Course after accident?
Discussion
Hi guys,
About a week and a half ago I was involved in my first ever car accident - most certainly not major or particularly expensive, but regardless of blame (that's a different subject) I will be paying the £650 to repair the other party's car as keeping insurance uninvolved at my age will end up actually being cheaper in the long run, whether I'm at fault or not.
The problem is that I am facing a fair amount of anxiety. When I'm actually driving I am fine, but when I'm not I become extremely stressed about it and obsess over it. I can't help but replay it in my head, worrying about what I did wrong - could I have not had an accident if I'd not reversed here? Should I have been in a different position? Did I make the wrong decision? WAS IT MY FAULT??? - over and over again. Needless to say, it's having a bad effect on my life even though in practice I didn't cause the accident (I don't think - I'm young but I have a much greater amount of experience than most others my age and if I were going to have a typical young driver at-fault accident it wouldn't have happened under such bizarre circumstances).
However, I'm trying to find a way to combat the stress as I can't really think of anything else. I'm having a diffucult time dealing with the personal shame and humiliation despite being confident that in practice this was not my fault. I'm pretty confident that the other driver wasn't actually looking where they were going, even.
I guess this is because I took such pride in my sensibleness and capability - without being overconfident - that I feel that this has really screwed up my credibility, and left me feeling like I have to explain to people why it wasn't my fault.
Would doing some kind of advanced/defensive driving course help me to regain trust in myself? This has messed me up much more than I feel it should have, especially for such a trivial incident.
I'm hurting guys.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
About a week and a half ago I was involved in my first ever car accident - most certainly not major or particularly expensive, but regardless of blame (that's a different subject) I will be paying the £650 to repair the other party's car as keeping insurance uninvolved at my age will end up actually being cheaper in the long run, whether I'm at fault or not.
The problem is that I am facing a fair amount of anxiety. When I'm actually driving I am fine, but when I'm not I become extremely stressed about it and obsess over it. I can't help but replay it in my head, worrying about what I did wrong - could I have not had an accident if I'd not reversed here? Should I have been in a different position? Did I make the wrong decision? WAS IT MY FAULT??? - over and over again. Needless to say, it's having a bad effect on my life even though in practice I didn't cause the accident (I don't think - I'm young but I have a much greater amount of experience than most others my age and if I were going to have a typical young driver at-fault accident it wouldn't have happened under such bizarre circumstances).
However, I'm trying to find a way to combat the stress as I can't really think of anything else. I'm having a diffucult time dealing with the personal shame and humiliation despite being confident that in practice this was not my fault. I'm pretty confident that the other driver wasn't actually looking where they were going, even.
I guess this is because I took such pride in my sensibleness and capability - without being overconfident - that I feel that this has really screwed up my credibility, and left me feeling like I have to explain to people why it wasn't my fault.
Would doing some kind of advanced/defensive driving course help me to regain trust in myself? This has messed me up much more than I feel it should have, especially for such a trivial incident.
I'm hurting guys.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Edited by davgen7 on Tuesday 6th September 22:23
Pass-Plus might be an in-expensive confidence boost, bit of motorway driving and assessment to re-assure you you can still drive (or advise you to give up now! 
)
As for obsessing over it, don't, just try to learn from it!
I've been driving since I was 7 years old but yet had a few minor bumps once I'd passed my test, they happen, you are human, you make mistakes, observation wise cars come from un-expected places and you might miss them, occasionally these result in a collision. Long-term you will learn to look for these un-expected cars and become more aware of these possible hazards, just because you've had a bump doesn't make you a bad driver, just an unlucky one (you might also be totally crap, I don't know!)
As for the what-if's, well, if another sperm had beaten yours then you wouldn't exist at all, so try not to worry about those either, if you hadn't gone for a drive then the accident wouldn't have happened, but then you wouldn't have had the experience to now learn from!
Perhaps elaborating slightly on the bizzare accident might alsogive us some entertainment give us some idea of what happened and perhaps some views/experiences/advice about your specific accident?
)As for obsessing over it, don't, just try to learn from it!
I've been driving since I was 7 years old but yet had a few minor bumps once I'd passed my test, they happen, you are human, you make mistakes, observation wise cars come from un-expected places and you might miss them, occasionally these result in a collision. Long-term you will learn to look for these un-expected cars and become more aware of these possible hazards, just because you've had a bump doesn't make you a bad driver, just an unlucky one (you might also be totally crap, I don't know!
