Complete Bollox corperate/ buzz words, what your favourite ?

[tampon]

My girl works for a very "american" company and she tells me of the stupid fecking comments and buzz words they use.

Pick the low hanging fruit - extra push to close the deals that have been going on for some time.

Blue sky it - think outside the box to solve a problem.

One meeting the MD said "statisticalise these numbers and get them back to me"

Any one else got stupid crap

[towman]

"Taking the helicopter view"

[Plotloss]

Worked in Seattle during the Dot Com thing.

The tech director in a 'brown bag lunch meeting' told us that we were 'really pushing the envelope here people'

I could do nothing more than burst out laughing.

What utter cobblers.

[Incorrigible]

We need to encentivise people to get back on glidepath



And they tell me I'm not taking it seriously

[Prof Beard]

I hate people who have things they "want to share" with me. Why can't they just tell it to me?

Prof Beard

[lazyitus]

And the irony, when these people laugh at 'The Office'.

[neil.b]

Oh don't start me. We work extensively with US publishers. There can't be a worse combination on the planet: US + business + media types.....

I could write a book.

[dazren]

Not all phrases or abbreviations are crap. One I used to use in a previous job was "GFI", standing for Gross Incompetence.

DAZ

[Incorrigible]

dazren said:

Not all phrases or abbreviations are crap. One I used to use in a previous job was "GFI", standing for Gross Incompetence. DAZ

Ah, I think you have an RTFM problem

[tvrbob]

I work for an American company and the buzz words are very odd.

'Marginal contribution' means how much did you do beyond you basic role. Whereas I see it as meaning 'average'

The bet is my budget for the year

[maxrider]

Had a boss a few years ago that used this sort of crap, his favourites were;-

'Let me run this one past you' (= how about...?)
'At the end of the day' (= then)
'At this moment in time' (= now)

Really had to hold back from telling him to 'talk plain fg English will you'

[Alex]

"Remember, there's no 'I' in team!"

"But there is a 'U' in cnt."

[holbayhead]

this is an interesting issue I don't have a window now but we can touch base later

[pombstard]

lazyitus said:

And the irony, when these people laugh at 'The Office'.

Yeah, but more amusing when they decide The Office just isn't that funny The point, I believe, went that-a-way

Incentivise is a great pain just now - recent conversation with one of our Directors...

Dir: How do you "incentivise" 60 men to empty bins?
Me: Pay them more.
Dir: No, really, how can we make it so that they feel like they want to empty more bins?
Me: Pay them more, or penalise them for not doing it.
Dir: But we need to introduce some incentives.
Me: Money will work.

Not sure about the rest of you, but money sure "incentivises" me to get to work each day.

[Prof Beard]

And the two great "you are talking bollox/please fk off" expressions:

"I hear what you say..."

and "Thank you for that..."

Prof Beard

[Tank Slapper]

I hate it when people use unnecessarily complex language to say something.

eg. actioned instead of done,
leverage instead of use etc.

Solutions - see Private Eye for plenty of cringe inducing examples of this.

I find that the amount of coporate bollox speak is inversely proportional to the persons ability.

[nonegreen]

Its not just American companies. I rather like the American stuff actually its less cynical than the English public sector stuff.

For example LEA Speak

"Tread very carefully" = Do nothing

"The on cost prevents it" = We are not doing that even though its whats needed so we are going to bury it by allocating all the overheads to it.

Political Dynamite = One of the coucillors kids goes to that school

Corporate bollox is harmless the public sector cost lives

Speed kills?

Speed cameras save lives?

Benfits of congestion charging

Inward investment benefits of improving public transport

[pombstard]

Tank Slapper said:

leverage instead of use

But, sir, you surely mean UTILISE

[ZR1cliff]

tampon said:

My girl works for a very "american" company and she tells me of the stupid fecking comments and buzz words they use. Pick the low hanging fruit - extra push to close the deals that have been going on for some time. Blue sky it - think outside the box to solve a problem. One meeting the MD said "statisticalise these numbers and get them back to me" Any one else got stupid crap

Thanks for the "Heads up" and can you "keep me in the loop" on this thread"

[PetrolTed]

Overused on the news all the time: "Actively"

Police are actively searching for the culprit.

How do you inactively search? Completely superfluous and I hope you don't mind me giving you the heads up on this.