Secret Santa moron, humiliation help required.

[ace-T]

Need the PH collectives help to humiliate a complete pk who thinks it is funny to buy a vibrator in the work Secret Santa thing, for the single purpose of humiliating me in front of all my work collegues. I overheard him saying, bring a camera, it will be worth it to see the look on her face.

FFS I am not a 12 year old who doesn't know what one is! I don't even know the guy other than to nod hello in the corridor. Having laugh with your mates is one thing, but this guy lives for humiliating other people, it is generally why I avoid him. He really needs taking down a peg but I am stuck for ideas. So far I have got:

Gay porn subscription direct to his house.
Knickers sent to his girlfriend with a 'thanks for last night' note on them (bit shitty this one as his relationship is not that strong)
Extra small packet of condoms
Photoshopped pic of him being buggered by a rhinocerous.
Lonely hearts subscription in the Man to Man section.

I could just have a quiet word in his shell like and tell him if I do get what he is thinking of that I will report him for sexual harrassment though. They take that pretty seriously there.

Any ideas?

Ace-T

[hughesie2]

swallow it in one, wink at him, and when you have removed the offending article say, "wish yours was this big "

[v8thunder]

ace-T said:

Lonely hearts subscription in the Man to Man section.

Just add that he has a Porsche 928 and you'll be fine!

Sounds like you've got a right pillock on your hands though. What about:

-The Rhinocerous picture, meticulously photoshopped, framed - and glued in with araldite (make sure it's a nice-ish frame).

-Get a T-shirt with 'I am a d*ckhead' printed on it. Tell it to him straight!

or, if money isn't too much of a problem so far as humiliation goes - a male kissogram.

[docevi1]

Um, if he is getting you a vibrator, why not return the favour with a blow up sheep?

What about a male vibrator of some description, I'm sure they'll exist somewhere?

To really humiliate him don't be too nasty - ultimately he isn't been nasty he's just trying to catch you out and get that shocked look from you, so do the same back.



>> Edited by docevi1 on Monday 6th December 18:40

[edc]

Don't bother with a present just come back with a witty retort to put him down in front of everyone else.

[mechsympathy]

Send it to his g/f with a note saying he'd bought it for you, but you felt she might need it more

Or (the way it's less likely to backfire on you) you could go the direct route "Thanks, but no thanks, I don't need one of these I've got a bloke/I've got one already." With a bit of a laugh. It makes him look a prat and doesn't make you look humourless. It'd help if you don't blush.

[pvapour]

ace-T said:

Need the PH collectives help to humiliate a complete pk who thinks it is funny to buy a vibrator in the work Secret Santa thing, for the single purpose of humiliating me in front of all my work collegues. I overheard him saying, bring a camera, it will be worth it to see the look on her face. FFS I am not a 12 year old who doesn't know what one is! I don't even know the guy other than to nod hello in the corridor. Having laugh with your mates is one thing, but this guy lives for humiliating other people, it is generally why I avoid him. He really needs taking down a peg but I am stuck for ideas. So far I have got: Gay porn subscription direct to his house. Knickers sent to his girlfriend with a 'thanks for last night' note on them (bit shitty this one as his relationship is not that strong) Extra small packet of condoms Photoshopped pic of him being buggered by a rhinocerous. Lonely hearts subscription in the Man to Man section. I could just have a quiet word in his shell like and tell him if I do get what he is thinking of that I will report him for sexual harrassment though. They take that pretty seriously there. Any ideas? Ace-T

Take it home and use it, sounds like you need it!

[v8thunder]

Sounds like he's a serial humiliating bastard though - something publicly - and humourously - humiliating would, I'm sure, make everyone's day in that office, especially if he think's he's funny having just raised a cheap laugh by handing you a vibrator, suddenly seeing himself engaged in an act of bestiality, advertising himself among the local gay community, or being surprised by a kiss from a dolled-up bloke.

[alexkp]

I agree V8Thunder, he sounds like a twat.

Therefore he has to pay the price!

I have a few suggestions:

How about an extra large tub of vaseline with a rubber glove enclosed?

Or a big tube of Anusol, and announce loudly that you felt sorry for him when you heard about his problem so wanted him to have a "comfortable" christmas.

Or, a pack of incontinance pants, as you had heard of his embarrassing condition.

Or finally, and this is the killer - a big spray can of deodorant, with the message that it is on behalf of the whole office.


(I should charge for this stuff...I never realised I was so evil....)

[vixpy1]

hughesie2 said:

swallow it in one

!!!!!!

[alfaman]

pvapour said:

ace-T said: Need the PH collectives help to humiliate a complete pk who thinks it is funny to buy a vibrator in the work Secret Santa thing, for the single purpose of humiliating me in front of all my work collegues. I overheard him saying, bring a camera, it will be worth it to see the look on her face. FFS I am not a 12 year old who doesn't know what one is! I don't even know the guy other than to nod hello in the corridor. Having laugh with your mates is one thing, but this guy lives for humiliating other people, it is generally why I avoid him. He really needs taking down a peg but I am stuck for ideas. So far I have got: Gay porn subscription direct to his house. Knickers sent to his girlfriend with a 'thanks for last night' note on them (bit shitty this one as his relationship is not that strong) Extra small packet of condoms Photoshopped pic of him being buggered by a rhinocerous. Lonely hearts subscription in the Man to Man section. I could just have a quiet word in his shell like and tell him if I do get what he is thinking of that I will report him for sexual harrassment though. They take that pretty seriously there. Any ideas? Ace-T Take it home and use it, sounds like you need it!

Thats not very supportive !!!


Ace-T :

... as you know who the present is from : you could just verbally humiliate him in front of colleagues.. my guess is most people think he is a total tw@t anyway - he will look a lot more foolish than you will- especially if sacked for harassment.

.... you could of course buy him a few "top shelf" mags and some KY if you are the Secret Santa nominee/doner for him.

BTW : £ damages for sexual harrassment are unlimited IIRC

[v8thunder]

I just get the idea, if he's making a desperate bid for office funny-guy popularity, telling everyone to bring cameras, I think you really do need a bout of public humiliation for him.

Basically, if you know the extent of what's happening to you you've got a good head-start, just make sure you'll raise the loudest laugh, and make him red enough to stop traffic.

[srebbe64]

When given to you, return it to him with a VERY stern (and offended) face. Also, on the spot ask out loud whether any of your colleagues will act as a witness to the event.

A few hours later "frighten the life out of him" with a well worded letter (using appropriate legal jargon).


>> Edited by srebbe64 on Monday 6th December 19:04

[KITT]

You could always send him one of these lovely Chrimbo cards:

www.obscenecards.co.uk/christmas.html

I suggest the one in the top left.

[v8thunder]

You could of course just give him a taste of his own medicine - the most madly elaborate vibrator you can fing, with a remote control and a multitude of attachments.

[Mrs BlueCerbera]

Its not very exciting, and not very humiliating, but if I were you I'd just not rise to it.
Open it, do the face and put it down. No reaction.
He probably thinks he's the funniest bloke in the world and is desperate for a suitable reaction from you so everyone will think how funny he is. Just don't give him a reaction.

[FourWheelDrift]

Either of these two a great, if you able to get to the presents before.

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Or the same thing

v8thunder said:

You could of course just give him a taste of his own medicine - the most madly elaborate vibrator you can find, with a remote control and a multitude of attachments.

Or you could just buy him some laxative filled chocolates, just make sure he eats them on the day and also shares them with his friends

[iainjones]

ace-T said:

Any ideas? Ace-T

How about once you've done all of the above and more, the entirety of PH knocks the 7 colours out of him for good measure...the lowest of the low is all ss like him know.

Then you put the MG sideways where the sun don't shine, for good measure...

Please take the above as a "light" response to a serious matter, physical action should, IMO, only be an extreme last resort, when all other possible solutions have been exhausted, however this guy does sound like a real

Regards
Iain

[vixpy1]

pvapour said:

Take it home and use it, sounds like you need it!

Thats not very nice, Ace-T is lovely!

[Migsy]

I'd either play the game...open it, laugh and say 'Ooh, is this as good as a Rampant Rabbit, I need a new one?!'

Or can you just say thanks and you'll open it on Xmas morning when the family are together! His face should be a picture then!

>> Edited by Migsy on Monday 6th December 19:27