workplace bullying and harassment
Discussion
Don't know if anyone can help , but my wife has a problem at work regarding bullying. She works for a national chain of Petrol stations and enjoys her job . unfortunately her manager is making her life an absolute misery. she shouts at her , swears at her ,talks to her like a piece of s
t, actually throws things at her etc.the trouble is she does all this when there is no-one around, so it is her word against her manager if she does complain about it. she has threatened to sack her before, threatened to start disciplinary proceeding against her for the most trivial of things. recently our daughter gave birth to our first grandchild. my wife was a nominated birth partner, so when my daughter went in give birth, she asked if she could have the next day off and was told if she had so much as an hour off , she'd be sacked on the spot. so she ended up going to work at 7 in the morning, went straight to the hospital after work , stayed at the hospital all night and went back to work the following morning for a full days work!!!
she's so scared it's making her ill , she's too scared to complain , too scared to seek any help whatsoever , too scared even to tell me...(she told my daughter all this)
so what can she do ? she has no witnesses , although i think the manageress treats others the same..it makes me sick to the stomach to think that in this day and age someone can get away with st like this....
t, actually throws things at her etc.the trouble is she does all this when there is no-one around, so it is her word against her manager if she does complain about it. she has threatened to sack her before, threatened to start disciplinary proceeding against her for the most trivial of things. recently our daughter gave birth to our first grandchild. my wife was a nominated birth partner, so when my daughter went in give birth, she asked if she could have the next day off and was told if she had so much as an hour off , she'd be sacked on the spot. so she ended up going to work at 7 in the morning, went straight to the hospital after work , stayed at the hospital all night and went back to work the following morning for a full days work!!!she's so scared it's making her ill , she's too scared to complain , too scared to seek any help whatsoever , too scared even to tell me...(she told my daughter all this)
so what can she do ? she has no witnesses , although i think the manageress treats others the same..it makes me sick to the stomach to think that in this day and age someone can get away with s
t like this....Yikes.
It can be a very difficult area, especially if it is so selective and no witnesses.
Some advice:
Check if the hr department has an anonymous helpline, some do. They should certainly have a contact point for issues.
Talk to ACAS on their helpline, they can give good advice...
Make a log. Write down every single event. Date, time, who said what to whom, etc. for past events, write down what can be remembered. Keep his log up to date.
She could raise a formal grievance to HR, they (should) suspend or move her manager whilst the complaints are investigated, but I suggest the above items first.
The cunning part of me says buy a small recording device and "wire her for sound" but I'd see that as a last resort. You can pick up nearly invisible ones for not much money that will record for hours and hours...
It can be a very difficult area, especially if it is so selective and no witnesses.
Some advice:
Check if the hr department has an anonymous helpline, some do. They should certainly have a contact point for issues.
Talk to ACAS on their helpline, they can give good advice...
Make a log. Write down every single event. Date, time, who said what to whom, etc. for past events, write down what can be remembered. Keep his log up to date.
She could raise a formal grievance to HR, they (should) suspend or move her manager whilst the complaints are investigated, but I suggest the above items first.
The cunning part of me says buy a small recording device and "wire her for sound" but I'd see that as a last resort. You can pick up nearly invisible ones for not much money that will record for hours and hours...
What does she want to do?
I hate to say it (actually, it's just normal for me but still, I try to pretend) BUT if she wants to put herself in a position to go to Tribunal, then she waits until the manager shouts or swears then walks out on the spot (that is constructive dismissal). Recording it etc is a bit of a sticky one, because that's a bit pre-meditated....
I hate to say it (actually, it's just normal for me but still, I try to pretend) BUT if she wants to put herself in a position to go to Tribunal, then she waits until the manager shouts or swears then walks out on the spot (that is constructive dismissal). Recording it etc is a bit of a sticky one, because that's a bit pre-meditated....
bamberwell said:
i've tried several times to get her to keep a diary, but she won't, however she might be open to some sort of recording device...have to see if her company has an anonymous number or not
Erm, really?I'm not suggesting that she carries it, and a pencil, just notes events once she gets home from work. She needs to start doing this if she would like it to stop altogether.
If she wants it to stop for her, get a new job, and keep schtumm.
. tbh all she wants is the bullying to stop . she really likes her job , but she can't carry on with the constant abuse..bamberwell said:
i've tried several times to get her to keep a diary, but she won't, however she might be open to some sort of recording device...have to see if her company has an anonymous number or not
If she wont take ownership of the problem, then you can't help her resolve it. If she wants to stay, then she cope better with the HR process of a formal grievance if she has a record. Doesn't have to be war and peace... just a few notes each day of who said what to whom, the manner and any specific language used.
If she wants to leave, then leave, but I'm afraid there is no suitable replacement for a log of the events.
If she doesn't want to go back and document stuff (which can be hard) then get her to start one now.
Some people find it better to write it down at the end of the day. Others want to lock it away and try to forget about it.
I speak from experience. Remove the bully, or remove her from the situation.
zaphod42 said:
bamberwell said:
i've tried several times to get her to keep a diary, but she won't, however she might be open to some sort of recording device...have to see if her company has an anonymous number or not
If she wont take ownership of the problem, then you can't help her resolve it. If she wants to stay, then she cope better with the HR process of a formal grievance if she has a record. Doesn't have to be war and peace... just a few notes each day of who said what to whom, the manner and any specific language used.
If she wants to leave, then leave, but I'm afraid there is no suitable replacement for a log of the events.
If she doesn't want to go back and document stuff (which can be hard) then get her to start one now.
Some people find it better to write it down at the end of the day. Others want to lock it away and try to forget about it.
I speak from experience. Remove the bully, or remove her from the situation.
zaphod42 said:
bamberwell said:
i've tried several times to get her to keep a diary, but she won't, however she might be open to some sort of recording device...have to see if her company has an anonymous number or not
If she wont take ownership of the problem, then you can't help her resolve it. If she wants to stay, then she cope better with the HR process of a formal grievance if she has a record. Doesn't have to be war and peace... just a few notes each day of who said what to whom, the manner and any specific language used.
If she wants to leave, then leave, but I'm afraid there is no suitable replacement for a log of the events.
If she doesn't want to go back and document stuff (which can be hard) then get her to start one now.
Some people find it better to write it down at the end of the day. Others want to lock it away and try to forget about it.
I speak from experience. Remove the bully, or remove her from the situation.
I once had a bully for a manager. He was a particularly nasty piece of work, always brown-nosing HIS boss who thought he sun shone out of his
. He was so devious that I thought it was just me he was picking on. Not so. Quite by chance I found out I wasn't the only one. With two people keeping independent records and both of us putting in separate complaints meant that the company was forced to take it seriously.The upshot was a couple of weeks 'gardening leave' while the complaint was investigated. I never saw that manager again. When the two of us returned to work he was gone. We found out later that he had 'previous' for such behabviour and it was the detailed records that we each kept that did for him.
bamberwell said:
i think that is part of the problem, she just can't bear to relive the situations when shes away from work. shes been a little fragile for the last 18 months after losing her mum , dad and brother in the space of 14 months (they were a very close family) and i think her manageress knows exactly what buttons to press.... she is looking for another job , but for my part i think why should she? it's not her fault , and if she does leave the bully will just find someone else
I agree with you 100%, and it is very, very hard on a day to day basis. I have been through something similar with my wife until recently - I liken it to constant counseling - tiring for you both I imagine.My wife did find a pair of sparring gloves and the mitts to punch into very therapeutic, she just pretending they were her bullys' face...
Bamberwell - have you considered the firms HR department .Even a threat of action for bullying would make them sit up an take notice .She may well find that others will come forward if HR start an invedtigation .More likely the culprit might just decide that the risk is too great and stop .
[quote=Who me ?]Bamberwell - have you considered the firms HR department .Even a threat of action for bullying would make them sit up an take notice .She may well find that others will come forward if HR start an invedtigation .More likely the culprit might just decide that the risk is too great and stop .
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+1 Every single incident needs reported to HR tbh.
HR are legally obligated to investigate the claims and act.
IF HR don't do anything then up the chain your missus must complain - Until someone does something.
It's also a case of were as timid as your missus might be she needs to be a bit more assertive and sort this st out.Nobody has to put up with this.
st house bullying managers with a big gob boil my blood.
[/quote]
+1 Every single incident needs reported to HR tbh.
HR are legally obligated to investigate the claims and act.
IF HR don't do anything then up the chain your missus must complain - Until someone does something.
It's also a case of were as timid as your missus might be she needs to be a bit more assertive and sort this s
t out.Nobody has to put up with this.s
t house bullying managers with a big gob boil my blood.OP, do you know if the wife is the only person subjected to this? We have had several problems here with the boss who has clear "little-man syndrome". He'll pick on the weak and defenceless, to the point 2 ladies were crying most days and seeking councelling. It took assurances from the rest of the department that they would tell the truth to HR and describe the situation. Now it has stopped and "little-man" keeps himself to himself.
I really feel for your wife, as what I witnessed was sickening. I absolutely hate these kinds of situations, and always try to make friends with those affected, as this tends to help (as I have a rather large mouth at times and couldn't give a stuff about the boss or his thoughts)people when they know they have an allie.
Good luck with it. It she's onher own there, I'd go with a recorder in my pocket, then straight to HR. The current situation will make her ill and her life a misery.
Best of luck.
I really feel for your wife, as what I witnessed was sickening. I absolutely hate these kinds of situations, and always try to make friends with those affected, as this tends to help (as I have a rather large mouth at times and couldn't give a stuff about the boss or his thoughts)people when they know they have an allie.
Good luck with it. It she's onher own there, I'd go with a recorder in my pocket, then straight to HR. The current situation will make her ill and her life a misery.
Best of luck.
thanks for all the replies , i've been trying to find out a little more background (she starts at 3pm all week and i finish at 6..) apparently the boss does has been doing much the same with several other employees so we're going to work something out.
the strange thing for me though , is that normally my wife is the last person who'd let someone treat her like this. she's only 5'2" but irish and not afraid of anyone normally!!
the strange thing for me though , is that normally my wife is the last person who'd let someone treat her like this. she's only 5'2" but irish and not afraid of anyone normally!!
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