Your help, please. A witty 'sod off' letter
Discussion
I know I PHers are masters in the craft of hilarious and cutting ripostes, so I'd be grateful for assistance with this:
Been getting ridiculous, threatening correspondence from some dodgy looking firm called CapQuest, who want me to hand over £81 allegedly owed to Capital One.
I owe nowt. I used to have a Capital One Card, and rarely used it from year to year. They had a £30 annual fee, which they agreed to waive when I told them I wanted to close the account. I used the card for a £51 purchase, and the next statement showed the £51, and then added a £30 charge again. I rang up to pay the £51 by debit card and reminded them that the £30 fee hadn't applied to my account since it was waived a year or so previously. They checked and agreed, and deleted the £30. I then said, I really thought it was time to close the account, and they agreed.
End of. No communications between me and Capital One for a couple of years. Then start of silly CapQuest letters.
I've ignored them all. I aren't wasting a penny of my hard earned in phone calls or stamps. And of course, should they actually get to the point of drafting proceedings they would then find that the supporting evidence of their claim is noticeable by its absence. And that would be the end of that. Besides, they've taken to begging for 'only' £41.50 now. That, or burn down my house and kill my guinea pigs, or something.
I am just a bit sick of it now, though, and am inclided to send theit latest letter back, return to sender. With a 'sod off' message on the back of it.
However, it would be nice if I could do so eloquently and creatively. So, if anyone can help out?
Also would be interested to know if anyone else has come across this set of tossers?
Thanks. Sorry for length of post.
Been getting ridiculous, threatening correspondence from some dodgy looking firm called CapQuest, who want me to hand over £81 allegedly owed to Capital One.
I owe nowt. I used to have a Capital One Card, and rarely used it from year to year. They had a £30 annual fee, which they agreed to waive when I told them I wanted to close the account. I used the card for a £51 purchase, and the next statement showed the £51, and then added a £30 charge again. I rang up to pay the £51 by debit card and reminded them that the £30 fee hadn't applied to my account since it was waived a year or so previously. They checked and agreed, and deleted the £30. I then said, I really thought it was time to close the account, and they agreed.
End of. No communications between me and Capital One for a couple of years. Then start of silly CapQuest letters.
I've ignored them all. I aren't wasting a penny of my hard earned in phone calls or stamps. And of course, should they actually get to the point of drafting proceedings they would then find that the supporting evidence of their claim is noticeable by its absence. And that would be the end of that. Besides, they've taken to begging for 'only' £41.50 now. That, or burn down my house and kill my guinea pigs, or something.
I am just a bit sick of it now, though, and am inclided to send theit latest letter back, return to sender. With a 'sod off' message on the back of it.
However, it would be nice if I could do so eloquently and creatively. So, if anyone can help out?
Also would be interested to know if anyone else has come across this set of tossers?
Thanks. Sorry for length of post.
Digger. said:
Whilst a letter might prove helpful I'd first be inclined to contact Capital One again explaining the situation. Ask them to explain/justify the gap of "a couple of years" since the last communication, and then tell them to call off CapQuest.
Capital One aren't involved at all. CapQuest, apparently just takes a load of data from Capital One, and doesn't check updated datea. MoneyExpert and some other sites have had threads on them. Apparently some people just pay up because they are scared by the alarming-looking letters, on bright red paper, that are titled WARNING - COURT ACTION / BAILIFFS and such like.There's no need for me to use my resources to contact anyone. They have no case.
Thanks, though.
speedchick said:
TPAC said:
speedchick said:
Dear Crapquest
Prove I owe this money.
Bye
Liking this one. Short and to the point. Prove I owe this money.
Bye
Thanks, folks
I don't know how to be funny
Geronimo said:
Why pay an annual fee for a credit card like that? It's hardly a Centurion.
Thats why as soon as they introduced the fee I rang and said that the account would no longer be suitable for my needs because I went year on year without using it. They agreed to waive the fee rather than have me cancel.I don't know if it was a case of charging a fee but having an attractive interest rate. Probably was.
TPAC said:
Digger. said:
Whilst a letter might prove helpful I'd first be inclined to contact Capital One again explaining the situation. Ask them to explain/justify the gap of "a couple of years" since the last communication, and then tell them to call off CapQuest.
Capital One aren't involved at all. CapQuest, apparently just takes a load of data from Capital One, and doesn't check updated datea. MoneyExpert and some other sites have had threads on them. Apparently some people just pay up because they are scared by the alarming-looking letters, on bright red paper, that are titled WARNING - COURT ACTION / BAILIFFS and such like.There's no need for me to use my resources to contact anyone. They have no case.
Thanks, though.
k off anyway, you know you want to!
Flintstone said:
Dear CapQuest.
I have sold this debt to Flintstone Enterprises who will shortly be in touch with you to establish how you wish to pay.
That'll flummox them.
I have sold this debt to Flintstone Enterprises who will shortly be in touch with you to establish how you wish to pay.
That'll flummox them.
And now I'm off to search vixpy threads. Never heard of him until today. ETA. Oh, yes. I see I have seen some posts of his, but nothing controversial so far.
Edited by TPAC on Saturday 30th August 14:32
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