Stress problems

[rikdogguk]

Hi there

I am a project manager working in a technical area of the public sector. My projects were wound up a few months ago after a spending review and I was redeoployed as project manager of a large complex and high profile (within the business) project.

I should say this is a very new area for me and not a type of project I am experienced in.

Although initially excited this has become incredibly stressful for a few reasons. Firstly the redeployment was not well managed, in that there was no announcement to the team by the senior project manager, I had to basically turn up and announce myself. And of course I made a huge faux pax by sitting in the outgoing pms desk (he is retiring and was on a 3 months sabbatical). Basically I looked like a tool and have been reminded with various comments of my stealing the old pms job etc. I did ask the senior pm if the desk was free ffs.

Since then I ve found the team to be dominated by 1 or 2 individuals exhibiting some very poor behaviours. Things like openly slagging off other members of the team in the office, refusal to engage with matters I thought to be a priority, sending emails to all and sundry highlighting issues with how the project is ran, hushed conversations within earshot where I hear my name mentioned (now I sound paranoid).

Today I found myself in tears after having had a well meant suggestion on how to manage some complex CDM arrangements thrown back in my face (you do it).

All I want is a mutually supportive environment where we treat each other with respect, I am not undermined and contributions are valued. I have never worked in a project team where such behaviour is tolerated.

I have a week of annual leave pre booked to try and recover, but my confidence is shot and I cannot see how I can return with out some changes.

I sent my line manager an email with some more detail of above but he is on leave and won t look at it till next week when I am also on leave.

I have never taken a day of sick leave for stress matters in 25 year working career but I cannot go on like this. Yesterday I found myself considering driving off the road to avoid work.

I am not sure what I am expecting from posting but would be interested to hear what I should expect from my employer and how I might fix this situation.

We are unionised and I was considering letting my union rep know but not sure whether they will be any help.

I would like to keep my job if I can.

RD

Edited by rikdogguk on Saturday 19th July 08:53

[21TonyK]

I'm really the wrong person to offer any kind of advice but I can empathise having recently been in a similar positon.

Last week I decided to remove myself from the situation and resigned without working my notice. Its cost me several thousands and will continue to do so until I find something else but its the first time I have slept properly in 6 months.

There are several very helpful PH'ers in HR roles who will add most constcutovely than I can but it does sound like for your own health its time to take some leave and start looking for somewhere else.

Edited by 21TonyK on Thursday 17th July 21:18

[Easternlight]

I have no idea about working at management level but no job is worth getting sick for.
Can you get out?
Are there any options for working elsewhere?

I've just retired three years early because I hated the company I worked for so much it was getting to me.
Best thing I've done.

[Count897]

You ve got to crack those fkers early on. Find a contractor or unimportant temp and fire them in full earshot of the entire team. Use the phrase if anybody else crosses the line it ll end up the same way! Guaranteed they ll all be toeing the line by the end of the week.

Don t drive your car off the road though, no job is worth feeling like that but if you don t show some alpha pretty soon they aren t going to change their behaviour.

I d have the other two on a PIP with HR pretty sharpish as well just to underline the point. If all else fails look up Project Zeus .

ETA this might help…

Edited by Count897 on Thursday 17th July 21:29

[rikdogguk]

21TonyK said:

I'm really the wrong person to offer any kind of advice but I can empathise having recently been in a similar positon.

Last week I decided to remove myself from the situation and resigned without working my notice. Its cost me several thousands and will continue to do so until I find something else but its the first time I have slept properly in 6 months.

There are several very helpful PH'ers in HR roles who will add most constcutovely than I can but it does sound like for your own health its time to take some leave and start looking for somewhere else.

Edited by 21TonyK on Thursday 17th July 21:18

Unfortunately this is the only decent employer in 70 mile radius so not many options elsewhere. I was really quite happy in my previous role and had some good project energy going on… till I was told to terminate due to lack of cash!

I would like to stay with the company but am sceptical if anything can be done to change the culture in this new team.

[rikdogguk]

Count897 said:

You ve got to crack those fkers early on. Find a contractor or unimportant temp and fire them in full earshot of the entire team. Use the phrase if anybody else crosses the line it ll end up the same way! Guaranteed they ll all be toeing the line by the end of the week.

Don t drive your car off the road though, no job is worth feeling like that but if you don t show some alpha pretty soon they aren t going to change their behaviour.

I d have the other two on a PIP with HR pretty sharpish as well just to underline the point. If all else fails look up Project Zeus .

This made me laugh, because I deployed “tearful alpha” today after another undermining and basically gave the individual both barrels (in a private environment, I am a professional after all). Maybe through shock it did elicit an apology and acknowledgement of some dickish behaviour, but I do not have the emotional energy to deploy this regularly and would just like some decency and respect.

I would fk the ringleader off in a second if I had the authority as he is a contractor but has made himself invaluable through his very longstanding project knowledge which means his poor behaviour is tolerated and become the norm.

[Panamax]

rikdogguk said:

All I want is a mutually supportive environment where we treat each other with respect, I am not undermined and contributions are valued.

