2 types of couples in restaurants
Discussion
Hello all
as I've got older and gone out to bars / clubs less nights out now involve mainly dinner and a couple of drinks.
i went out last night for the first time in a while and i saw the classic sit there and do not talk couple.
i see it at every single restaurant and it gets me thinking.
- why are they bothering
- is it the same at home
- how long has it been going on like this
i do have a friend who was exactly the above; they are now no longer together but he did mention to me that they got to the point of taking cards out to the pub/ restaurant as they had nothing to talk about
why do people do this what appears to be almost forever or until one breaks it off?
as I've got older and gone out to bars / clubs less nights out now involve mainly dinner and a couple of drinks.
i went out last night for the first time in a while and i saw the classic sit there and do not talk couple.
i see it at every single restaurant and it gets me thinking.
- why are they bothering
- is it the same at home
- how long has it been going on like this
i do have a friend who was exactly the above; they are now no longer together but he did mention to me that they got to the point of taking cards out to the pub/ restaurant as they had nothing to talk about
why do people do this what appears to be almost forever or until one breaks it off?
Mirinjawbro said:
Hello all
as I've got older and gone out to bars / clubs less nights out now involve mainly dinner and a couple of drinks.
i went out last night for the first time in a while and i saw the classic sit there and do not talk couple.
i see it at every single restaurant and it gets me thinking.
- why are they bothering
- is it the same at home
- how long has it been going on like this
i do have a friend who did this and they are now no longer together but he did mention to me that they take cards out to the pub as they have nothing to talk about
why do people do this what appears to be almost forever or until one breaks it off?
Not everyone has to talk the whole time, sometimes just being comfortable with silence is a skill. There are many types of people.as I've got older and gone out to bars / clubs less nights out now involve mainly dinner and a couple of drinks.
i went out last night for the first time in a while and i saw the classic sit there and do not talk couple.
i see it at every single restaurant and it gets me thinking.
- why are they bothering
- is it the same at home
- how long has it been going on like this
i do have a friend who did this and they are now no longer together but he did mention to me that they take cards out to the pub as they have nothing to talk about
why do people do this what appears to be almost forever or until one breaks it off?
Caddyshack said:
Not everyone has to talk the whole time, sometimes just being comfortable with silence is a skill. There are many types of people.
I agree, weve been togther a long time.As such we know nearly everything about each others mundane daily aspects.
Obviously certain daily events happen out of the ordinary and we talk about them. Its usually said before we get to the restaurant. As such were comfortable being quiet and enjoying the meal.
So many sit talking cr@p half the time.
I'm one of the quiet ones as I tend to eaves drop on others as in nosey.
It's mainly gossip and drama they talk about.
It's also the same in some cinemas, I have no idea why people need to chat in such an environment. I believe people like the sound of their own voices. It's just a shame half the time what they talk about is drivel.
We have been married 52 years and still find plenty to talk about as we have so many common interests. So watching other couples in restaurants is truly amazing. Couples who come in and get their phones out. Glance up at the server to give and receive their order and carry on.
We have seen two couples arrive and all of them fish out their phones. Returning from France on a Friday evening, We were eating at the pub at the Premier Inn and a family come in. Dad has obviously had a hard week at work and wants to talk. The 3-kids sit and play games on their phones. He gets up to order at the bar, his wife immediately jumps onto WhatsApp. He returns, no one speaks to him, eventually he gets his phone out.
When we are eating at home we always cook dinner together and have a good natter while we eat it. It just seems so natural that we wonder why others seem incapable of doing it. When we were working, we both had interesting jobs and so had lots to discuss, and so it was harder when we first retired, but we got over it.
Perhaps its a very good indicator as to why the divorce rate is so high.
We have seen two couples arrive and all of them fish out their phones. Returning from France on a Friday evening, We were eating at the pub at the Premier Inn and a family come in. Dad has obviously had a hard week at work and wants to talk. The 3-kids sit and play games on their phones. He gets up to order at the bar, his wife immediately jumps onto WhatsApp. He returns, no one speaks to him, eventually he gets his phone out.
When we are eating at home we always cook dinner together and have a good natter while we eat it. It just seems so natural that we wonder why others seem incapable of doing it. When we were working, we both had interesting jobs and so had lots to discuss, and so it was harder when we first retired, but we got over it.
Perhaps its a very good indicator as to why the divorce rate is so high.
it does make me a bit sad to see couples say little or nothing.
Often this is when I have been travelling for work and I am on my own. I have the time to look around . . . if I was with people I like I would be engrossed, so would miss these situations.
I wonder if such couples just got used to talking about logistics, trivia and suchlike, and when there are fewer logistical convos (. . . you pickup kid A, I'll have dinner ready, have you called the school) they are not able to get to the core stuff, like feeling, emotions, hopes.?
This is all conjecture, but find the topic really interesting.
Often this is when I have been travelling for work and I am on my own. I have the time to look around . . . if I was with people I like I would be engrossed, so would miss these situations.
I wonder if such couples just got used to talking about logistics, trivia and suchlike, and when there are fewer logistical convos (. . . you pickup kid A, I'll have dinner ready, have you called the school) they are not able to get to the core stuff, like feeling, emotions, hopes.?
This is all conjecture, but find the topic really interesting.
kevinon said:
it does make me a bit sad to see couples say little or nothing.
Often this is when I have been travelling for work and I am on my own. I have the time to look around . . . if I was with people I like I would be engrossed, so would miss these situations.
