Tales from the air
Discussion
Not sure if these are true or just urban legend, but they made me chuckle.
An airline pilot wrote that on one particular flight he had hammered his plane into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Economy yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
An airline pilot wrote that on one particular flight he had hammered his plane into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles . The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!' Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'
A passenger in Economy yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
one of my own as told to me by an ex-military instructor....
bunch of paras sat down the back in a hercules transport. the troops and the pilots had boarded at the same time but the troops didn't know that up the front already was another pilot hitching a ride. Half way throught the flight the two pilots wander down the back for a chat, one trailing a couple of bits of string. 'What's that for?' he was asked. 'Well, the autopilot is faulty so i tied the string to the controls, look!' and with that he pulled the left string and the plane turned left, then the right one and it went back to the right. Cue many worried paras watching the bloke drink his coffee while 'steering',because they don't know the string is tied to the epaulettes of the third guy up front who is actually flying!
bunch of paras sat down the back in a hercules transport. the troops and the pilots had boarded at the same time but the troops didn't know that up the front already was another pilot hitching a ride. Half way throught the flight the two pilots wander down the back for a chat, one trailing a couple of bits of string. 'What's that for?' he was asked. 'Well, the autopilot is faulty so i tied the string to the controls, look!' and with that he pulled the left string and the plane turned left, then the right one and it went back to the right. Cue many worried paras watching the bloke drink his coffee while 'steering',because they don't know the string is tied to the epaulettes of the third guy up front who is actually flying!
Two stories from a friend of mine when she was training to be ground service crew supervisor:_
1) When taking her final test she was asked; " If you were monitoring on a flight and there was an emegency, what would you do to assist the crew in keeping passengers calm?" Her reply; " Got to forst class, find someone with a bottle of wine, punch them in the face and take the bottle back to the flight deck where I would sit back with my feet on the controls and drink very quickly".......She failed!
2) When going up for a checkout flight after a repair, she sat on flight deck. Pilot asks her if there is a red light flashing next to a switch above her head, she confirmed this was the case and he told her to flick the switch and fasten her belt. They turned and landed and she noticed the pilot sweating rather a lot and asked him why. He told her what the flashing light was for and made her promise never to tell anybody what he had told her...........and she didn't, b
h!!
1) When taking her final test she was asked; " If you were monitoring on a flight and there was an emegency, what would you do to assist the crew in keeping passengers calm?" Her reply; " Got to forst class, find someone with a bottle of wine, punch them in the face and take the bottle back to the flight deck where I would sit back with my feet on the controls and drink very quickly".......She failed!
2) When going up for a checkout flight after a repair, she sat on flight deck. Pilot asks her if there is a red light flashing next to a switch above her head, she confirmed this was the case and he told her to flick the switch and fasten her belt. They turned and landed and she noticed the pilot sweating rather a lot and asked him why. He told her what the flashing light was for and made her promise never to tell anybody what he had told her...........and she didn't, b
h!!Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff