Sell me, your car.........
Discussion
Do we have any budding car-salesman here?
plug your elise to me. i dont want a list of mods (mainly due to bogie's list spanning 200,000 pages
), but more obscure reasons, to make me want your car!
My offering:
Elise 99' 111s,
-Titantium,
-Passenger seat has been sat on by some lovely girls
, (you can sniff when your bored)
-Appeared in a Charlie brown's photoshoot (its famous)
-Has remannats of jaffa-cakes behind the passenger seat (incase you get hungry
)
-Soft top is religiously cleaned/conditioned every 2 weeks (its "softer" than a paedophile at an old-folks home)
-its been trained to eat M3s (
)
-suspension is ridiculously low, (street-cred and increased performance)
-its loud and raw (its "harder" than a paedophile at a "new-birth", hospital ward)
-red leather (no embarrasment for the lady, should there be "an incident" of lack of Fanny-pad or puss-bullet whilst in the vehicle, at "THAT time o the month"
)
-Little boot space ("look darling, you only have room for that little Victoria secret number and the 25inch Black Dildo 
, for when ive finished pile-driving...oh and take the hair-straightners aswell 
"...comprende?)
-Driving lamps (help you see those who flash at you)
winner gets a pint at Pfest.
marks, get set...GO
plug your elise to me. i dont want a list of mods (mainly due to bogie's list spanning 200,000 pages
), but more obscure reasons, to make me want your car! My offering:
Elise 99' 111s,
-Titantium,
-Passenger seat has been sat on by some lovely girls
, (you can sniff when your bored) -Appeared in a Charlie brown's photoshoot (its famous)
-Has remannats of jaffa-cakes behind the passenger seat (incase you get hungry
) -Soft top is religiously cleaned/conditioned every 2 weeks (its "softer" than a paedophile at an old-folks home)
-its been trained to eat M3s (
) -suspension is ridiculously low, (street-cred and increased performance)
-its loud and raw (its "harder" than a paedophile at a "new-birth", hospital ward)
-red leather (no embarrasment for the lady, should there be "an incident" of lack of Fanny-pad or puss-bullet whilst in the vehicle, at "THAT time o the month"
) -Little boot space ("look darling, you only have room for that little Victoria secret number
and the 25inch Black Dildo , for when ive finished pile-driving...oh and take the hair-straightners aswell "...comprende?) -Driving lamps (help you see those who flash at you
) winner gets a pint at Pfest.
marks, get set...GO
ok dragstar...good to see you're back and posting...hope you had a good break here goes...
-It's green.....so perfect if you've got an amphibian fetish- it's the most frog like looking elise you can get (just watch out for the hot exhaust pipe)
- the seats are green but have brown inserts so should you take an erderly person out for a spin and they soil themselves because you're going too fast the stains don't show.
- It has a hard top...bugger all use but makes a perfect low level coffee table.
- It's impossible for first time passengers to get out so should you pull a lovely lady and she changes her mind half way home she's trapped anyway
-Should the lovely lady really take a liking to you in your lovely sports car on the way home them the lack of any centre console gives her easy acces to your.....erm.......'lap' area.
-Should you want to give said lady even better access then you can invest in a short ratio gear box
-With the heater always blowing out hot air even when set to cool said lady will have to start stripping off..
- I still have the rubber mats for it so should you wish to cultivate a nice hole in the floor to releive yourself on the move then you can fit them back in.
I could go on but I think I've done enough to earn my pint?......
here goes... -It's green.....so perfect if you've got an amphibian fetish- it's the most frog like looking elise you can get (just watch out for the hot exhaust pipe)
- the seats are green but have brown inserts so should you take an erderly person out for a spin and they soil themselves because you're going too fast the stains don't show.
- It has a hard top...bugger all use but makes a perfect low level coffee table.
- It's impossible for first time passengers to get out so should you pull a lovely lady and she changes her mind half way home she's trapped anyway
-Should the lovely lady really take a liking to you in your lovely sports car on the way home them the lack of any centre console gives her easy acces to your.....erm.......'lap' area.
-Should you want to give said lady even better access then you can invest in a short ratio gear box
-With the heater always blowing out hot air even when set to cool said lady will have to start stripping off..
- I still have the rubber mats for it so should you wish to cultivate a nice hole in the floor to releive yourself on the move then you can fit them back in.
I could go on but I think I've done enough to earn my pint?......
I bet they weren't
in my years gone by, i have managed the following:
1) Pissed on the neighbours front door at 8.00am Christmas day
2) wrestled the tree to the ground in a drunken "stuper" on Christmas day
3) Gave everybody flu
4) Dropped the turkey on the floor, picked it up and didnt tell anybody, until they were nearly finished eating
a few more "minor" incidents have occured but thats the worst of it
in my years gone by, i have managed the following:
1) Pissed on the neighbours front door at 8.00am Christmas day
2) wrestled the tree to the ground in a drunken "stuper" on Christmas day
3) Gave everybody flu
4) Dropped the turkey on the floor, picked it up and didnt tell anybody, until they were nearly finished eating
a few more "minor" incidents have occured but thats the worst of it
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