Unwelcoming Colleagues
Discussion
Started a new job 6 weeks ago (£15k more money, closer to home, step up in job title). The job itself is going really well....my manager is brilliant and really helpful.
HOWEVER, my colleagues are the most unwelcoming people I've ever met, in fact the whole office is the same.
So I only need to be in the office once or twice a week. Even so, me being a friendly and approachable guy, thought I would gel with my team instantly. I'm late 30's, most of the team are late 20's....in my first day not a single person in the whole office approached me to welcome me.....I wasn't taken around by my manager (think he honestly forgot) but even so would expect some sort of hello being new especially from the branch Manager.
I've tried to get involved in the conversations but get ignored pretty much, no one makes an effort with me.....there is one guy on my team who is the most arrogant guy I've ever met and heard him take the mickey out of something I've said a couple of times (was nothing stupid I said either). For example my manager asked me a question, being new I gave him the wrong answer then I heard him whisper to someone 'he is lying'. Considering I'm new it's just bizarre. He is clearly a bully boy but everyone seems to just follow along with him as I'm so new.
Now I know I only need to go the office once a week as I'm out and about the rest of the time, but it's.really making me miserable and effecting my confidence just when I'm in the office. Such a shame as I quite like the job and I'm learning loads but I've always got on with the people whether I've been so hate the 'loneliness' of it.
Funnily enough there was a girl who started the same day as me and she left after 4 weeks as I'm presuming she felt unwelcomed as well......was tempted to talk to my manager about it but then makes me look immature in all honesty, despite it getting me down massively and not seeing the situation with my colleagues improving in time, and if I tell him if word gets round to the staff then it might get worse.
Really not sure how to deal with the situation as I've never experienced anything like it..... suggestions?.....I'm half tempted to give it another 2 months then look for something else if I'm feeling the same which is a real shame.
HOWEVER, my colleagues are the most unwelcoming people I've ever met, in fact the whole office is the same.
So I only need to be in the office once or twice a week. Even so, me being a friendly and approachable guy, thought I would gel with my team instantly. I'm late 30's, most of the team are late 20's....in my first day not a single person in the whole office approached me to welcome me.....I wasn't taken around by my manager (think he honestly forgot) but even so would expect some sort of hello being new especially from the branch Manager.
I've tried to get involved in the conversations but get ignored pretty much, no one makes an effort with me.....there is one guy on my team who is the most arrogant guy I've ever met and heard him take the mickey out of something I've said a couple of times (was nothing stupid I said either). For example my manager asked me a question, being new I gave him the wrong answer then I heard him whisper to someone 'he is lying'. Considering I'm new it's just bizarre. He is clearly a bully boy but everyone seems to just follow along with him as I'm so new.
Now I know I only need to go the office once a week as I'm out and about the rest of the time, but it's.really making me miserable and effecting my confidence just when I'm in the office. Such a shame as I quite like the job and I'm learning loads but I've always got on with the people whether I've been so hate the 'loneliness' of it.
Funnily enough there was a girl who started the same day as me and she left after 4 weeks as I'm presuming she felt unwelcomed as well......was tempted to talk to my manager about it but then makes me look immature in all honesty, despite it getting me down massively and not seeing the situation with my colleagues improving in time, and if I tell him if word gets round to the staff then it might get worse.
Really not sure how to deal with the situation as I've never experienced anything like it..... suggestions?.....I'm half tempted to give it another 2 months then look for something else if I'm feeling the same which is a real shame.
Edited by donnie85 on Monday 16th September 18:33
Edited by donnie85 on Monday 16th September 18:35
Why exactly is it bothering you, remember people at work are not your mates and you shouldn't treat them as such. I'd be professional and courteous but let them get on with it.
I entered an office full of 20 year veterans, 10 years on and they still whisper to each other about me when I leave the room, do I care? do I feck. Let the little girls crack on, you're boss presumably knows your worth?
I think some people are like this because they are bitter they are stuck and think they run the place when in fact the are replaceable by the morning.
I entered an office full of 20 year veterans, 10 years on and they still whisper to each other about me when I leave the room, do I care? do I feck. Let the little girls crack on, you're boss presumably knows your worth?
I think some people are like this because they are bitter they are stuck and think they run the place when in fact the are replaceable by the morning.
How big is the office, and the company? Is it a tiny 10 man operation, or part of a multinational? I ask because larger companies will have processes for this stuff, smaller ones might deal with it less well.
