Chav spotting

[jimothy]

I was on the train last night on the way home from London (took the other half to see Phantom of the Opera) and across the train carriage from us was a group of 3 chavs.
They spent their journey (luckily only 2 stops) listening to someones ringtones and swearing. the highlights included:

'I really want to get hold of the crazy frog for my phone, its well smart'

'I want that ringtone that goes fk, fk, fk, fk, fk, fk, fk cos that'll be well cool'

Ticket checker quizes them about their ticket and when they mouth off he reports that 2 policemen are waiting on the platform and he'll report them if they don't behave. After he leaves, a 14 year old chav remarks:
'Yeah, how does he know I'm not old bill? I could be a policeman.'

'I only paid 2 quid for this ringtone' '2 quid, smart thats well cheap'
How can anyone thing £2 for a 25 second poor quality clip is good when the whole song can be bought off iTunes for 79p?

Whats the most chav like chav anyone else has witnessed?

[MilnerR]

Walked past a closed late shop last night and witnessed a number of chav lads impressing the chav girls by head butting the steel shutters! Why? Your guess is as good as mine....

[MimiB]

Waiting at a bus station with a group of charming individuals next to me drinking woodpecker and having a SCREAMING row about Darren and Tracy's relationship. Resulted in one of them being pushed into the road, then lying there for about 10 minutes before a bus came along.
You TRY to ignore them when they're being absolutely disgusting at you, funny how I should feel intimidated by uncouth idiots half my age

>> Edited by MimiB on Tuesday 4th January 12:05

[v8thunder]

I got the book Chav! by Mia Wallace and Clint Spanner (what names!) for Christmas. Adapted from Chavscum, they laid out the complete chav-spotting scoring structure. Print it off and carry it with you:

Baseball cap (back-to-front or jaunty angle) 1 point
Baseball cap (worn under hoody to evade CCTV) 5 points
Baseball cap (fake designer logo) 10 points
Baseball cap (Burberry) 15 points

Pink Nickelson polo shirt/blue McKenzie hoody - 10 points
Lettering peeling off - 12 points
fake FCUK zip-up hoody - 20 points

Tracksuit/shellsuit - matched 10 points, mismatched 15 points
Tracksuit bottoms with something else - 15 points
White tracksuit with shades and 'bling' - 20 points

Trainers - deduct 2 points if they've actually seen sporting action
Reebok Classics - 15 points

Fake Louis Vuitton handbag - 10 points
Broken plastic straps/zips - 12 points
Burberry handbag - 10 points
Obvious fake Burberry handbag - 15 points
Designer labels spotted in Poundland or at the Dole office - 12 points

Huge clown/doll/bear/horse/caravan/gun/pushchair pendant - 15 points
Mr. T-style gold chains - 10 points
Over 5mm thick - 15 points
Sovereign/Medallion rings - 15 points
Rings damaged in a fight - 20 points
9-carat hoop earings - 15 points
Big enough for a budgie to perch on - 20 points
Big enough for a dog to jump through - 25 points
Resting on Chavette's shoulders - 30 points
Covered in fake diamonds/something written across - 25 points
Huge gold cross - 15 points
With cubic zircon 'diamonds' - 20 points
If they've fallen out - 22 points
Fake Tiffany heart pendant - 10 points
Residue of fake jewellery colouring on chavette's neck - 15 points
9-carat ankle-chain (biblical symbol of a prostitute!) - 5 points
With lucky charms on it - 10 points

Baby chav with pierced ears - 15 points
Multiple earings/bigger than the baby itself - 30 points
Adult belly button piercing - 20 points
With evident infection - 30 points
Tongue piercing - 30 points
Chav dribbling as a result - 35 points
Eyebrow piercing - 15 points
Pattern shaved in eyebrow 'tribal rudeboy' - 20 points

Sailor-style tattoo - 10 points
Tattoo with a mis-spelling - 15 points
List of kids names - 5 points a name
List of really chavvy names (Dwayne etc) - 10 points a name
Crossed-out ex-lover's name - 10 points

