Need to build the OH's driving confidence
Discussion
I wonder if anyone can help me here...
I persuaded my girlfriend to learn to drive last year and she passed her test first time in January. She has absolutely no interest in driving (except as basic transport) and she only drives occasionally - maybe once a week.
On the whole she's very good for a recent learner and her hazzard perception is better than many regular car users. However, she gets disproportionately alarmed if she makes a minor mistake like stalling on pullaway or a jerky gear change and she can get really wound up about it, to the point where it starts to impact the more important aspects of her driving. Then it all starts to fall apart.
If she actually kept her head and didn't worry about trivial issues she could cope with any situation on the roads. Instead, she sometimes comes back announcing she never wants to get in the car again.
It's a confidence thing and I've tried all sorts of things help her. Any ideas?
Before someone mentions it, although I keep meaning to get involved myself, something like the IAM would be about as interesting to her as shoe shopping would be to you or I...
I persuaded my girlfriend to learn to drive last year and she passed her test first time in January. She has absolutely no interest in driving (except as basic transport) and she only drives occasionally - maybe once a week.
On the whole she's very good for a recent learner and her hazzard perception is better than many regular car users. However, she gets disproportionately alarmed if she makes a minor mistake like stalling on pullaway or a jerky gear change and she can get really wound up about it, to the point where it starts to impact the more important aspects of her driving. Then it all starts to fall apart.
If she actually kept her head and didn't worry about trivial issues she could cope with any situation on the roads. Instead, she sometimes comes back announcing she never wants to get in the car again.
It's a confidence thing and I've tried all sorts of things help her. Any ideas?
Before someone mentions it, although I keep meaning to get involved myself, something like the IAM would be about as interesting to her as shoe shopping would be to you or I...
I took my wife out into the country, me in my car and her in hers. The regular drives out boosted her confidence as she had to follow me around some nice little twisties over the Mendips.
What this did was allow her to get to grips with the car and the roads and the different types of terrain and gear changes needed.
She is now a very confident driver and she passed in July.
Also for parking we went to a trading estate and used my car as the parked vehicle with me stood in the road talking her through the maneuver after a few times it sank in.
Hope this helps.
The reason for the 2 cars was so that she had to take responsibility for her vehicle and so that she didnt get frustrated with me in the car. All she had to do was follow me.
Now she buggers off on her own to learn more but i got her a sat nav with home programmed in just incase
But she said the same as your OH at first crying if she stalled etc etc etc But now she goes food shopping on her own (YAY the money was well spent on lessons no more supermarkets)
What this did was allow her to get to grips with the car and the roads and the different types of terrain and gear changes needed.
She is now a very confident driver and she passed in July.
Also for parking we went to a trading estate and used my car as the parked vehicle with me stood in the road talking her through the maneuver after a few times it sank in.
Hope this helps.
The reason for the 2 cars was so that she had to take responsibility for her vehicle and so that she didnt get frustrated with me in the car. All she had to do was follow me.
Now she buggers off on her own to learn more but i got her a sat nav with home programmed in just incase
But she said the same as your OH at first crying if she stalled etc etc etc But now she goes food shopping on her own (YAY the money was well spent on lessons no more supermarkets)
Edited by Allanv on Wednesday 29th October 20:02
Edited by Allanv on Wednesday 29th October 20:03
Edited by Allanv on Wednesday 29th October 20:04
That's a good piece of lateral thinking, but we don't really have the sort of funds to swap cars around. There isn't really a 'her car' either, we basically have one car between us for normal driving - my Focus, with the TVR for high days and holidays. That said, she doesn't even like being a passenger in the latter. 
For someone who's basically just past their test (in terms of experience, if not time) she actually makes quite good progress when things are going well and, like I said, her hazzard perception, judegement of safe corner entry speeds and so on are better than many regular drivers... they're probably better than mine were when I'd just passed my test for that matter. But I used to make mistakes, shrug it off and learn from them. With her a spot of kangeroo'ing or a fluffed gear change can induce virtual panic.
For someone who's basically just past their test (in terms of experience, if not time) she actually makes quite good progress when things are going well and, like I said, her hazzard perception, judegement of safe corner entry speeds and so on are better than many regular drivers... they're probably better than mine were when I'd just passed my test for that matter. But I used to make mistakes, shrug it off and learn from them. With her a spot of kangeroo'ing or a fluffed gear change can induce virtual panic.
crisisjez said:
Get her an automatic till she has more experience on the road and more confidence in her basic handling skill`s.
