The Numpty Thread
Discussion
It's quite simple, the people I refer to, belong in a place where tolerance is higher than that of the average amount granted by most citizens subjected to daily life.
I can outline some examples of my daily encounters with such people.
- Cash Machines for you, you put your card in, enter pin, make selection, take money, walk away.
- Cash Machines for them, these Numpties actually get a different set of options, instead of WITHDRAWAL, CHECK BALANCE, they are presented with would you like WASTE TIME? MUCK AROUND? ANNOY THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU? Why do these numpties put their card in the machine, have it ejected 3 or 4 times and finally withdraw money?
Tea & Coffee Purchase for you, put paper cups in your little cardboard tray, put tea bags in, fill up with water, add milk, affix lids to cups, pay, leave.
Tea & Coffee Purchase for them, Select coffee from machine (this takes a minute), wait for coffee to finish as oppose to getting in the 16 teas they then get in after doing 2 lots of coffee (and they think you are rude if you try and sneek in and get two cups of tea while they are wasting everybody's time) They then proceed to pay 20 minutes later with 2pence coins.
Driving for you, you get the drift
Driving for them, my goodness do they get the drift - typically across every lane while doing make up on mobile, having a shave or whatever, proceeding at the following speeds,
60mph on the motorway in lane 1 - ALWAYS when you want to exit
45mph in a 50 limit
45mph in a 40 limit
50mph in a 30 limit
55mph in a 20 limit
Parking spaces for you, you look around, you find one, you park
Parking spaces for them, OH IT’S OK I’m a numpty I’ll park in the disable space and one day when my friend needs the space for a genuine reason they’ll all be taken because of numpties like me.
Choice of Vehicle for you, Nice car mate
Choice of Vehicle for them, well, I’m not going to go there on Pistonheads but you know what I mean…………….. bloody Rover 214’s.
The numpty concept is subject to your own personal views and tolerance level, those with children typically display a high level of numpty tolerance.
Anyway, I am sorry to have wasted your time with this thread, guess that makes me a bit of a numpty
I can outline some examples of my daily encounters with such people.
- Cash Machines for you, you put your card in, enter pin, make selection, take money, walk away.
- Cash Machines for them, these Numpties actually get a different set of options, instead of WITHDRAWAL, CHECK BALANCE, they are presented with would you like WASTE TIME? MUCK AROUND? ANNOY THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU? Why do these numpties put their card in the machine, have it ejected 3 or 4 times and finally withdraw money?
Tea & Coffee Purchase for you, put paper cups in your little cardboard tray, put tea bags in, fill up with water, add milk, affix lids to cups, pay, leave.
Tea & Coffee Purchase for them, Select coffee from machine (this takes a minute), wait for coffee to finish as oppose to getting in the 16 teas they then get in after doing 2 lots of coffee (and they think you are rude if you try and sneek in and get two cups of tea while they are wasting everybody's time) They then proceed to pay 20 minutes later with 2pence coins.
Driving for you, you get the drift
Driving for them, my goodness do they get the drift - typically across every lane while doing make up on mobile, having a shave or whatever, proceeding at the following speeds,
60mph on the motorway in lane 1 - ALWAYS when you want to exit
45mph in a 50 limit
45mph in a 40 limit
50mph in a 30 limit
55mph in a 20 limit
Parking spaces for you, you look around, you find one, you park
Parking spaces for them, OH IT’S OK I’m a numpty I’ll park in the disable space and one day when my friend needs the space for a genuine reason they’ll all be taken because of numpties like me.
Choice of Vehicle for you, Nice car mate
Choice of Vehicle for them, well, I’m not going to go there on Pistonheads but you know what I mean…………….. bloody Rover 214’s.
The numpty concept is subject to your own personal views and tolerance level, those with children typically display a high level of numpty tolerance.
Anyway, I am sorry to have wasted your time with this thread, guess that makes me a bit of a numpty
Not at all.
I find one of the most obvious signs of urban numptyism when in a packed city centre.
You: Know where you want to go, what you want to get and how long you've got on your parking meter/when your train is.
Them: Dither along at snails pace four-plus-abreast discussing utter triviality, clog up every other shop, talk aimlessly and brainlessly to irritated shop assistants. The sort of people who think it's de rigeur, let alone acceptible, to turn up late for everything.
I find one of the most obvious signs of urban numptyism when in a packed city centre.
You: Know where you want to go, what you want to get and how long you've got on your parking meter/when your train is.
Them: Dither along at snails pace four-plus-abreast discussing utter triviality, clog up every other shop, talk aimlessly and brainlessly to irritated shop assistants. The sort of people who think it's de rigeur, let alone acceptible, to turn up late for everything.
groucho said:
I'm definitely with you on the cashpoint one. It seems that a lot of people can take 3 or 4 times longer to take 20 quid out. Whenever I go to the cahpoint there is always 2 or 3 of these people in front of me (every time without fail) and when I leave there is nobody waiting. 
At last, time it in your head, I find in 20 seconds it's all done and dusted.
For them I find it's nearer 3 minutes. And they're never ready for the moment !!! Ah the cash point is free put my card in is actually, ah the cash point is free, find my wallet (or handbag / purse for woman equilivant) and fart around for longer getting the card in the hole than the average non-numpty takes to complete the entire transaction !
Frik said:
A BMW driver, impatient?
Surely not!
>> Edited by Frik on Tuesday 10th May 18:28
Cheeky arse, I have just applied for my IAM test thank you !
so I need to practice talking to myself to impress Mr 
examiner. Besides, I prefer to think of Bmw drivers as making pro-active progress
jaker said:
I regularly get annoyed by divvies taking ages at cash machines. My method of petty 'revenge' is to loudly ask them if they need any help with the complicated computer.
How hard can it be ffs?? Not like they're a new invention is it!!!
in dummies!!!
why can't they just do it ! Imagine it, the numpty becomes self aware !! :-O
Frik said:
OTOH if the cash machine's like the one round the corner from me, it's bloody slow - press button, wait an age.
Not as bad as the one that used to be round the corner from where I am at university.
It was probably in the roughest area of York, but not only was it ploddingly slow, it was also incredibly loud. Imagining going there at night, being aware of the chavs swarming a few yards away, sliding your card in...
BEEP! ATTENTION CHAVS! ATTENTION CHAVS!
And absolutely everything you did triggered another loud beep. Frankly worrying. Thankfully they've replaced it recently.
the bane of our lives. That is all I shall say on the matter. 
They are everywhere...
On the roads, there they are
In the shop, there they are
On the pavement, there they are
Parking, there they are
Ordering fast food, there they are
In the bank, there they are
In the P.O. there they are
At the checkout, there they are
At the cashpoint, there they are
At the petrol pump, there they are
Always in the bloody way, terminally bewildered. Why cant they just do it?
Can you imagine them at home, the total faff it must be for them just to get fresh underwear from the drawer or do the washing up.
They are everywhere,
We need a cull.
On the roads, there they are
In the shop, there they are
On the pavement, there they are
Parking, there they are
Ordering fast food, there they are
In the bank, there they are
In the P.O. there they are
At the checkout, there they are
At the cashpoint, there they are
At the petrol pump, there they are
Always in the bloody way, terminally bewildered. Why cant they just do it?
Can you imagine them at home, the total faff it must be for them just to get fresh underwear from the drawer or do the washing up.
They are everywhere,
We need a cull.
On a similar vein, Why is it that whenever I'm looking at something in a shop / shop window, there's always one of them around who just HAS to look at that very item right at that moment! I've lost count of the number of times I've been all but elbowed out of the way so that they can get near to whatever it is!. I usually stand back and observe them - they never purchase the item - they just wanted a closer look at what I was interested in!
Conversely, If I want to look at something that someone else is looking at, I stand a polite distance away (i.e. near enough for them to be aware of me but not invading their 'personal space') they take forever to examine the item and then walk away without picking it up!
>> Edited by Mrs Cuchillo on Tuesday 10th May 21:13
Conversely, If I want to look at something that someone else is looking at, I stand a polite distance away (i.e. near enough for them to be aware of me but not invading their 'personal space') they take forever to examine the item and then walk away without picking it up!
>> Edited by Mrs Cuchillo on Tuesday 10th May 21:13
I had an incident today where I was standing one step behind a numpty on an escalator.
All the way down and she stands still aimlessly looking into space.
As we reach the bottom, she takes one step off of the moving excalator and decides to stop dead to get something out of her handbag... cue me unable to stop my forward motion due to moving escalator piling into the back of her because there was nowhere to go!
Did she say sorry? Nope.
Did she have a go at me? Yep.
Was she worth wasting 2 minutes of my life, trying to explain to her how it was her own stupid fault and how dare she have a go at me?
All the way down and she stands still aimlessly looking into space.
As we reach the bottom, she takes one step off of the moving excalator and decides to stop dead to get something out of her handbag... cue me unable to stop my forward motion due to moving escalator piling into the back of her because there was nowhere to go!
Did she say sorry? Nope.
Did she have a go at me? Yep.
Was she worth wasting 2 minutes of my life, trying to explain to her how it was her own stupid fault and how dare she have a go at me?
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