Male chav without a baseball cap - 10 points
Greasy/black/badly bleached, permed/gluey/matted/'Romford facelift' - 20 points
Burberry scrunchie - 25 points

All other fake Burberry - 15 points
Something that Burberry didn't even make - 25 points
Orange fake tan - 5 points
Streaky fake tan - 7 points
Caked-on makeup covering lots of spots - 10 points
Displayed love bite/fight wound - 5 points
Chain-smoker - 10 points
Lighting next fag from the butt of the last - 20 points

Snogging in a shopping centre for more than 10 minutes - 10 points
Fondling - 20 points


How much of a chav are you?

Scored a proud -2, as my trainers are used for sport.

[wolves_wanderer]

v8thunder said:

Pattern shaved in eyebrow 'tribal rudeboy' - 20 points How much of a chav are you? Scored a proud -2, as my trainers are used for sport.

I may be on for 20 points because I have an old scar in an eyebrow where the hair doesn't grow...unfortunately it looks exactly like I have shaved a gap in it deliberately

[KentishS2]

wolves_wanderer said:

v8thunder said: Pattern shaved in eyebrow 'tribal rudeboy' - 20 points How much of a chav are you? Scored a proud -2, as my trainers are used for sport. I may be on for 20 points because I have an old scar in an eyebrow where the hair doesn't grow...unfortunately it looks exactly like I have shaved a gap in it deliberately

Ahh, vat's well cool innit!

[vixpy1]

A couple of them almost forced me off the pavement this morning on thier bikes.

I almost decide to kick one of them off the bike into the path of a oncoming Bus..

Murder, you're honour? I was performing a public service.

[judas]

WTF is a 'Romford Facelift'?

[MilnerR]

judas said:

WTF is a 'Romford Facelift'?

Where chavettes have their hair drawn back so tightly into a pony tail that their ears meet round the back!

[v15ben]

Saw a classic yesterday, followed a totally standard 206 LX (except the massive exhaust!)

and it had....

"His and Hers" Burberry caps one on each side of the parcel shelf! What a great advert for your car!!

[lotuslad]

I sent one flying the other day. The rude git was walking out of a passageway wiv da homeez, too busy dissin' to notice I was walking along the pavement. He smacked into my chest and bounced off, landing in the gutter.

I was going to enquire after his wellbeing, but he didn't look like he'd appreciate the concern.

[markmullen]

I skittled one the other day, I'd just had a go at 2 of them who'd swaggered out in front of my pickup and given me the finger when I hit the horn, the third chav (resplendant in tracksuit and white trainers) set off running, timing his run to pass directly behind me.

Unfortunately I seemed to lift off for a moment as he ran out and he had to try and avoid running into the truck, instead he seemed to pirouette and land in a chavy heap.

Shame

[love machine]

I'm 0% chav but am a bit guilty of being a hedgemonkey. Although my right wing dogma will put that one straight.

[lotuslad]

An 'edgemahnkey? Wozzat then?

[falcemob]

A couple of months ago I saw one stealing a hubcap off my neighbour’s car. As he swaggered down the road with it I shouted at him to put it down. He turned round about to give me some verbal and he must have noticed I was taking one of my German Shepherds for a walk so he threw it on the floor. I picked it up and let the dog off the lead as he needed a bit of exercise. Ah, the Burberry boys can run when they want to.

>> Edited by falcemob on Tuesday 4th January 14:35

[maxf]

some discusting chav scum were casing our little road (6 houses) at about 3.30am this morning - clearly looking for stuff to nick.

How the they thought they would remain 'undercover' on their stealth moped, complete with bean tin exhaust amazes me. I could hear them coming back about 10 minutes before they bumbled up. thieving scum.

