oatmeal instead. Or natural youghurt with honey.

But ze leest, you must not deviate from ze leest!

(A slight Germanic-tinted over exaggeration I grant you, but not far from the truth).

[Cactussed]

A911DOM said:

When you start losing more weight than she does the diet will be out the door quicker than a dose of prunes and exlax.

Ah, the voice of wisdom...

[escargot]

She's just put the Good Food channel on TV now.

I'm going to hurt someone.

[Dupont666]

Thought it was just me that was going to be going through hell of a diet... OH does it therefore I must.

Im having a dry month of no booze too, this better work otherwise Im back on the cheese and nice food damn quick.

I got critised for the amount I ate and then pointed out she would make enough pasta for a meal for 2 1/2, take a small amount, dump the rest on my plate and then complain if I didnt eat it all

Im taking over this time and making damn sure that the diet is one of my choosing.... Atkins here I come!!

[Cactussed]

To be fair, I am in the same boat of needing to shed some insulation.
No booze during the week and minimal carb intake in the evenings should do the trick.
That and LOTS of running / cycling / gym.

[escargot]

Cactussed said:

To be fair, I am in the same boat of needing to shed some insulation.
No booze during the week and minimal carb intake in the evenings should do the trick.
That and LOTS of running / cycling / gym.

The booze during the week is my downfall. The annoying thing is that we actually eat fairly healthily anyway, no real processed st to speak of (aside from the odd bit of filth once in a while). I suspect for me the real killer is cheese & wine. I can't live without cheese & wine.