Discussion
Gutterist said:
My question? (yes I do have one) Am I being a dick?
Before the OXO tower and 'buy her an mx5' comments start flooding in... 
Don't ever try and teach your other half how to drive... it'll never work. It might be worth trying the "I'll do it if you do it routine". Just because you think you're a much better driver than her, doesn't mean you are - a little healthy competition in training isn't a bad thing and might be the spur for her to prove how much better she is than you. Don't get too het up about having to do things a certain way - there are other methods than Roadcraft...
Hi Gutterist, welcome to the forums (unless you're a re-member for fear of identification 
)
Never ever try to "improve" you're other halfs driving yourself. It never works. You will increse both your stress levels to the point where she never wants to drive with you in the car and you never want to be a passenger.
The way I see it you have two options:
1) Do nothing.
I know this isn't the easiest thing, but you have to look at the facts. If she has been driving for 15 years without incident then she must be doing someting right. It may be that managing YOUR expectaions of her driving is the best thing to do. Some people simply get no pleasure out of driving, will never overtake nor understand how a clutch works for best effect and have no desire to drive faster or smoother. It is possible you are telling her she's crap at something she feels she is perfectly competant in and that's never a nice feeling from someone you love.
If however you feel her driving is dangerous, or it's something you just can't let go, then you need to broach the subject very very carefully.
I'd be tempted to approach it as someting fun for you both to do. A carlimits or airfield day with you sharing the car could work. You get to extend the performance of the car in a safe environment, perhaps she will feel the hit of adrenaline again and there will be instructors about who are used to offering assistance to all abilities. Women are often better at taking this instruction as there's no ego to get in the way. Even Karting can be a great day out and many women excel at it naturally. (must be beacuse they weigh less).
I'd be very careful about suggesting IAM without softening her up first. You have to do substantial work for it and you need to want to do it to make it sucessful. There is also the issue of finding a compatible IAM observer. It may be that she would prefer a female observer, it may be that gender makes no odds and she just needs someone understanding and willing to coax her into it at her own pace.
The choice is yours! Whatever you do, do it with maximum care for your relationship. It's not worth a blazing row every time you get near a car "Becasue YOU said I'm a rubbish driver!"
)Never ever try to "improve" you're other halfs driving yourself. It never works. You will increse both your stress levels to the point where she never wants to drive with you in the car and you never want to be a passenger.
The way I see it you have two options:
1) Do nothing.
I know this isn't the easiest thing, but you have to look at the facts. If she has been driving for 15 years without incident then she must be doing someting right. It may be that managing YOUR expectaions of her driving is the best thing to do. Some people simply get no pleasure out of driving, will never overtake nor understand how a clutch works for best effect and have no desire to drive faster or smoother. It is possible you are telling her she's crap at something she feels she is perfectly competant in and that's never a nice feeling from someone you love.
If however you feel her driving is dangerous, or it's something you just can't let go, then you need to broach the subject very very carefully.
I'd be tempted to approach it as someting fun for you both to do. A carlimits or airfield day with you sharing the car could work. You get to extend the performance of the car in a safe environment, perhaps she will feel the hit of adrenaline again and there will be instructors about who are used to offering assistance to all abilities. Women are often better at taking this instruction as there's no ego to get in the way. Even Karting can be a great day out and many women excel at it naturally. (must be beacuse they weigh less).
I'd be very careful about suggesting IAM without softening her up first. You have to do substantial work for it and you need to want to do it to make it sucessful. There is also the issue of finding a compatible IAM observer. It may be that she would prefer a female observer, it may be that gender makes no odds and she just needs someone understanding and willing to coax her into it at her own pace.
The choice is yours! Whatever you do, do it with maximum care for your relationship. It's not worth a blazing row every time you get near a car "Becasue YOU said I'm a rubbish driver!"
Thanks for the good advice Dave/Neville, I think that's very wise and I think I'll give up trying. Funnily enough my mate told me the same thing after having a number of barneys with the OH.
There's certain aspects I can handle more than others but what I find the most stressful is the jerky rides around town when there's lots of cars about and the feeling that I constantly have to stay alert incase she misses something. That's not a nice feeling and I struggle to bite my tongue. So far I've kept comments to a bare minimum and I've been doing quite well and have never sat her down and said, right, this is everything you're doing wrong. Jesus, I make mistakes, we all do, but there's quite a few little elementary errors that could be cleared up soooooo easily it's hard not to say anything y'know? You guys are right though, some folk just aren't interested, so why cause aggravation?
I take the point on board that she must be doing something right, and that helps, so thanks for that. It just worries me that most people have a bump at some point in their life. I'd hate for it to be a nasty one which could've been easily prevented.
There's certain aspects I can handle more than others but what I find the most stressful is the jerky rides around town when there's lots of cars about and the feeling that I constantly have to stay alert incase she misses something. That's not a nice feeling and I struggle to bite my tongue. So far I've kept comments to a bare minimum and I've been doing quite well and have never sat her down and said, right, this is everything you're doing wrong. Jesus, I make mistakes, we all do, but there's quite a few little elementary errors that could be cleared up soooooo easily it's hard not to say anything y'know? You guys are right though, some folk just aren't interested, so why cause aggravation?
I take the point on board that she must be doing something right, and that helps, so thanks for that. It just worries me that most people have a bump at some point in their life. I'd hate for it to be a nasty one which could've been easily prevented.
Edited by Gutterist on Tuesday 2nd September 14:12
Don't fight, or ever mention her driving while she is driving.
You say 'She spoke about taking some advanced driving lessons after we had our last fight on this subject.' Sounds like an invitation to suggest that you both do IAM.
I don't go along with the Car Limits type suggestion - how would that help with the aspects of her driving which make you nervous?
You say 'She spoke about taking some advanced driving lessons after we had our last fight on this subject.' Sounds like an invitation to suggest that you both do IAM.
I don't go along with the Car Limits type suggestion - how would that help with the aspects of her driving which make you nervous?
waremark said:
Don't fight, or ever mention her driving while she is driving.
You say 'She spoke about taking some advanced driving lessons after we had our last fight on this subject.' Sounds like an invitation to suggest that you both do IAM.
I don't go along with the Car Limits type suggestion - how would that help with the aspects of her driving which make you nervous?
I agree with the IAM suggestion and I think I'll be trying to take that forward, as tactfully as possible.You say 'She spoke about taking some advanced driving lessons after we had our last fight on this subject.' Sounds like an invitation to suggest that you both do IAM.
I don't go along with the Car Limits type suggestion - how would that help with the aspects of her driving which make you nervous?
waremark said:
I don't go along with the Car Limits type suggestion - how would that help with the aspects of her driving which make you nervous?
My suggestion of carlimits or similar was simply down to the fact the OP mentioned his other half drives a relativly "hot" car. This suggests some interest in driving fast and approaching the limits. Therefore a Car limits type day could re-ingnite her passion for driving and open her eyes to the value of further tuition and effort into her driving. The OP will knwo his other half better than most of us and be best placed to judge this!Gassing Station | Advanced Driving | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff