Female Guiness World Records
Discussion
Subject: THE FEMALE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS
Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of
19.36m (63ft 2in), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs
Elizabeth Simpkins,driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12th
October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract,
and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes
later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two
adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.
Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th
October 1990, when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch
'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2min 40sec
before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the
glasses?",revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own
record set in 1962 when she sat through 2min 38sec of '633 Squadron' before
asking "This is a war film, isn?t it?".
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504km
(313mile) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel
of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles
into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing
from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest
completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August
and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of
Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs Wilks could
not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale.
After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with
his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs Wilks eventually bought one
for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one.
To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs Wilks also holds the record for window
shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless
gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks,
two days before eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre
The greatest number of old ladies hospitalised whilst fighting at a jumble sale
is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February
12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in
injured 16 ladies, a further 25 being involved in a crush at the first table. A
seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which
escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 8 ambulances being called.
A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout
the hall, badly injuring 39 old women. Leeds Royal Infirmary and Bradford District Hospital have been put on high alert for next weeks sale to cope with overflow patients.
The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boyscouts.
Talking About Nothing
Mrs Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in
Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half
months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and
toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and
neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for
talking about nothing is held by Mrs Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour
Mrs Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th
January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unelightening dialogue
lasting almost 62 days until Mrs Booth remembered she'd left the bath
running.
Gossiping
On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury
popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she
told Mrs Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair
with the butcher. After Mrs Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs Banbury
immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By
2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372
and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local
Amateur dramatic society, several knitting circles, a coach-load of
American tourists which she flagged down and the butchers wife. When a
tired Mrs Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night Mrs Blatherwick's
affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill
Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously
is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At
their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on
October 12th 1994, Mrs Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was
immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass,
the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to
finish, emerged 2hr 37min later.
Single-Breath Sentence
A Berkshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute
barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs Mavis Sommers, 48, of
Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly
reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted
on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air,
before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to
Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups.
At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable
680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114
times whilst her neighbour, Mrs Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last
third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two
minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and
indignant spasm.
Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of
19.36m (63ft 2in), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs
Elizabeth Simpkins,driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12th
October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract,
and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes
later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two
adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.
Film Confusion
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th
October 1990, when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch
'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2min 40sec
before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the
glasses?",revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own
record set in 1962 when she sat through 2min 38sec of '633 Squadron' before
asking "This is a war film, isn?t it?".
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504km
(313mile) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel
of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles
into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing
from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest
completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Shop Dithering
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August
and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of
Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs Wilks could
not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale.
After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with
his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs Wilks eventually bought one
for 12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one.
To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs Wilks also holds the record for window
shopping longevity, when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless
gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks,
two days before eventually going home.
Jumble Sale Massacre
The greatest number of old ladies hospitalised whilst fighting at a jumble sale
is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February
12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in
injured 16 ladies, a further 25 being involved in a crush at the first table. A
seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which
escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 8 ambulances being called.
A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout
the hall, badly injuring 39 old women. Leeds Royal Infirmary and Bradford District Hospital have been put on high alert for next weeks sale to cope with overflow patients.
The jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boyscouts.
Talking About Nothing
Mrs Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in
Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half
months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and
toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and
neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for
talking about nothing is held by Mrs Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour
Mrs Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th
January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unelightening dialogue
lasting almost 62 days until Mrs Booth remembered she'd left the bath
running.
Gossiping
On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury
popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she
told Mrs Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair
with the butcher. After Mrs Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs Banbury
immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By
2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372
and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local
Amateur dramatic society, several knitting circles, a coach-load of
American tourists which she flagged down and the butchers wife. When a
tired Mrs Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night Mrs Blatherwick's
affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill
Wembley Stadium.
Group Toilet Visit
The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously
is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At
their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on
October 12th 1994, Mrs Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was
immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass,
the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to
finish, emerged 2hr 37min later.
Single-Breath Sentence
A Berkshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute
barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs Mavis Sommers, 48, of
Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly
reported an argument she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted
on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air,
before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to
Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups.
At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable
680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114
times whilst her neighbour, Mrs Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last
third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two
minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and
indignant spasm.
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