Those stupid things commentators say.......

[Mr E Driver]

Just watching the Superbike racing at Brands... Jack Burnicle says 'here comes Shakey Byrne... just look at those steely blue eyes piercing through that dark visor'

My Favourite most stupid question asked has to be asked the News24 anchor guy on a live fee interviewing the investigating officer of the Josef Fritzl case and he asks 'Have you ever had a case like this before?'

[Vipers]

I remember Robert Miller on the tour de France some yeara ago, he had 3 falls, and that night the commentator said "So Robert, what sort of day have you had"

[Gargamel]

So Mike, where abouts did the ball hit you ?





Can't get it to display - and yet when I click it - it opens..... odd

Edited by Gargamel on Thursday 26th July 08:29

Edited by Gargamel on Thursday 26th July 08:30

[PHmember]

A commentator on the Cambridge/Oxford boat race a couple of years ago as the race was just going under a certain bridge (can't remember which one): 'Four out of the last eight winners have been leading going under *insert name* bridge'.

Brilliant, a statistic that tells us NOTHING.

[Ray Luxury-Yacht]

I've heard a few good ones - but to be fair, it must be damn hard to sit and talk constantly for a couple of hours about something, and not say something a little questionable...

A little O/T but I like some of the answers given in 'Family Fortunes'... a huge list here, bear with it, there's some classics:

An orange vegetable: "Aubergine..."

An animal you cannot fit into a Mini car: "Mouse.."

A food that has one or more holes in it: "Spaghetti.." (Anthony Costa was no doubt thinking of Spaghetti Hoops. The delightful Costa family also produced the 'cotton wool' answer below.)

Something made of wool: "Cotton wool.."

An animal with three letters: "Lion.."

A bad place to fall asleep: "Concrete.."

A French ferry port: "Dover.."

Something you mount: "A mountain.."

Something you lose when you get older: "Your purse.."

A sport which involves throwing something: "Tennis.."

A type of bean: "Lesbian.." (This and the one above were the product of Brian Dowling's fertile imagination, on a celebrity edition of the show, in which the 'purse' answer also arose.)

Something you would play with in the bath: "A bazooka.."

Someone you wouldn't swear in front of: "Yourself.."

A country where Arabic is spoken: "Nigeria.."

Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: "Hitler.."

A number you might have to memorise: "Seven.."

Something that makes you close your eyes: "Dark.."

Something that comes in pairs: "Rabbits.."

A way of toasting someone: "Over a fire.."

A Boy's name beginning with the letter J: "Gerald.."

An instrument you can play while walking in the street: "A cello.."

A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."

A word beginning with Z: "Xylophone.."

A slang word for a girl: "Slag.."

An animal with horns: "A bee..."

A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."

Something made of wool: "A sheep.." (Interestingly when this question appeared again in a show aired in November 2009, the 'sheep' answer was second most popular among the public surveyed - perhaps influenced by seeing this daft answer so many times over the years.)

Something a bridegroom might wear: "A dress.."

Someone you wouldn't expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."

An animal with a long tail: "A rabbit.."

Something a train-spotter would have in his pocket: "A magnifying glass.."

Something you put out for the birds: "Worms.."

A way to prevent snoring: "Put a pillow over his face.."

A word used to describe a very hot day: "A very hot day.."

A song from 'The Sound Of Music': "Dancing Queen.."
(Also from the same family: "I wake up each morning..", "The skies are blue..", and "Over the hills and far away..")

Someone who works early hours: "A burglar.."

Something made to be wheeled around: "A hammer.."

A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."

A nickname for a slim person: "Slimmy.."

A measurement of liquid: "Paint.."

Something that's nice to wear next to your skin: "Pants.."

A famous Dick: "Carrot.."

A wild animal that's native to Britain: "A bear.."

Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.."

Something that comes in 7's: "Fingers.."

A vocalist known by only one name: "Michael Jackson.."

A yellow fruit: "Orange.."

An animal beginning with B: "Bullfrog.."

Something associated with Liverpool: "The Yellow Brick Road.."

A boy mentioned in a nursery rhyme: "Little Red Riding Hood.."

Something associated with Queen Victoria: "Her husbands.."

Something you hide in your socks when you go swimming: "Your legs.."

A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."

Something you beat: "An apple.."

Something associated with rain: "Water.."

An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.."

Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."

A game that uses a black ball: "Darts.."

A popular TV soap: "Dove.."

Other than 'carrier', a type of bag: "Horse.."

Something you might find in a garage: "a grand piano.."

Something a Frenchman would say: "On Garde.."

A fast animal: "A hippo.."

Something you keep in the garden: "A cat.."

Something that gives you goosebumps: "Mumps.."

A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.."

Something that has a shell: "Batman.."

Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."

Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."

Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."

A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."

A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."

A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."

An animal with big ears: "A bear.."

Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."

Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."

A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."

Something you pull: "A potato.."

An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."

A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."

A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."

A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."

Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."

Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."

A type of record: "A floppy disk.."

A type of large cat: "Persian.."

A job that a working dog does: "A slave.."

Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."

An occupation where you need a torch: "A burglar.."

A well known superstition: "Running in front of a car.."

Something you use a microchip in: "A fish-fryer.."

A dangerous race: "The Arabs.."

A game played in the dark: "Charades.."

Some famous brothers: "Bonnie and Clyde.."

A jacket potato topping: "Jam.."

A part of the body you have more than two of: "Arms.."

Something you find on a fire engine: "Coal.."

A famous royal: "Mail.."

Something you do before going to bed: "Sleep.."

An item of clothing worn by the Three Muskateers: "A horse.."

An animal you see at the zoo: "Dog.."

Something you might do in a power cut: "Read a book.."

A famous Parisian landmark: "Hawaii.."

