Too much being on hold tips Harry over the edge
Discussion
I've just about spent seven hours listening to some automaton telling me how much they value my call, although that value evidently stops just short of paying someone to actually answer the f***ing thing, eventually to be told that I'd got through to the wrong department, which must be just about f***ing impossible given how bloody specific I had to be when navigating through those f***ing pathetic menus which might as well say "press 7 if you want to p1ss away another precious hour of your life whilst listening to f***ing piped Vivaldi", so that finally when I got through to something that passes for a human being I ought to be speaking to the person whose sole job it is to alter the dates of direct debits and nothing else, yet somehow I'm in the wrong cocking department to I have to be f***ing transferred from one 17 year old f***ing retard to another, based at some other human battery farm where you are only allowed to speak the words written out for you in a pre-determined order and where if you dare to show so much as one, measly ounce of humanity, you are crushed like a f***ing fly by the corporate machine, and I wan't to go round there personally and machine gun every last f***ing one of them but inside I know its not really their fault because they are just trying to fund their cannabis habits on £4.50 per hour, which isn't easy, so I end up apologising to them for asking such an awkward question as "please can you change my direct debit" and then I feel dirty and ashamed at being a part of this ridiculous charade, whilst a £4 billion computer whirs away in the background, singularly failing to properly action my miniscule request, a failure which will eventually find its way onto one of those "tell us about our service" feedback questionnaires which serve no purpose other than to employ a few £500 per hour f***ing business process consultants who can use them to produce a poxy graph to present to the board which says "good" and has a line going upwards, so that they can all pat each other on the back and give themselves an extra bloody dividend that will pay for the Chief Executive's daughter Jemima to take a year out before going to Bristol, during which she'll spend eight months in Tuscany "finding herself" by shagging swarthy Italian farm hands in the back of an artisan's tractor, and before I can even put the bloody phone down I have to spend another two minutes being thanked for my call by this f***ing idiot who sounds like he's reading out the "terms and conditions may apply, all offers subject to availability..." bit you hear at the end of radio adverts and when I finally do put the phone down, my will to live is gone and I just want to curl up in a tight little ball of pain and cry like a baby.
>>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 15th December 12:10
>>> Edited by Harry Flashman on Wednesday 15th December 12:10
I've just this morning accepted an offer to (temporarily) become a battery-farmed call centre monkey for an investment firm. Have I been foolish in the extreme? There is a sales element to it (though it's inbound). The pay is better than what I'm currently on as a personnel monkey, and it central rather than out in the sticks. I promise not to be a mindless automatron!
I must be mad
I must be mad
Another vote for First Direct from me!
I had a similarly long hold to a certain cable company years ago. When they eventually answered, I said:
"ooh, can you hold on just a second?"
and put the receiver on the sofa next to me, while I relaxed and watched a footie match. Never did find out how long they held on for
I had a similarly long hold to a certain cable company years ago. When they eventually answered, I said:
"ooh, can you hold on just a second?"
and put the receiver on the sofa next to me, while I relaxed and watched a footie match. Never did find out how long they held on for
Mind you, i got stuck on one of these recorded loop things for about 20mins. In the end i screamed down the phone in frustration: "Just answer the fcking phone!" 
And someone did!
Shocked? I couldn't speak for about 30 seconds..!
The trick is never to do the touch tone option. As soon as you do one, then you have to follow it through. If you don't do any at all, you have to speak to someone!
And someone did!
Shocked? I couldn't speak for about 30 seconds..! The trick is never to do the touch tone option. As soon as you do one, then you have to follow it through. If you don't do any at all, you have to speak to someone!
The most infuriating thing is that you are actually being CHARGED to sit there and listen to crappy music. IF YOU CAN'T ANSWER THE PHONE WITH A HUMAN DON'T ANSWER IT AT ALL... at least listening to the engaged tone doesn't cost anything, and furthermore you can use ringback. If I want to pay to listen to crappy music on the phone I'll ring Dial-a-Disc.
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