Nervous driver wanting to improve!
Discussion
First post on here, but have been reading lots,I am probably a lot of members' worst nightmares on the road, a female middle aged nervous driver! I would really like to improve, my main problem is lack of confidence and assertiveness ( in life as well as on the road). This may seem like a strange forum to join,certainly wouldn't call myself a Pistonhead but it's the best I've found by far.
I've thought of either taking am AA Drive Confident course, or joining my local IAM but I'm not that interested in taking a test and certainly wouldn't want to be an observer myself, are these things compulsory?
Perhaps confidence is the hardest thing to try and gain on the road if it doesn't come naturally, my daughter's driving instructor said it's much easier to calm down an overconfident driver than instil confidence in a nervous one! The worst aspect of being nervous is that if I find myself in a "situation" on the road I can't think clearly and tend to panic - not good
I drive locally every day for work and am fine with that, but my daughter has just started university in Leeds and at some point I may have to drive up there on my own. I went up with my husband navigating and keeping me calm, and we made it OK on A roads and a bit of the M1(did avoid the M62 and M621 though!)with maybe a couple of "dithers" on large multilane roundabouts. Used a Satnav for Leeds itself!
I would love to be a better driver, any advice very welcome.
I've thought of either taking am AA Drive Confident course, or joining my local IAM but I'm not that interested in taking a test and certainly wouldn't want to be an observer myself, are these things compulsory?
Perhaps confidence is the hardest thing to try and gain on the road if it doesn't come naturally, my daughter's driving instructor said it's much easier to calm down an overconfident driver than instil confidence in a nervous one! The worst aspect of being nervous is that if I find myself in a "situation" on the road I can't think clearly and tend to panic - not good
I drive locally every day for work and am fine with that, but my daughter has just started university in Leeds and at some point I may have to drive up there on my own. I went up with my husband navigating and keeping me calm, and we made it OK on A roads and a bit of the M1(did avoid the M62 and M621 though!)with maybe a couple of "dithers" on large multilane roundabouts. Used a Satnav for Leeds itself!
I would love to be a better driver, any advice very welcome.
Hello, Fiona, and welcome to PH.
You might find the IAM helpful, but their normal objective is to get drivers up to advanced level with a view to passing the IAM test. I'm not sure that you would necessarily be best helped by being placed in that situation; it could end up putting more pressure on you, and that's not what you need, although much would depend on the individual Observer.
Can you not find a relative or friend with whom you could spend some driving time, preferably somebody who has a relaxed and confident driving style that you admire? If I were you I'd try to overcome the problem that way as a preference.
Best wishes all,
Dave.
You might find the IAM helpful, but their normal objective is to get drivers up to advanced level with a view to passing the IAM test. I'm not sure that you would necessarily be best helped by being placed in that situation; it could end up putting more pressure on you, and that's not what you need, although much would depend on the individual Observer.
Can you not find a relative or friend with whom you could spend some driving time, preferably somebody who has a relaxed and confident driving style that you admire? If I were you I'd try to overcome the problem that way as a preference.
Best wishes all,
Dave.
I'd say your best bet would simply be taking more driving lessons with a decent instructor. My mum is very similar (probably worse actually) to you - she took extra lessons which did definitely help, but within a year she was back to how she was before.
I think some people's minds are geared up for it and other people's simply aren't and there's not always a lot you can do about that. She's decided to stop driving for good: she's only in her mid 50s but it's definitely safer for everyone else on the road. She does however still criticise my driving which is rather ironic as her nerves made her by far the worst driver I've ever got in a car with.
I think some people's minds are geared up for it and other people's simply aren't and there's not always a lot you can do about that. She's decided to stop driving for good: she's only in her mid 50s but it's definitely safer for everyone else on the road. She does however still criticise my driving which is rather ironic as her nerves made her by far the worst driver I've ever got in a car with.
What is it that makes you 'dither' on a r'bout? Is it a lack of confidence in judging the gap to move into or a lack of confidence in engaging the car to accelerate into the gap? Or something else?
If it's the 'engage power' bit, perhaps IAM may indeed help, as they will try to instil smooth power delivery etc.
Just ideas.
If it's the 'engage power' bit, perhaps IAM may indeed help, as they will try to instil smooth power delivery etc.
Just ideas.
Just my personal experience of some years as an IAM Observer - my drivers were mainly split between youngsters whose parents paid for them to join the IAM after they had passed the Test.
The other group were ladies who had been widowed "my husband did the driving" and people who had been involved in accidents and lost confidence.
I wish I could copy you the letter I still have from a lady who had been widowed - could not visit her daughter and children - had done five drives with an IAM Observer who was a serving Trafpol - gave up as she was scared of the Test and just not getting on.
Our IAM group asked if I would give her a few drives - every drive she asked if she should quit - every drive I asked her to have another try - one time I came home and told my wife 'It was a religious experience today - God, I need a drink!'
After 13 drives with me she passed "The Test" - called me and later wrote the letter I have in my files that she could visit her children and grandchildren.
Go for it...the fact that you have posted here shows that you can benefit from some sympathetic Observation...taking or passing the 'TEST' is not as important as recognising your concerns about driving safely.
BOF
The other group were ladies who had been widowed "my husband did the driving" and people who had been involved in accidents and lost confidence.
I wish I could copy you the letter I still have from a lady who had been widowed - could not visit her daughter and children - had done five drives with an IAM Observer who was a serving Trafpol - gave up as she was scared of the Test and just not getting on.
Our IAM group asked if I would give her a few drives - every drive she asked if she should quit - every drive I asked her to have another try - one time I came home and told my wife 'It was a religious experience today - God, I need a drink!'
After 13 drives with me she passed "The Test" - called me and later wrote the letter I have in my files that she could visit her children and grandchildren.
Go for it...the fact that you have posted here shows that you can benefit from some sympathetic Observation...taking or passing the 'TEST' is not as important as recognising your concerns about driving safely.
BOF
Hi there, I may be flamed for this but I'd start off going out with hubby or your daughter/friends for a bit of go-karting. It's relatively cheap and gives you the chance to have a bit of a laugh and play around going quickly in a safe environment.
After that ask hubby to give you a track day at Crofts:
http://www.croftcircuit.co.uk/croft/searches/exper...
For less than 100 pounds you'll get the chance to be taught how to drive a mini cooper s around a track and then do it yourself. I'm sure it will be quite liberating and give you much more confidence on the road.
Also you could look at these clips from an IAM instructor or member, I haven't watched them as I am a driving God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVWQ1xSIMxY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5JeyrTTO0E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJIn4DSBv0w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSsPccLyrfw
My advise is just to try to drive correctly, if you make a mistake or meet and asshole (and there are plenty every day on the roads), don't take it personally, don't retaliate and put it out of your mind as quickly as possible.
The more you drive, the quicker your confidence shall increase and you'll be laughing about your initial fears!!!
.
Remember... Have fun!
After that ask hubby to give you a track day at Crofts:
http://www.croftcircuit.co.uk/croft/searches/exper...
For less than 100 pounds you'll get the chance to be taught how to drive a mini cooper s around a track and then do it yourself. I'm sure it will be quite liberating and give you much more confidence on the road.
Also you could look at these clips from an IAM instructor or member, I haven't watched them as I am a driving God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVWQ1xSIMxY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5JeyrTTO0E
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJIn4DSBv0w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSsPccLyrfw
My advise is just to try to drive correctly, if you make a mistake or meet and asshole (and there are plenty every day on the roads), don't take it personally, don't retaliate and put it out of your mind as quickly as possible.
The more you drive, the quicker your confidence shall increase and you'll be laughing about your initial fears!!!
.Remember... Have fun!
Edited by deltashad on Sunday 29th September 19:56
Thanks everyone for your replies, it's good to have feedback !
I think my main problems are merging with traffic ie joining DCs and changing lanes, my husband says I have poor judgement of other vehicle's speeds. Also I have simply never had much experience of driving on busy dual carriageways and there are no motorways in Suffolk so never get experience there.
Also I think you have to be much more assertive nowadays than when I passed my test in 1988! I drove for about 6 years after my test then we didn't have a car for 11 years, I started driving again about 4 years ago but since I started again I've been a lot more nervous than I was before.
My husband doesn't have a car licence but is an experienced motorcyclist, so is a useful passenger and quite calm, which helps.
I might apply for the AA Drive Confident course, (apparently it's free) which is just two hour long drives to assess you, and see how I get on, then think about doing either IAM or Rospa. I must admit I've picked up some useful tips from here and find the posts very interesting.
If the courses don't help I'll just stick to my local driving and stay within my comfort zone!
!I think my main problems are merging with traffic ie joining DCs and changing lanes, my husband says I have poor judgement of other vehicle's speeds. Also I have simply never had much experience of driving on busy dual carriageways and there are no motorways in Suffolk so never get experience there.
Also I think you have to be much more assertive nowadays than when I passed my test in 1988! I drove for about 6 years after my test then we didn't have a car for 11 years, I started driving again about 4 years ago but since I started again I've been a lot more nervous than I was before.
