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Stolen shamlessly from the daily mash. Made me laugh so thought I would share.
"TENNIS star Andre Agassi sold his entire head of hair to buy crystal meth, it emerged last night.
Crystal meth: Makes water more interestingThe former Wimbledon champion said he became addicted after he accidentally swallowed $960,000 of the drug after mistaking it for a new kind of Robinson's barley water.
He then spent the next decade gradually removing his hair in exchange for a series of crazy highs.
Agassi said: "Most drug dealers are mad for celebrity hair. Pablo Escobar had a whole wig made out of Gloria Estefan clippings.
"Touring the world playing in tournaments, I wouldn't have enough local currency to get totally moonf
ked on ice, so I'd have to barter with clumps."
He added: "I knew I'd reached rock bottom when I found myself in a Singapore back street tearing out huge handfuls of pubes for a quick hit. I cried myself to sleep that night."
Tennis historian Wayne Hayes said: "His fans thought Andre got rid of that straggly pony tail because it made him look like an extra from a Wham video.
"But the truth is he was having a 30th birthday party and wanted a life-size statue of Rod Laver made entirely out of toot."
Agassi warned young sports stars of the harm illegal drugs had on his performance, adding: "How I got through the third round at Queen's in 1997 I do not know. I spent half the match swatting at giant purple bees with the face of Sue Barker.
"Thank God I was only playing Tim Henman. You might not be so lucky.""
"TENNIS star Andre Agassi sold his entire head of hair to buy crystal meth, it emerged last night.
Crystal meth: Makes water more interestingThe former Wimbledon champion said he became addicted after he accidentally swallowed $960,000 of the drug after mistaking it for a new kind of Robinson's barley water.
He then spent the next decade gradually removing his hair in exchange for a series of crazy highs.
Agassi said: "Most drug dealers are mad for celebrity hair. Pablo Escobar had a whole wig made out of Gloria Estefan clippings.
"Touring the world playing in tournaments, I wouldn't have enough local currency to get totally moonf
ked on ice, so I'd have to barter with clumps."He added: "I knew I'd reached rock bottom when I found myself in a Singapore back street tearing out huge handfuls of pubes for a quick hit. I cried myself to sleep that night."
Tennis historian Wayne Hayes said: "His fans thought Andre got rid of that straggly pony tail because it made him look like an extra from a Wham video.
"But the truth is he was having a 30th birthday party and wanted a life-size statue of Rod Laver made entirely out of toot."
Agassi warned young sports stars of the harm illegal drugs had on his performance, adding: "How I got through the third round at Queen's in 1997 I do not know. I spent half the match swatting at giant purple bees with the face of Sue Barker.
"Thank God I was only playing Tim Henman. You might not be so lucky.""
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