Fertility Issues....
Discussion
Hi All,
bit of an odd one, but im sure we are not alone in having these issues, and could do with a bit of advice.
Me and my good lady have been trying for a baby for a bit over 2 years. We have been having regular hospital appointments, and she has been having all sorts of tests etc. They never really seem in much of a hurry though. I have also had the tests and results were on the lower side of normal, but nothing to worry about.
It turns out, she has poly-cysitc ovaries, meaning she isnt producing eggs to be fertalised. They have started her on a drug called chlomiphine, but this has had no effect.
I am positive about it all and trying to explain that we can sort it whatever route we have to go down, but it is really getting to us both if im honest. I feel useless as i really dont know the answers, and i cant say to her to calm down etc, and not to worry about it as she has really wanted this for a long time, and is more and more frustrated that its "her" fault. it isnt, its a situation we are faced with, its no ones fault.
This all got brought to a head last night when her brother and his mrs came round, full of joy that she is pregnant after 2 months of her being off the pill. I tried to explain that its not a race etc etc, and she doesnt see it like that, just the fact that she cant produce kids at the moment, and it is really hurting her.
Anyone else been through this? most things i can make a joke about and we can find a way round, im struggling here.
Cheers, Lee
bit of an odd one, but im sure we are not alone in having these issues, and could do with a bit of advice.
Me and my good lady have been trying for a baby for a bit over 2 years. We have been having regular hospital appointments, and she has been having all sorts of tests etc. They never really seem in much of a hurry though. I have also had the tests and results were on the lower side of normal, but nothing to worry about.
It turns out, she has poly-cysitc ovaries, meaning she isnt producing eggs to be fertalised. They have started her on a drug called chlomiphine, but this has had no effect.
I am positive about it all and trying to explain that we can sort it whatever route we have to go down, but it is really getting to us both if im honest. I feel useless as i really dont know the answers, and i cant say to her to calm down etc, and not to worry about it as she has really wanted this for a long time, and is more and more frustrated that its "her" fault. it isnt, its a situation we are faced with, its no ones fault.
This all got brought to a head last night when her brother and his mrs came round, full of joy that she is pregnant after 2 months of her being off the pill. I tried to explain that its not a race etc etc, and she doesnt see it like that, just the fact that she cant produce kids at the moment, and it is really hurting her.
Anyone else been through this? most things i can make a joke about and we can find a way round, im struggling here.
Cheers, Lee
Edited by leeb on Thursday 21st August 12:24
my ex girlfriend was adopted by parents who were unable to conceive a child of their own. So do not worry, as if you want a child, you should be able to adopt....it's not the same I guess as going through the pregnancy etc but the end is the same, you are allowing a child to live a good life in a loving home 
Very good friends of ours had been trying for 10 years for a baby (inc. IVF) with no luck. All the tests were "OK" and so on, then they found she had Poly-whats-its-name and did some sort of operation.
She gave birth to a very healthy girl earlier this year.
This is in Oz so I don't know the healthcare differences to us here but I can find out some info on the op if you'd like?
Bottom line, however, is that there is hope.
Edit: Oh, and this whole "it's not a race" thing - when it comes to conceiving/babies/names/etc any semblance of rationality a woman might possess goes out of the window to be replaced by irrational histrionics. FACT.
She gave birth to a very healthy girl earlier this year.
This is in Oz so I don't know the healthcare differences to us here but I can find out some info on the op if you'd like?
Bottom line, however, is that there is hope.
Edit: Oh, and this whole "it's not a race" thing - when it comes to conceiving/babies/names/etc any semblance of rationality a woman might possess goes out of the window to be replaced by irrational histrionics. FACT.
Edited by Landlord on Thursday 21st August 12:30
We were trying for 4 years, had the tests found some problems had ICSI - like IVF and bish bang whallop we now have twins and then whallop again an unassited 3rd !. So painful at the time but worth getting the best treatment.
How old are you both?
How old are you both?
Edited by superlightr on Thursday 21st August 12:35
I agree with every single one of the posts above, and i have tried to explain that if it ever gets to the point we CAN NOT have kids, then adoption is always availible. These are thoughts she wont even consider at the moment, as i think the emotion is a bit too raw for rational thoughts.