My husband doesn't have a car licence but is an experienced motorcyclist, so is a useful passenger and quite calm, which helps.
I might apply for the AA Drive Confident course, (apparently it's free) which is just two hour long drives to assess you, and see how I get on, then think about doing either IAM or Rospa. I must admit I've picked up some useful tips from here and find the posts very interesting.
If the courses don't help I'll just stick to my local driving and stay within my comfort zone!
Fozz99 said:
If the courses don't help I'll just stick to my local driving and stay within my comfort zone!
Nail on the head right there. I remember the first time I went on a dual carriageway - my hands were shaking. But after the first few goes it got better, and now it's fine. I think your problem may well be that you've built it up to be a bigger thing than it is - and that's why you find it difficult. When we have a fear of flying, the best thing to do is to go flying. I think the best thing for you to do is to go driving on the motorway. Don't go with your husband - while he may well be very good, the dynamic is often all wrong between family members. Go to a driving instructor and ask for some motorway tuition just to get a better understanding of what's going on and make sure you're doing it properly (observation, distances, anticipation).
After that, I'm afraid the only thing to do is practice at it. Take a few problems out of the equation first though - don't make your next trip one with any pressure at all. No destination in particular, and no time to be there. It's what we would call "a hoon" on Pistonheads - driving for fun. Go out on a Sunday morning, fairly early, and the traffic will be quite light. Just get onto the motorway, drive for a while, and go home again. I bet you'll be more comfortable if you are just meandering along.
Fozz99 said:
Thanks everyone for your replies, it's good to have feedback !
I think my main problems are merging with traffic ie joining DCs and changing lanes, my husband says I have poor judgement of other vehicle's speeds. Also I have simply never had much experience of driving on busy dual carriageways and there are no motorways in Suffolk so never get experience there.
Also I think you have to be much more assertive nowadays than when I passed my test in 1988! I drove for about 6 years after my test then we didn't have a car for 11 years, I started driving again about 4 years ago but since I started again I've been a lot more nervous than I was before.
My husband doesn't have a car licence but is an experienced motorcyclist, so is a useful passenger and quite calm, which helps.
I might apply for the AA Drive Confident course, (apparently it's free) which is just two hour long drives to assess you, and see how I get on, then think about doing either IAM or Rospa. I must admit I've picked up some useful tips from here and find the posts very interesting.
If the courses don't help I'll just stick to my local driving and stay within my comfort zone!
I think it is disappointing that your husband gives you stick. This probably doesn't help. Positive reinforcement without being patronising is key to improving any skill because otherwise you are always waiting nervously for the next criticism.!I think my main problems are merging with traffic ie joining DCs and changing lanes, my husband says I have poor judgement of other vehicle's speeds. Also I have simply never had much experience of driving on busy dual carriageways and there are no motorways in Suffolk so never get experience there.
Also I think you have to be much more assertive nowadays than when I passed my test in 1988! I drove for about 6 years after my test then we didn't have a car for 11 years, I started driving again about 4 years ago but since I started again I've been a lot more nervous than I was before.
My husband doesn't have a car licence but is an experienced motorcyclist, so is a useful passenger and quite calm, which helps.
I might apply for the AA Drive Confident course, (apparently it's free) which is just two hour long drives to assess you, and see how I get on, then think about doing either IAM or Rospa. I must admit I've picked up some useful tips from here and find the posts very interesting.
If the courses don't help I'll just stick to my local driving and stay within my comfort zone!
I would avoid the IAM and Rospa like the plague and go for a few lessons with a nice calm instructor. They will have seen far worse drivers than you. Perhaps also go for a drive by yourself on new roads.
I've read this thread with interest - I suffered some (now resolved) confidence issues after a very tight near miss with my 10 year old brother in the car.
I completely agree with deltashad on this one, you need to put the pleasure back into driving. Karting or a track day is a great idea. I went to Rockingham the other weekend & drove an Aston, was insanely good fun. There were as many women as men there and they all without fail got out after with an enormous grin.
I completely agree with deltashad on this one, you need to put the pleasure back into driving. Karting or a track day is a great idea. I went to Rockingham the other weekend & drove an Aston, was insanely good fun. There were as many women as men there and they all without fail got out after with an enormous grin.
Hi there,
I'm an ADI, and reading the advice above can't disagree with much of what has been said.
The cheapest way to go about getting confidence into your driving is to tape up the "other halfs mouth"!.....on amore serious note, maybe getting him to offer consructive advice and help would be better or...
