Can friends ever be anything more?
Discussion
I wouldn't normally this kind of thing but I am totally confused as to what to do.
I really like my best female friend:( I've known her for 2 years and over the last year we have become really close, she kind of looks on me as another brother. We spend a lot of time together and she confides in me.
For the past year she has had a boyfriend but that has ended now and she has talked about going out on the pull etc.
I've never told her how I feel about her, although her housemate who is also my friend has told her I like her and for ages she didn't believe her, but apparently may do now.
Apparently she has said to her housemate that nothing could ever happen "we are just friends and will never be anything more" and that friends can never be anything more than that as it would be too weird.
I am completely torn by this, wondering whether I should say anything to her and what it could do to our friendship. On the other hand if I don't say anything I think it's something I could regret and to be honest I could not bare to see her get with someone else.
This has some kind of PH relevance as shady, nickster, trackdemon and kev have met her before.
I really like my best female friend:( I've known her for 2 years and over the last year we have become really close, she kind of looks on me as another brother. We spend a lot of time together and she confides in me.
For the past year she has had a boyfriend but that has ended now and she has talked about going out on the pull etc.
I've never told her how I feel about her, although her housemate who is also my friend has told her I like her and for ages she didn't believe her, but apparently may do now.
Apparently she has said to her housemate that nothing could ever happen "we are just friends and will never be anything more" and that friends can never be anything more than that as it would be too weird.
I am completely torn by this, wondering whether I should say anything to her and what it could do to our friendship. On the other hand if I don't say anything I think it's something I could regret and to be honest I could not bare to see her get with someone else.
This has some kind of PH relevance as shady, nickster, trackdemon and kev have met her before.
Muncher said:
Apparently she has said to her housemate that nothing could ever happen "we are just friends and will never be anything more" and that friends can never be anything more than that as it would be too weird.
Seems pretty clear to me mate. You could still ask her but you know what she would say and you know you would be looking for a new mate. Best to steam into her mates instead
That's a tough one. Not knowing either of you, so please excuse me being objective......are you willing to gamble the friendship on the chance of getting closer to her? If you did try and it went wrong, what would happen to your friendship?
Having said that, I am a firm believer in the phrase "is better to have done and regret, than regret never having done".
Having said that, I am a firm believer in the phrase "is better to have done and regret, than regret never having done".
r988 said:
www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Yeah, I've even shown that to her before but I can't help but feel I'm hanging off the bottom rung!
It would make our friendship a lot more awkward if I told her and she said no but I have been finding it awkward enough as it is lately, I don't think I could take seeing her get with someone else right under my nose
We blokes do this so often Muncher. It's like a date cliche or something, and girls know it. Sorry to say matey - if she sees you as a mate and has said so, that's it; you can't change their mind. Means she doesn't fancy you. Pushing it will only cause you embarrassment and risk the friendship; it won't change her mind about going out with you.
I had an (almost) reverse situation. After breaking up with the ex, ended up pulling and then more recently in bed with my best girl friend, who is gorgeous, funny and basically objectively perfect for me etc etc. However, I became the one who felt uncomfortable about the whole thing, and I should never have gone there. Nearly stuffed the friendship completely and am having to work hard to save a friendship which I value as much as any other I have - so be careful what you wish for.
Advice? Stay well clear. Plus she's your route to more pretty girls friends of hers - you don't want to can that resource lightly, friend.
>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Monday 3rd October 17:41
I had an (almost) reverse situation. After breaking up with the ex, ended up pulling and then more recently in bed with my best girl friend, who is gorgeous, funny and basically objectively perfect for me etc etc. However, I became the one who felt uncomfortable about the whole thing, and I should never have gone there. Nearly stuffed the friendship completely and am having to work hard to save a friendship which I value as much as any other I have - so be careful what you wish for.
Advice? Stay well clear. Plus she's your route to more pretty girls friends of hers - you don't want to can that resource lightly, friend.
>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Monday 3rd October 17:41
Harry Flashman said:
We blokes do this so often Muncher. It's like a date cliche or something, and girls know it. Sorry to say matey - if she sees you as a mate and has said so, that's it; you can't change their mind. Means she doesn't fancy you.
Not necessarily - she may be saying it to convince herself as much as to give the message to someone else.
If you don't say something, you will always wonder.
If your friendship is as good as you say, it should survive a chat about how you feel about each other. No need to go in for overblown gestures to prove your love etc. that only works in films.
If she really isn't interested, then move on. Don't dwell on it - time will put things in perspective.
If your friendship is as good as you say, it should survive a chat about how you feel about each other. No need to go in for overblown gestures to prove your love etc. that only works in films.
If she really isn't interested, then move on. Don't dwell on it - time will put things in perspective.
Why would you be risking a friendship? If she is a good friend and doesn't feel the same way then she will let you down gently and you can get on with your life and find someone else. Nothing to say that it will ruin a friendship.
You only have her mates word that she doesn't feel the same way - could be her mate fancies you?
I say go for it mate. Only ever regret things in life you have done - not missed opportunities.
You only have her mates word that she doesn't feel the same way - could be her mate fancies you?
I say go for it mate. Only ever regret things in life you have done - not missed opportunities.
rude girl said:
Perhaps - but if you want something, why convince yourself out of it?
Because of the thing about risking a good friendship that does work for something else that might or might not work.
I personally wouldn't risk a good friendship for a shag, seems to me that generally people who do risk it do so out of an irrational fear that there's no-one else on the menu... mostly they also don't seem to get much action..
plenty of fit girlies out there chap, go f**k the fittest of her friends!
(apologies to rude_girl, I am aware of the beating that is coming my way next we meet due to my [insert crushingly cutting remark here] attitude
)
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