[Balmoral Green]

v8thunder said:

I got the book Chav! by Mia Wallace and Clint Spanner (what names!) for Christmas. Adapted from Chavscum, they laid out the complete chav-spotting scoring structure. Print it off and carry it with you: Baseball cap (back-to-front or jaunty angle) 1 point Baseball cap (worn under hoody to evade CCTV) 5 points Baseball cap (fake designer logo) 10 points Baseball cap (Burberry) 15 points Pink Nickelson polo shirt/blue McKenzie hoody - 10 points Lettering peeling off - 12 points fake FCUK zip-up hoody - 20 points Tracksuit/shellsuit - matched 10 points, mismatched 15 points Tracksuit bottoms with something else - 15 points White tracksuit with shades and 'bling' - 20 points Trainers - deduct 2 points if they've actually seen sporting action Reebok Classics - 15 points Fake Louis Vuitton handbag - 10 points Broken plastic straps/zips - 12 points Burberry handbag - 10 points Obvious fake Burberry handbag - 15 points Designer labels spotted in Poundland or at the Dole office - 12 points Huge clown/doll/bear/horse/caravan/gun/pushchair pendant - 15 points Mr. T-style gold chains - 10 points Over 5mm thick - 15 points Sovereign/Medallion rings - 15 points Rings damaged in a fight - 20 points 9-carat hoop earings - 15 points Big enough for a budgie to perch on - 20 points Big enough for a dog to jump through - 25 points Resting on Chavette's shoulders - 30 points Covered in fake diamonds/something written across - 25 points Huge gold cross - 15 points With cubic zircon 'diamonds' - 20 points If they've fallen out - 22 points Fake Tiffany heart pendant - 10 points Residue of fake jewellery colouring on chavette's neck - 15 points 9-carat ankle-chain (biblical symbol of a prostitute!) - 5 points With lucky charms on it - 10 points Baby chav with pierced ears - 15 points Multiple earings/bigger than the baby itself - 30 points Adult belly button piercing - 20 points With evident infection - 30 points Tongue piercing - 30 points Chav dribbling as a result - 35 points Eyebrow piercing - 15 points Pattern shaved in eyebrow 'tribal rudeboy' - 20 points Sailor-style tattoo - 10 points Tattoo with a mis-spelling - 15 points List of kids names - 5 points a name List of really chavvy names (Dwayne etc) - 10 points a name Crossed-out ex-lover's name - 10 points Male chav without a baseball cap - 10 points Greasy/black/badly bleached, permed/gluey/matted/'Romford facelift' - 20 points Burberry scrunchie - 25 points All other fake Burberry - 15 points Something that Burberry didn't even make - 25 points Orange fake tan - 5 points Streaky fake tan - 7 points Caked-on makeup covering lots of spots - 10 points Displayed love bite/fight wound - 5 points Chain-smoker - 10 points Lighting next fag from the butt of the last - 20 points Snogging in a shopping centre for more than 10 minutes - 10 points Fondling - 20 points How much of a chav are you? Scored a proud -2, as my trainers are used for sport.

Harvey Road/Osmaston Park Road in Derby.

High score 234,567 points (and that was just on the corner).

[pesty]

wolves_wanderer said:

v8thunder said: Pattern shaved in eyebrow 'tribal rudeboy' - 20 points How much of a chav are you? Scored a proud -2, as my trainers are used for sport. I may be on for 20 points because I have an old scar in an eyebrow where the hair doesn't grow...unfortunately it looks exactly like I have shaved a gap in it deliberately

lol that makes 2 of us I smacked myself in the head with a huge spanner whilst at work when I was 18. The lense of safety glasses I was wearing at the time popped out and cut me above the eye. still have teh scar . Im part chav

[v8thunder]

Nah, you're not chavs. It's got to be shaved in deliberately, and chavs are lazy wimps - wouldn't go near tools unless they were going to put together a barbecue set, and even then they'd have trouble using a screwdriver.

They have to have the full set of tools on show through the garden shed window, of course, to make them look all hard and manly.

[groucho]

MilnerR said:

Walked past a closed late shop last night and witnessed a number of chav lads impressing the chav girls by head butting the steel shutters! Why? Your guess is as good as mine....

That's classic.