Trackday Terminology
Discussion
ARSE ABOUT FACE
The relative position of the two ends of the car is diametrically opposed to
the situation portrayed on the approved circuit diagram.
PISSING IN THE WIND
The other drivers on the track seem rather more determined than myself to
put in a good laptime.
BASTARD
Term of endearment or of grudging appreciation of driving prowess, as in
"how did you get past me at the hairpin you bastard"
GNATS NIDGER
The distance between the front of an Elise and any tyre wall of your choice.
F*CK KNOWS
I am not presently in a position to give a definitive and unequivocal reply
to your recent enquiry as to the whereabouts of Jonny and your 340R, Mr
Bowser.
WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU
Your credentials and terms of reference will need to be re-affirmed by the
organiser of this track day before i can enter into a discussion regarding
my overtaking manoeuvre
YOU SPAWNY EYED, LITTLE BASTARD
Warm, informal greeting often used by the track day organiser to show their
admiration of a customers shiny new pride and joy.
IT'S A SHITTER
The vehicle in question may be in need of some TLC from a friendly dealer
and the owner is advised to obtain a degree in patience and the ability to
produce 50 notes from bits of broken glass fibre.
WELL AND TRULY F*CKED
The vehicle in question is what is affectionately known as a "chassis job"
and will undoubtedly be "written off" by the insurance company.
WHERE THE F*CK DID HE COME FROM
Just been passed by an R500
WHO THE F*CK PUT THAT THERE
There appears to be yet another Elise in close proximity to front of my
R500....
ENGINE REBUILD
Phrase used to describe an R500 completing a track session.
F*CK POINT
The braking point you discover when driving a car which has more grip/better
brakes than your own. If its owner tells you to brake at the third
point, this means you shoot past the brake board at full throttle, and the
third time you scream "F*CK!" at the rate you are hurtling towards the
corner, you stand on the anchors.
OH F*CK POINT
The point at which you realise the brakes/grip were not in fact as good as
you'd thought. Usually located only slightly after the 'F*CK POINT', but
before the 'F*CKED POINT'.
F*CKED POINT
Position on a corner where the gravel trap meets the tyre wall/concrete
wall. Cars typically demonstrate an unerring ability to spin close to or at
this point.
APEX
Point at which marshal is standing, aim to get as close as possible
MISERABLE BASTARDS
Marshalls
FITBIN
Descriptive word used to describe a fellow driver on a track day who has a
much faster car then you; the word s used solely in the situation of when he
holds you up through the twisty stuff then proceed to nail the throttle down
the straight to stop you and your vehicle overtaking them. This especially
applies to TVR drivers.
CHICANE
Fellow track day participant who is lapping at a considerably slower speed
than every other vehicle on the track. Their relative slowness is directly
proportional to the amount of fancy-dan "I'm a racing driver" clothing that
they are wearing.
TRACKTOR
A car exploring the grassy line tangentially extending from the radius of a
corner.
SMUG POINT
The transitory point on a circuit where the CHICANE, seeing the MISERABLE
BASTARD madly waving their yellow flag, passes the TRACKTOR. The said
TRACKTOR having come to rest ARSE ABOUT FACE by ignoring the third F*CK
POINT, having reached the OH F*CK POINT and only just successfully avoided
the F*CKED POINT.
OVERTAKING BY CONSENT
Mythical rule invented by track day organisers to satisfy insurance
companies.
INVISIBLE "PLEASE PASS" INDICATORS
Automatically fitted to your vehicle whenever a track day organiser is
behind you on the circuit. See "Overtaking by Consent".
PASSENGER
Panic stricken pasty faced person, optionally with a steering wheel in their
hands.
MOMENT
Realisation that you are on the threshold of the OH F*CK POINT and your next
control input will decide whether you continue being a driver, or become a
PASSENGER.
FIRKIN
Unit of measurement used when describing your MOMENT to track day
participants. ("That was two firkin close").
FEATHERING
Movement of the sphincter during a MOMENT.
SKID MARKS
Produced by excessive FEATHERing.
SHOCK ABSORBER
Rubbish bin where you stuff your credit card statements.
