Discussion
I friend of mine who i have been friends with for 16 years just hasn't grown up or changed in any way!
12 years ago we were into all things that 21 year olds should be..bikes, girls booze etc.. We were both still at home with parents, which is fairly normal considering the cost.
Thing is since then i have moved out of parents, rented 2 flats, bought and sold 2 houses, got married, had 2 kids and generally moved on with my life.
He on the other hand STILL lives with parents, they moved last year to the south coast...and he went with them!! He quit his job because he couldn't be bothered to commute, has no girlfriend..and hasn't had for 10 years because he never goes anywhere. He just sits in his bedroom all day.
Whenever i phone him (he never phones me) all he does is take the p1ss that i'm married and that i have kids. He doesn't seem to get that at 33 this is quite normal. In fact i'm really struggling to find anything we have in common anymore. He lives a timewarp.
It seems a shame as we are/were really good mates. My wife thinks i should give up and just let it go now..!
12 years ago we were into all things that 21 year olds should be..bikes, girls booze etc.. We were both still at home with parents, which is fairly normal considering the cost.
Thing is since then i have moved out of parents, rented 2 flats, bought and sold 2 houses, got married, had 2 kids and generally moved on with my life.
He on the other hand STILL lives with parents, they moved last year to the south coast...and he went with them!! He quit his job because he couldn't be bothered to commute, has no girlfriend..and hasn't had for 10 years because he never goes anywhere. He just sits in his bedroom all day.
Whenever i phone him (he never phones me) all he does is take the p1ss that i'm married and that i have kids. He doesn't seem to get that at 33 this is quite normal. In fact i'm really struggling to find anything we have in common anymore. He lives a timewarp.
It seems a shame as we are/were really good mates. My wife thinks i should give up and just let it go now..!
I've got s friend who sounds very similar. He hasn't really worked since leaving school over 10 years ago. He doesn't claim any benefits he just lives off his parents! Whenever you ask him what he's doing he either gets really angry or makes some vague comment about joining the fire service (being saying that since he was 18!). As time goes on we're getting less and less in common. If i move even further away from my home town the friendship will probably fizzle out completely
One of the reasons why increasing the number of entrants to university is a good idea.
For some people there is no obvious time to escape from the parents. If you add overprotective parents to this you produce one of your friends. Some people naturally move independantly away, but others don't, and to have a national system for this is probably a good idea.
Its a shame really because he'd have had a whale of a time at uni, and would now be pooring scorn on those that don't.
For some people there is no obvious time to escape from the parents. If you add overprotective parents to this you produce one of your friends. Some people naturally move independantly away, but others don't, and to have a national system for this is probably a good idea.
Its a shame really because he'd have had a whale of a time at uni, and would now be pooring scorn on those that don't.
waynester said:
...just hasn't grown up!
Sounds like a pretty normal chap to me!
Even if marriage and/or children aren't for him, it's demeaning to ridicule you for having different values. He's probably the one missing out on a lot of things but is too egotistical (or stupid!) to admit it.
If he makes you unhappy, move on.
It looks like I'm headed to be one of these "people" as well
I live at home with my folks for money reasons (i.e. it is so much cheaper to live here while at Uni), but am single and have been for 2 years (don't mind so much really), most of my mates (bar a couple up here) are Uni mates so are currently at home away from Newcastle...
Bugger!
Still, I work, have a few mates from there so who knows eh, there may be hope for me yet
I live at home with my folks for money reasons (i.e. it is so much cheaper to live here while at Uni), but am single and have been for 2 years (don't mind so much really), most of my mates (bar a couple up here) are Uni mates so are currently at home away from Newcastle...
Bugger!
Still, I work, have a few mates from there so who knows eh, there may be hope for me yet
waynester said:Sounds like he has (unsurprisingly) very low self-esteem. Obviously he is trying to justify his situation to himself.
Whenever i phone him (he never phones me) all he does is take the p1ss that i'm married and that i have kids.
When you're stuck in a rut it is so difficult to get out of it. Sounds like he needs a big kick up the backside to see what he's missing in life - it's not much of one at the moment.
docevi1 said:
It looks like I'm headed to be one of these "people" as well
I live at home with my folks for money reasons (i.e. it is so much cheaper to live here while at Uni), but am single and have been for 2 years (don't mind so much really), most of my mates (bar a couple up here) are Uni mates so are currently at home away from Newcastle...
Bugger!
Still, I work, have a few mates from there so who knows eh, there may be hope for me yet
Don't knock living at home whilst at Uni........
My eldest son is in digs near Stafford University and pays over £2500 to share a grotty house with three others...
waynester said:
He quit his job because he couldn't be bothered to commute, has no girlfriend..and hasn't had for 10 years because he never goes anywhere. He just sits in his bedroom all day.
Whenever i phone him (he never phones me) ... He lives a timewarp.
He's probably one of the regular contributors on here. Ask him for his PH name next time you call him
>> Edited by Bodo on Thursday 30th December 11:21
Some years ago when I was in my early twenties, I had a friend like this. He was doing nothing with his life and had no plans.
Another friend and I encouraged him to go to Art College, we found out about courses for him, booked him on open days, helped him write applications, and he was accepted.
Apparently he had a great three years. I say apparently because despite all the help and support we had given him we never heard from the ungrateful arsehole again...
Another friend and I encouraged him to go to Art College, we found out about courses for him, booked him on open days, helped him write applications, and he was accepted.
Apparently he had a great three years. I say apparently because despite all the help and support we had given him we never heard from the ungrateful arsehole again...
Bodo said:
He quit his job because he couldn't be bothered to commute, has no girlfriend..and hasn't had for 10 years because he never goes anywhere. He just sits in his bedroom all day.
Whenever i phone him (he never phones me) ... He lives a timewarp.
He's probably one of the regular contributors on here. Ask him for his PH name next time you call him
>> Edited by Bodo on Thursday 30th December 11:21
Probably another fan of Jools Holland's New Years Eve celebration for saddos Wacky Racer said:Hence why I live at home, I really don't see the point moving away to live in a grotty,
Don't knock living at home whilst at Uni........
My eldest son is in digs near Stafford University and pays over £2500 to share a grotty house with three others...
hole and end up in spiraling debt. By not drinking (not really my thing as it were), living at home and holding down a part time job I can run a car and buy pretty much anything I want (DVD's, Music wise). Not a bad life to live considering a lof of my loan is still sitting in a ISA
And there is nothing wrong with watching Jools Holland
Introduced me to many new artists he has!
cosmoschick said:
...just hasn't grown up!
Sounds like a pretty normal chap to me!
Even if marriage and/or children aren't for him, it's demeaning to ridicule you for having different values. He's probably the one missing out on a lot of things but is too egotistical (or stupid!) to admit it.
If he makes you unhappy, move on.
I'm close to giving up on him, but as a friend i think i want to try one more time. I suggested going out for a blast in the Tiv in the New Year, stop at a pub etc.. This was met with, "i don't drink, don't like it"
Gawd..
Wacky Racer said:
It looks like I'm headed to be one of these "people" as well
I live at home with my folks for money reasons (i.e. it is so much cheaper to live here while at Uni), but am single and have been for 2 years (don't mind so much really), most of my mates (bar a couple up here) are Uni mates so are currently at home away from Newcastle...
Bugger!
Still, I work, have a few mates from there so who knows eh, there may be hope for me yet
Don't knock living at home whilst at Uni........
My eldest son is in digs near Stafford University and pays over £2500 to share a grotty house with three others...
I lived in a grotty house in Stafford for 3 years whilst at uni
Had a fantastic time! Is your son at the Stafford or Stoke site?waynester said:
I'm close to giving up on him, but as a friend i think i want to try one more time. I suggested going out for a blast in the Tiv in the New Year, stop at a pub etc.. This was met with, "i don't drink, don't like it"
Gawd..
Stop pussy footing around him probably just like his soft in the head Mother does.
Pick him up, take him out then give him a
ing good shoeing. Read him the facts of life, tell him to stop being a parasitic ponce and pathetic little Mummy's boy. Then take him home, dump him at the door step, tell his mother exactly what you've done and insert any fault you want to balme on to her if so justified. Then calmly tell him if ever he needs any help or advice in getting his life together to phone and you will always be there, but the split second he stops trying you never want to know him again.
Act now before he becomes some weirdo freak hanging around a Market town, which statstically means he's high on the list to take a shooter with him one day.
Mark
p.s. Peace and Goodwill to all at this time of year.
>> Edited by skid on Thursday 30th December 13:17
docevi1 said:
Hence why I live at home, I really don't see the point moving away to live in a grotty,
Reasons:
The one advantage of living away from home at uni is it teaches you how to look after yourself, do your own washing and take care of electricity bills etc.
I've become a lot more independent in my 3 years away from home. So much so that i go home and become bored incredibly quickly.
Each to their own
(saying that... i miss my car sooooo much!)
waynester said:
I'm close to giving up on him, but as a friend i think i want to try one more time.
That's fair enough. And, as a compassionate person myself, I'd also want to feel I'd done everything possible to make it work. However, you don't have to sever the friendship completely, it'll fizzle out in time if you don't put in so much effort. With a bit luck it'll make him realise something is up and he'll regret losing such a caring friend and make amends. If not, then he clearly isn't worthy of your friendship. Don't feel guilty - all relationships require compromise and understanding (give 'n take) but there's little to be gained from flogging a dead horse!
Sometimes friendships do fizzle out. Sad but true. The poor guy probably feels like a failure next to you!
I used to be friends with a couple who moved away. We stayed in touch for a while (always me doing the phoning and visiting) and then I finally gave up after I sent them an email asking if they'd like to come and stay over a bank holiday weekend and never received a reply.
I used to be friends with a couple who moved away. We stayed in touch for a while (always me doing the phoning and visiting) and then I finally gave up after I sent them an email asking if they'd like to come and stay over a bank holiday weekend and never received a reply.
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