+1I currently am trying to help an Associate to pass their IAM test. I'm afraid she really isn't good at driving. In fact - she would not pass a DSA test if she tried it today. Scary.
But the main problem is that she is useless with the controls. So much so - it detracts from the thinking part of driving.
She would be loads better off in an automatic. No gears, no clutch. Just stop and go.
How this works is that everyone only has so much cognitive ability. If it's taking all of it to operate the clutch and gears there's none left for looking out the window and deciding whether or not to go for the gap! Reducing the cabin workload by eliminating clutch and gearlever can often yield great improvements in all the other aspects of driving.
Give it a year or three in an auto - then occasional goes in your manual - then back to a manual if she ever wants to bother. I have to say for most people most of the time an Auto is better, smoother and easier to drive yielding a better driving result. Sure - we enthusiasts prefer manual control - but if one isn't an enthusiast? Why do all the hard work when the car can do it for you!
Don said:
crisisjez said:
Get her an automatic till she has more experience on the road and more confidence in her basic handling skill`s.
+1Until then I think it's a more fundamental thing. She can change gear, pull away etc. perfectly, but just like anyone else she fluffs up occasionally and the problem comes with how she handles it when she does. I need to show her that stalling or whatever is not the end of the world.
Presumably she is a little more self conscious with someone else in the car. Try dreaming up some excuses for her to have to drive more often alone(would you mind doing the shopping, I'm feeling ill etc). It sounds like she knows what to do but just needs to get out there & gain some experience without worrying about what others think.
7mike said:
Presumably she is a little more self conscious with someone else in the car. Try dreaming up some excuses for her to have to drive more often alone(would you mind doing the shopping, I'm feeling ill etc). It sounds like she knows what to do but just needs to get out there & gain some experience without worrying about what others think.
hence my post of her following. I do not get in the car with her and I do work weekends hence she has to go out on her own and she has improved in leaps and bounds.IMO it's the getting experience on her own thing as mentioned above.
My OH was exactly the same about 8-10 years ago - and whilst I did take her out on drives and was (I think) really nice and understanding and tried to build her confidence, the thing that made the big leap forward was when she had to drive regularly, on her own.
Talking to her about it at the time, she felt that with me in the car with her, she deferred to me for a lot of decisions and was self-conscious about making mistakes. On her own she said she still made minor mistakes at first, but very quickly learnt that they had little or no impact so could laugh them off.
My OH was exactly the same about 8-10 years ago - and whilst I did take her out on drives and was (I think) really nice and understanding and tried to build her confidence, the thing that made the big leap forward was when she had to drive regularly, on her own.
Talking to her about it at the time, she felt that with me in the car with her, she deferred to me for a lot of decisions and was self-conscious about making mistakes. On her own she said she still made minor mistakes at first, but very quickly learnt that they had little or no impact so could laugh them off.
I think simply driving a lot more is possibly the answer. The problem is we live on the edge of London (so driving isn't really a sensible means of transport if you're heading into town, which she invariably is) and we only have one everyday car. She has no need of a car 90% of the time, which means the remaining 10% come as a shock. I suppose there's no way around that really.
henrycrun said:
Does she come home complaining when driving someone else ? I just wondered if its a relationship thing. My wife sometimes fluffs a gearchange, she says because I'm watching. I think when I'm not there she's fine, but then I will never know.....
As far as I'm aware, no. I get the logic completely, but actually one of her worst experiences was on her own - she went out to a friend's house a few weeks ago and the road was closed on the way back. That completely threw her as she didn't know an alternative route and apparently her driving went to pieces. Again, it seems to be anything that takes her 'off script' - within her comfort zone she's very impressive for someone who's only driven maybe a couple of dozen times since her test.I think there are only 2 solutions to this lack of confidence, and they are both stated by others, above.
1) Practice - it will become easier to devote more 'processing power' to the road and not the car controls
or
2) Make it easier - reduce the 'processing power' required for the car controls (automatic), thus freeing them up for the road.
Seems option 2 is a non starter.....so option 1 it is. (That's what most new drivers do)
1) Practice - it will become easier to devote more 'processing power' to the road and not the car controls
or
2) Make it easier - reduce the 'processing power' required for the car controls (automatic), thus freeing them up for the road.
