I've stupidly broken two golden rules - what do I do next..?
Discussion
Ok, let's open this to the floor for some opinions and advice from the worldly wise PH'ers....
I've broken two of the unwritten "golden rules"...
1. I've loaned a friend some money.
2. I sold a cheap car to same friend.
Right, I've been a really patient bunny over this, now I'm getting the arse about it. I'll try not to leave anything out...
A while ago, I worked with a group of people who turned out to be a good, loyal group of friends. We regularly socialised together and everyone was reliable and sound.
Back in March, one of the group was a lass who was having a few health maladies. Having been in the same place myself a couple of years back, I offered supportive words of advice etc. It also turned out that she was in the financial s
t and was trying to figure a way out. Having once again "been there, done that", I tried to advise best I could and she decided to sell her Mini Diesel to clear her credit cards and get herself sorted out etc.
I offered to loan her £500 to keep her going and to keep her from sinking until she sorted herself out. She declined the offer initially, but then accepted as it would help her out considerably. She also said that she would have it paid back to me by the end of May. At the same time, I was selling an old Clio diesel for £700 as I'd picked myself up a nice daily barge. She said that she would be interested in buying the Clio, but couldn't go for it until her mini was sold. Thinking I then had an easy sale and that the mini (being a diesel) would sell in no time, we agreed a price of £700 to be repaid when the mini was sold along with the loan of £500. I'd get my cash back, my Clio would be sold and I wouldn't have blown the money on some useless gadget or stuff for my cars. Plus, I'd have done my good turn for the year and helped a mate out of a mess.
The mini didn't sell or wasn't pushed for sale and "allegedly" no dealers wanted to buy it from her (at her inflated price I now suspect). I did find it on eBay as a classified ad at a reasonable retail price but, according to her, no serious buyers.
She then broke her phone and the sim ended up with her sisters boyfriend, so contact via that was lost. Her housephone rings but never gets answered. I've been round her house several times, lights on and lights off, but never any answer (this has included parking my car away from her house and walking quietly to the front door). The only contact I've had to date has been a few emails from her saying she's "in a bad place" and "can't face me to talk about the money", then that her parents were helping her out and could she have my details to pay the money in electronically, could she have my address for a cheque and a bunch of other crap excuses.
She also claimed in one email that she'd paid £350 to repair the Clio and it seems like it'll go wrong again (oh for one of those crystal balls!) and that her parents now want her to keep the mini as it's reliable and she'd probably only get £4k for it. So she's going to sell the Clio (I still have the V5 and don't want a knackered, untaxed and now out of MOT car back, so that's gone to the DVLA now with her details on to avoid SORN fines etc). Oh, and would I please stop calling at her house to try to talk to her about it.
I've replied with deadlines for sorting things out, the "get in contact with me" deadline has passed and the final "payment or instalments in writing" deadline is Monday 15th. To be sure she's getting the replies and deadlines I posted printouts of the emails through her letterbox and also the new keeper part of the V5. I rang her parents house earlier and spoke to her mother who seemed either rather unaware of what's going on or very cagey, but told me that her daughters' best friends husband had suddenly died and her daughter is really upset, yet she hadn't seen her for around two weeks now and that she can be rather elusive. It also came out of the conversation that she has a new mobile number, so things can't be that tight if she has a new phone and is regularly not at home.
Stupidly, I didn't get a receipt for the £500 loan and neither did I get one for the car as no cash had yet been exchanged. Hindsight tells me I should have got a receipt and that I shouldn't have trusted a friend, no matter how good.
The girl in question was a respectable person until this happened and not your usual pissed up, money grabber type. If we all went out, she'd always get her round in, was always happy to go out of her way to give people lifts home etc. Her parents have their own business and live in a nice big house, she has a nice, well kept house in a nice area and a very good job (though she's off at the moment due to dislocating her thumb apparently - hence I can't pop in to work to speak to her).
I don't really want to have to go down the court route as a CCJ or whatever will screw her job up as she's in the same line of work as me, but I'm struggling to see any other way of getting this sorted out. She's turning out rather problematic to track down and speak to. I'm starting to feel rather angry about it and am really starting to boil up somewhat.
So, I put it to the floor.... How do I resolve this..?
Cue the novel ideas of kidnapping her dog, waiting outside her house with a flask of tea until she turns up, taking her up the oxo tower, kicking her back doors in, buying an MX-5, TVR etc....
Sensible advice or ideas to resolve things are very welcome...
I'm currently thinking of ringing her parents again on Monday 15th, being to the point and telling them if I don't get full payment by the 19th I will have no option other than to take their daughter to the small claims court.
Cheers,
Nige.
I've broken two of the unwritten "golden rules"...
1. I've loaned a friend some money.
2. I sold a cheap car to same friend.
Right, I've been a really patient bunny over this, now I'm getting the arse about it. I'll try not to leave anything out...
A while ago, I worked with a group of people who turned out to be a good, loyal group of friends. We regularly socialised together and everyone was reliable and sound.
Back in March, one of the group was a lass who was having a few health maladies. Having been in the same place myself a couple of years back, I offered supportive words of advice etc. It also turned out that she was in the financial s
t and was trying to figure a way out. Having once again "been there, done that", I tried to advise best I could and she decided to sell her Mini Diesel to clear her credit cards and get herself sorted out etc. I offered to loan her £500 to keep her going and to keep her from sinking until she sorted herself out. She declined the offer initially, but then accepted as it would help her out considerably. She also said that she would have it paid back to me by the end of May. At the same time, I was selling an old Clio diesel for £700 as I'd picked myself up a nice daily barge. She said that she would be interested in buying the Clio, but couldn't go for it until her mini was sold. Thinking I then had an easy sale and that the mini (being a diesel) would sell in no time, we agreed a price of £700 to be repaid when the mini was sold along with the loan of £500. I'd get my cash back, my Clio would be sold and I wouldn't have blown the money on some useless gadget or stuff for my cars. Plus, I'd have done my good turn for the year and helped a mate out of a mess.
The mini didn't sell or wasn't pushed for sale and "allegedly" no dealers wanted to buy it from her (at her inflated price I now suspect). I did find it on eBay as a classified ad at a reasonable retail price but, according to her, no serious buyers.
She then broke her phone and the sim ended up with her sisters boyfriend, so contact via that was lost. Her housephone rings but never gets answered. I've been round her house several times, lights on and lights off, but never any answer (this has included parking my car away from her house and walking quietly to the front door). The only contact I've had to date has been a few emails from her saying she's "in a bad place" and "can't face me to talk about the money", then that her parents were helping her out and could she have my details to pay the money in electronically, could she have my address for a cheque and a bunch of other crap excuses.
She also claimed in one email that she'd paid £350 to repair the Clio and it seems like it'll go wrong again (oh for one of those crystal balls!) and that her parents now want her to keep the mini as it's reliable and she'd probably only get £4k for it. So she's going to sell the Clio (I still have the V5 and don't want a knackered, untaxed and now out of MOT car back, so that's gone to the DVLA now with her details on to avoid SORN fines etc). Oh, and would I please stop calling at her house to try to talk to her about it.
I've replied with deadlines for sorting things out, the "get in contact with me" deadline has passed and the final "payment or instalments in writing" deadline is Monday 15th. To be sure she's getting the replies and deadlines I posted printouts of the emails through her letterbox and also the new keeper part of the V5. I rang her parents house earlier and spoke to her mother who seemed either rather unaware of what's going on or very cagey, but told me that her daughters' best friends husband had suddenly died and her daughter is really upset, yet she hadn't seen her for around two weeks now and that she can be rather elusive. It also came out of the conversation that she has a new mobile number, so things can't be that tight if she has a new phone and is regularly not at home.
Stupidly, I didn't get a receipt for the £500 loan and neither did I get one for the car as no cash had yet been exchanged. Hindsight tells me I should have got a receipt and that I shouldn't have trusted a friend, no matter how good.
The girl in question was a respectable person until this happened and not your usual pissed up, money grabber type. If we all went out, she'd always get her round in, was always happy to go out of her way to give people lifts home etc. Her parents have their own business and live in a nice big house, she has a nice, well kept house in a nice area and a very good job (though she's off at the moment due to dislocating her thumb apparently - hence I can't pop in to work to speak to her).
I don't really want to have to go down the court route as a CCJ or whatever will screw her job up as she's in the same line of work as me, but I'm struggling to see any other way of getting this sorted out. She's turning out rather problematic to track down and speak to. I'm starting to feel rather angry about it and am really starting to boil up somewhat.
So, I put it to the floor.... How do I resolve this..?
Cue the novel ideas of kidnapping her dog, waiting outside her house with a flask of tea until she turns up, taking her up the oxo tower, kicking her back doors in, buying an MX-5, TVR etc....
Sensible advice or ideas to resolve things are very welcome...
I'm currently thinking of ringing her parents again on Monday 15th, being to the point and telling them if I don't get full payment by the 19th I will have no option other than to take their daughter to the small claims court.
Cheers,
Nige.
Dover Nige said:
I'm currently thinking of ringing her parents again on Monday 15th, being to the point and telling them if I don't get full payment by the 19th I will have no option other than to take their daughter to the small claims court.
Cheers,
Nige.
Do this. Cheers,
Nige.
Dragged on long enough. She shouldn't have borrowed money she can't afford to pay back. She's made it worse by now going dark on you.
I hate people like this. Is it too difficult to answer your phone or front door and say
"Look, you're a mate, so I'll be honest. I'm in a bit of trouble and can't pay you now - can we work something out?"
Oh, and you've already said you know this but still.....NEVER LEND MONEY TO FRIENDS OR FAMILY
The jiffle king said:
The car also still is in your name, you can have it back with all it's troubles I guess.
A little check on the MID database shows the car not listed/not insured. I know the tax is up the end of the month and the MOT runs out in September, so the V5C has gone off to DVLA with her details on it as I want nothing to do with the car as it would just be a PITA now.