Hmm, fine ideals, but in my experience management is a dog eat dog world.

You're going to need to "face up" to the trouble-makers and explain the facts of life. Explain to them "when you've got a new boss you've got a new new job". Essentially, tell them to get in line or get out. That was then, this is now.

Either that, or look for a less stressful job...

[jules_s]

Panamax said:

rikdogguk said:

All I want is a mutually supportive environment where we treat each other with respect, I am not undermined and contributions are valued.

Hmm, fine ideals, but in my experience management is a dog eat dog world.

You're going to need to "face up" to the trouble-makers and explain the facts of life. Explain to them "when you've got a new boss you've got a new new job". Essentially, tell them to get in line or get out. That was then, this is now.

Either that, or look for a less stressful job...

I'd suggest you need an open forum (including senior management) to clear the air

Sounds too fragmented at the moment. Facing up trouble makers 1:1 (in the OP's scenario as described) will no doubt just lead to more cliques.

[jimmythingy]

This situation sounds familiar to many projects I’ve been involved in. My advice is to take it back to basics: maintain clear communication with your team, keep senior stakeholders informed, and escalate any issues promptly. Address disruptive behavior early through direct, constructive conversations — and if necessary, reassign responsibilities to minimise further impact.

Lastly, and this is critical, document everything — even the seemingly minor details. Good records can make all the difference when resolving misunderstandings or defending decisions.

[simon_harris]

Nobody should be bigger than the team, get rid of the contractor.

[Dynion Araf Uchaf]

rikdogguk said:

Unfortunately this is the only decent employer in 70 mile radius so not many options elsewhere. I was really quite happy in my previous role and had some good project energy going on till I was told to terminate due to lack of cash!

I would like to stay with the company but am sceptical if anything can be done to change the culture in this new team.

Bloody hell you’ve got to be working up at Sellafield surely?

It was an utterly st work environment when I was there 25 years ago.

If you are in charge , throw your weight about. Make it painful for them. The gal in your knowledge is leading to uncertainty I your actions and they’re feeding off it.

[Pete54]

You are there as the project manager. So either you manage the project - naturally that means the people as well, or you leave.

There really are no halfway options. You have to be the project manager - or history. If they can reduce you to tears then it would seem you are just not cut out for the level of control and authority that is sometimes necessary.

It might have been comfortable previously but now is the time to decide. By 'good employers' I presume you mean good payers. Usually there is some relationship between expectation and rewards.

[E63eeeeee...]

simon_harris said:

Nobody should be bigger than the team, get rid of the contractor.

This. There will be far less impact than you imagine. If the rest of the team were coming into this as a completely fresh project team you'd figure out all the genuinely important stuff the supposed Oracle knows within weeks, and of course you're not starting from nothing.

Based on what you've said I wouldn't even give a warning, if you want you could try that but you want to see an instant change in behaviours and zero tolerance from that point. When I was still perm I sacked a contractor on the day when his already borderline behaviour crossed a line, and now as a contractor I'd not expect a client to keep paying me to make it harder for them to get things done.

[paddy1970]

First, please know that none of this is your fault. A poorly managed transition, toxic team dynamics, and lack of support from leadership are organisational failures, not personal ones. You didn't "steal" anyone's job - you were redeployed by management.

You have every right to work in an environment free from bullying and harassment. Taking time off for stress is completely valid, and seeking help shows strength, not weakness. This situation can be fixed, but it will require your employer to take action.

[Peterpetrole]

E63eeeeee... said:

simon_harris said:

Nobody should be bigger than the team, get rid of the contractor.

This. There will be far less impact than you imagine. If the rest of the team were coming into this as a completely fresh project team you'd figure out all the genuinely important stuff the supposed Oracle knows within weeks, and of course you're not starting from nothing.

Based on what you've said I wouldn't even give a warning, if you want you could try that but you want to see an instant change in behaviours and zero tolerance from that point. When I was still perm I sacked a contractor on the day when his already borderline behaviour crossed a line, and now as a contractor I'd not expect a client to keep paying me to make it harder for them to get things done.

Definitely this^^^^

Make it your new project, or that of a trusted individual, to learn what this Oracle knows then bin him off, within a week. What would happen if he left of his own accord? You'd have to manage anyway, just accelerate it.

[rikdogguk]

Some good replies here and good for thought.

I am usually quite an assertive person and in the past I have not shied away from difficult discussions. Not sure what’s changed, I feel like I’ve lowered myself to the pre-existing crap energy of the team and like kryptonite its sapped my confidence and trust in my own abilities. The senior PM is a nice guy but doesn’t want to rock the boat hence let people get away with bad behaviours and the culture is rotten.

Perhaps it is time for me to take my authority back and face down the trouble makers. I do believe there is a nucleus of a good team there if it can be made to flourish.

[Peterpetrole]

To add - why does the contractor need to be on site in that particular office? Can he or other bad eggs be shuffled off to other desks, wfh, security concerns etc?