Seems option 2 is a non starter.....so option 1 it is. (That's what most new drivers do)
Trips with a purpose outside 'home' territory e.g. to shopping mall, relatives etc. all help to expand the comfort zone. Trying to stay calm (outwardly anyway) while a near-miss flashes past also helps, but certainly isn't easy! 
As for the IAM I got my daughter through her test (I never did dare to tot up the driving school fees) at the third go and she surprised us all by signing up with the IAM soon afterwards and passing their test. Left the males in the family looking a bit sheepish.
As for the IAM I got my daughter through her test (I never did dare to tot up the driving school fees) at the third go and she surprised us all by signing up with the IAM soon afterwards and passing their test. Left the males in the family looking a bit sheepish.
Get Karter said:
I think there are only 2 solutions to this lack of confidence, and they are both stated by others, above.
1) Practice - it will become easier to devote more 'processing power' to the road and not the car controls
or
2) Make it easier - reduce the 'processing power' required for the car controls (automatic), thus freeing them up for the road.
Seems option 2 is a non starter.....so option 1 it is. (That's what most new drivers do)
How about Option 3) Professional driver training. 1) Practice - it will become easier to devote more 'processing power' to the road and not the car controls
or
2) Make it easier - reduce the 'processing power' required for the car controls (automatic), thus freeing them up for the road.
Seems option 2 is a non starter.....so option 1 it is. (That's what most new drivers do)
It may be that she can only drive on roads she knows because that's all she's been taught on. A very common problem with new drivers and one that proper driver training largely eliminates.
It's a sad indictment of the training and testing regime that I hear about this so often. I do a lot of work in this area. If you're interested PM me.
HTH
Regards
Martin A
Don said:
I currently am trying to help an Associate to pass their IAM test. I'm afraid she really isn't good at driving. In fact - she would not pass a DSA test if she tried it today. Scary.
But the main problem is that she is useless with the controls. So much so - it detracts from the thinking part of driving.
Sorry to sort of Hi-Jack the original thread but if she is that useless why are you bothering. I think Groups and Observers need to accept that not everyone is up to the job. That's why it's an Advanced Test. Everyone who comes to an IAM group is not necessarily "pass" material.But the main problem is that she is useless with the controls. So much so - it detracts from the thinking part of driving.
Likewise (and although there are exceptions) a newly passed teenager really needs to get some experience under their belt before doing the IAM course so they are not using all of their brain power thinking about clutch, mirror, which gear should I be in etc.
For the original poster even though your OH may not be a teenager have you considered signing her up for Pass Plus as that might help. The emphasis there is more on improving the driving rather than passing the test.
over_the_hill said:
Sorry to sort of Hi-Jack the original thread but if she is that useless why are you bothering. I think Groups and Observers need to accept that not everyone is up to the job. That's why it's an Advanced Test. Everyone who comes to an IAM group is not necessarily "pass" material.
Likewise (and although there are exceptions) a newly passed teenager really needs to get some experience under their belt before doing the IAM course so they are not using all of their brain power thinking about clutch, mirror, which gear should I be in etc.
The truth is I may need to advise her to give up. However: Being an Observer isn't just about the Associate. It's about making the roads safer too. I feel honour bound to try and make her safe at least.Likewise (and although there are exceptions) a newly passed teenager really needs to get some experience under their belt before doing the IAM course so they are not using all of their brain power thinking about clutch, mirror, which gear should I be in etc.
Don said:
over_the_hill said:
Sorry to sort of Hi-Jack the original thread but if she is that useless why are you bothering. I think Groups and Observers need to accept that not everyone is up to the job. That's why it's an Advanced Test. Everyone who comes to an IAM group is not necessarily "pass" material.
Likewise (and although there are exceptions) a newly passed teenager really needs to get some experience under their belt before doing the IAM course so they are not using all of their brain power thinking about clutch, mirror, which gear should I be in etc.
The truth is I may need to advise her to give up. However: Being an Observer isn't just about the Associate. It's about making the roads safer too. I feel honour bound to try and make her safe at least.Likewise (and although there are exceptions) a newly passed teenager really needs to get some experience under their belt before doing the IAM course so they are not using all of their brain power thinking about clutch, mirror, which gear should I be in etc.
Gassing Station | Advanced Driving | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff