father / son bonding / sports stuff

[ADP68]

I hope i'm not the only one with this problem. I am 45 with a 10 year old girl and 8 year old son. I have zero hand eye co-ordination, always the last to be picked at school etc. As a result of this, I've always shied away from sports and my son is heading my way too. To cap it all, he's quite shy. We send him to a prep school with loads of opportunities, but he won't volunteer himself for anything, I think because he doesn't want to let the side down, or be laughed at for being rubbish. He likes Judo and cycling, as well as swimming, all things you don't need a team for. His mates all have really sporting dads' and we live in ultra-competitive South Bucks, where apart from everyone being self-made billionaires also seemingly used to play Rugby / Football / Cricket for England, so they are all really good at sports.
I'm really struggling to think of things I can do with him, other than the aforementioned, that will bring him out of his shell a little. I'm pretty shy too, and am useless at sports, but don't want him to be like me and also don't want him to miss these great opportunities at school that I never had as a lad.
He's shown no interest in Classic Cars (my hobby) because my wife and daughter both say 'it's boring'!
Can anyone think of something we can do to bond, preferably sporting, where eventually, we can get my wife and daughter involved as a family? Preferably something that won't break the bank either, as he has a tendency to try it a few times, we buy all the gear, and then he gives up!
Many thanks

Edited by ADP68 on Monday 30th September 10:56

[kiethton]

I may be a bit biased but golf?

Maybe start down a driving range before progressing to a 9 hole course with him - family can join in for mini-golf/at the range of they are inclined?

Golfers are also a friendly bunch - get him down to a members club and playing with the juniors (Most have an active section) and although it's a personal sport the majority of the fun comes with playing with others. After a time people will be approaching him/him others to play if they are there at the same time - how I did it

You mention hand eye but I'm in the same boat (dysphasic?) and play to a single figure handicap (I guess it helps that the ball isn't moving - I nearly KO'ed myself and give a decent black eye playing tennis!) - good for business in the future too?

[phil1979]

Clay shooting? It'll bring out the adrenaline side of things, it's different, and you can go just the pair of you, and then the rest of the family when you both get a bit better. Plus you won't have to get all the gear - you go round with an expert and use their gun etc.

Edit - before you say the wife would hate it, I bet once she tries it she'll love it.



Edit again... can you go shooting at 10 years old?

Edited by phil1979 on Monday 30th September 11:11

[Bill]

Honestly, if he doesn't want to do team sports then why make him? Judo, cycling and swimming are all good things to be into, with interaction with others and all three have team potential.

I was never into "team" sports due to lack of interest as much as coordination, I made the third rugby team due to my size and tackling (but being knocked out a couple of times put a dampener on that) and I was a cricket scorer... The benefit of private education means sporting opportunities that aren't the norm, surely. I got into climbing, kayaking and shooting and couldn't give a st about the off-side rule.

Take him (in your classic car...) to see the Tour de France.

[Tim-D]

Hmm tricky one as similalry I too have limited historic sporting prowess and have a 14 yo who's rapidly turning "teenagery" and loath to leave his bedroom where endless world of tanks is being played (no I'm not that niaive)... but I have concerns over the lack of exercise and personal social interaction... so this weekend, as the little toad has absolutely avoided learning to ride a bike... borrowed a tandem from a friend...end result some exercise, conversation - as communication is key to getting it right, and best of all doing something together....... ok so he didn't exactly enjoy the experience being clobbered by the crank a few times....but it's a start.... and free ;-)

[The Curn]

Rowing?

You could start together, just you and him out on the water and then when he gets the hang of it get him involved in a club?

Great social scene, he will get seriously fit and strong and will probably fit in well with his school scene?

[Amateurish]

Bill said:

Honestly, if he doesn't want to do team sports then why make him? Judo, cycling and swimming are all good things to be into, with interaction with others and all three have team potential.

+1 Just develop those sports he enjoys. Cycling and swimming are both big team sports.

[Chunkymonkey71]

Go karting?

[Simon Brooks]

Learn as a pair to: sail, scuba dive, horse ride,

Family skiing holiday

Get him involved in rugby, theres a position for everyone, unlike the round ball game from the dark side, usually lots of opportunity for non sporty parents to get involved as well

Good luck, best to catch them now than try to play catch up in a few years

[Dr Murdoch]

Have you got deep pockets?

If so then what about trying Moto x or karting?