I’d certainly raise it with your manager, either formally or in passing - it’s what they’re there for if they’re any good, and it’s particularly important to them if it might make you look elsewhere for another job. (That’s my advice as someone who manages people - I’d want to know.)
Alternatively, if you’re a confident sort, the next time someone whispers in a meeting ask them what they said. Be a team player - if something is wrong, or someone has something to contribute, ask them to say it out loud. They’ll either wilt away under the spotlight, or it’ll surface what they’re saying and you can correct them - you weren’t lying, you were just mistaken, and it’s good that they raised this so that the right information is passed on.
Either way they’ll soon learn that snide asides under their breath aren’t going to be allowed to pass, and you can both get on with doing your jobs in a professional manner.
I’d certainly raise it with your manager, either formally or in passing - it’s what they’re there for if they’re any good, and it’s particularly important to them if it might make you look elsewhere for another job. (That’s my advice as someone who manages people - I’d want to know.)
Alternatively, if you’re a confident sort, the next time someone whispers in a meeting ask them what they said. Be a team player - if something is wrong, or someone has something to contribute, ask them to say it out loud. They’ll either wilt away under the spotlight, or it’ll surface what they’re saying and you can correct them - you weren’t lying, you were just mistaken, and it’s good that they raised this so that the right information is passed on.
Either way they’ll soon learn that snide asides under their breath aren’t going to be allowed to pass, and you can both get on with doing your jobs in a professional manner.
Work can just be a microcosm of society at large, there are nice people, there are d
heads and everything in between. Quite surprising in this day and age as it seems really easy to upset people particularly the younger end of the spectrum so as a result everyone has to watch their p's and q's and the mental health card often gets played.
I remember starting out as a graduate engineer 20 years ago, there was a fair amount of piss taking and I learned to give as good as I got. These days it could easily be branded as bullying.
I've come across some right cocks during my professional life you learn to develop a thicker skin and get on with it.
Or just walk over next time something is muttered under their breath and bh slap them....
heads and everything in between. Quite surprising in this day and age as it seems really easy to upset people particularly the younger end of the spectrum so as a result everyone has to watch their p's and q's and the mental health card often gets played. I remember starting out as a graduate engineer 20 years ago, there was a fair amount of piss taking and I learned to give as good as I got. These days it could easily be branded as bullying.
I've come across some right cocks during my professional life you learn to develop a thicker skin and get on with it.
Or just walk over next time something is muttered under their breath and b
h slap them....You're late 30s - have a word with the offender and ask them if they have an issue.
Presumably your boss is having a regular check in with you, getting feedback on your experience so far and discussing your future whilst providing feedback to help you develop.
Check in with your boss during your next catch up.
What industry are you in?
Presumably your boss is having a regular check in with you, getting feedback on your experience so far and discussing your future whilst providing feedback to help you develop.
Check in with your boss during your next catch up.
What industry are you in?
I took over a team from someone else and it was pretty much like the OP, horrible. I guess that they didn't want the change. As I was the "boss" I just ignored all the tts, didn't give them pay rises or bonuses and in the end they all fked off^. Worked for me but I appreciate we are all different!
^yes I employed others vs being left with no one.
TX.
ts, didn't give them pay rises or bonuses and in the end they all fked off^. Worked for me but I appreciate we are all different!^yes I employed others vs being left with no one.
TX.
I dont want to say the industry just in case but the team consist of around 10 of us, all equivalent, and about 20 others in the office.
The guy who is the biggest problem has been there for around 3 years and sees himself as untouchable. I have seen him take the mickey or slag of others behind there back as well. He is such a big, arrogant personality that I wonder if the others go along with him out of fear, there is another girl he is close too who seems to be a bit of a troublemaker as well....the bosses are all pretty newish and I get the feeling they are not fans of him but what really can they do?! He has been super unwelcoming to me, I know for a fact he is already taking the piss out of me....but even it wasn't me I'm sure he be the same with another new starter in the team as well.
As he is younger normally I wouldn't care but other then my manager, who is really sound other then not introducing me at the start, I have no one there in my team or the office has a whole who has been friendly too me in the sense of going out of there way too talk too me. Those I have spoke too it's always me starting off the conversation and I get very little back. It's honestly not because I'm boring etc, as I've always been the friendliest 'popular' ones in every office I've worked
I'm only in the office once or twice a week as im out on my projects the other days but it's really getting to me how uncomfortable it feels for me when I'm there......I really don't see it getting any better either it's not just a new starter thing.
Like others have said, I believe I've been bought in to make a fresh change to the team as the manager sees this for sure but I just can't see the vibe changing unless se
some in my team, in particular the 'gangleader', leave and they are going no where from what I see.
