Numpty Brickie!!!
Discussion
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the
newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation
board. This is a true story... questionably true, but hilarious none the less
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work,
I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof,
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh
135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I
lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I
continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right
hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I
had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the
rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight
of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you
again to my
weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of
the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the
pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am
sorry to report, however,
as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I
again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope
and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down
onto me.
This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry
>> Edited by glocko on Friday 15th July 16:11
newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation
board. This is a true story... questionably true, but hilarious none the less
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work,
I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof,
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh
135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I
lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I
continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right
hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I
had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the
rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight
of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you
again to my
weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of
the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the
pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am
sorry to report, however,
as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I
again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope
and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down
onto me.
This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry
>> Edited by glocko on Friday 15th July 16:11
Dear Sir, I write this note to you to tell you of me plight
and at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight;
me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly gray
and I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today.
While working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear;
now, to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea.
the foreman wasn't very pleased, he being an awkward sod
he said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.
Now, clearing all these bricks by hand it was so very slow,
so I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below.
But in me haste to do the job I was to blind to see
that a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.
So when I untied the rope the barrel fell like lead
and clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead.
Well, I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
that halfway up I met the bloody barrel comming down.
Well, the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped,
and when I reached the top I banged the pully with my head.
Still clinging tight through numbed shock from this almighty blow
and the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below.
Now, when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more;
still clinging tightly to the rope, I sped towards the ground,
and I landed on the brocken bricks that were all scattered round.
Well, I lay there groaning on the ground, I thougth I'd passed the worst,
when the barrel hit the pully wheel and then the bottom burst.
Well, a shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope
as I lay there moaning on the ground, I let go of the bloody rope.
The barrel than being heavier, started down once more
and landed right across me as I lay upon the floor
Well I broke three ribs, and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.
>> Edited by sadako on Friday 15th July 22:18
and at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight;
me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly gray
and I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today.
While working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear;
now, to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea.
the foreman wasn't very pleased, he being an awkward sod
he said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.
Now, clearing all these bricks by hand it was so very slow,
so I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below.
But in me haste to do the job I was to blind to see
that a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.
So when I untied the rope the barrel fell like lead
and clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead.
Well, I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found
that halfway up I met the bloody barrel comming down.
Well, the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped,
and when I reached the top I banged the pully with my head.
Still clinging tight through numbed shock from this almighty blow
and the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below.
Now, when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more;
still clinging tightly to the rope, I sped towards the ground,
and I landed on the brocken bricks that were all scattered round.
Well, I lay there groaning on the ground, I thougth I'd passed the worst,
when the barrel hit the pully wheel and then the bottom burst.
Well, a shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope
as I lay there moaning on the ground, I let go of the bloody rope.
The barrel than being heavier, started down once more
and landed right across me as I lay upon the floor
Well I broke three ribs, and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.
>> Edited by sadako on Friday 15th July 22:18
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