When I was a lad my dad got me into Moto X for the same reason you're looking at activities that could bring you son 'out of his shell'. I was shy and was lacking in self confidence, but I took to moto x and excelled at it winning many championships, which gave me something to be proud of. It was also great family time as we (mum, dad and brother) would all go out every other sunday, sometimes camp for the whole weekend.

Likewise karting, there is always something to do, so big sister and mum can help out (if they want).

Deep pockets are needed though (especially karting!)

[Prev]

Airsoft or paintball.

Both team games, both quite active (You put in to what you want to get out). Not sure on age restrictions.

When you both feel good enough, challenge the Missus and daughter to a 2vs2 death match.

[ADP68]

Thank you for your replies:

Skiing- my wife and I have been a few times, but not for years and like warm winter holidays, but maybe i'll check out the lessons at the Hemel snow dome
Horses- tried it and he's allergic (face like a puffer fish after about 5 minutes with them)!

I like the idea of shooting and also golf, as well as rowing.

Go-carting- I think the cost may be prohibitive as he often 'likes' something for about 5 goes and then says 'it's boring'
Moto x- is it dangerous?

[RicksAlfas]

Enrol him at Cubs (up to 10 and a half or so) or Scouts. It'll let him find his feet without you breathing down his neck, and the variety of stuff they do is incredible. My son (10) has done archery, air rifle shooting, ghyll scrambling, raft building, night time hikes, three day camps, cooked fish they've caught, den building, midnight hide and seek etc. It gives youngsters a lot of independence and confidence. There's also no st taken because all the leaders are volunteers so they can just ask naughty kids to go home or not come on the next camp, so it's a different atmosphere to school where often the naughtiest kid is the one who gets the attention!

[MrRee145]

Along the shooting lines I would suggest archery either field or target. easy enough to pickup can take a while to master.

[z4chris99]

you can shoot at 10 but it's pretty anti social unless his mates shoot...

swimming is a good team sport, but at prep/boarding schools is always marginal as it's not rugby/hockey/cricket

[ooo000ooo]

My 9 year old tried football and stuff but didn't stick at it for any length of time, currently into his 3rd year of in-line hockey and enjoying it. Unlike football/rugby nobody sits on the subs bench for most of the game while the good players get to strut their stuff as the "lines" are constantly changing. Most teams will have enough spare kit to get you started whilst you trawl eBay for gear.
It's mixed teams so your daughter could play as well when old enough.
Big plus point - it's indoors so no standing at the side of a pitch mid December in the rain watching your kid freezing on the subs bench.

[Pixel Pusher]

ADP68 said:

His mates all have really sporting dads' and we live in ultra-competitive South Bucks, where apart from everyone being self-made billionaires also seemingly used to play Rugby / Football / Cricket for England, so they are all really good at sports.

Hey, you're not alone.

I'm 45 and (try to) coach my son for an under 10s football side in Amersham.

I never made it further than my school team, I can't run more than 50 metres before I have to sit down, I cycle to & from training on a rusty old bike and I'm light years away from billionaire status.



Have you considered full contact Origami?

[Dusty964]

Archery or pistol shooting.

How many of his mates- when asked- will say no to having a go with a pistol?

Can buy a cheap air pistol to use in the shed so you can both vanish to the end of the garden.

[grumbledoak]

So, you are now ready, willing, and planning to foist your own inadequacies and insecurities on your kids? Good, good.

Not really. Here is some advice for your son that took me a while to learn because of people like you: Football is tedious, cricket is dull, rugby is only fun if you are very big or very fast. And don't get me started on the attitude of squash players to their passtime. There is nothing wrong with not liking these things.

You should learn to swallow your issues and go cheer him the loudest at the things he likes.

[Gargamel]

Hmm - I am not sure trying an endless sucession of 'new' things is the answer. Especially if he tends to drop things whenever they get a bit samey.

I guess the one thing in favour of team sports is the team ! Ie if you commit to a team, you can't just back out of it with a case of can't be arsed anymore, you make a personal commitment and go.

I coach football, and had many a Saturday where I had to drag eldest to come along (and obviously a few times where I just left him at home)

However that phase has really paid off now, as he really enjoys it even though the team he plays for are in a low division. Plus it has shown him that you can only succeed at these sports with some meaningful practice.

All that said if he is into Judo then that is an excellent start. Very good sport and discipline.

How about some mini Triathlons - they are great fun.