She tells me i dont understand, and i probably dont, but i cant get her head out of the thoughts its her fault, her body, her fault! aagghh women!!
We are trying to contact the fertility Dr we are seeing, to see if she can offer more answers than just "try this for 6 months, see you then" not helping to be fair.
IVF is also an option, we are getting married in august next year, but the sole focus for her is having a family.
People have said it can be partly a mental issue as well, so much tension and stress can not help one bit, but how do you get that out of her. major catch 22 situation.
She tells me i dont understand, and i probably dont, but i cant get her head out of the thoughts its her fault, her body, her fault! aagghh women!!
We are trying to contact the fertility Dr we are seeing, to see if she can offer more answers than just "try this for 6 months, see you then" not helping to be fair.
IVF is also an option, we are getting married in august next year, but the sole focus for her is having a family.
People have said it can be partly a mental issue as well, so much tension and stress can not help one bit, but how do you get that out of her. major catch 22 situation.
My wife and one of my mate's wives both have this. We have one and one on the way. The other couple have three. In both cases, it took a long time to get things going, but worked out in the end.
We had other issues and went to the recurrent miscarriage unit at St Mary's Paddington. It turned out that a blood-clotting issue was perventing implantation. A simple injection of heparin every day from conception until 20 weeks resolves this. Before we knew this, there may well have been several undetected pregnancies that were written off as late and heavy periods.
We had other issues and went to the recurrent miscarriage unit at St Mary's Paddington. It turned out that a blood-clotting issue was perventing implantation. A simple injection of heparin every day from conception until 20 weeks resolves this. Before we knew this, there may well have been several undetected pregnancies that were written off as late and heavy periods.
superlightr said:
We were trying for 4 years, had the tests found some problems had ICSI - like IVF and bish bang whallop we now have twins and then whallop again an unassited 3rd !. So painful at the time but worth getting the best treatment.
How old are you both?
im 27 she is 23. The Dr said we are both young and both have time etc. i would have been better saying i have been screwing her mum the reaction that got!!!!How old are you both?
Edited by superlightr on Thursday 21st August 12:35
We both want a young family, like we were lucky enough to grow up with.
out of interest this ICSI? is it an nhs thing? i will hunt on google, but i would love some more info if you have time mate. Thanks.
My wife also has poly-cysitc ovaries, it only happened after she had the coil. since then we have endured 2 miss cariges and i cant really comment on that any further as im still not sure how i feel about it, obviously still upset but i cant explain it.
I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
N1CK said:
My wife also has poly-cysitc ovaries, it only happened after she had the coil. since then we have endured 2 miss cariges and i cant really comment on that any further as im still not sure how i feel about it, obviously still upset but i cant explain it.
I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
This is absolutely my worst fear! i know she would not handle the emotions or the pain. How i would deal with it, i dont know either. really sorry to hear this mate. I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
I think its one of those things where whatever you say or whatever solution you come up with isn't going to be much comfort to her I'm afraid. As men we try and come up with solutions to problems whereas women quite often just want us to listen to them.
We lost 2 babies last year, the second we didn't know had perished until the first scan which occurred at 15 weeks. We waited a while, tried again an are now at 26 weeks with a little girl kicking the hell out of my OH.
I'm sure if you persist you'll get there in the end and it'll be worth all the heartache and struggle.
Good luck.
We lost 2 babies last year, the second we didn't know had perished until the first scan which occurred at 15 weeks. We waited a while, tried again an are now at 26 weeks with a little girl kicking the hell out of my OH.
I'm sure if you persist you'll get there in the end and it'll be worth all the heartache and struggle.
Good luck.
leeb said:
N1CK said:
My wife also has poly-cysitc ovaries, it only happened after she had the coil. since then we have endured 2 miss cariges and i cant really comment on that any further as im still not sure how i feel about it, obviously still upset but i cant explain it.
I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
This is absolutely my worst fear! i know she would not handle the emotions or the pain. How i would deal with it, i dont know either. really sorry to hear this mate. I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
The best thing would be not to tell anyone your expecting, just incase, my wife made the mistake of telling people and after it happend, when people asked when she was due it was just awfull.
Nothing prepares you for it, especially when it actually happens, my wife had 4 blood transfusions and almost didnt make it and i was distraught, its something i'll never forget, im just thankfull i still have her.
