Am I unreasonable. Women ........
Discussion
Just going out for some dinner with the Wife. We get half way their and I notice she has this bloody great plastic hair thing at the back of her head holding her hair up. I ask her to take it out because if we have an accident her head will hit the headrest and this thing will go straight into her brain. She refuses. I then say OK but I will not be responsible for your death in an accident. Turn around and go home. She has now gone out by herself.
For f#cks sake ! What is it with women ! ?? This thing is lethal. I saw a program a few months ago about what happens to heads in a crash and the force they hit the headrest with. But no. Utter f#cking stupidity and stubbornness.
Without getting into the phsycoanalytical reasons behind her decision making process, I shall tell you what happened from her perspective:
Thought 1: "He doesn't like the way I look"
Thought 2: "He's forcing a confrontation/argument about something stupid so he doesn't have to be seen with me in public"
Thought 3: (as the car was being turned around) "What an idiot"
Thought 4: (as she departs out the door) "Let him stew in it. I shall have an extra good time by myself"
===
Happy To Help
ErnestM
Thought 1: "He doesn't like the way I look"
Thought 2: "He's forcing a confrontation/argument about something stupid so he doesn't have to be seen with me in public"
Thought 3: (as the car was being turned around) "What an idiot"
Thought 4: (as she departs out the door) "Let him stew in it. I shall have an extra good time by myself"
===
Happy To Help
ErnestM
JonRB said:
Hmmmm. And I take it you said it in a really diplomatic and non-threatening way such that she did not feel like you were ordering her around?
If you don't let them know who is boss at the start of a marrige, they walk all over you..
Bit like owning a Dog really!
I'm so dead!
Unreasonable, insensitive?!?! Who knows.
BUT....
Given that you had driven half way there, you may as well have driven the other half to the restaurant instead of the half back home.
Your going to be apologising for a lot longer than the time it took you to upset her
>> Edited by swilly on Thursday 16th December 13:23
BUT....
Given that you had driven half way there, you may as well have driven the other half to the restaurant instead of the half back home.
Your going to be apologising for a lot longer than the time it took you to upset her
>> Edited by swilly on Thursday 16th December 13:23
vixpy1 said:
If you don't let them know who is boss at the start of a marrige, they walk all over you..
Bit like owning a Dog really!
I'm so dead!
Exactly , she is the Boss and thats that dont ever kid your self different
You got half way there, and turned back. So you drove the same distance. She'd probably have been quite happy to remove the thing for the return journey after she had been seen looking the way she wanted to for the evening. So IMHO your concern was reasonable, your reaction disproportionate, and indeed insensitive. Sorry.
For further (humorous) reading, try this:
Dave Barry said:
Some differences between men and women and really logical ones!
by Dave Barry
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realise that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ..February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centred, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their .... .
''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
''What?'' says Roger, startled.
''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . .... .'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)
''What?'' says Roger.
''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) ''Yes,'' he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
''What way?'' says Roger.
''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.
''Thank you,'' says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''
SOME COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS ABUT ROGER AND ELAINE, FROM A MALE PERSPECTIVE:
Thanks to whomever circulated this touching but disturbing story. Here are some thoughts about it. -- Tom Greening
1. When Elaine says "as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' we have no external verification of her data. She should have asked Roger to consult his appointment book, or presented her own as documentation.
2. When Roger says to himself: "I am way overdue for an oil change" we again have no data, no external verification. We do not know if in fact his car is overdue. But the fact is that Roger FEELS it is. And note that he does not say "My car is way overdue" but "I am way overdue." What does "way overdue mean to Roger?" This may be a really serious problem which Elaine should be informed of and expected to empathise with if the relationship is to be based on real knowing and caring. What kind of car is Roger driving? How much difference does time between oil changes make for this car? Should Roger pull over to the curb and call a tow truck? Can a women appreciate how humiliating that is for a man on a date? While Elaine is going through her self-centred inner dialogue, a fellow human being sitting next to her is struggling with a profound existential crisis.
3. Roger is worried about his transmission and his car not shifting right. Does Elaine have any empathy or compassion for what that means to a man? Has she somehow communicated to Roger that she is not interested, and thus he must suffer in silence?
4, Are the mechanics in fact "incompetent thieves'? Again, we have no data. Similarly, we do not know Roger's income level, so we do not know how painful it was for him to have paid $600 for the previous repair. Does he or does he not have a 90-day warranty on the transmission, and how many days have elapsed? Inasmuch as Elaine has kept count of the exact number of days since their first date, she ought to be able to appreciate the importance of knowing how many days are left on Roger's transmission warranty.
5. We are told that later Roger "becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of." Thus we learn that Roger is in fact capable of deep involvement, of opening himself up to new experiences and people, even foreigners with odd names hitting a ball back and forth over a net. And as a result, he now has in fact heard of these Czechoslovakians, and his life is changed forever. (Note also that the narrator does not specify whether they are Czechs or Slovaks, a distinction that has become very important, but to which the narrator is apparently oblivious.) Perhaps Roger is of Slavic descent, and this match has great symbolic importance for him in his identity struggles.
6. Finally, we learn that Roger asks his friend, ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?'' Here I believe he is reaching out in spite of his pain, seeking a basis for an empathic bridge. I surmise that his car is a Mustang, and that he hopes that if Elaine once owned a horse she will be better able to empathise with his concern and distraction on their date. As the owner of a Mustang with 230,000 miles on it, I feel for Roger.
I hope these comments will add to men and women understanding and caring for each other better, and to women realising that beneath what may seem like different personas and manifest styles, we men are sensitive, compassionate creatures just like women.
Hey, anyone know Nick's wife?
For a larf, we could email her this thread. I'll bring the popcorn. Greg, you bring the beer. It'll be better than anything on Sky TV tonight...
ErnestM
Yeah like I would have posted this in the first place if I thought their was ANY chance of her ever seeing it
>> Edited by nick heppinstall on Thursday 16th December 13:27
Oops that should have been a quote !!
>> Edited by nick heppinstall on Thursday 16th December 13:28
For a larf, we could email her this thread. I'll bring the popcorn. Greg, you bring the beer. It'll be better than anything on Sky TV tonight...
ErnestM
Yeah like I would have posted this in the first place if I thought their was ANY chance of her ever seeing it
>> Edited by nick heppinstall on Thursday 16th December 13:27
Oops that should have been a quote !!
>> Edited by nick heppinstall on Thursday 16th December 13:28
GregE240 said:
Unreasonable, no. Insensitive, absolutely.
How long have you been married?
Not like that at all. We've been married 10 years an together 18. Their was no falling out and it's NOT a case of I don't like how she looks. We're both WAY past that in our relationship. It is simply a case of I don't want to lose my wife if we have a crash. She was wearing something that could possibly kill her for the sake of just taking it out. How would you have approached it Greg ?
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff