Are you nasty?
Discussion
When I got an appraisal at work when I was managing a factory, I got told that my problem is "I want to come over as nice".
Is it such a problem that I want to be nice? As a result of my niceness, I got finished - but I had the respect of my workforce and I could get them to do anything for me, however, I was also nice to my bosses who saw it as a weakness.
I've just finished watching Peter Cook on TV and he could be just down right nasty to Dudley Moore and yet he's being acclaimed as the Comedian's No1 Comedian. Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
Have you got to be where you are today by being nasty or nice?
BTW, this is just one of those reflection things you get when you've been drunk for two days, I'm surprised my typing is still ok. I think I've drunk myself sober. Should I inject a little more nastiness into my life? It didn't do that
Cowell any harm. I'm rambling now and will probably regret all of this post in the morning.
Is it such a problem that I want to be nice? As a result of my niceness, I got finished - but I had the respect of my workforce and I could get them to do anything for me, however, I was also nice to my bosses who saw it as a weakness.
I've just finished watching Peter Cook on TV and he could be just down right nasty to Dudley Moore and yet he's being acclaimed as the Comedian's No1 Comedian. Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
Have you got to be where you are today by being nasty or nice?
BTW, this is just one of those reflection things you get when you've been drunk for two days, I'm surprised my typing is still ok. I think I've drunk myself sober. Should I inject a little more nastiness into my life? It didn't do that
Cowell any harm. I'm rambling now and will probably regret all of this post in the morning. 
What you are going on about is the whole assertive vs submissive/aggressive thing. Management is like teaching. You have to be assertive. Civilised aggression. ie:- Everyone knows where they stand and your actions are predictable/fair.
The Sub/Agg hybrid is typical of introverts. People walk on them until they snap and are "unfair". Human monkeys have still not evolved to feel safe with this sway of behaviour.
So, if you ask me, I think that perhaps you are trying too hard, being too nice and then perhaps trying to win over the squad rather than managing them. The fact of the matter is you have to be assertive (firm) and then show more of a human side after. Not too much Mr Nice guy (submissive) and then being aer when you don't get your own way. That just makes it all wrong.
I reckon it is this as with my first teaching practice, I had exactly the problem.
You are going to have no nonsense and no-one is going to play up, when everything is going fine, you can then show a bit of humanity, but only a bit.
That's the key, I reckon.
The Sub/Agg hybrid is typical of introverts. People walk on them until they snap and are "unfair". Human monkeys have still not evolved to feel safe with this sway of behaviour.
So, if you ask me, I think that perhaps you are trying too hard, being too nice and then perhaps trying to win over the squad rather than managing them. The fact of the matter is you have to be assertive (firm) and then show more of a human side after. Not too much Mr Nice guy (submissive) and then being a
er when you don't get your own way. That just makes it all wrong. I reckon it is this as with my first teaching practice, I had exactly the problem.
You are going to have no nonsense and no-one is going to play up, when everything is going fine, you can then show a bit of humanity, but only a bit.
That's the key, I reckon.
I have been criticised for being 'too nice'.
Yes, being nice is seen by many as a weakness. I am generally regarded as being a very nice person, but I am quite prepared to speak my mind too. I think that being genuine is what really matters. People who fail to realise or acknowledge this fact are the real loosers.
>> Edited by EmmaP on Sunday 2nd January 01:47
Yes, being nice is seen by many as a weakness. I am generally regarded as being a very nice person, but I am quite prepared to speak my mind too. I think that being genuine is what really matters. People who fail to realise or acknowledge this fact are the real loosers.
>> Edited by EmmaP on Sunday 2nd January 01:47
At work .....I'm nasty.....i think
I am always polite and well mannered.......or am told that i am.......always professional but very rarely 'nice and fluffy'......i am ,however, direct and to the point when is necessary and this may come over as nasty and 'hard-nosed'
At home/socially......always 'TRY' to be nice but as proved sometimes......life sometimes 'aint all that peachy' and the 'Nasty' comes out in me......the Wife ,my mother and father etc have all said that when pushed i have the capability of being 'a horrible nasty piece of work......'
in short.......i'm a W
sorry
it's the black colour of the sky that gets to me and the voices in my head.......must .....make.....them ....all.......pay
Oh ......Happy New Year ! ........BTW
>> Edited by father ted on Sunday 2nd January 04:32
I am always polite and well mannered.......or am told that i am.......always professional but very rarely 'nice and fluffy'......i am ,however, direct and to the point when is necessary and this may come over as nasty and 'hard-nosed'
At home/socially......always 'TRY' to be nice but as proved sometimes......life sometimes 'aint all that peachy' and the 'Nasty' comes out in me......the Wife ,my mother and father etc have all said that when pushed i have the capability of being 'a horrible nasty piece of work......'
in short.......i'm a W
sorry
it's the black colour of the sky that gets to me and the voices in my head.......must .....make.....them ....all.......pay
Oh ......Happy New Year ! ........BTW
>> Edited by father ted on Sunday 2nd January 04:32
p.p.s. nice guys don't seem to get the girls too often either IMHO.......had a mate at work who all the Air Stewardesses thought was a 'lovely nice' kinda bloke.....he could talk to them as a friend,he would fix thier cars ,do household maintenance for them ,go out socially....etc etc....on the face of it you'd have thought he'd have been 'well in' with chance of a ......well ...you know.......but nothing...zilch...nil.....nada.....in over 15 years at an airline he failed to score........
Whereas the more direct(read=cheeky/forward/rude and little bit of 'nasty arsehole') approach from other individuals always seemed to get a desired 'result'......
go figure.........(as if you need too)
but that's in a different context of course.
Whereas the more direct(read=cheeky/forward/rude and little bit of 'nasty arsehole') approach from other individuals always seemed to get a desired 'result'......
go figure.........(as if you need too)
but that's in a different context of course.
EmmaP said:
I have been criticised for being 'too nice'.
Yes, being nice is seen by many as a weakness. I am generally regarded as being a very nice person, but I am quite prepared to speak my mind too. I think that being genuine is what really matters. People who fail to realise or acknowledge this fact are the real loosers.
>> Edited by EmmaP on Sunday 2nd January 01:47
Byff said:
I've just finished watching Peter Cook on TV and he could be just down right nasty to Dudley Moore and yet he's being acclaimed as the Comedian's No1 Comedian. Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
I never found Peter Cook funny.
How he was voted the no1. Comedian's comedian, I dont know.
Byff said:
When I got an appraisal at work when I was managing a factory, I got told that my problem is "I want to come over as nice".
Is it such a problem that I want to be nice? As a result of my niceness, I got finished - but I had the respect of my workforce and I could get them to do anything for me, however, I was also nice to my bosses who saw it as a weakness.
Exactly the same happened to me. Lost a good job because of it. At an appraisal my line area manager said to me "I`ll be back in a month, and if the lads don`t hate you, you are on your way!". Who wants to work for a bunch of tw@ts like that anyway. Left with a clear concience and some good mates.
You are what you are mate, and no amount of training will change it.
Steve
Suspect the problem with these 'the workforce gotta hate you' cretins is that everyone knows leaders must sometimes make unpopular decisions and see them through ... so the clueless brigade extend it and take this as their mantra - leaders are people that do unpopular things. Wrong. Leaders are people that inspire other people to follow them. Leadership can only be measured in followership. You can hear politicos take a similar liine when they feck up - their policy must be right becuase it's unpopular. Wrong again.
How far would you follow an asshole without a gun to your head?
How far would you follow an asshole without a gun to your head?
IMHO, people that are nice or everybody's darling are not very credible. It's easy to share passive things with them (coexist), but I dislike making myself dependent on those people.
In my experience, they don't like coping with conflicts; but normal life does not work without conflicts, so these people fail when a conflict needs to be solved constructively.
In my experience, they don't like coping with conflicts; but normal life does not work without conflicts, so these people fail when a conflict needs to be solved constructively.
Bodo said:
IMHO, people that are nice or everybody's darling are not very credible. It's easy to share passive things with them (coexist), but I dislike making myself dependent on those people.
In my experience, they don't like coping with conflicts; but normal life does not work without conflicts, so these people fail when a conflict needs to be solved constructively.
Absolute bollox. If you have the respect of the other party, conflicts can be settled by discussion and reason, rather than "just do as I say".
Steve
towman said:Calling my comment "bollox" is not very respectful.
IMHO, people that are nice or everybody's darling are not very credible. It's easy to share passive things with them (coexist), but I dislike making myself dependent on those people.
In my experience, they don't like coping with conflicts; but normal life does not work without conflicts, so these people fail when a conflict needs to be solved constructively.
Absolute bollox. If you have the respect of the other party, conflicts can be settled by discussion and reason, rather than "just do as I say".
Steve
peterpeter said:
Byff said:
I've just finished watching Peter Cook on TV and he could be just down right nasty to Dudley Moore and yet he's being acclaimed as the Comedian's No1 Comedian. Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
I totally agree. I watched this, and was flabberghasted as always at the esteem in which Peter Cook seems to be held.
Try as I might, and I am no philistine, I just can't see it.
As far as I'm concerned he was mediocre at best, had little real wit, could often fail to deliver his lines as he was laughing at his own "genius" so much, and then came Derek and Clive.
Derek and Clive are no more sophisticated than Chubby Brown IMHO. They were two alcohol addled middle aged guys swearing their heads off, and giggling like smutty schoolboys at their own perceived cleverness.
To compare them to the divine ability of Eric Morcambe for example, is simply ludicrous.
I never found Peter Cook funny.
How he was voted the no1. Comedian's comedian, I dont know.
>> Edited by alexkp on Monday 3rd January 11:15
towman said:Indeed. Nice isn't automatically respecting.
Apologies. Would you care to discuss it over a cup of tea? I`m sure we can reach a mutually agreeable term.
If I had to convince another person about something, I would explain my point and make sure there are no unanswered questions. Being nice would not be convincing (no regard what position in the hierarchy I would have BTW).
Respect and politeness should go without saying in every situation (whenever possible); but that's not the same as being nice in my understanding.
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