My turn to be a casualty of "this time of year"!

[MitchT]

I read in another thread, in the last day or so, a comment to the effect of "what is it about this time of year and everyone splitting up". Well, after eight years and four months I just had the "I think it's going nowhere and I think we should finish our relationship" talk from the OH.

The practical challenge that I now face is quite something...

It's her house - I have no claim to a penny of it. If I rent I'll never be able to save-up a deposit for a place of my own, but I can't afford to buy without at least another 30% coming off prices near me. It's a tad awkward to say the least!

She has said I can stay there until I've found somewhere and that she isn't going to see me out on the street, but I really don't want to watch her going out with her mates on a Friday night and then seeing her come home with smudged lipstick. I need out, and quick!

Bugger!!

[halo34]

Been there and done that about 2 yrs ago and left the very same hr she told me.

Went to mums for couple of weeks and rented a flat - decided to find a new job and look for a new direction at same time.

Was hell for a while but go there in the end

Sorry to hear your woes and best of luck and hope you get something sorted soon as it will drive you mad being there!

[NiceCupOfTea]

Always sorry to hear of this kind of thing

[MitchT]

I had a feeling it was none other than our resident legend Harry Flashman I was refering to in my OP. The the thread strippers, lawyers and colleagues. A bad mix. he stated...

Harry Flashman said:

I know a number of us have seemed to break up with long term partners around the start of this year, judging from the threads. I’ll repeat what I’ve said before – get to the gym, sharpen up your confidence and your game, and things get better; they really do. Was wiped out a couple of months back. Now it’s all just a bad memory that’s receding fast!

Some interesting advice there Harry. I'm gonna be needing it!

[Jasandjules]

Does your mum have a spare room? Any mates you can crash at for a while?

[dave_s13]

MitchT said:

...........Well, after eight years and four months I just had the "I think it's going nowhere and I think we should finish our relationship" talk from the OH.

The practical challenge that I now face is quite something...

It's her house - I have no claim to a penny of it. ................
Bugger!!

You sure? That's a long time and I assume you will have been paying your way?

Don't common law rules apply, whatever they are?

Nope, I was wrong If your names not on the mortgage you get feck all.

Unlucky mate.

Edited by dave_s13 on Tuesday 3rd March 21:09

[MitchT]

Jasandjules said:

Does your mum have a spare room? Any mates you can crash at for a while?

No real room at my parents' place. Do have some mates I could crash with as a last resort. Got a couple of decent and reasonably cheap rental options. I really do like my space so I'd sooner do that and try to figure out a way of upping my income.

[Jonny_]

Definitely wise to get out ASAP. You're actually fortunate that you haven't paid into the house.

Very good mate of mine is still living with his ex after splitting up last year - they bought the house together and now they're stuck with it until he's saved enough up to buy her out.

Meantime neither one of them can take up with anyone new. (a) it's still amicable and neither one wants to upset the other by bringing someone home, and (b) any prospective partner would understandably find the arrangement highly off-putting!

Take the opportunity to cut your losses (which are pretty much zero anyway), save both of you a lot of grief and heartache and just get out of there as quick as you can.

[MitchT]

dave_s13 said:

Nope, I was wrong If your names not on the mortgage you get feck all.

Concurs with what I've been told. I've told her to find a rich man who might give her some money to pay me off... or I could just refuse to leave, but I'd sooner get on with my life. My workplace is crawling with totty so the sooner I'm ready to get back on the bike the better

[Jasandjules]

MitchT said:

Jasandjules said:

Does your mum have a spare room? Any mates you can crash at for a while?

No real room at my parents' place. Do have some mates I could crash with as a last resort. Got a couple of decent and reasonably cheap rental options. I really do like my space so I'd sooner do that and try to figure out a way of upping my income.

How about any mates who might want to rent with you? Or any mates who are renting who would be willing to join you in renting a bigger place? After all, that may cut down their costs if they are renting alone?

I think in all honesty that your best bet is to simply get out as soon as possible, especially when it was not your decision to split (I hope you appreciate that I don't mean that in a nasty way, but simply that I think that you will suffer more being around her - oh, is there ANY chance of a reconciliation? )

[MitchT]

Jonny_ said:

Take the opportunity to cut your losses (which are pretty much zero anyway), save both of you a lot of grief and heartache and just get out of there as quick as you can.

Well, I wouldn't say my losses were zero - I've paid about two thirds of everything, but she specifically paid the mortgage (which is about one third of all of the household outgoings) so really I should have been entitled to something. Ironically, if I hadn't shacked up with her eight years ago I'd have bought a house... something I can't afford to do now, but still, like you say, better to just get out of there and look forward.

[MitchT]

Jasandjules said:

How about any mates who might want to rent with you? Or any mates who are renting who would be willing to join you in renting a bigger place? After all, that may cut down their costs if they are renting alone?

I have thought of that - it would be really cool if I could rent a big place with a mate. I'll have a word round at work tomorrow.

Jasandjules said:

is there ANY chance of a reconciliation?

I wouldn't have thought so. It's been going nowhere for a while - just took someone to call time on it. We're good friends and I do fancy her, but there wasn't enough to commit to on a 'rest of our lives' level, so it's better really for both of us to be free to seek true happiness.

Edited by MitchT on Tuesday 3rd March 21:23

[King Herald]

So, if it is her house, where has all your money been going? You just spunked it up the wall while she paid a mortgage, or what?

[MitchT]

King Herald said:

So, if it is her house, where has all your money been going? You just spunked it up the wall while she paid a mortgage, or what?

The mortgage was about one third of the total household outgoings. She paid that and I paid the other two thirds - i.e. council tax, water rates, gas, electricity, food. The rest of the money, which wasn't that much due to my st wage, went on car costs and the odd bit of - shock-horror! - enjoyment... though I have been saving about £300-£500 a month for the last few years.

[King Herald]

MitchT said:

King Herald said:

So, if it is her house, where has all your money been going? You just spunked it up the wall while she paid a mortgage, or what?

The mortgage was about one third of the total household outgoings. She paid that and I paid the other two thirds - i.e. council tax, water rates, gas, electricity, food. The rest of the money, which wasn't that much due to my st wage, went on car costs and the odd bit of - shock-horror! - enjoyment... though I have been saving about £300-£500 a month for the last few years.

So, despite the fact that you put more into the finances than she, you still don't have a legal leg to stand on to get something back from the money you invested in/during the relationship?

Mind you, when you leave who'll be paying that two thirds? Her? Lodger? New fella?

Edited by King Herald on Tuesday 3rd March 21:53

[Jasandjules]

MitchT said:

Jasandjules said:

How about any mates who might want to rent with you? Or any mates who are renting who would be willing to join you in renting a bigger place? After all, that may cut down their costs if they are renting alone?

I have thought of that - it would be really cool if I could rent a big place with a mate. I'll have a word round at work tomorrow.

Jasandjules said:

is there ANY chance of a reconciliation?

I wouldn't have thought so. It's been going nowhere for a while - just took someone to call time on it. We're good friends and I do fancy her, but there wasn't enough to commit to on a 'rest of our lives' level, so it's better really for both of us to be free to seek true happiness.

Edited by MitchT on Tuesday 3rd March 21:23

Doesn't hurt to ask at work and any mates etc.. You never know, one of them might be thinking of splitting up and don't have anywhere to go..

But at least what you say is it is mutual, therefore on that basis it may not be toooo bad if you have to stay there, BUT I think regardless of all that, getting out sooner rather than later is the best bet.

And at least you have some pretty decent savings, that is good news, and puts you in a better position that most I'd wager. Plenty of people stuck in relationships because they simply cannot afford to split..

KH, no, if you don't contribute to the mortgage it isn't easy to get any say in the equity of the house. Paying part of the mortgage, doing all the DIY, paying some of the deposit, all of these should get you an equitable interest in the place, but simply paying gas and electricity etc. and NOT the mortgage or contributing to they actual upkeep of the house, that's bad news.

[The Ben]

You could jump in there first and knob a prime bit of skirt from your office and then leave the next day, assuming you organise accomodation first...

[MitchT]

I'm not really looking to take any money out of it - just to look forward with my life. Quite how she'll manage without me helping financially I'm not sure. If she had to buy me out too she'd be in big bother. I don't really want that.

[MitchT]

The Ben said:

You could jump in there first and knob a prime bit of skirt from your office and then leave the next day, assuming you organise accomodation first...

When I'm ready I plan to knob myself a number of prime bits of skirt from the office... but I'll stick to not living with them!!!

[v9 ogre]

My sympanty mate truely!! but bear in mind this.... me and my ex split up, we split everything50/50 she got the inside and I got the outside! And I have to keep paying her! And it was her who was forking around! Is hard but you just have to move on....Sorry!