Discussion
There's a Motorway and a Dual Carriageway in a really rough pub enjoying a burly pint of cloudy scrumpy to demonstrate just how HARD they are.
The Dual Carriageway is impressing these pretty little A-roads with his central reservation and the Motorway is showing off about his hard shoulder and
they're getting on really well.
They are just about to take the A-Roads "back to their place" when a pink piece of tarmac walks in through the door. The Motorway and the Dual Carriageway turn white with fear and they dive for cover beneath the table.
Well, the A-Roads are not impressed at all as you may imagine. The pink tarmac downs a triple vodka and walks out of the bar.
The Motorway and Dual Carriageway get out from under the table realising that they've blown it with the A-Roads. The first A-road asks the Motorway "Why did you go white and dive for cover when that pink piece of tarmac walked in - you're supposed to be the king of the roads?".
The Motorway replies " WHY ? That guy's a f**king CyclePath!!"
The Dual Carriageway is impressing these pretty little A-roads with his central reservation and the Motorway is showing off about his hard shoulder and
they're getting on really well.
They are just about to take the A-Roads "back to their place" when a pink piece of tarmac walks in through the door. The Motorway and the Dual Carriageway turn white with fear and they dive for cover beneath the table.
Well, the A-Roads are not impressed at all as you may imagine. The pink tarmac downs a triple vodka and walks out of the bar.
The Motorway and Dual Carriageway get out from under the table realising that they've blown it with the A-Roads. The first A-road asks the Motorway "Why did you go white and dive for cover when that pink piece of tarmac walked in - you're supposed to be the king of the roads?".
The Motorway replies " WHY ? That guy's a f**king CyclePath!!"
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears
his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says,
"I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers.
I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in
here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's
offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the
same gentleman who left shows back up and taps
the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still
good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to
line up 10 pints of Guinness.
Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10
of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits
in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says,
"If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go
for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh ... I had to go to
the pub down the street to see if I could do
it first."
A man is sitting in the pub when he hears a bowl of peanuts on the bar saying "Oooh, you really are amazing. Oooh, you are lovely." Then the fruit machine shouted "Rubbish, look at the state of that haircut. And those socks don't go with those shoes." The barman apologised. "I'm sorry," he said, "The nuts are complimentary but the fruit machine is out of order."
A bloke walks into pub looking dazed and asks for a pint. The barmam asks if everything is ok. The bloke says his car has broken down up the lane but something odd just happened.
While I was looking under the bonnet, I heard a voice say "its the coil lead mate" and I looked up and it was blummin horse. I said "what?". The horse repeated the coil lead thing. I looked down and sure enough the lead was off. I re-connected it and came here to calm down.
Barman says "A white horse was it sir?", and the bloke replies yes! why. Barman Says...........wait.....
"Good job you didn't get the black one, he knows nuffink about cars" Boom Boom!
While I was looking under the bonnet, I heard a voice say "its the coil lead mate" and I looked up and it was blummin horse. I said "what?". The horse repeated the coil lead thing. I looked down and sure enough the lead was off. I re-connected it and came here to calm down.
Barman says "A white horse was it sir?", and the bloke replies yes! why. Barman Says...........wait.....
"Good job you didn't get the black one, he knows nuffink about cars" Boom Boom!
Bloke walks into the bar with a cat and an Ostrich. Asks the Ostrich what he wants, 'pint please'. Asks the cat ' half please but I ain't paying' and gets a pint for himself. '£6.35 please' says the barman. Bloke puts his hand in his pocket and puls out his loose change - exactly £6.35.
Second round and the same thing happens:
Ostrich 'Pint Please'
Cat 'Half please and I ain't paying'
Bloke puts his hand in his pocket shuffles the change and puts exactly the right money on the bar.
This goes on all night arousing the barman's curiosity. he asks the bloke what's going on to which he receives the reply..........
I saved a Genie once and he granted me 3 wishes. The first was that whenever I wanted to buy something I only had to put my hand in my pocket and I would have the exact money. the second was that i would have a leggy bird with a tight pussy.
Ta boom tish.
Second round and the same thing happens:
Ostrich 'Pint Please'
Cat 'Half please and I ain't paying'
Bloke puts his hand in his pocket shuffles the change and puts exactly the right money on the bar.
This goes on all night arousing the barman's curiosity. he asks the bloke what's going on to which he receives the reply..........
I saved a Genie once and he granted me 3 wishes. The first was that whenever I wanted to buy something I only had to put my hand in my pocket and I would have the exact money. the second was that i would have a leggy bird with a tight pussy.
Ta boom tish.
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno... never found the head!"
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place.
Anyway to cut a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky sod. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno... never found the head!"
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