One of Harry Enfield's characters: "Sooty.."

A famous Irishman: "Disraeli.."

The first place detectives look for fingerprints: "The floor.."

Something you associate with the sea: "A coffin.."

A famous Arthur: "Shakespeare.."

A type of cut: "Skull.."

A weapon in the game of Cluedo: "Dice.."

Something people take to the beach: "Turkey.."

A reason someone digs a hole in the road: "Grave digger.."

An ingredient in chicken stuffing: "Chicken.."

Something a girl should know about a man before marrying him: "His name.."

A bird with a long neck: "A blackbird.."

A bird with a long neck (2): "Naomi Campbell.."

An item of clothing a woman might borrow from a man: "Underpants.."

Something taken from a hotel as a souvenir: "The lamps.."

Something you keep in a garden shed: "A gardener.."

A song with moon in the title: "Blue Suede Moon.."

A famous cowboy: "Buck Rogers.."

A famous Wild-West character: "Wild Bill Eacock.."

Something you'd associate with the three bears: "Red Riding Hood.."

Fruit used in fruit salad: "Cucumber.."

Something you wear on the beach: "A deckchair.."

A method of cooking fish: "Cod.."

Something you borrow from your partner: "Shoes.."

A part of the body beginning with N: "Knee.."

A famous Scotsman: "Vinnie Jones.."

A famous Scotsman (2): "Jock.."

Something red: "My cardigan.."

A kind of ache: "Fillet-o-fish.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a hole in it: "A window.."

Something you do in the bathroom: "Decorate.."

Something you put on walls: "Roofs.."

A domestic animal: "A leopard.."

Something that floats in the bath: "Water.."

Something in the garden that's green: "The shed.."

Something a blind man might use: "A sword.."

The last thing you take off before going to bed: "Your feet.."

Something that flies without an engine: "A bicycle with wings.."

[Jasandjules]

I like it when someone wins the race and they go "you must be happy" - I really want someone to reply "no I'm pretty p***ed off actually, I was aiming to lose after all this time and money the team has spent"

[anonymous-user]

Watching the motorbike racing on Eurosport can't remember if it was GP or WSB anyway

He crumbled like a cheap watch

And

How did he hold that he must have the strength of a Tomcat

[Alfanatic]

This wasn't a sports commentator, this was two incidents on the night that Billy Zane was on The One Show promoting the premiere of the movie Titanic in 3D.

Host: "So, Billy, have you ever seen yourself in 3D before?"
Billy: "Every day...."

Later, they did a piece on a Father Browne, a person who had taken photos of Titanic, story here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Browne

While showing this particular photo, taken by Father Browne, the narrator asked "So, just how did Father Browne manage to survive this tragedy?"



By not being on the fking boat, you plonker.

[Ray Luxury-Yacht]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

I remember that - it was Kevin Schwantz in 500 GP's in 1994, talking about John Kocinski...it was actually 'he'll fall apart like a cheap watch'


/ zzzippp, anorak closing

[TwigtheWonderkid]

Wasn't it Donna Air interviewing The Corrs asked where they met?

[kowalski655]

Ray Luxury-Yacht said:

A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade.."

But what about the Holy hand grenade of Antioch?

[kiteless]

Ray Luxury-Yacht said:

I remember that - it was Kevin Schwantz in 500 GP's in 1994, talking about John Kocinski...it was actually 'he'll fall apart like a cheap watch'


/ zzzippp, anorak closing

Which is exactly what Kocinski did; if you look up the word "weird" in the OED it'll say, see entry for John Kocinski

[Ray Luxury-Yacht]

kiteless said:

Ray Luxury-Yacht said:

I remember that - it was Kevin Schwantz in 500 GP's in 1994, talking about John Kocinski...it was actually 'he'll fall apart like a cheap watch'


/ zzzippp, anorak closing

Which is exactly what Kocinski did; if you look up the word "weird" in the OED it'll say, see entry for John Kocinski

Heheh, yeah I know

He was a gifted racer really if you're fair - but I loved reading about his strange OCD stuff and rows with team managers.

IIRC it got a a point where no team would deal with him due to his 'interesting' personality. Didn't he end up leaving racing and setting up his own realtor / property company or something?

[Dixie68]

"The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey"

[mat777]

I remember DC being interviewed after being taken out of his last ever F1 race at the first corner. Louise Goodman asked "So, David... not the race you were hopping for in your last grand prix?". He should have replied, "yes, you daft bint, I was actually aiming to crash out on the first corner and I'm really pleased I achieved my goal of not getting any further"

[Yiliterate]

"Julian Dicks is everywhere...it's like they've got eleven Dicks on the pitch...".

[Justices]

Dick Norman was playing Andre Agassi at Wimbledon a good few years ago. Norman was playing one of the best matches of his life and giving Agassi a bit of a test for a while. The commentator said: "Dick Norman is 6ft 8in tall with a huge serve giving Agassi all sorts of trouble. Very popular in Belgium where he's known as Big...... Richard".

Brilliant save.

[mattyn1]

Para-Olympic Gold - What could be better than that?



I think this maybe urban myth, but some here may know better than me!

[Mr E Driver]

Ray Luxury-Yacht said:

I've heard a few good ones - but to be fair, it must be damn hard to sit and talk constantly for a couple of hours about something, and not say something a little questionable...

Thanks for C&P of the well known Family Fortunes list (that most of us have read before) but I started this about the commentators, reporters and newsreaders who ask stupid questions rather than people on game shows who give stupid answers!

[anonymous-user]

Anything Mark Robson says during a rugby match. I've genuinely had to watch the last 30 mins of a game on mute because of that knob.

In fact, anything that ANY of the Sky commentators say during their coverage of rugby games. fking hell they all get on my nerves!