Discussion
I am completely at a loss as to where to go next,
2 years ago I left a violent marriage, shortly after my eldest Daughter told me that my husband (not her father) had been abusing her.
The Police and Social services were involved and my Daughter made a video statement, at this point I was told I could not discuss anything that she had given in evidence with her, I was also told that it would not be in her best interest to embark on counselling until after the trial.
The officer in charge of her case did an excellent job and uncovered many things, however a couple of weeks before the trial date the CPS decided not to prosecute as Social Services had failed to interview me.
So I contacted Social Services to ask how to seek counselling for my Daughter, and was informed that due to no prosecution taking place they couldn't offer any help.
I approached the school to see if they could help, but as she has no difficulties at school this avenue was not open.
Due to a significant increase in the harm that my Daughter inflicts on herself I approached my GP, she told me that the only referral she could make was via the Mental Health Team, great help at last, so after a long wait we finally have an assement, where it is decided that my Daughter does not have a mental illness, merely she is suffering from the effects of domestic violence and they can't help her.
I have trawled websites but all to no avail, so who do I need to go and scream at, or do I wait until my Daughter hangs herself and shout for a public enquiry, where upon the various departments can all go ooops.
2 years ago I left a violent marriage, shortly after my eldest Daughter told me that my husband (not her father) had been abusing her.
The Police and Social services were involved and my Daughter made a video statement, at this point I was told I could not discuss anything that she had given in evidence with her, I was also told that it would not be in her best interest to embark on counselling until after the trial.
The officer in charge of her case did an excellent job and uncovered many things, however a couple of weeks before the trial date the CPS decided not to prosecute as Social Services had failed to interview me.
So I contacted Social Services to ask how to seek counselling for my Daughter, and was informed that due to no prosecution taking place they couldn't offer any help.
I approached the school to see if they could help, but as she has no difficulties at school this avenue was not open.
Due to a significant increase in the harm that my Daughter inflicts on herself I approached my GP, she told me that the only referral she could make was via the Mental Health Team, great help at last, so after a long wait we finally have an assement, where it is decided that my Daughter does not have a mental illness, merely she is suffering from the effects of domestic violence and they can't help her.
I have trawled websites but all to no avail, so who do I need to go and scream at, or do I wait until my Daughter hangs herself and shout for a public enquiry, where upon the various departments can all go ooops.
After I went through quite a mixed-up depressed bit of my late teenage years, I found MIND really helpful when everyone else told me there was nothing wrong with me...
www.mind.org.uk/
Even if they can't help you diretcly, they know lots of people that can.
Good luck.
www.mind.org.uk/
Even if they can't help you diretcly, they know lots of people that can.
Good luck.
On a positive note, you have eachother and thankfully she is not still living with him.She must be having a hard time of it, and you must be at your wits end. What does she think of the situation? Does she recognise there's a problem? Can she talk to you? If she's self-harming (it's suprisingly common), there are support groups online I believe.
It's not much help, but our local GP had a counsellor on hand for things like bereavments, alchoholism and so on. I think that's different from mental illness, and I'm sure most NHS trusts should be able to provide counselling, if your GP searches for it. Sometimes it's a question of knowing what to ask for. Failing that, there are counsellors who will see her for a fee, but I guess the cost may be a problem.
It's not much help, but our local GP had a counsellor on hand for things like bereavments, alchoholism and so on. I think that's different from mental illness, and I'm sure most NHS trusts should be able to provide counselling, if your GP searches for it. Sometimes it's a question of knowing what to ask for. Failing that, there are counsellors who will see her for a fee, but I guess the cost may be a problem.
Is a private prosecution a possibility? Perhaps your poor daughter feels abused twice; once by your ex, and once by the system. She might need to have the law wreak its revenge on him for her.
Whatever, I really feel for you both and wish you every piece of good fortune in getting her sorted out.
Whatever, I really feel for you both and wish you every piece of good fortune in getting her sorted out.
WG, So sorry to hear you and your daughter having to go through stuff like this......... But all the above is good advice.
Can you talk to your daughter about this, does she confide in you? If so, that's good. At least that can help you understand how she really feels, and her pain.
I think you spoke with my wife last year at the BBWF (Katherine, blonde hair?) I may be confused..usually am
I will get her to read your thread.....she has similar experiences..
Take care
Can you talk to your daughter about this, does she confide in you? If so, that's good. At least that can help you understand how she really feels, and her pain.
I think you spoke with my wife last year at the BBWF (Katherine, blonde hair?) I may be confused..usually am
I will get her to read your thread.....she has similar experiences..
Take care
Yipes. The eldest daughter of my ex-fiancee started self-harming when she was about 14 (not long after her mother became obsessed with the church and banned her from seeing me).
Whilst IMO the person needing help was the mother, it was the unfortunate daughter who was referred to a psychologist via her school. As your daughter's school won't do that, you should be able to get a referral via a GP. Don't be fobbed off by pills and potions; as you already know these things are created in the mind and that is where they gave to be fixed.
Good luck WG. At least there are no evil church mind-washers around.
