Heaven and Hell

[vixpy1]

Heaven & Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of
Washington
chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate
at
which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul
gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state

that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since
there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change
of
the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell
has
to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until
all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in
Hell,then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes
over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and
take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2
must
be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
frozen over.

Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my
God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

[warmfuzzies]

Simply brilliant.

[The DJ 27]

Awesome.

[pdV6]

Its been doing the rounds for quite a while, but the twist appears to be that the last paragraph has been edited to give the opposite "solution" to the usual one quoted.

[driller]

pdV6 said:

Its been doing the rounds for quite a while, but the twist appears to be that the last paragraph has been edited to give the opposite "solution" to the usual one quoted.

eh?

[pdV6]

Usual last paragraph is:

Many an email said:

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during freshman year, that, "It'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [A2] cannot be true... thus, Hell is exothermic.

[The Wiz]

Damn thought this was a Black Sabbath thread ...

Sing me a song, you're a singer
Do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil
The Devil is never a maker
The less that you give, you're a taker
So it's on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell, oh well
The lover of life's not a sinner
The ending is just a beginner
The closer you get to the meaning
the sooner you'll know that you're dreaming
So it's on and on and on, oh it's on and on and on
It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell
I can tell, fool, fool!
Well if it seems to be real, it's illusion
For every moment of truth, there's confusion in life
Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer
And it's on and on, on and on and on....
They say that life's a carousel
Spinning fast, you've got to ride it well
The world is full of Kings and Queens
Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams
It's Heaven and Hell, oh well
And they'll tell you black is really white
The moon is just the sun at night
And when you walk in golden halls
You get to keep the gold that falls
It's Heaven and Hell, oh no!
Fool, fool!
You've got to bleed for the dancer!
Fool, fool!
Look for the answer!
Fool, fool, fool!

[wedg1e]

Christ on a crumbly cross, NOT THAT ONE AGAIN!


Find some new material, for foot's sake.

[mrmaggit]

The Wiz said:

Damn thought this was a Black Sabbath thread ... Sing me a song, you're a singer Do me a wrong, you're a bringer of evil The Devil is never a maker The less that you give, you're a taker So it's on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell, oh well The lover of life's not a sinner The ending is just a beginner The closer you get to the meaning the sooner you'll know that you're dreaming So it's on and on and on, oh it's on and on and on It goes on and on and on, Heaven and Hell I can tell, fool, fool! Well if it seems to be real, it's illusion For every moment of truth, there's confusion in life Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer And it's on and on, on and on and on.... They say that life's a carousel Spinning fast, you've got to ride it well The world is full of Kings and Queens Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams It's Heaven and Hell, oh well And they'll tell you black is really white The moon is just the sun at night And when you walk in golden halls You get to keep the gold that falls It's Heaven and Hell, oh no! Fool, fool! You've got to bleed for the dancer! Fool, fool! Look for the answer! Fool, fool, fool!

So sings the poison dwarf, Ronnie James Dio.

[Pigeon]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Surely "Computers and Stuff" is more appropriate for spreadsheets

[driller]

pdV6 said:

Usual last paragraph is: Many an email said: So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during freshman year, that, "It'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then [A2] cannot be true... thus, Hell is exothermic.

Ah. Thank you

D

PS Heaven and hell-excelent song!

[mybrainhurts]

There's a photo on here somewhere that's pretty hellish.......

Some bloke munching his pub lunch and grasping a purple thingy..........