BUMP STOP
Describes the sensation experienced following excessive use of a SHOCK
ABSORBER
The relative position of the two ends of the car is diametrically opposed to
the situation portrayed on the approved circuit diagram.
PISSING IN THE WIND
The other drivers on the track seem rather more determined than myself to
put in a good laptime.
BASTARD
Term of endearment or of grudging appreciation of driving prowess, as in
"how did you get past me at the hairpin you bastard"
GNATS NIDGER
The distance between the front of an Elise and any tyre wall of your choice.
F*CK KNOWS
I am not presently in a position to give a definitive and unequivocal reply
to your recent enquiry as to the whereabouts of Jonny and your 340R, Mr
Bowser.
WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU
Your credentials and terms of reference will need to be re-affirmed by the
organiser of this track day before i can enter into a discussion regarding
my overtaking manoeuvre
YOU SPAWNY EYED, LITTLE BASTARD
Warm, informal greeting often used by the track day organiser to show their
admiration of a customers shiny new pride and joy.
IT'S A SHITTER
The vehicle in question may be in need of some TLC from a friendly dealer
and the owner is advised to obtain a degree in patience and the ability to
produce 50 notes from bits of broken glass fibre.
WELL AND TRULY F*CKED
The vehicle in question is what is affectionately known as a "chassis job"
and will undoubtedly be "written off" by the insurance company.
WHERE THE F*CK DID HE COME FROM
Just been passed by an R500
WHO THE F*CK PUT THAT THERE
There appears to be yet another Elise in close proximity to front of my
R500....
ENGINE REBUILD
Phrase used to describe an R500 completing a track session.
F*CK POINT
The braking point you discover when driving a car which has more grip/better
brakes than your own. If its owner tells you to brake at the third
point, this means you shoot past the brake board at full throttle, and the
third time you scream "F*CK!" at the rate you are hurtling towards the
corner, you stand on the anchors.
OH F*CK POINT
The point at which you realise the brakes/grip were not in fact as good as
you'd thought. Usually located only slightly after the 'F*CK POINT', but
before the 'F*CKED POINT'.
F*CKED POINT
Position on a corner where the gravel trap meets the tyre wall/concrete
wall. Cars typically demonstrate an unerring ability to spin close to or at
this point.
APEX
Point at which marshal is standing, aim to get as close as possible
MISERABLE BASTARDS
Marshalls
FITBIN
Descriptive word used to describe a fellow driver on a track day who has a
much faster car then you; the word s used solely in the situation of when he
holds you up through the twisty stuff then proceed to nail the throttle down
the straight to stop you and your vehicle overtaking them. This especially
applies to TVR drivers.
CHICANE
Fellow track day participant who is lapping at a considerably slower speed
than every other vehicle on the track. Their relative slowness is directly
proportional to the amount of fancy-dan "I'm a racing driver" clothing that
they are wearing.
TRACKTOR
A car exploring the grassy line tangentially extending from the radius of a
corner.
SMUG POINT
The transitory point on a circuit where the CHICANE, seeing the MISERABLE
BASTARD madly waving their yellow flag, passes the TRACKTOR. The said
TRACKTOR having come to rest ARSE ABOUT FACE by ignoring the third F*CK
POINT, having reached the OH F*CK POINT and only just successfully avoided
the F*CKED POINT.
OVERTAKING BY CONSENT
Mythical rule invented by track day organisers to satisfy insurance
companies.
INVISIBLE "PLEASE PASS" INDICATORS
Automatically fitted to your vehicle whenever a track day organiser is
behind you on the circuit. See "Overtaking by Consent".
PASSENGER
Panic stricken pasty faced person, optionally with a steering wheel in their
hands.
MOMENT
Realisation that you are on the threshold of the OH F*CK POINT and your next
control input will decide whether you continue being a driver, or become a
PASSENGER.
FIRKIN
Unit of measurement used when describing your MOMENT to track day
participants. ("That was two firkin close").
FEATHERING
Movement of the sphincter during a MOMENT.
SKID MARKS
Produced by excessive FEATHERing.
SHOCK ABSORBER
Rubbish bin where you stuff your credit card statements.
BUMP STOP
Describes the sensation experienced following excessive use of a SHOCK
ABSORBER
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