>> Edited by simpo two on Friday 24th June 15:46
Whilst IMO the person needing help was the mother, it was the unfortunate daughter who was referred to a psychologist via her school. As your daughter's school won't do that, you should be able to get a referral via a GP. Don't be fobbed off by pills and potions; as you already know these things are created in the mind and that is where they gave to be fixed.
Good luck WG. At least there are no evil church mind-washers around.
>> Edited by simpo two on Friday 24th June 15:46
Wait...the school psychologist or the social services can't point you in the right direction? Seems like the least they could do.
I wonder why the police didn't think to interview you as well so that you could go through with a prosecution. So sorry you are both going through all of this. Your GP may be able to recommend a counselor who specializes in abuse survivors. Some insurance groups cover counselling. Some counselors have a sliding scale based on ability to pay. I'm sorry your kid is hurting herself. Maybe the counsellor can help think of a healthier way for her to take out that agression. Like kick-boxing classes, or something. Hope you both feel better soon.
Many thanks to all of you who have posted and emailed. It is appreciated a great deal.
With regard to helpline phone numbers, whilst I'm sure they have their place and are very good, getting my 11 year old Daughter to call them is not so easy.
She needs to build up trust in a counsellor in order to deal with some of her issues and I'm not sure the phone is the best way.
I have tried calling both the NSPCC and Childline for advice, but haven't managed to speak with anyone who can help yet. But I will keep trying.
I will draft a letter to my MP, that's one avenue I haven't explored and wouldn't have thought of so thanks for that.
I am also more than happy to pay for private counselling as getting my Daughter well again is paramount, but I want to get her the right counselling from the start. I'm guessing we could all do with some form of family therapy at some point, so if anyone knows a charity or organisation preferably in the Kent area that would be very helpful.
If anyone can recommend any books for either myself or my Daughter than that would also be helpful.
I took steps earlier in the year to enrol both my Daughters in Karate classes and this is certainly of great benefit to my youngest, but it makes the eldest one fairly leathal when she blows, which makes me very concerned about the level of anger within her.
With regard to helpline phone numbers, whilst I'm sure they have their place and are very good, getting my 11 year old Daughter to call them is not so easy.
She needs to build up trust in a counsellor in order to deal with some of her issues and I'm not sure the phone is the best way.
I have tried calling both the NSPCC and Childline for advice, but haven't managed to speak with anyone who can help yet. But I will keep trying.
I will draft a letter to my MP, that's one avenue I haven't explored and wouldn't have thought of so thanks for that.
I am also more than happy to pay for private counselling as getting my Daughter well again is paramount, but I want to get her the right counselling from the start. I'm guessing we could all do with some form of family therapy at some point, so if anyone knows a charity or organisation preferably in the Kent area that would be very helpful.
If anyone can recommend any books for either myself or my Daughter than that would also be helpful.
I took steps earlier in the year to enrol both my Daughters in Karate classes and this is certainly of great benefit to my youngest, but it makes the eldest one fairly leathal when she blows, which makes me very concerned about the level of anger within her.
I seem to remember a post a while ago about the 'husband from hell'
I can't help as I wouldn't know where to start.
I want children one day, but I'm not too sure of the world I would bring them into these days.
I remember also, on the last post, most people commented how strong you were and how braive. This should be extended to the girl.
I sincerly wish you both all the blessings and optimism you need to cope with times like these.
I can't help as I wouldn't know where to start.
I want children one day, but I'm not too sure of the world I would bring them into these days.
I remember also, on the last post, most people commented how strong you were and how braive. This should be extended to the girl.
I sincerly wish you both all the blessings and optimism you need to cope with times like these.
Well done for telling us your story - I'm sure you sat over your keyboard a few times before finally pressing 'submit'.
My advice would be to speak to your MP - hopefully they are somebody who truly wishes to serve their constituents. Something like this really deserves some intervention at a local level, and your MP is someone who has that local power
My advice would be to speak to your MP - hopefully they are somebody who truly wishes to serve their constituents. Something like this really deserves some intervention at a local level, and your MP is someone who has that local power
Once again thank you all for your messages of support, in what continues to be a difficult time.
I can honestly say I wouldn't have got this far without them.
Many agencies offer lots of advice and support prior to leaving a violent home, unfortunately, in my experience this support quickly disappears, often when it is needed most.
I now look forward to the day when my life is no longer in limbo, I can at least feel again, which for me is a huge step, not sure I will ever get to the point where I no longer look over my shoulder, but the people of Piston Heads have certainly given me hope.
>> Edited by wedge girl on Saturday 25th June 22:28
I can honestly say I wouldn't have got this far without them.
Many agencies offer lots of advice and support prior to leaving a violent home, unfortunately, in my experience this support quickly disappears, often when it is needed most.
I now look forward to the day when my life is no longer in limbo, I can at least feel again, which for me is a huge step, not sure I will ever get to the point where I no longer look over my shoulder, but the people of Piston Heads have certainly given me hope.
>> Edited by wedge girl on Saturday 25th June 22:28
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