Honest announcements from train guard.

[F i F]

Yes I know they are train managers now, but I still call collision investigators the accident investigation branch and so on so the pc lot can go hang.

Travelled back on a Paddington - Malvern service the other evening which was running on time then became very late.

Reason it was late was because it was shunted off to the side to let a number of late running Cross Country services go rattling past.

Guard announcement was along the lines of, " Sorry for the delay this is because :emphasis: UNBELIEVABLY we have been etc etc"



Obviously the railways operate to different rules than the airlines. If a flight is badly delayed, and other services can go on time then they do so, on the principle of having one plane load of seriously upset customers is better than several planes of slightly less upset customers. Obviously something different operates on the rail network, or maybe it was just Network Rail (or whatever now called) just not giving a stuff.

[davepoth]

The idea is that a stopping train gives way to an express. Normally the timetable is set up very carefully to make sure that the expresses fly by the slow trains at spots where they're either at a station or at a section where there are enough rails to pass, but if one express train gets out of place it has the right of way over anything slow in front of it, regardless of how late it is. It's supposed to be an express after all.

[matchmaker]

F i F said:

But I still call collision investigators the accident investigation branch and so on so the pc lot can go hang.

Hell, I still call them Board of Trade Inspectors!

[PaulHogan]

I was once on a train back to Leeds which ground to a halt. After 15 minutes, just as the natives were starting to become restless, the guard – in a strong West Indian accent – came over the intercom,
“Ladies and gentlemen I have good news and bad news... The bad news is that both engines are broken and we don’t know how long it will take to fix them. The good news is you are not on an airoplane.”

[srob]

I was on a flight that came in at the weekend. The pilot came over the speakers saying the usual "welcome to Stansted, the local time..." etc etc. Then he said "we hope that you enjoyed your flight, if you didn't, keep quiet".

Made me laugh

[43034]

Hmmm, Your Padd - Malvern train was probably a Class 2 train (what time was it Ex Padd?) so it isn't surprising it shunted out (onto the relief lines) to let the XC services pass, as they're Class 1 (and therefore express and not 'local').

[dxg]

Once had a great one on an express train from Loughborough into St. Pancras.

It went something like:

"Apologies for the delay, this has been caused by the express train in front of us deciding to stop at every station."

I was not the only one to smirk.

[43034]

The best one I've had (and I'll try to upload it on to here as the specific guard is notorious for long winded announcements) went something like this:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I aplogies for the delay here at Taunton. This Is due to a points infrastructure failure at Taunton. We are therefore going to do a spot of shunting. We are going to go up the up line, down the through line and then through the middle line being going across into the platform so we can continue our journey"

2nd best one has to be:

"I apologies for the delay. This is due the driver out in the field chasing sheep."

EDIT: Bloody iPod typing!

Edited by 43034 on Wednesday 5th May 22:29

[Stedman]

PaulHogan said:

I was once on a train back to Leeds which ground to a halt. After 15 minutes, just as the natives were starting to become restless, the guard – in a strong West Indian accent – came over the intercom,
“Ladies and gentlemen I have good news and bad news... The bad news is that both engines are broken and we don’t know how long it will take to fix them. The good news is you are not on an airoplane.”

love it

[PHmember]

A few years ago now I heard the announcement:

May I have your attention please?......... May I have your attention please?.............Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

Most people in the carriage gave a cheer or a laugh.

Edited by PHmember on Friday 7th May 21:42