The guy who is the biggest problem has been there for around 3 years and sees himself as untouchable. I have seen him take the mickey or slag of others behind there back as well. He is such a big, arrogant personality that I wonder if the others go along with him out of fear, there is another girl he is close too who seems to be a bit of a troublemaker as well....the bosses are all pretty newish and I get the feeling they are not fans of him but what really can they do?! He has been super unwelcoming to me, I know for a fact he is already taking the piss out of me....but even it wasn't me I'm sure he be the same with another new starter in the team as well.
As he is younger normally I wouldn't care but other then my manager, who is really sound other then not introducing me at the start, I have no one there in my team or the office has a whole who has been friendly too me in the sense of going out of there way too talk too me. Those I have spoke too it's always me starting off the conversation and I get very little back. It's honestly not because I'm boring etc, as I've always been the friendliest 'popular' ones in every office I've worked
I'm only in the office once or twice a week as im out on my projects the other days but it's really getting to me how uncomfortable it feels for me when I'm there......I really don't see it getting any better either it's not just a new starter thing.
Like others have said, I believe I've been bought in to make a fresh change to the team as the manager sees this for sure but I just can't see the vibe changing unless se
some in my team, in particular the 'gangleader', leave and they are going no where from what I see.
Edited by donnie85 on Tuesday 17th September 02:14
Edited by donnie85 on Tuesday 17th September 02:16
Edited by donnie85 on Tuesday 17th September 02:17
So really I'm not sure what to do or how to handle the situation.
-i did mention briefly to my boss that the office wasn't the friendliest but it was just a passing comment. Every Friday I have a catch up meeting with him.....bearing in mind I'm liking the job, the processes, management.....should I mention in bigger details my concern about the office environment in particular said person? As I'm in probation is it risky to mention it? I believe management are happy with my work so far and I know they paid a recruiter £6k fee to hire me so surley they wouldn't want me unhappy / risk me leaving if I did say something....but then if I said something what exactly can they do and will it ostrize me more from the team?
- Said troublemaker in the office....next time they mug me off do I just ignore it?! Do I call them out on it? Is there a way of dealing with him?
- As the office is so unfriendly is that calls to look for another job or grin and bear it?
Never ever had these issues before so unsure and neither have my friends / family when I've mentioned it too them so unsure how to handle it.....
-i did mention briefly to my boss that the office wasn't the friendliest but it was just a passing comment. Every Friday I have a catch up meeting with him.....bearing in mind I'm liking the job, the processes, management.....should I mention in bigger details my concern about the office environment in particular said person? As I'm in probation is it risky to mention it? I believe management are happy with my work so far and I know they paid a recruiter £6k fee to hire me so surley they wouldn't want me unhappy / risk me leaving if I did say something....but then if I said something what exactly can they do and will it ostrize me more from the team?
- Said troublemaker in the office....next time they mug me off do I just ignore it?! Do I call them out on it? Is there a way of dealing with him?
- As the office is so unfriendly is that calls to look for another job or grin and bear it?
Never ever had these issues before so unsure and neither have my friends / family when I've mentioned it too them so unsure how to handle it.....
Edited by donnie85 on Tuesday 17th September 02:34
MadCaptainJack said:
donnie85 said:
I'm only in the office once or twice a week as im out on my projects the other days…
Are they all stuck in the office while you get to go out’n’about? 
Do you need their cooperation and assistance to do your job well?
Well that's another thing, the said troublemaker, was supposed to assist me at the start with systems, processes...he showed me for like 2 minutes then just said any questions speak to your manager.....that was my first day. I didn't say anything to management about this and just learnt the systems myself instead with all the free time I had at the start......I do still need some of the unwelcoming team members to assist me on other departments yes.
Does sound weird.
Could you invite the crew out for drinks/curry one night to try to get to know people a bit better? Break the ice that way?
Or Potentially ask your manager to help with some corporate jolly to do during working hours?
Take food in?
Wear a shirt that says “hug me”….. ok maybe not that.
Have you seen Ted lasso? Channel him. Be consistently bright, happy and kind and show an interest in others, eventually you’ll win them around
Could you invite the crew out for drinks/curry one night to try to get to know people a bit better? Break the ice that way?
Or Potentially ask your manager to help with some corporate jolly to do during working hours?
Take food in?
Wear a shirt that says “hug me”….. ok maybe not that.
Have you seen Ted lasso? Channel him. Be consistently bright, happy and kind and show an interest in others, eventually you’ll win them around
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