I wonder if such couples just got used to talking about logistics, trivia and suchlike, and when there are fewer logistical convos (. . . you pickup kid A, I'll have dinner ready, have you called the school) they are not able to get to the core stuff, like feeling, emotions, hopes.?
This is all conjecture, but find the topic really interesting.
I wonder for those with older kids, it perhaps relates to how much time they had together (minus kids). As you say people spend so much time wrapped in the practical stuff of younger kids that when that's no longer there they don't really know each other any more? Often this is when I have been travelling for work and I am on my own. I have the time to look around . . . if I was with people I like I would be engrossed, so would miss these situations.
I wonder if such couples just got used to talking about logistics, trivia and suchlike, and when there are fewer logistical convos (. . . you pickup kid A, I'll have dinner ready, have you called the school) they are not able to get to the core stuff, like feeling, emotions, hopes.?
This is all conjecture, but find the topic really interesting.
Perhaps not hard and fast but maybe a trend of getting away for a weekend/meals out and still knowing your other half as you get a bit older?
I find part of the challenge is different people’s conversational interests.
Often I’ll try and talk about something to be interrupted with an utterly banal observation about someone. Clearly no interest in my conversation and quite easily distracted. Unfortunately having pointed it out I now have the ‘wait a polite amount of time before pointing out the banal observation’ approach. Fundamentally the same as she’s still not interested in my chat.
Further to this I have the ‘third or fourth order derivative’ subject matter. Where I have to mentally work out what my relationship is to the person being discussed, it is often someone at work who I’ve not met’s, brothers cleaner or something like that.
My point is that over time, once the incentive is worn off, you realise that you don’t really have a lot in common from a conversational perspective.
I have a phrase for it now ‘other people chat…’ where we just discuss (or I listen to) commentary about people I’ve never met nor have any interest in. I’ve often tried to explain that having no interest in someone I don’t know’s acquaintances doesn’t mean I’m uncaring, but I believe she thinks I’m rather heartless for my disinterest.
Often I’ll try and talk about something to be interrupted with an utterly banal observation about someone. Clearly no interest in my conversation and quite easily distracted. Unfortunately having pointed it out I now have the ‘wait a polite amount of time before pointing out the banal observation’ approach. Fundamentally the same as she’s still not interested in my chat.
Further to this I have the ‘third or fourth order derivative’ subject matter. Where I have to mentally work out what my relationship is to the person being discussed, it is often someone at work who I’ve not met’s, brothers cleaner or something like that.
My point is that over time, once the incentive is worn off, you realise that you don’t really have a lot in common from a conversational perspective.
I have a phrase for it now ‘other people chat…’ where we just discuss (or I listen to) commentary about people I’ve never met nor have any interest in. I’ve often tried to explain that having no interest in someone I don’t know’s acquaintances doesn’t mean I’m uncaring, but I believe she thinks I’m rather heartless for my disinterest.
t after a few glasses of stuff.Teddy Lop said:
We have a rule that if we're out together we don't have phones in our hands. Social media is, by design, quite addictive.
This is our family rule as well (although it also applies at home) - We don't have many family rules, but no phones at the table is one of them. In terms of the OP - there was a TV show years ago (that I can't remember), that referred to the silent couples as the "dining dead" - I was watching it with the ex-girlfriend (now wife) and it really stuck at the time.
You see them everywhere sitting as a couple with nothing to say to each other. Once you see them, and name it, you see them everywhere!
We vowed many years ago never to become the "dining dead" and to always be interested in each other's conversations etc. We still to this day walk into a restaurant and one of us will observe that there is a "dead couple " over there in the corner etc...
Mirinjawbro said:
i went out last night for the first time in a while and i saw the classic sit there and do not talk couple.
Yep. See it a lot too - particularly older couples. It makes me feel a little sad to be honest. There is SO much to talk about - whether that's in the news, your family, work... whatever.rdjohn said:
We have been married 52 years and still find plenty to talk about as we have so many common interests. So watching other couples in restaurants is truly amazing. Couples who come in and get their phones out. Glance up at the server to give and receive their order and carry on.
We have seen two couples arrive and all of them fish out their phones. Returning from France on a Friday evening, We were eating at the pub at the Premier Inn and a family come in. Dad has obviously had a hard week at work and wants to talk. The 3-kids sit and play games on their phones. He gets up to order at the bar, his wife immediately jumps onto WhatsApp. He returns, no one speaks to him, eventually he gets his phone out.
When we are eating at home we always cook dinner together and have a good natter while we eat it. It just seems so natural that we wonder why others seem incapable of doing it. When we were working, we both had interesting jobs and so had lots to discuss, and so it was harder when we first retired, but we got over it.
Perhaps its a very good indicator as to why the divorce rate is so high.
Divorce rate is on a downwards trend and at its lowest since 1971We have seen two couples arrive and all of them fish out their phones. Returning from France on a Friday evening, We were eating at the pub at the Premier Inn and a family come in. Dad has obviously had a hard week at work and wants to talk. The 3-kids sit and play games on their phones. He gets up to order at the bar, his wife immediately jumps onto WhatsApp. He returns, no one speaks to him, eventually he gets his phone out.
When we are eating at home we always cook dinner together and have a good natter while we eat it. It just seems so natural that we wonder why others seem incapable of doing it. When we were working, we both had interesting jobs and so had lots to discuss, and so it was harder when we first retired, but we got over it.
Perhaps its a very good indicator as to why the divorce rate is so high.
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