)As for the what-if's, well, if another sperm had beaten yours then you wouldn't exist at all, so try not to worry about those either, if you hadn't gone for a drive then the accident wouldn't have happened, but then you wouldn't have had the experience to now learn from!
Perhaps elaborating slightly on the bizzare accident might also
First of all, are you sure you want to pay cash for the third party's damage- you might be leaving yourself vulnerable to exploitation.
Regarding the accident, yes it probably was your fault as far as insurance liability is concerned, why agonise over it? You have already acknowledged that what you did not was a bad idea and you have learned from it. The only consequence is a little damaged metal and plastic. I presume it was recent and you'll just get over it.
Sure you can never have too much training but in the mean time you can recognise your mistake, learn from it and move on.
Regarding the accident, yes it probably was your fault as far as insurance liability is concerned, why agonise over it? You have already acknowledged that what you did not was a bad idea and you have learned from it. The only consequence is a little damaged metal and plastic. I presume it was recent and you'll just get over it.
Sure you can never have too much training but in the mean time you can recognise your mistake, learn from it and move on.
Petrolhead_Rich said:
Pass-Plus might be an in-expensive confidence boost, bit of motorway driving and assessment to re-assure you you can still drive (or advise you to give up now! )
As for obsessing over it, don't, just try to learn from it!
I've been driving since I was 7 years old but yet had a few minor bumps once I'd passed my test, they happen, you are human, you make mistakes, observation wise cars come from un-expected places and you might miss them, occasionally these result in a collision. Long-term you will learn to look for these un-expected cars and become more aware of these possible hazards, just because you've had a bump doesn't make you a bad driver, just an unlucky one (you might also be totally crap, I don't know!)
This has made me feel a good amount better. Thanks, I appreciate it.)As for obsessing over it, don't, just try to learn from it!
I've been driving since I was 7 years old but yet had a few minor bumps once I'd passed my test, they happen, you are human, you make mistakes, observation wise cars come from un-expected places and you might miss them, occasionally these result in a collision. Long-term you will learn to look for these un-expected cars and become more aware of these possible hazards, just because you've had a bump doesn't make you a bad driver, just an unlucky one (you might also be totally crap, I don't know!
)I've had jobs specifically driving before so I don't think I'm a bad driver. I drove vans between Birmingham and other parts of the country, around in central London in rush hour traffic, consistently reversing a brand new long-wheelbase Mercedes Sprinter through gaps it most certainly wasn't intended to fit through and never had any problems. I also delivered pizzas around for a while in whatever car the owners of the shop had lying around (covered by business insurance), generally at night, and also never had an issue. I'd also add that my car is a Mondeo ST, but seen as I've actually had the freak incident that's stressing me out so much in that very car I don't feel good about bringing that up to back up my point.
Course-wise, maybe I should go for something a bit more advanced? I'm not knocking the PassPlus, but I just can't see it doing much to reassure me of my abilities for some reason. I guess I feel like I'm past the initial "just passed your test" stage. On that note though, I feel so guilty (for no real reason) about the incident that I also feel like I'm not in a position to rule it out.
The accident was exceptionally weird... It almost pains me to type out a description of what happened. Maybe the weirdness is what's troubling me. I'm either horrendously unfortunate or the powers that be hate me in order for what happened to actually happen, and perhaps not really knowing what happened is what's causing me so many problems. I'm trying so hard to take some kind of lesson from all this, but I haven't found one yet.
Edited by davgen7 on Tuesday 6th September 23:03
Your confidence would take a boost from having someone else critically assess your driving, and pointing out the positive and the areas you could improve.
IAM and RoSPA's RoADAR schemes are both well worthwhile, although I'm biased towards RoSPA.
Even if you just get one of those organisations to assess your driving it will help, and perhaps you could chat with the observer / tutor about your incident.
Depending on where you are in the country someone here may be able to recommend a specific group near you.
IAM and RoSPA's RoADAR schemes are both well worthwhile, although I'm biased towards RoSPA.
Even if you just get one of those organisations to assess your driving it will help, and perhaps you could chat with the observer / tutor about your incident.
Depending on where you are in the country someone here may be able to recommend a specific group near you.