Muzzer said:
Oh, and you've already said you know this but still.....NEVER LEND MONEY TO FRIENDS OR FAMILY
Unless you have already said in your head that it's a gift, not a loan and can live with that.As for the OP, sorry, walk away, but make sure your friends know, in a dispassionate way, what has happened so they don't fall in the same trap, unless they already have...
Oh, and would I please stop calling at her house to try to talk to her about it.
Judging by that quote - anyone that hits you with that after all you've done to help them is a right scumbag and I'm afraid to say I think you have kissed the money and car goodbye. Not sure about putting the car in her name but atleast you won't be seen as the owner if any laws are broken.
A few health maladies
I've been around a few years and have found that some people who have always got varied health problems coupled with a bit of a 'drama theme' going on are trouble. Of course this isn't always the case but if you notice they lie or spin BS then they're a nailed on certainty to avoid. Definitely never trust them or lend them money.
Nice truck by the way.
Judging by that quote - anyone that hits you with that after all you've done to help them is a right scumbag and I'm afraid to say I think you have kissed the money and car goodbye. Not sure about putting the car in her name but atleast you won't be seen as the owner if any laws are broken.
A few health maladies
I've been around a few years and have found that some people who have always got varied health problems coupled with a bit of a 'drama theme' going on are trouble. Of course this isn't always the case but if you notice they lie or spin BS then they're a nailed on certainty to avoid. Definitely never trust them or lend them money.
Nice truck by the way.
Dover Nige said:
Walking away seems to be the consensus at the moment.
IF that's the avenue I go down, any ideas for a little thank you I can give her by fking her over some way in return or sending her on a very heavy duty, push her over the edge guilt trip then..?
Forget it fella. She sounds like you couldn't give her a red neck with paint.IF that's the avenue I go down, any ideas for a little thank you I can give her by f
king her over some way in return or sending her on a very heavy duty, push her over the edge guilt trip then..?Accept it, and move on. The greatest revenge is living well. Trying to get one over on her will waste more of your precious life.
She isn't worth it. She is, quite simply, a c**t.
Have her parents pay you. I think they will. Then she can work it out with them.
Don't mention dropping the loan amount. It was a one-time offer and she did not accept it. You should get your money back along with interest. Losing the interest on it is enough of a discount for the thieving.
Pics?
Don't mention dropping the loan amount. It was a one-time offer and she did not accept it. You should get your money back along with interest. Losing the interest on it is enough of a discount for the thieving
.Pics?
Dover Nige said:
I don't really want to have to go down the court route as a CCJ or whatever will screw her job up as she's in the same line of work as me.
I'm currently thinking of ringing her parents again on Monday 15th, being to the point and telling them if I don't get full payment by the 19th I will have no option other than to take their daughter to the small claims court.
the only sensible solution imo. lets face it, this woman has burned her bridges with you as far as friendship goes so don't feel guilty about going to her parents. tell them the full story and let them see how reasonable you have been but their daughter really is taking the piss.I'm currently thinking of ringing her parents again on Monday 15th, being to the point and telling them if I don't get full payment by the 19th I will have no option other than to take their daughter to the small claims court.
they can pass on the message and get her to pay. the threat of having her job affected by the ccj should be a major motivator.
they may also offer to settle the debt on her behalf. if i were you i would thank them for the offer but would only use that option if she doesn't play ball. don't drag a 3rd party in unless neccesary, that way you will find them more cooperative and willing to help at a later date.
What he said ^^^^
I'm all for helping friends. Done so in the past and will probably do it again. Funny thing is even with friends repayment of loans always seem to be delayed. I've two lots of cash owing to me right now and I seriously doubt I'll ever see them. Can I afford them? Yes. Does it matter to me? Well, yes but not in a monetary sense. I'm just very disappointed in them and if they do leave me standing well that'll tell me all I need to know about our friendship.
If I were in your position I would continue to try to get my money back. Not sure whether I'd go straight to the parents or tell her I'm going to. Given the lies she's told already I suspect that giving her any warning would allow her to get her version in first making it less likely that they'll pay you. I'd go straight to them I think.
If that doesn't work then it's time to get legal. If that's a threat to her career then she needs to take responsibility for her actions. If she can't her parents might.
I'm all for helping friends. Done so in the past and will probably do it again. Funny thing is even with friends repayment of loans always seem to be delayed. I've two lots of cash owing to me right now and I seriously doubt I'll ever see them. Can I afford them? Yes. Does it matter to me? Well, yes but not in a monetary sense. I'm just very disappointed in them and if they do leave me standing well that'll tell me all I need to know about our friendship.
If I were in your position I would continue to try to get my money back. Not sure whether I'd go straight to the parents or tell her I'm going to. Given the lies she's told already I suspect that giving her any warning would allow her to get her version in first making it less likely that they'll pay you. I'd go straight to them I think.
If that doesn't work then it's time to get legal. If that's a threat to her career then she needs to take responsibility for her actions. If she can't her parents might.
Dover Nige said:
Cue the novel ideas of kidnapping her dog, waiting outside her house with a flask of tea until she turns up, taking her up the oxo tower, kicking her back doors in
I imagine you had that in mind when you lent her the money, but I guess you've realised that ain't gonna happen now and you've been stitched.So I wouldn't dream of it...
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