Best one liners or comedy putdowns...
Discussion
This just in from Popbitch:
When Ricky met Paris
Miss Hilton gets a mouthful
Backstage at Live8 Ricky Gervais was at the
side of the stage. Paris Hilton walked up to
him and said how much she liked his stuff.
Ricky: "Have we met before?"
Paris "Yes. I'm Paris Hilton"
Ricky "Oh, sorry Paris, I didn't recognise you
without a c*ck in your mouth."
Exit Paris in a huff.
When Ricky met Paris
Miss Hilton gets a mouthful
Backstage at Live8 Ricky Gervais was at the
side of the stage. Paris Hilton walked up to
him and said how much she liked his stuff.
Ricky: "Have we met before?"
Paris "Yes. I'm Paris Hilton"
Ricky "Oh, sorry Paris, I didn't recognise you
without a c*ck in your mouth."
Exit Paris in a huff.
Thats the stuff for Miss Hilton..
The guy's a legend, he is so funny, my missus just doesn't get it at all - which makes it even funnier still..
I want to have my own office just like him so I can embarrass the f**k out myself at will by saying really stupid things followed by huge pauses and perplexed staff who can be fired at a moments notice..
>> Edited by Biker.ie on Friday 8th July 21:52
The guy's a legend, he is so funny, my missus just doesn't get it at all - which makes it even funnier still..
I want to have my own office just like him so I can embarrass the f**k out myself at will by saying really stupid things followed by huge pauses and perplexed staff who can be fired at a moments notice..
>> Edited by Biker.ie on Friday 8th July 21:52
I'm not a cricket fan, but some of the put downs and retorts are fantastic:
"Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: 'Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?'
'Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit,' Brandes replied."
"Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired: 'Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?'
'Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit,' Brandes replied."
towman said:
Alex, you suprise me...........
www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&f=141&t=185584
Oh bugger.
Well...it is nearly a month since we last did it...
2 Smokin Barrels said:
Winston Chuchill was the king of one liners.
Lady Astor, aghast at a party. "Mr. Churchill your drunk!"
Mr. Churchill: "And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. As for my condition, it will pass by the morning.
You, however, will still be ugly."
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
--Churchill's reply
George Bernard Shaw:
Sitting next to a beautiful woman at a dinner party, the author asked, "Madame, for a million pounds sterling, would you sleep me?" After a few moments the woman replied, "Why for such a price, I think I might." Shaw then asked, "Well then, Madame, would you sleep with me for only one pound sterling?" The shocked woman replied, "How dare you, Mr. Shaw, what do you think I am?" Said Shaw, "Madame, we've already established what you are; we're now negotiating a price."
Sitting next to a beautiful woman at a dinner party, the author asked, "Madame, for a million pounds sterling, would you sleep me?" After a few moments the woman replied, "Why for such a price, I think I might." Shaw then asked, "Well then, Madame, would you sleep with me for only one pound sterling?" The shocked woman replied, "How dare you, Mr. Shaw, what do you think I am?" Said Shaw, "Madame, we've already established what you are; we're now negotiating a price."
sybaseian said:
I was in the Pub a while back and this stupid women tried to insult a few of the lads after we were taking the preverbial.
Drunken Woman - "your face, my arse...."
Me to woman - "It's a shame that my ego isn't as big as your arse...."
She might have been offering you a soixante neuf....
Not at all PC but made me chuckle!!
On new years eve a few years ago our family went to Centinary Square in Birmingham and as you can imagine packed!!
In the queue to get some drinks my sister is behind a chap in a wheelchair, as the crowd is moving about my sis keeps bumping into this chap....she can't help it!!
This bloke keeps turning round and telling here to
off!!....after he has said this 4 or 5 times she loses it and yells
"You tell me to off again and i'll let your tyres down"!!!
On new years eve a few years ago our family went to Centinary Square in Birmingham and as you can imagine packed!!
In the queue to get some drinks my sister is behind a chap in a wheelchair, as the crowd is moving about my sis keeps bumping into this chap....she can't help it!!
This bloke keeps turning round and telling here to
off!!....after he has said this 4 or 5 times she loses it and yells "You tell me to
off again and i'll let your tyres down"!!! Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff