Have You Been Living In London Too Long?
Discussion
How do you know that you've been in London too long?
1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.
2. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.
6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
7. You've considered stabbing someone.
8. Your door has more than three locks.
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
11. You consider Essex the "countryside".
12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".
13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".
14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.
16. You pay 3 pounds without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
17. You actually take fashion seriously.
18. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.
22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
24. You don't hear sirens anymore.
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/water quality and what it's doing to your insides.
26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
27. Your cleaner is Portuguese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is halal, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner is Turkish.
28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.
29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown himself under a tube train.
30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work.
Wonder how many people this seems familiar to!!
at! 
rude girl said:
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/water quality and what it's doing to your insides.
I hate that about working in the City. Did all you Londoners realise that snot isn't naturally black?
No... it can't be..! You lie..! You lie...!!!
dr_evil65 said:
How do you know that you've been in London too long?
1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.
Of course. Plebs!
dr_evil65 said:
2. You have never been to The Tower or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton.
I have the misfortune to have been to all three. Quite like the Tower though. Went to a dinner there a few months ago.
dr_evil65 said:
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.
No, my navigation skills (combined with SatNav) are my legendary.
dr_evil65 said:
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
wish they were, although the improvement in the last fifteen years has been enormous.
dr_evil65 said:
5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.
I would not (although I might make an exception for a stinking drunk).
dr_evil65 said:
6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
I already am multilingual. For the rest I just shout "Bakalakadaka, durka durka, jihad!" (that is a joke, by the way).
dr_evil65 said:
7. You've considered stabbing someone.
Er, no.
dr_evil65 said:
8. Your door has more than three locks.
Only Two actually, but there is a Redcare alarm and there are security grilles on the downstairs windows.
dr_evil65 said:
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
That depends entirely on who makes eye contact! Some eye contact is very welcome (although my wife might not agree...
) dr_evil65 said:
10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
our lawn is even smaller at 9' x 5'
. The rest of the garden is OK though. dr_evil65 said:
11. You consider Essex the "countryside".
Some of it is!
dr_evil65 said:
12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".
not really, but Hampstead Heath is.
dr_evil65 said:
13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".
I don't think any Londoner considers property a bargain.
dr_evil65 said:
14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.
No, it gives me a severe attack of chavophobia.
dr_evil65 said:
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.
I would if I drove to work every day. As it is, I probably spend about £100-£150 per month on parking and the Ken Livingstone Car Extortion Charge.
dr_evil65 said:
16. You pay 3 pounds without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
No, I'm a Yorkshire lad and still remember paying under 70p for a pint of Tetley's.
dr_evil65 said:
17. You actually take fashion seriously.
I'm trying to think of a defence, but my spending gives the game away.
dr_evil65 said:
18. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
Don't do takeaway.
dr_evil65 said:
19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
Was in the Cotswolds this weekend. Off to Devon in two weeks.
dr_evil65 said:
20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
There's a difference between being nice and trying on a scam.
dr_evil65 said:
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.
No, I value my personal space. Sometimes, as on a crowded ube, it must unfortunately be compromised.
dr_evil65 said:
22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
I'd be delighted to get out of Borough Market having spent as little as £50!
dr_evil65 said:
23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
I try to avoid minicabs, so my only bad stories are a couple of racist blakc cab drivers in fifteen years (the type who thinks a white, English businessman might want to hear his views on blacks and immigrants).
dr_evil65 said:
24. You don't hear sirens anymore.
I wish!
dr_evil65 said:
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/water quality and what it's doing to your insides.
The water is fine, although I drink bottled. The air isn't too bad either these days, but we get out a lot (and live up above the city).
dr_evil65 said:
26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
Certainly not!
dr_evil65 said:
27. Your cleaner is Portuguese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is halal, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner is Turkish.
Cleaner Colombian, Greengrocer English, Butcher English, Deli man Italian, no landlord, unless you mean in the pub, where he is English, laundry people are a North London Jewish family, yes, the bartenders are Australian, the restaurants are too varied to categorise, watch seller???, cabbies are almost all English, newsagent is indeed Indian, chippie owner is English.
dr_evil65 said:
28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.
I am married.
dr_evil65 said:
29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown himself under a tube train.
Yes, with a thought for the poor driver.
dr_evil65 said:
30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work.
Metro? Metro? I get the FT delivered.
dr_evil65 said:
Wonder how many people this seems familiar to!!
So not really.
edit: formatting
>> Edited by Zod on Tuesday 23 August 10:41
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