Thats probably not helping you at all, but you should discuss your concerns with your GP he/she maybe able to offer you advice and the info to keep your mind at rest, after all everyone is different
Can I just echo Mechsympathy's comment re the dog....
We were in a similar situation, did get a puppy, and now have a baby daughter.... I'm sure it is not a panacea, but we spent alot of our spare time focusing on and enjoying the puppy and less time thinking 'if only', probably did a power of good in reducing our general stress levels too.
The breeder we got our puppy from, confirmed that it is a regular occurence!
Best of luck
We were in a similar situation, did get a puppy, and now have a baby daughter.... I'm sure it is not a panacea, but we spent alot of our spare time focusing on and enjoying the puppy and less time thinking 'if only', probably did a power of good in reducing our general stress levels too.
The breeder we got our puppy from, confirmed that it is a regular occurence!
Best of luck
My wife had polycystic overies also. She had an operation called ovarian drilling at a Bupa hospital (they wouldn't let me do it with my Black n' Decker) and was pregnant within a month or so. Apparently this punctures the ovary to allow the eggs to be released.
If you have private healthcare, you may be able to get this operation under this policy like we did. For the wife, because it was linked to irregular periods, this was deemed a medial complaint and was therefore covered. The operation solved both this and the fertility problems immediately.
UV
If you have private healthcare, you may be able to get this operation under this policy like we did. For the wife, because it was linked to irregular periods, this was deemed a medial complaint and was therefore covered. The operation solved both this and the fertility problems immediately.
UV
Edited by Ultraviolet on Thursday 21st August 13:08
N1CK said:
leeb said:
N1CK said:
My wife also has poly-cysitc ovaries, it only happened after she had the coil. since then we have endured 2 miss cariges and i cant really comment on that any further as im still not sure how i feel about it, obviously still upset but i cant explain it.
I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
This is absolutely my worst fear! i know she would not handle the emotions or the pain. How i would deal with it, i dont know either. really sorry to hear this mate. I would just re assure her, the best you can, it will happen, when you least expect it, it seems the more you want it, it doesnt happen.
As you say, its not a race, just keep up beat and when she's finding it hard as i say do your best to comfort her.
All the best
The best thing would be not to tell anyone your expecting, just incase, my wife made the mistake of telling people and after it happend, when people asked when she was due it was just awfull.
Nothing prepares you for it, especially when it actually happens, my wife had 4 blood transfusions and almost didnt make it and i was distraught, its something i'll never forget, im just thankfull i still have her.
Thats probably not helping you at all, but you should discuss your concerns with your GP he/she maybe able to offer you advice and the info to keep your mind at rest, after all everyone is different
the mrs also has a very rare liver disease, which nearly killed her as a child, she is now medication free, but her consultant at addenbrooks has also prepared us for a 50% chance of internal bleeding and complications are possible. So there are a whole load more worries if she does get pregnant, to be honest i am s
t scared about what may happen. She is aware and absolutely wants to take this risk to have the chance and at least do all she can to reproduce as naturally as possible, and who am i to say no just in case. Horrible situtaion. It doesnt help that her brother and sister have never had any medical problems, and she has been in hospital for a lot of time through her life. Yesterday all just brough that back up, and the questions of why us, why her, what has she done wrong to deserve all the bad luck. Its not all bad, but i can see why shes a bit pissed at it all.
Edited by leeb on Thursday 21st August 13:12
Its a hard situation to be in,we went through this about 7 years ago,had icsi treatment,very similar to ivf,the wife got a posative test result on the second attempt,but nothing was there at the first scan so big disapointment time then,couple of other attempts failed and that was that....... difference in our situation was that i was the main problem,although she did have ovary issues too,in the end we now have a six year old boy we adopted,best thing we ever did,so dont think the world is ending right now,and the ammount of people i met whilst going through the treatment who could not conceave,but as soon as they stopped they caught naturally you would not believe...... its hard to tell her not to make a big thing of it,hey giving birth is the most natural thing in the world apparently,and every woman can do it right?...... no unfortunatly not,and the statistics say that infertility problems are increasing year on year,esp to the fellas......but things can and do work out well in the end.
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