I think that contacting your nearest IAM group and talking to someone there about what your requirements are maybe the best way forward, like already said you don't have to take a test, but, if you went along, got a good "observer" they would take several months if required to build up your confidence to a standard you are happy with. It would also be a way of making friends who have a like minded way of improving road safety
You could also find a decent driving instructor who would also be able to help overcome your "issues", however we are there to earn money, and i would expect you to pay about £25 an hour for this help. people don't realise that we don't just teach folk to pass a test, and I have in the past help bring along post stroke victims, post road traffic incident (crash) victims, and several "mature" ladies who have owing to a partner dying or being too unfit to drive required a few hours to bring them to a level they are happy with, along with one or two who were terrified of the motorways.
The most fun would I agree be going a "skills for life" ( IAM )or track day and then scare the pants of your hubby.
Good luck with whatever you decide, but by asking on here you are taking the first step, and the hardest thing you have done is reconising you have a problem you want to sort!....good on you
I'm an ADI, and reading the advice above can't disagree with much of what has been said.
The cheapest way to go about getting confidence into your driving is to tape up the "other halfs mouth"!.....on amore serious note, maybe getting him to offer consructive advice and help would be better or...
I think that contacting your nearest IAM group and talking to someone there about what your requirements are maybe the best way forward, like already said you don't have to take a test, but, if you went along, got a good "observer" they would take several months if required to build up your confidence to a standard you are happy with. It would also be a way of making friends who have a like minded way of improving road safety
You could also find a decent driving instructor who would also be able to help overcome your "issues", however we are there to earn money, and i would expect you to pay about £25 an hour for this help. people don't realise that we don't just teach folk to pass a test, and I have in the past help bring along post stroke victims, post road traffic incident (crash) victims, and several "mature" ladies who have owing to a partner dying or being too unfit to drive required a few hours to bring them to a level they are happy with, along with one or two who were terrified of the motorways.
The most fun would I agree be going a "skills for life" ( IAM )or track day and then scare the pants of your hubby.
Good luck with whatever you decide, but by asking on here you are taking the first step, and the hardest thing you have done is reconising you have a problem you want to sort!....good on you
I would love to go on a track day, but sadly money is very tight at the moment!
I'm trying to be more positive about my driving, and not worry so much about upsetting other drivers. Today while negotiating a tricky junction got hooted at by a van, but he was speeding. so just brushed it off, and noted what I may have done wrong, whereas usually I beat myself up for the next half hour.
It's going to be a slow process but I feel more optimistic and appreciate all your comments, they have helped
I'm trying to be more positive about my driving, and not worry so much about upsetting other drivers. Today while negotiating a tricky junction got hooted at by a van, but he was speeding. so just brushed it off, and noted what I may have done wrong, whereas usually I beat myself up for the next half hour.
It's going to be a slow process but I feel more optimistic and appreciate all your comments, they have helped
Welcome!
I can guarantee you aren't our 'worst nightmare' on the roads, I for one have far more of a problem with those who are poor drivers but take no action to improve, or are poor drivers but badically think they are excellent!
Good on you for trying to develop, it sounds like you simply need to practice motorways / 'A'-roads more.
I can guarantee you aren't our 'worst nightmare' on the roads, I for one have far more of a problem with those who are poor drivers but take no action to improve, or are poor drivers but badically think they are excellent!
Good on you for trying to develop, it sounds like you simply need to practice motorways / 'A'-roads more.
I agree with the ADI who has posted on here as I too, am an ADI. If money is tight though - contact your local IAM and ask for an Observer to come along with you for a few hours - this will cost you nothing but your petrol and W&T, and they are there to help you - not to enforce you to take a test.
The only problem I had with this is that I had a few hours with an IAM observer while doing my Part II ADI test and it was probably the wrong thing for me at the time as the IAM driving style is different to how we have to teach new pupils!
Whatever you do, don't let idiots who beep at you wear down your confidence - keep practising and those nerves will disappear in time!
The only problem I had with this is that I had a few hours with an IAM observer while doing my Part II ADI test and it was probably the wrong thing for me at the time as the IAM driving style is different to how we have to teach new pupils!
Whatever you do, don't let idiots who beep at you wear down your confidence - keep practising and those nerves will disappear in time!
I would say one thing to NOT worry about is going the wrong way.
If you find yourself in the wrong lane and can't change, then don't panic - just follow the lane, then turn around later.
There are a lot of poor roadsigns out there, so it's way to easy to get the lane wrong.
I find making this mental adjustment in myself made me a calmer driver.
If you find yourself in the wrong lane and can't change, then don't panic - just follow the lane, then turn around later.
There are a lot of poor roadsigns out there, so it's way to easy to get the lane wrong.
I find making this mental adjustment in myself made me a calmer driver.
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