In these days of injury lawyers crawling out of every crack I'd be extremely cautious about not declaring an accident. Your insurer will not react well if a compo claim lands further on down the line. Ticking the "have you ever had insurance cancelled" box is going to be more expensive than one fault claim.
davgen7 said:
The accident was exceptionally weird... It almost pains me to type out a description of what happened. Maybe the weirdness is what's troubling me. I'm either horrendously unfortunate or the powers that be hate me in order for what happened to actually happen, and perhaps not really knowing what happened is what's causing me so many problems. I'm trying so hard to take some kind of lesson from all this, but I haven't found one yet.
I've seen you mention this accident a few times with a similar level of angst. I think you need to discuss it then move on with your life. Edited by davgen7 on Tuesday 6th September 23:03
SHutchinson said:
I've seen you mention this accident a few times with a similar level of angst. I think you need to discuss it then move on with your life.
He described it in one of his other threads: http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...Would definitely recommend the IAM/RoSPA route to help brush up on your skills - with a couple of years driving under your belt would probably be more appropriate than pass plus. Along with other things it'll help improve your observational skills and creating a driving plan. You'll probably enjoy your car more too on the country roads as a bonus.
I'd take up Reg's offer too if you can. He's also got a good (and entertaining) book on amazon which will get you thinking a bit more about your driving.
I really detect a heavy level of anxiety coming across in the posts and that is a great shame.
You're 19 with seemingly quite considerable driving experience under your belt, I really don't think you suddenly became rubbish because of one minor incident, even if it was your fault which your own account suggests might not be the case.
People are saying move in, and whilst I agree with the sentiment, I know that actual 'anxiety' doesn't work like that. This is obviously bothering you and there isn't an easy way out of it if that's the case.
I would suggest getting someone - ideally someone much older who has decades of driving experience and you know to be a decent driver - to sit in with you for a fairly long drive, including some motorway work. Get them to assess you. You will almost certainly find they will say you're fine, anything they pick up will be minor, and this should jog your confidence back up a bit and get you through this.
Those who may mock and who have never suffered this sort of anxiety, I'm afraid it's very real and it can be extremely tricky to 'shake off' without external assistance.
You're 19 with seemingly quite considerable driving experience under your belt, I really don't think you suddenly became rubbish because of one minor incident, even if it was your fault which your own account suggests might not be the case.
People are saying move in, and whilst I agree with the sentiment, I know that actual 'anxiety' doesn't work like that. This is obviously bothering you and there isn't an easy way out of it if that's the case.
I would suggest getting someone - ideally someone much older who has decades of driving experience and you know to be a decent driver - to sit in with you for a fairly long drive, including some motorway work. Get them to assess you. You will almost certainly find they will say you're fine, anything they pick up will be minor, and this should jog your confidence back up a bit and get you through this.
Those who may mock and who have never suffered this sort of anxiety, I'm afraid it's very real and it can be extremely tricky to 'shake off' without external assistance.
IcedKiwi said:
He described it in one of his other threads: http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
based on the description you posted (sorry, nothing is sacred once posted on PH!) I'd say it was just one of those unfortunate instances that wasn't to be expected, I'd go as far as to say 99.9% of drivers doing the same thing would also have ended up bumping into the muppet driving out of the petrol station! Chalk it up as experience, seriously try not to let it bother you, if people didn't have bumps then we wouldn't bother with insurance, take the lesson of "having a bloody good look around when reversing" away from it & move on.I know this is harder said than done, maybe this will help;
videos of actual proper idiot drivers, just to make you feel better about your own driving and observation
I'd like to say my sincere thanks to everyone on this thread for giving up some time to help me out. I guess the mix of the expense, damaged ego/self-esteem and randomness of the actual incident ended up getting the better of me. (Probably didn't help that the other bloke wasn't paying attention, yet I'm paying anyway in order to cut my losses over the long-term).
I feel a lot better knowing I can restore my self-satisfaction with some additional training and courses, because I REALLY don't want to be disillusioned with cars and driving anymore.
Thanks to everyone for all the advice - I will be acting on the suggestions given very soon.
Cheers guys.
David
I feel a lot better knowing I can restore my self-satisfaction with some additional training and courses, because I REALLY don't want to be disillusioned with cars and driving anymore.
Thanks to everyone for all the advice - I will be acting on the suggestions given very soon.
Cheers guys.
David
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